We all think of Gordon Ramsay as an extremely picky food critic/chef but if your life's work was cooking and you saw a narcissistic restaurant manager breaking health code violations and making horrible food, you'd be pretty angry too.
Part of growing up is realizing everyone is an asshole including yourself
Someday, someone will die in a self-driving car and it will just keep driving
Cats and dogs are the real winners of evolution. They befriended us intelligent humans and used their cuteness to get free food, free shelter, have no job, and get away with anything.
As a ghost, the first thing seen after death is an earth traveling away from you at a speed of 67,000 mph due to the lack of mass that would allow the earths gravity to pull you with it.
Traffic into Hell must be much busier than Heaven since it has a highway instead of a stairway.
Strutting with your hands behind your back and whistling was originally created as a way to seem unsuspicious, then it was a way of telling if someone was acting suspicious, now it is a way of playing on the irony of something designed to look unsuspicious actually looking very suspicious.
At some point in time dogs could have been taught to retrieve firewood, and we wouldn't know, but that's why some dogs are obsessed with collecting and playing with sticks.
Men have deep pockets so we can scratch our balls in public without people seeing
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Forwarded from Chewy
When a famous person dies in an accident, no one seems to care about the other victims, although they might have actually done more good than the famous person.
There is a finite number of people who were born the same year as you. Every time one of them dies, you are closer to being the last one.
When you're healthy, it's "stay in school, don't do drugs". When you're sick, it's the exact opposite.
If every purchase you made was measured in hours you worked instead of price, you'd be less of a consumer.
Sharks have been around so long they've done more than two full laps around the Milky Way.