Dunia javeed writes with humorous, down-to-earth wisdom that has improved the lives of countless readers. In 24 More Rules for Life, she treats us to her most user-friendly work of all: daily doses of inspiration and humor that gently and joyfully help us live more peaceful, loving, and fulfilling lives.
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Rule 1: Stand Up Straight With Your Shoulders Back:

Look for your inspiration to the victorious lobster, with its 365 million years of practical wisdom.

Stand Up Straight, with your shoulders back.

You might object: the bottom is real.

Being at the bottom is equally real. A mere transformation of posture is insufficient to change any thing that fixed.

If your in number ten position, then stand up straight and appearing dominant might only attract the attention of those who went, once again, to put you down. And fair enough.

But standing up straight with your shoulders back is not something that is only physical, because you're not only a body.

You're a spirit, so to speak - a psyche - as well. Standing up physically also implies and invokes and demands standing up metaphysically.

Standing up means voluntarily accepting the burden of being. To Stand up straight with your shoulders back is to accept the terrible responsibility of life, with eyes wide open.

It means deciding to voluntarily transform the chaos of potential into the realities of habitable order. It means adopting the burden of self-conscious vulnerability, and accepting the end of the unconscious paradise of childhood, where finitude and mortality are only dimly comprehended.

It means willingly undertaking the sacrifices necessary to generate a productive and meaningful reality (it means acting to please God, in the ancient language).

To Stand up straight with your shoulders back means building the ark that protects the world from the flood guiding your people through the desert after they have escaped tyranny, making your way away from comfortable home and country, and speaking the prophetic word to those who ignore the widows and children.

It means shouldering the cross that marks the X, the place where you and Being intersect so terribly.

It means casting dead, rigid and too tyrannical order back into the chaos in which it was generated;

it means withstanding the ensuing uncertainty and established in consequence, a better, more meaningful and more productive order.

Rule 1: Stand Up Straight with your Shoulders Back-Summery

To stand up straight with your shoulders back is to open yourself up to the world.

You're not in a defensive crouch of a prey animal, technically speaking.

And that is the circuitry that's governing posture.

It's prey versus predator, or something like that.

To stand up like that is to expose yourself to the world, but in a being-it-on manner.

Not precisely combative.

But let's say courageous.

And your posture announces that.

It doesn't just announce that to other people.

It announces that to yourself, it can be one of those things that can start a virtuous cycle occurring.

Which is partly why it's taught in the military.

You get these that comes in, they're all slumped over.

They don't know how to stand up.

They're looking at their feet.

Their necks are bent.

Even if they're good looking men, they don't look good because they're all crunched over.

You see people like this on the street all the time.

They could be perfectly attractive, except they're completely huddled in and they need to stand up and stretch themselves out.

And then they can breathe, too.

And that's a competent stance.

One of the things that the critics of the modern west don't understand about hierarchies is that, first of all they're everywhere.

They're inevitable.

If you're going to have a distinction of value between things, you have a hierarchy.

You don't want to get rid of the distinction of values between things because then you don't have anything to do, that's foolish.

You can't live that way.

So, they say.

"Well the hierarchies are based on power."

It's like, "No they're not, they're based on competence."

There isn't anything more powerful than competence.

But power isn't tyranny, it's not brutality, it's not threat.

It might be the hint of all those things.

Because I don't think you can be fully competent without being able to hint all those things.

But hierarchies in the west are fundamentally based on competence.

That doesn't mean they're not flawed, because we miss the mark lots.

There's lots of reasons why perfectly cometent people don't attain the position that they deserve, and that they should have for their benefits and everyone else's.

The hierarchies are tainted by corruption, but foundamentally they're based on competence.

If a lobster gets defeated in a fight, then he's statistically more likely to lose the next fight then you would guess from a tally of his previous victories.

So that's the first thing, if you lose, you increase your risk of futher loss.

But if you win, you increase your risk of future gains.

That's a very important principle.

It's a crucially important principle.

It governs life.

If you take a lobster and gets all defeated, and he's off pouting and he won't fight anymore because he's having a bad day, and you inject him with serotonin essentially give him antidepressants, it's a same thing, then he'll straighten up and he'll go out and have another scrap.

Oh, I don't know, it's probably at least 10 years ago when I was reading about the neurophysiology of these neurochemical systems.

That's why I got onto it.

It just was another thing that just blew me away.

I thought "Really? You're kidding.

That circuit is that old? It's that old?"

That's way before there were trees.

