The last date that all humans were together on the Earth was November 2nd 2000. Since then, there has always been at least one person aboard the International Space Station.
nothing makes you feel better about yourself than catching something mid-air as it falls.
“So how’s school going?” Is adult code for “no idea how to communicate with young people on their terms but feel obligated to include them in conversation anyway.”
Deleting someone from your phone contact list who has recently passed away feels even more like a final farewell than the actual funeral :-(
Today's nursing homes are filled with people playing bingo. In the future, they'll just be a bunch of people playing video games, which actually sounds pretty okay.
The saying, "You can't judge a book by its cover" is a slap in the face to graphic designers.
Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you were to think about it.
Skills that used to be essential for survival are now creative hobbies we try out in our free time.
20 years ago, a profile picture used to be a picture of your face from the side.
The “100 Grand” candy bar was created in 1964... adjusted to today it is the “$828,254.84 Bar”
All ghost sightings are old spirits: a young woman who fell from a covered bridge in 1910, great great grampy Joe who died of diphtheria in 1847. No one ever sees ghosts from the 1980s rocking leg warmers, jelly bracelets and sweet spaghetti perms.
Drinking almost any beverage out of a coffee mug feels fine, but drinking coffee out of a regular glass feels really weird.