I'm not saying I hate people, but my favorite part of the day is when they leave.

I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I trust people. It's their actions that disappoint me.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is poor decision-making

If stupidity burned calories, some people would be supermodels."

I'm not lazy. I'm on energy-saving mode.

Life's a journey. Mine seems to be taking the scenic route through chaos.

The older I get, the more I understand villains

I'm not okay, but I'm hilarious

My expectations were low, but somehow reality limboed under them

Surviving out of pure spite

Mentally? I'm on airplane mode

I don't hold grudges. I remember facts

I’m at that stage of life where my back goes out more than I do

I have everything under control. It's just that control has left the building.

My patience has a mute button, and people keep pressing it

I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.

My life peaked during the loading screen

Common sense and I keep missing each other

I don't need enemies; my own decisions are very committed

I've got 99 problems, and most of them were approved by me