People with Alzheimer’s simply have corrupted save files.

The biggest peer pressure as kids wasn’t drugs or alcohol it was everyone inside the exam hall flipping to the second page when you're still on the first damn question

Pornhub trending videos is the answer to the question “what is this world coming to?”

You shouldn’t have to pay tax on things in second hand stores because they were already taxed the first time they were bought.

"Darth" is to Sith lords what "Lil" is to rappers.

Being attracted to scars from an evolutionary standpoint actually makes a lot of sense. In a world before antibiotics, it would have signaled the person is good at surviving things which might have taken out other potential mates.

Humans are expected to work like robots, yet robots are expected to act like humans

Our ancestors trained our primal instinct to know when predators are nearby, and we just use it to not get caught watching porn

Adulthood is going to work when you’re sick because you used all of your sick days when you weren’t actually sick.

The Police’s job is to run themselves out of business.

The soviet union lasted 68 years and 361 days, so close.

You never notice how much your head weighs until you’re resting it on your sleeping dog.

The truest example of Pavlovian conditioning is that every time you hear 'Pavlov' you automatically think of a dog.

If there is intelligent life on planets that are approximately 80 million lightyears away and they had developed good enough telescopes, they would see dinosaurs on our planet.

1 out of 10 dentists must be like "Man, fuck Colgate".

Not one single person on this planet can definitively say what happens to human consciousness after we die...but every single person is going to find out eventually.

If gas prices keep going up, it’ll be cheaper to snort coke and run everywhere

At 4:20 on 4/20/2020, there will be 4 twenties.

The internet is the sum of all human knowledge. We just didn't take into account how many idiots there are out there.

The fact there is a top hat implies there is a bottom hat as well.

In a few years, automatic and manual cars could have very different meanings.