Death isn't coming for us. It's standing still at the finish line and we're steadily marching right towards it.
The Grinch was just a regular adult who hated loud noises and annoying people.
When you think about it, the Bat Signal was the first cloud based push notification.
The moral of the tortoise and the hare isn’t slow and steady wins the race, it’s don’t be cocky and take a nap while doing something important
When you play the piano you’re hitting a harp with a bunch of little hammers.
Forwarded from Corvus Blackthorne
Every corpse on Mt. Everest was once an extremely motivated person.
A rock is a better ranged weapon than a throwing knife for most people.
We don't play video games in our free time, we replace our lowest important task with video games.
Maybe dogs are afraid of vacuum cleaners because they’re intimidated by anything that can do one continuous woof
Between calling somebody "sour," "salty," and "basic," our insults span the entirety of the pH scale.
Someone will experience the pain of stepping on a lego for the first time today.
Right at this moment, millions of children are waking up and realizing Santa brought the presents they found at the house already and putting 2 & 2 together.
Christmas is the only time of year when eating snacks out of an unwashed sock hanging on a wall is acceptable
Growing up is realizing you get more joy out of seeing others open presents than you do from opening your own
Metals are extracted from rocks, and metal music is derived from rock music.
In sci-fi movies like Star Wars, the main characters are always given a planet to go to, but never any specific place on said planet. They always guess where they land and they always get it right.
The most unrealistic thing about Star Wars is that humans can breath in every single planet they are going to