That's how long ago that is.

"hierarchy is a patriarchal construction."

How about no?

How about that's wrong.

It's seriously wrong.

So one of the things I've suggested to my viewers, this is the men in particular, but not just the men, "you should be the most reliable person at your father's funeral."

That's the good goal, man.

That's a good goal, because everyone's broken in a situation like that.

And you, adding to that brokenness and misery.

You're going to be grieving, no doubt about it, and no kidding.

But there's a time to step forward with some character and it's a same thing, you're going to be at someone's death bed.

You're going to be quibbling with your siblings while you're doing that? While your pearnt's dying? It's bad enough that they're dying.

That's tragedy, right?

But you can turn that into hell, no problem.

You just get a bunch of people with no character around a death bed.

And it's bad enough, but that turns it into something like hell.

And that happens in people's lives all the time.

Character is everything.

And that's why the wise people of our past tradition insisted upon that.

You say, "well don't lie,". "well why not?" "Well, it destroys your charactor." "Well so what?" "Well then you turn suffering into hell, is that what you want?" Maybe, because people will want that.

But I would say, walk away from people like that.

I think we could think about that also in terms of the conversation about meaning that we started to have.

If you win all the time meaningless.

Well, and you think, "why, because you wanted to win?"

Yeah, fair enough.

Why would winning all the time become meaningless? It's because your theory of winning isn't sophisticated enough.

Because here's how you win.

You play the game to win.

But while you're playing you play in a way so that you get better at the game.

Because you're going to play a bunch of games.

Well, it's even more than that.

You play the game to win, but you play it so that you get better at the game.

Okay, fine, that makes sense.

You want to push yourself because that's how you get better.

And so you need competition to push yourself.

So you need to have the risk of loss, because otherwise you won't do it.

But here's an even better way of thinking about it.

You play the game so that you don't only get better at that game, but you get better at the entire set of possible games.

That's what you do when you're good sports.

So how do you do that? Well, partly, you find the proper level of competition.

So you want to be pushed so that you will make the effort necessary to remove what's useless about yourself and to help foster the growth of what's useful.

And if you do that, then you get the joy of participating in the game towards victory, but the extra joy of building yourself more and more strongly at the same time.

And so when you tell your kid, "it doesn't matter whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game" your kid says, "what do you mean by that?" And you say, "I don't know. I don't know what I mean by that."

Because the kids says " I'm supposed to win aren't i?" It's like, "well, yeah."

"So why does it matter how I play the game?" Well then you're stomped.

Even though you're right, you just don't know why.

Here's the reason, we can make this very simple.

Life is not a game, it's a series of games.

It's also a series of diverse games.

So who's the winner of this series of diverse games?

Because that's the real question, not who wins a game.

Whatever, you win a game.

If I hold a gun to your head and we're playing chess, I could say, "lose", I win.

Well, that's not helpful, obviously.

So you want to teach your kid.

You want to help your kid to be the winner of the set of diverse games.

Okay, so what does that winner look like? Well here's the first clue.

That's the person who keeps getting invited to play because you win.

If people invite you to play all the time, you have opportunities coming to you just non-stop.

And maybe, let's say you have 50 opportunities and each of them are potentially 50% for you and 50% for the other person.

You think, "well, that's a pretty good deal."

And then you think, "well wait a minute, let's flip this around so it's 60% for the other person and 40% for me."

I'm going to overboard on the generosity.

You think "well, then what happens?" Well then instead of having 20 opportunities at every moment, you have 50 opportunities at every moment.

And that's what you want for your kids, is you want all the invisible door around them to open.

And you do that by saying, "play nobly. Pay attention to your teammates. Pass the damn puck so they get a chance. Even if you're the best player on your team, help the people on your team develop. Don't grandstand. If you have the opportunity to beat your opponent 20 to 1 in goals" it doesn't happen very often but it can, especially when kids are playing. It's like, "well maybe after you're up seven to one, back off a bit. You don't have to humiliate your opponents because it's" it's what would you say?

"It's contemptible behaviour on your part."

You know that because you go and watch a hockey game or something like that, and you watch a kid that really knows how to play.

They're playing like mad to win.

They're pushing themselves to be better but they're paying attention to their damn teammates, and they respect their opponents.

And you think, "well that's a hell of a kid there."

It's like, yeah, that's exactly right.

That kid's going somewhere.

What you want to do, for your child, is that you want the best for the best in them.

That's what you want.

That's what you want from people that you surround yourself with.

