It's highly probable that someone has your dream job and absolutely despises it

If everything goes well, you probably wont remember today when you're older.

Nobody ever has a bottom locker in high school movies.

Watching news has become scarier than watching horror movies

Having a toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how much you know and don’t know about things

It must really suck to break your arms if you're deaf.

Turtles can never have sleepovers because they always sleep in their own homes.

The egg came way before chicken: fish, dinosaurs and other avian predecessors all hatched way before the chicken evolved as a species.

Spicy is the only taste your butt can detect.

Spider-man took getting bit by a spider pretty well considering that most people would freak out and start googling spider bites immediately after.

A person looks like an absolute savage if they eat a salad bare handed, but if you do the same with a chicken wing no one bats an eye.

R2D2 was so offensive they bleeped out every line he said

If we could read each others minds it would just make a loop.

Muffins are to cupcakes as smoothies are to milkshakes

If catgirls were real, they wouldn’t like you any more than normal girls do.

If the oceans produce most of the planted oxygen than why are we focusing on tree restoration instead of ocean restoration

The girl scouts have just morphed into a cookie selling organization that can legally exploit child labor

If humans spoon we talk about a big spoon and a small spoon, but only 2 identical spoons fit together perfectly

We have to add foot pedals to toilet lids like they have on trash cans.

Scooby Doo movies are great because you know the dog isn't going to die.

Someone has probably beaten an imaginary version of you in an argument while in the shower.