Forwarded from TR HQ
Important bit of understanding about narcissists. They don’t fall in love with themselves. In fact, most actually loathe themselves.
They fall in love with their reflection.
The reflection they see in the mirrors all around them is what they become obsessed with.
How they appear is what matters. To others, yes, but most importantly to themselves.
It soothes their deep seated belief that they are not worthy. Not good enough. Very, very not OK.
The people they abuse are not actually people to them. They are mirrors; simple tools to use to examine their own reflection. And when the mirror no longer shows them what they wish to see, they will break it.
Or try to.
@TruthRascalHQ
—4 Sept 2024—
They fall in love with their reflection.
The reflection they see in the mirrors all around them is what they become obsessed with.
How they appear is what matters. To others, yes, but most importantly to themselves.
It soothes their deep seated belief that they are not worthy. Not good enough. Very, very not OK.
The people they abuse are not actually people to them. They are mirrors; simple tools to use to examine their own reflection. And when the mirror no longer shows them what they wish to see, they will break it.
Or try to.
@TruthRascalHQ
—4 Sept 2024—
The word narcissist is exploding right now and the way I see it, it's because of an explosion of awareness into what narcissistic abuse is truly like.
It's not bad to talk about. This is how we break the cycles and help people snap out of the spells of manipulation.
Because when you have dealt with narcissistic abuse - you often don't even know that you're being emotionally, mentally abused. You just feel wrong all the time. Never enough. Insecure and desperate for validation, approval, consensus.
It does help to be clear on one thing though - someone can demonstrate signs of narcissistic abuse, without actually being a narcissist. And someone who is not actually a narcissist is absolutely capable of changing, growing and healing just like you, just like me.
Narcissistic abuse is not same as a person who has a narcissistic personality style. That's because narcissistic abuse can be learned. In fact, it's almost always learned. The manipulation tactics a narcissist deploys such as blame shifting, gaslighting, triangulation and the silent treatment are not unique to narcissists. These tactics aren't owned and therefore exhibited by ONLY narcs. They are the narcissist's favorite tools and weapons though, because they work and they learn early on that they do ... so they never stop fine tuning their methods for manipulating the results they want. They become experts at controlling their image, while also getting what they want from people.
But someone can be manipulative, someone can blame shift or give the silent treatment or triangulate you without being a narcissist.
They might've learned these manipulation tactics through their family, maybe they were raised by a narcissist or someone with a lot of manipulative behavior. Maybe they grew up in a religion which taught entitlement and blame-shifting. Maybe they were raised in a culture which fed off gossip and an air of superiority over one another.
The true difference between someone with a narcissistic personality style and someone who is not, but maybe has some areas of opportunity to become a healthier individual who is capable of healthier relationships... Is the ability to take self accountability.
To have self accountability, means to recognize a poor behavior pattern and to be disciplined in fixing it.
For example, someone you love brings to your attention that your behavior is hurtful and damaging and they feel the need to create space to protect themselves. For most of us, we would take a step back. Reflect. Try to understand why our behavior caused them to feel this way and take a deeper look at our own actions. We might come to apologize and genuinely mean it. We might get into therapy or follow up with questions to understand it better.
A narcissist can't and won't do that. Their initial response and final response will be to deflect responsibility in any way shape or form that they can. They might even apologize but it will never feel genuine.
Someone who truly has a narcissistic personality style wasn't born that way. They experienced significant trauma in childhood which stunted their brain development. They essentially got stuck in the denial stage of grief. So when their intellect continued to grow and their body continued to grow, the emotional components which allow us to empathize with one another and to see each other as individuals - that part of their brain never develops.
So a true narcissist doesn't see people as people at all. And that's why the world is seen through the lens of relevance to them. They see people as objects. Here to serve. Here to be whatever they need us to be and never allowed not to be what they need us to be. It's as if our entire existence is designed to suit their fancy.
Only it isn't. We are each given a life to live. We don't have to spend every day of it being controlled by the emotional dysfunction someone else refuses to heal.
