Cooked 2 exams at once

Alhamdulillah

Make it sort of a routine or a ritual, kissing the hands of your parents and hugging them until they pull away.

Make them feel like it was worth it. They don’t need and ask for much.

It is wondering how human body and brain work, function. And that there is always a different unique process going for each state when we cry, we feel happy, we feel peaceful, we worry, we trust, we fear and etc. A whole different process both in mind, brain and body.

Blow minding or mind blowing, whatever it is, subhanAllah.

Just like how intense yet unrecognizable pressure hits right before we cry and how it goes away and that sense of relief right after tears stop. As if the whole world is on mute mode then, stops mattering. U just sit there, staring at one corner, and maybe wonder, or not about what just happened.

It is beautiful.

Just a little reminder.

Everyone has their own path. And you too. Route your focus to your own.

If someone has achieved or has different blessings than you, it does not mean that you are doing less or you can compare yourself with them in an unhealthy way. It does not also mean that something is wrong with you. It also does not give you the right to complain to Allah: O Allah why did u give that to them and did not give that to me?

NO. A BIG NO. Who are we to belittle the blessings we already have, turn a blind eye to His mercy? Right. Human. But it can't be the excuse.

And if someone has less than you, it does not mean that they are failing. The same above goes to them too.

Everyone is at the end of the day, doing and has what Allah gives them, and what they wish/try/work/pray for.

Life is too short to watch others lives. Be present in your own and better spend that time on something that helps u grow.

But whatever it is, I keep typing or writing. Since I find no any other better way to calm that noise than typing when I can't recite Quran.

Just to be able to go out and drive long ways to soothe my mind - I dreamed of getting a driver license for 4 years to be finally 18 y.o

I prepared to study for it for 2 years.

I literally every 2nd day within 7 months had lessons 3hours for each to study the program of the driving school.

Gone thru 2 weeks of stress to get that license.

To end up still not to being able to go out and drive those long ways to soothe my mind.

And my therapist still telling me to love this life? Thank you.

The one fact that Allah let me learn to read and memorize His book alone is enough to soothe my mind actually and make me happy.

And the rest of the things are, what I care not about.

As long as I am feeling that breath thru my lungs and can carry Quran, I may stop thinking to come up with new ways to feel happier. Cuz in the former case,I am already the happiest.

Quran is the biggest miracle and gift from Allah that a servant can have in this world, I would say then.

We don't actually need much for happiness

I think I look like a clown when I reply to my mom like this:

Mom: - you gotta take break in between when you’re w laptop all day and night long
Me: dw mom if, God forbid, but in case my eyesight will get worse i can compensate it with Quran to heal it

I bet u would not know if you’d want to laugh or cry 🤡😭🤣

Yesterday I took an oath not to stay up to complete the job

I broke that oath.

Last days, Ive been seeing many sisters i used to know, taking their hijab off.

Around 10-15 ppl.

I got nothing to say abt them, and honestly, ykw? I could not care less)

But what scares me most is that, my faith getting this weak, God forbid the idea of taking hijab off

When doc tells u not to stress and cry less

But ur default mood is the very one.

All the eldest daughters, at least for once in life deserve to be told and treated like:

“You don’t have to be perfect; You don’t have to be a higher achiever; you dont have to be the savior, you don’t have to be that perfect daughter in order to be loved. You don’t have to act cool, you dont have to please people, you don’t have to supress your emotions, you dont have to cry silently so that nobody would notice, you don’t have to be a good girl to be loved. You’re loved for who u are regardless of anything. You are enough. You are enough. No matter what u do and dont, you’re always loved. Dont be afraid to trust, dont be scared to ask for help, dont be doubtful to rely on someone. You have the right to live. You have the right to be happy.”

🫩

I wonder what others think when they are driving the car, mindlessly at the highest speed possible?

I for example think: Oh God, please I hope everything is gon be ok.

And I am the most careful driver at 130km/h too, thinking about others.

My thoughts when I went from 120km/h to 130km/h for the first time: (driving one handedly btw)
- Wooah, I’m literally flying man. What will happen if I overspeed? Mooore than this? Woah sheeesh it is getting more thrilling, should I better slow down? Naaah, how about I get it mooore? What kind of a girl my mom has given a birth to? Why am I not scared even if it is my first time over-speeding?

- Mom are u scared?
- Naahh my girl, come on!!

(It is done by professionals only, do not repeat this. ) ⚠️ ‼️

I’m whether driving like I got 9 lives or just want to give this one back to its Creator sooner, just like my parents told, doing something that brings me closer to God. But I can’t help, cuz thats the only way I feel alive.

You may have countless fears, triggers and worries and doubts.

And a little bit of hope for Allah’s help, mercy is there to get you through all that.

What I caught myself thinking about on a long late night drive under the sky full of stars, is scaring me but let’s not focus on the whispers of evil but purify the mind with the remembrance of Allah ❣️