We don’t always realize how much our earliest years wired us to understand love—how every interaction, every moment of warmth or neglect, became a lesson.
The way we were comforted (or weren’t). The way our feelings were met (or dismissed). The way safety was offered (or withheld). It all shaped what we expect from love, what we tolerate, and what we chase.
It’s why so many of us still ask: Do I have to earn love? Does it disappear when I get it wrong? Can I trust the people closest to me, or will they leave, shut down, or lash out?
And to be clear, this isn’t about shaming parents. It’s not even for them. I know many of you read these and think, "My parents would just laugh and move on."
But these statements are *for you.* To show you that you weren’t imagining things. That it did hurt. That you deserved protection. That someone—anyone—should have been on your side. source
The way we were comforted (or weren’t). The way our feelings were met (or dismissed). The way safety was offered (or withheld). It all shaped what we expect from love, what we tolerate, and what we chase.
It’s why so many of us still ask: Do I have to earn love? Does it disappear when I get it wrong? Can I trust the people closest to me, or will they leave, shut down, or lash out?
And to be clear, this isn’t about shaming parents. It’s not even for them. I know many of you read these and think, "My parents would just laugh and move on."
But these statements are *for you.* To show you that you weren’t imagining things. That it did hurt. That you deserved protection. That someone—anyone—should have been on your side. source
Resentment is tricky for adult children of emotionally immature parents.
Because when you’ve spent your whole life making up for what you didn’t get, it’s impossible not to notice when your partner still isn’t giving you what you need.
So you push. You remind. You over-explain. You do everything in your power to get them to show up for you the way you’ve always had to show up for everyone else.
And when they don’t? It doesn’t just sting—it feels like proof that you’ll always be the one trying harder. That no one will ever put in as much effort as you do. That love will always feel like chasing.
But here’s the thing: resentment doesn’t just go away. It builds. And the more you try to make them get it, the more exhausted, bitter, and alone you feel. source
Because when you’ve spent your whole life making up for what you didn’t get, it’s impossible not to notice when your partner still isn’t giving you what you need.
So you push. You remind. You over-explain. You do everything in your power to get them to show up for you the way you’ve always had to show up for everyone else.
And when they don’t? It doesn’t just sting—it feels like proof that you’ll always be the one trying harder. That no one will ever put in as much effort as you do. That love will always feel like chasing.
But here’s the thing: resentment doesn’t just go away. It builds. And the more you try to make them get it, the more exhausted, bitter, and alone you feel. source
You weren’t just a kid—you were a caretaker.
Your parent’s emotions and needs ruled the room. You learned early that love wasn’t something you received—it was something you earned by anticipating, fixing, and overfunctioning.
And now, it’s not just a pattern—it’s your identity.
You don’t just give in your relationship. You become the glue that holds everything together. You anticipate every need, prevent every disappointment, smooth over every rough edge—because if you don’t, who will?
So when your partner doesn’t do their part, it leaves you asking the same question you’ve carried your whole life: when will someone show up for me?
That creeping resentment? That’s not just about your relationship—it’s about the role you’ve played your whole life. The one you were never supposed to carry. source
Your parent’s emotions and needs ruled the room. You learned early that love wasn’t something you received—it was something you earned by anticipating, fixing, and overfunctioning.
And now, it’s not just a pattern—it’s your identity.
You don’t just give in your relationship. You become the glue that holds everything together. You anticipate every need, prevent every disappointment, smooth over every rough edge—because if you don’t, who will?
So when your partner doesn’t do their part, it leaves you asking the same question you’ve carried your whole life: when will someone show up for me?
That creeping resentment? That’s not just about your relationship—it’s about the role you’ve played your whole life. The one you were never supposed to carry. source
I know how badly you want someone to be there for you.
To really hear you. To show up the way you always show up for everyone else.
And I must admit, when I hear this part of you, I hear someone else, too. Not just the adult you today.
I hear 6-year-old you, who learned that love meant staying small and never rocking the boat.
I hear 8-year-old you, who dried mom’s tears while swallowing her own.
I hear 12-year-old you, who handled everything because no one else would.
And of course, they’re all here! They know this pain. They are so tired of it.
But trying to prove your hurt to your partner only reinforces it. It tells younger you that, once again, you have to fight to be chosen.
There’s a better way—one that actually gets your needs met today without convincing anyone of your worth.
I’m breaking it all down in my FREE Resentment Mini-Series for romantic partners.
Comment resentment below or hit the link in my bio to sign up. 💛
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#cptsdhealing source
To really hear you. To show up the way you always show up for everyone else.
And I must admit, when I hear this part of you, I hear someone else, too. Not just the adult you today.
I hear 6-year-old you, who learned that love meant staying small and never rocking the boat.
I hear 8-year-old you, who dried mom’s tears while swallowing her own.