@EmbersfromAsh
It's not bad to talk about. This is how we break the cycles and help people snap out of the spells of manipulation.
Because when you have dealt with narcissistic abuse - you often don't even know that you're being emotionally, mentally abused. You just feel wrong all the time. Never enough. Insecure and desperate for validation, approval, consensus.
It does help to be clear on one thing though - someone can demonstrate signs of narcissistic abuse, without actually being a narcissist. And someone who is not actually a narcissist is absolutely capable of changing, growing and healing just like you, just like me.
Narcissistic abuse is not same as a person who has a narcissistic personality style. That's because narcissistic abuse can be learned. In fact, it's almost always learned. The manipulation tactics a narcissist deploys such as blame shifting, gaslighting, triangulation and the silent treatment are not unique to narcissists. These tactics aren't owned and therefore exhibited by ONLY narcs. They are the narcissist's favorite tools and weapons though, because they work and they learn early on that they do ... so they never stop fine tuning their methods for manipulating the results they want. They become experts at controlling their image, while also getting what they want from people.
But someone can be manipulative, someone can blame shift or give the silent treatment or triangulate you without being a narcissist.
They might've learned these manipulation tactics through their family, maybe they were raised by a narcissist or someone with a lot of manipulative behavior. Maybe they grew up in a religion which taught entitlement and blame-shifting. Maybe they were raised in a culture which fed off gossip and an air of superiority over one another.
The true difference between someone with a narcissistic personality style and someone who is not, but maybe has some areas of opportunity to become a healthier individual who is capable of healthier relationships... Is the ability to take self accountability.
To have self accountability, means to recognize a poor behavior pattern and to be disciplined in fixing it.
For example, someone you love brings to your attention that your behavior is hurtful and damaging and they feel the need to create space to protect themselves. For most of us, we would take a step back. Reflect. Try to understand why our behavior caused them to feel this way and take a deeper look at our own actions. We might come to apologize and genuinely mean it. We might get into therapy or follow up with questions to understand it better.
A narcissist can't and won't do that. Their initial response and final response will be to deflect responsibility in any way shape or form that they can. They might even apologize but it will never feel genuine.
Someone who truly has a narcissistic personality style wasn't born that way. They experienced significant trauma in childhood which stunted their brain development. They essentially got stuck in the denial stage of grief. So when their intellect continued to grow and their body continued to grow, the emotional components which allow us to empathize with one another and to see each other as individuals - that part of their brain never develops.
So a true narcissist doesn't see people as people at all. And that's why the world is seen through the lens of relevance to them. They see people as objects. Here to serve. Here to be whatever they need us to be and never allowed not to be what they need us to be. It's as if our entire existence is designed to suit their fancy.
Only it isn't. We are each given a life to live. We don't have to spend every day of it being controlled by the emotional dysfunction someone else refuses to heal.
@EmbersfromAsh
Mindset & affirmation today:
Today is a new day.
Nothing is worth losing my peace over.
I have the power to overcome any obstacle laid before me.
I have the ability to conquer my emotions, mind and choices.
Today I am brave.
Today I am capable.
Today I am worth it.
So long as I follow my inner compass, I will always find myself at home - no matter the level of difficulty or adversity.
So mote it be 🪄✨🙏🏼🫶🏼
@EmbersfromAsh
Today is a new day.
Nothing is worth losing my peace over.
I have the power to overcome any obstacle laid before me.
I have the ability to conquer my emotions, mind and choices.
Today I am brave.
Today I am capable.
Today I am worth it.
So long as I follow my inner compass, I will always find myself at home - no matter the level of difficulty or adversity.
So mote it be 🪄✨🙏🏼🫶🏼
@EmbersfromAsh
Lesson of the day: Always have a black belt around when you need one.
Happiest of birthdays to J 🥳🎉.
His nickname as a baby was "bug" and now he is 7, wanting to be an entomologist when he grows up 😍
His nickname as a baby was "bug" and now he is 7, wanting to be an entomologist when he grows up 😍