Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...🤨🤨

@wild_pps

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

@wild_pps

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

@wild_pps

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it...

@wild_pps

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo...

@wild_pps

Natty:
How can you hurt someone with words?
Ans:
Hit them with a dictionary.

@wild_pps

Ever looked at your ex and wondered... was I drunk the entire relationship?

Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'? 

@wild_pps

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. 

@wild_pps

I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. ..

@wild_pps

I don't have gray hair, I have wisdom highlight. .👍👍😂

Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words
'Hey everyone watch this!' 👌

@wild_pps

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!

@wild_pps

At the end of the day life should ask us
"Are you sure you want to save the changes?"

@wild_pps

Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study...

@wild_pps