Now they'll hold you to a high standard if that's the case.

Because whenever you degenerate in any of the multiple ways that you're likely to degenerate, they going to whack you on the back of the head and say, "clue the hell in. You're demeaning yourself. You're less than you could be."

And there's real judgment in that, and it's harsh.

But with friends it's the same thing.

They're not friends if they're not these people.

You want friends who, when something good happens to you, that's good for you, they're happy about that.

They're not all better and resentful underground and saying horrible things behind your back and telling you how they did something that was better and trying to drag you down.

That's not helpful.

And then, when something bad happens to you and you go to them and you say, "look, this terrible thing happend to me" first of all they don't try to top it with some horrible thing that happend to them because they don't have the patience to listen.

And second, they're not secretly gloating about the fact that catastrophe finally befell you, they're actually hurt by it.

And that chapter's an injunction, take a look at the people around you.

If they're not on the side of what's good for you, walk away because, well first of all, that's best for them too.

If you put up with that, all you're doing is enabling it.

"Well it's okay that you mistreat me in a way that's harmful to me and everyone else."

"Actually, no. That's not okay. It's not the least bit okay."

That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to help someone when they're down.

That's a whole different issue.

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Rule 2: Treat Yourself Like Someone You Are Responsible For Helping: You could begin by treating yourself as if you were someone you were responsible for helping. To treat yourself as if you were someone you are responsible for helping is, instead, to consider what would be truly good for you. This is not "what you want." It is also not "what would make you happy." Every time you give a child something sweet, you make that child happy. That does not mean that you should do nothing for children except feed them candy. "Happy" is by no means synonymous with "good." You must get children to brush their teeth. They must put on their snowsuits when they go outside in the cold, even though they might object strenuously. You must help a child become a virtuous, responsible, awake being, capable of full reciprocity-able to take care of himself and others, and to thrive while doing so. Why would you think it acceptable to do anything less for yourself? You need to consider the future and think, "What might my life look like if I were caring for myself properly? What career would challenge me and render me productive and helpful, so that I could shoulder my share of the load, and enjoy the consequences? What should I be doing, when I have some freedom, to improve my health, expand my knowledge, and strengthen my body?" You need to know where you are, so you can start to chart your course. You need to know who you are, so that you understand your armament and bolster yourself in respect to your limitations. You need to know where you are going, so that you can limit the extent of chaos in your life, restructure order, and bring and divine force of Hope to bear on the world.

RULE 3: MAKE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO WANT THE BEST FOR YOU.

People chose friends who aren't good for them for other reasons, too. Sometimes it's because they want to rescue someone. This is more typical of young people, although the impetus still exists among older folks who are too agreeable or have remained naive or who are willfully blind. Someone might object, "it is only right to see the best in people. The highest virtue is the desire to help." But not everyone who is failing is a victim, and not everyone at the bottom wishes to rise, although many do, and many manage it. Nonetheless, people will often accept or even amplify their own suffering, as well as that of others, if they can brandish it as evidence of the world's injustice. There is no shortage of oppressors among the downtrodden, even if given their lowly positions, many of them are only tyrannical wannabes. It's the easiest path to choose, moment to moment, although it's nothing but he'll in the long run. Imagine someone not doing well. He needs help. He might even want it. But it is not easy to distinguish between someone truly wanting and needing help and someone who is merely exploiting a willing helper. The distinction is difficult even for the person who is wanting and needing and possibly exploiting. The person who tries and fails, and is forgiven, and then tries again and fails, and is forgiven, is also too often the person who wants everyone to believe in the authenticity of all that trying. Here's something to consider: if you have a friend whose friendship you wouldn't recommend to your sister, or your father, or your son, why would you have a such a friend for yourself? You might say: out of loyalty. Well, loyalty is not identical to stupidity. Loyalty must be negotiated, fairly and honestly. Friendship is a reciprocal arrangement. You are not morally obliged to support someone who is making the world a worse place. Quite the opposite. You should choose people who want things to be better, not worse. It's a good thing, not a selfish thing, to choose people who are good for you. It's appropriate and praiseworthy to associate with people whose lives would be improved if they saw your life improve. If you surround yourself with people who support your upward aim, they will not tolerate your cynicism and destructiveness. They will instead encourage you when you do good for yourself and others and punish you carefully when you do not. This will help bolster your resolve to do what you should do, in the most appropriate and careful manner. People who are not aiming up will do the opposite. They will offer a former smoker a cigarette and a former alcoholic a beer. They will become jealous when you succeed, or do something pristine. They will withdraw their presence or support, or actively punish you for it. They will over-ride your accomplishment with a past action, real or imaginary, or their own. Maybe they are trying to test you, to see if you resolve is real, to see if you are genuine. But mostly they dragging you down because your new improvements cast their faults in an even dimmer light. Before you help someone, you should find out why that person is in trouble. You shouldn't merely assume that he or she is a noble victim of unjust circumstances and exploitation. It's the most unlikely explanation, not the most probable. In my experience clinical and otherwise it's just never been simple. Besides, if you buy the story that everything terrible just happend on it own, with no personal responsibility on the part of the victim, you deny that person all agency in the past (and, by implication, in the the present and future, as well). In this manner. You strip him or her of all power. Don't think that it is easier to surround yourself with good healthy people than with bad unhealthy people. It's not. A good, healthy person is an ideal. It requires strength and daring to stand up near such a person. Have some humility. Have some courage. Use your judgement, and protect yourself from too uncritical compassion and pity.

