When you bring your SO to meet your parents for dinner, you're sitting at a table where all the people have seen you naked.
You’re getting old when the oldies station has music that was after your time, not before.
Someone just decided blue ink pens were equally as acceptable as black and everyone just played along.
Somewhere in the world two child predators are trying to get nudes from each other
There is a point in childhood where you stop getting praised for long sleeps, and start getting chastised for them.
People who claim to "Hate Gays" spend a lot more time thinking about gay sex than the average straight person
Being able to read minds would actually suck since with most people you'd just hear the same 5 seconds of a song playing on loop
As an adult, there is nothing stopping you from turning your house into a giant blanket fort at will.
It is insane that we can have that terrifying moment of realization that we are guaranteed going to die one day and begin to have a panic attack, but then two minutes later be enraged that the bag of chips we just opened was 60% air.
67 ° looks like a dude in a wheelchair bending over to pick something up.
A dating app that matches you by your Spotify library would probably work better than any dating app.
Anything within arm's length will be referred to as Here when asked where it is. Anything outside of arm's length is There.
When a baby isn’t crying or laughing they look like they’re having a Vietnam flashback
If a would-be murder victim survives their injuries, the would-be killer is put in jail for less time than a successful killer, despite representing exactly the same threat to the public.