Grass is probably both the most abused, and most loved plant on the planet.

Comic Sans is never the default font. When you see it in the world, someone thought it was a good idea.

People get upset when they hold the door for a person that does not say thanks. The ultimate betrayal that isn't talked about is actually when hold you hold the door for people and they use the other door.

The Earth is 4.54 billion years old. The half-life of Uranium-238 is 4.5 billion years. We're still using the stock uranium that shipped with our planet.

Someone at google was like, "Lets drive on every fucking road on the planet while taking pictures". Now he is rich.

If you donate 1 kidney you’re a hero. If you donate 8 kidneys you’ll be arrested.

You know you’re good friends with someone when you know your way around their kitchen

All of Harry Potter’s close friends know how big his penis is because they used a Polyjuice potion to become him.

Deaf people have never experienced awkward silence.

5 villains attack 1 hero is bullying, but 5 hero’s attacking 1 villain is teamwork.

Porn-Stars don’t have to worry about their careers being ended due to leaked nudes.

At one point in time, someone must have been wrongly accused of poisening a royal, because of a food taster with allergies.

You would have to kill two murderers to reduce the amount of killers in the world by one

Nobody knows who the most successful criminal in history was because they’ve never been caught

Teenagers are the purgatory of family gatherings. Too young to be talking with the adults, too old to be playing with children.

If you subtract 18 years from your age, you basically get your age in "adult years". Even if you're not where you want to be at, let's say, age 30, you're only a 12-year-old adult. You still have plenty of time.

If not for darkness, we would never know how beautiful a Firefly actually is. Dark moments provide contrast for us to see the beauty we overlook in life.

You could never pay someone 55 cents to take a piece of paper all the way across the country. Stamps really are one hell of a good deal.

People will drive around for 2 minutes trying to find a closer parking space to avoid 1 minute of walking

Telling a depressed person to just cheer up is like telling a broke person to just go to the ATM.

Being an adult is when your friends come over and you hang out in the living room instead of your bedroom