I hear 12-year-old you, who handled everything because no one else would.
And of course, they’re all here! They know this pain. They are so tired of it.
But trying to prove your hurt to your partner only reinforces it. It tells younger you that, once again, you have to fight to be chosen.
There’s a better way—one that actually gets your needs met today without convincing anyone of your worth.
I’m breaking it all down in my FREE Resentment Mini-Series for romantic partners.
Comment resentment below or hit the link in my bio to sign up. 💛
.
.
.
#cptsdhealing source
You weren’t just a kid—you were a caretaker.
Your parent’s emotions came first. Their needs filled the room. You learned early that love wasn’t something you received—it was something you had to work for.
And now, you’re doing it again.
You pour yourself into your relationship, anticipating every need, thinking that if you make it easy enough, your partner will show up. You work hard to prevent disappointment, keep the peace, and prove you’re worth prioritizing.
But when your partner doesn’t meet you halfway—when being seen feels like a battle—it’s not just frustrating. It’s familiar.
It leaves you asking the same question you’ve carried your whole life: Why is it always on me to hold this relationship together?
And that? That’s the old, resentful wound your parents left behind. The exhaustion of a lifetime spent earning love that should have been freely given. source
Your parent’s emotions came first. Their needs filled the room. You learned early that love wasn’t something you received—it was something you had to work for.
And now, you’re doing it again.
You pour yourself into your relationship, anticipating every need, thinking that if you make it easy enough, your partner will show up. You work hard to prevent disappointment, keep the peace, and prove you’re worth prioritizing.
But when your partner doesn’t meet you halfway—when being seen feels like a battle—it’s not just frustrating. It’s familiar.
It leaves you asking the same question you’ve carried your whole life: Why is it always on me to hold this relationship together?
And that? That’s the old, resentful wound your parents left behind. The exhaustion of a lifetime spent earning love that should have been freely given. source
The resentment you feel toward your partner didn’t start with them. For the adult children of emotionally immature parents, it started long before.
You learned early on that your needs aren’t just unimportant—they’re a problem. They upset people. They cause drama. They make everything harder for everyone else.
So, you do what any kid in survival mode would: you suppress them. You push your own needs down and pour your energy into meeting everyone else’s instead.
And now? You’re an expert at attuning to others. But the cost of that? You end up in relationships where your needs are ignored, dismissed, or outright rejected—because that’s familiar. It lets you stay in the role you know: the caretaker. The one who gives, sacrifices, and carries it all.
And when your partner messes up? When they do something that reminds you of those early dynamics? The old stories take over and your brain uses it as proof: Once again, no one is showing up for me. source
You learned early on that your needs aren’t just unimportant—they’re a problem. They upset people. They cause drama. They make everything harder for everyone else.
So, you do what any kid in survival mode would: you suppress them. You push your own needs down and pour your energy into meeting everyone else’s instead.
And now? You’re an expert at attuning to others. But the cost of that? You end up in relationships where your needs are ignored, dismissed, or outright rejected—because that’s familiar. It lets you stay in the role you know: the caretaker. The one who gives, sacrifices, and carries it all.
And when your partner messes up? When they do something that reminds you of those early dynamics? The old stories take over and your brain uses it as proof: Once again, no one is showing up for me. source
You’re resentful. And honestly? You have every right to be.
You’re the one keeping everything running—handling the schedules, managing the household, making sure nothing falls through the cracks.
And your partner? They’re not stepping up the way you need them to.
To make matters worse: you grew up up with emotionally immature parents who taught you that love and security weren’t freely given. You had to earn it by being responsible, capable, and in control.
So now, when your partner falls short, it doesn’t just feel frustrating—it feels like you’re right back in your childhood home, carrying it all alone, wondering when someone is finally going to show up for you.
Understanding where your resentment comes from—and how to break free from it—is the key to creating the kind of relationship where you feel supported, valued, and no longer carrying it all alone. source
You’re the one keeping everything running—handling the schedules, managing the household, making sure nothing falls through the cracks.
And your partner? They’re not stepping up the way you need them to.
To make matters worse: you grew up up with emotionally immature parents who taught you that love and security weren’t freely given. You had to earn it by being responsible, capable, and in control.
So now, when your partner falls short, it doesn’t just feel frustrating—it feels like you’re right back in your childhood home, carrying it all alone, wondering when someone is finally going to show up for you.
Understanding where your resentment comes from—and how to break free from it—is the key to creating the kind of relationship where you feel supported, valued, and no longer carrying it all alone. source
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Thailand is taking a decisive step forward for transgender people! The government says it will invest 145 million baht (US$4.3 million) in trans health.
The Thai government should now prioritize passing a rights-based legal gender recognition law. source
The Thai government should now prioritize passing a rights-based legal gender recognition law. source