The reason the bad guy never wins is because the winners always dictate who the “bad guys” are even if the winners were the actual bad guys
It took Ultron five seconds of looking at the internet to realize humanity can’t be saved and must be destroyed.
Spongebob was likely inherited a lot of money since he lived in a 3 story house with a library. He only worked at the Krusty Krab because making Krabby Patties was his passion.
In the future we’ll look back on chemo in the same way that we now look back on bloodletting and other gruesome cures for disease
It is well understood how hurtful it can be when you are turned down, but people seem to ignore how hard it can be to have to turn someone else down .
When you bring your SO to meet your parents for dinner, you're sitting at a table where all the people have seen you naked.
You’re getting old when the oldies station has music that was after your time, not before.
Someone just decided blue ink pens were equally as acceptable as black and everyone just played along.
Somewhere in the world two child predators are trying to get nudes from each other
There is a point in childhood where you stop getting praised for long sleeps, and start getting chastised for them.
People who claim to "Hate Gays" spend a lot more time thinking about gay sex than the average straight person
Being able to read minds would actually suck since with most people you'd just hear the same 5 seconds of a song playing on loop
As an adult, there is nothing stopping you from turning your house into a giant blanket fort at will.
It is insane that we can have that terrifying moment of realization that we are guaranteed going to die one day and begin to have a panic attack, but then two minutes later be enraged that the bag of chips we just opened was 60% air.
67 ° looks like a dude in a wheelchair bending over to pick something up.