The real Paleo diet is spending all your time and calories looking for food.
In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it’s a good thing the squirrel didn’t think Veruca Salt’s head was a good nut, or else she would have been mauled to death in front of the remaining children instead of thrown (alive) into the garbage.
It’s both creepy and impressive how quickly Wikipedia articles are edited after someone’s death to change certain verbs to past tense
If you have 0 Olympic gold medals, congratulations you have the same number of gold medals as the majority of people that have been to the Olympics
❤1
If your children argue over which is the favorite child, then you've treated them all equally.
Science fiction probably accurately predicts what space ships will look like because geeky scientists will likely model ships after those in science fiction
❤1
People from foreign counties always apologies for having bad English, but their English is almost always better than our attempts at speaking their language.
If you choke while drinking water, you've failed at a simple task in which you have a lifetime of experience
The history books that record the events of World War 3 will be much more detailed and vivid, complete with actual tweets and colored photographs.
❤1
If the Simpson’s release an episode about WWIII, then we know we’re fucked
Candles are now known more for their scents than their lighting capabilities.
If World War was made by Valve we wouldn't have to worry about a 3rd one
Since we 3D beings each have 2D shadows that do not know that we are controlling them, who’s to say that we each are not also controlled by 4D beings that we don’t know are controlling us.
Given how often your character dies in video games, in most timelines, the bad guys win.
For every type of fruit you eat, A person risked his life to see if it was poisonus
These must be very confusing times for drug sniffing dogs in a lot of states.