Make friends with people who want the best for you..

RULE 4: COMPARE YOURSELF TO WHO YOU WERE YESTERDAY, NOT TO WHO SOMEONE ELSE IS TODAY

Pay attention. Focus on your surroundings, physical and psychological. Notice something that bothers you, that concerns you, that will not let you be, which you could fix, that you would fix. You can find such somethings by asking yourself (as if you genuinely want to know) three questions: "what is it that bothering me?" "Is that something I could fix?" And "would I actually be willing to fix ?" If you find that the answer is "no," to any or all of the questions, then look elsewhere. Aim lower. Search until you find something that bothers you, that you could fix, that you would fix, and then fix it. That might be enough for the day.

You could ask yourself, "is there anything at all that I might be willing to do about that pile of paper? Would I look, maybe, at one part of it? For twenty minutes?" Maybe the answer will be, "no!" But you might look for ten, or even for five (and if not that, for one). Start there. You will soon find that entire pile shrinks in significance, merely because you have looked at part of it. And you'll find that the whole thing is made of parts. What if you allowed yourself a glass of wine with dinner, or curled up on the sofa and read, or watched a stupid movie, as a reward? What if you instructed your wife, or your husband, to say "good job" after you fixed whatever you fixed? Would that motivate you? The people from whom you want thanks might not be very proficient in offering it, to begin with, but that shouldn't stop you.

People can learn, even if they are very unskilled at the beginning. Ask yourself what you would require to be motivated to undertake the job, honestly, and listen to the answer. Don't tell yourself, "I shouldn't need to do that to motivate myself." What do you know about yourself? You are,on the one hand, the most complex thing in entire universe, and on the other, someone who can't even set the clock on your micro-wave. Don't over-estimate your self-knowledge.

Let's return to the situation where your aim is being determined by something petty-your aforementioned envy of your boss. Because of that envy, the world you inhabit reveals itself as a place of bitterness, disappointment and spite. Imagine that you come to notice, and contemplate, and reconsider your unhappiness. Further, you determine to accept responsibility for it, and dare to posit that it might be some-thing at least partly under your control. You crack open one eye, for a moment, and look. You ask for something better. You sacrifice your pettiness repent of your envy, and open your heart. Instead of cursing the darkness, you let in a little light. You decide to aim for a better life-Instead of a better office.

Realization is dawning. Instead of playing tyrant, therefore, you are paying attention. You are telling the truth, instead of manipulating the world. You are negotiating, instead of playing the martyr or the tyrant. You no longer have to be envious, because you no longer know that someone else truly has it better. You no longer have to be frustrated, because you have learned to aim low, and to be patient. You are discovering who you are, and what you want, and what you are willing to do. You are finding that solutions to your particular problems have to be tailored to you, personally and precisely. You are less concerned with actions of other people, because you have plenty to do yourself.

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who somone else is today.

A Spark of the Divine
With 24 Rules For Life

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree

Not known, because not looked for but heard, half-heard, in the stillness between two waves of the sea.

Quick now, here, now, always
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of things shall be well
When the tongues of flames are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

("Little Gidding," Four Quartets, 1943)

On this holy occasion, I wish you the path our beloved prophet P.B.U.H. has chosen for us as his Ummah. May the life of our prophet become ideal for all of us. May his message of compassion spread worldwide and peace, goodwill, and harmony follow us. Happy Rabi’Al-Awwal to you and your family!