In 40 years time there's going to be retirement homes dedicated to gamers and they're going to be EPIC

Adam and Eve must’ve set a shit ton of world records.

if you look at the sun long enough, you will get a dog

The real sign of a psychopath is when there’s an entirely open movie theater and a person chooses the seat directly next to you.

Humans created the concept of time and now complain that we don't have enough of it. Same with money.

If Nintendo didn't make a franchise out of it, ''Smash Bros.'' would probably be an expression used by frat boys.

Judges are wizards - they wear robes, wield wooden instruments, and make things happen by invoking Latin phrases.

The build up to Christmas Day actually feels way more like Christmas than the actual day itself.

Actors/actresses probably look back at movies they were in and cringe like we do at old videos of ourselves.

The average person produces 0.6–1.8 liters of intestinal gas each day. Healthy individuals pass gas between 12 and 25 times a day. Meaning as a human race we produce about 9,120,000,000 liters of farts each day. Merry Christmas!

The farther back the Star Wars story goes, the more advanced the technology gets

The biggest lie told by holiday movies is how often it snows on the 25th.

Someday, someone will look at the Coca Cola polar bear commercials and wonder whatever happened to the all white bears.

1% of people are born psychopaths. So there's 77 million of them on earth now.

Shout out to Charles Dickens for making bosses who make you work late on a day that isn't even a holiday look like assholes.

Seeing someone have an allergic reaction probably freaked humans out in ancient times.

The oldest living person has seen the world's entire population be replaced.

At some point in history a Food Taster probably watched his King die after eating something he just tasted and was promptly executed for suspected involvement, when the actual culprit was a nut allergy.

People who are siblings and really care about each other say they’re best friends to emphasize their bond, but people who are best friends snd really care about each other say they’re like siblings to emphasize their bond.

Limbo is the only activity where you set the bar high by lowering it.

Kevin McAllister’s cleaning ability is arguably as impressive as his ability to set booby traps