Asexuality ≠ not wanting children

If you don't want children, good for you! I'm genuinely happy you found the answer to such a frequently asked question in our society.

I, however, want to have children. That's a non-negotiable. I'm just tired of getting the comment(s) of "but how? you're ace", it hits a trigger in my heart from the same comments I used to get when I first came out as gay and wanted children. We've come to agree that those comments "but how are you gonna have children? you're gay!" are homophobic, and yet those same comments are targetted at the ace community, sometimes even within the community! I'm just tired of it, especially amongst other aces.

Have we not come far enough to remember that having children doesn't have to include heteronormative penetration? Come on...

I'll literally cry if any other aces knock down my dream of having kids, lmao. Fuck off. Genuinely, go find a hobby instead of knocking down people's hopes.

I know what it'll take medically for me to have kids, it's going to be an uphill battle no matter how I adopt, create, or foster kids. That's just the reality of my life as a disabled single woman. Still, I've clearly thought this through enough, so leave me alone.

Thanks for letting me vent, hopefully I can find others who can relate to the anger boat I'm in lol. I'll get out of it eventually, I'm just frustrated right now!

https://redd.it/1orzg10
@asexualityonreddit

Having hard time accepting it...

I don't really like sex. I'm 27 M...can get erection and all, just don't feel attracted to anyone sexually and it's been like this for my whole life... I've tried many times but I just feel nothing. I like the idea of sex but the actual thing is just...well idk how to put it but I think you guys will get me. Even though I try to show my partner that I'm enjoying it with her, I am just pretending...I don't feel much.
I used to think maybe I was gay but nothing there as well.
I love my partner, I really do and want to take things further but I'm having hard time pretending to like it when I don't and it's been melting my brain.


https://redd.it/1os0n05
@asexualityonreddit

Is this acephobia?

My brothers believe that asexuality is a stupid concept and think it’s just something people use to make themselves feel special for being different. They say it’s idiotic to “put labels” on feelings like demisexuality, graysexuality, aromanticism, and others whenever I bring up the topic. Because of that, I’m afraid to tell them that I identify as asexual.
Would their behavior be considered acephobia?

https://redd.it/1os367v
@asexualityonreddit

My therapist disagrees that I am asexual, has anyone experienced this?

I've been going to this therapist for awhile, previously he would try to encourage me to date and try to have sex because he considers it an important part of normal human socialization.

A few months ago I mentioned that I'm starting to view myself as asexual/aromantic and while he was not against it at first in my last session he opened by asking if I still feel asexual/aromantic or if he thinks I'm using that label as a way to avoid the pain of further romantic failure.

He started telling me that what I'm actually feeling isn't a lack of desire for sex or romance, but learned helplessness caused by lifelong social rejection. He told me I should continue trying to date and working towards the goal of a relationship, even if I don't feel like I want one because I'd change my mind once I experienced it.

I really don't know how to respond to this, has anyone else had experience with these kinds of questions from their therapists?

https://redd.it/1os0o63
@asexualityonreddit

I lost my virginity today

So um... I lost my virginity a few hours ago. Like, y'know, the whole thing. Before that, I had received oral sex, but today (apart from that lol), I had penetrative sex.

Despite being ace (not even demi, never felt any sexual attraction towards anyone at all), I somehow knew I would enjoy sex before doing anything. I was right, and now that I got the full experience, I can still say that I do enjoy it, but also... penetrative sex is kinda weird. Does it feel good? Yes. Does it take you there? No (to most people with vaginas, according to my previous research). So, um, sure it's nice, but not something to go crazy about. I know it was my first experience, so maybe things will get better. Or maybe not. It will probably happen with this guy again as we have some sort of "arrangement" and honestly I want to keep experimenting. But I'm not sure how I feel. I'm not a virgin anymore, which for most of my life I thought I would be. I used to think I would always be the "virgin ace".

You know what people, I wish I hadn't liked it at all so I could be ace & not care about sex at all, lol. I feel like things would be easier.

https://redd.it/1os38e1
@asexualityonreddit

I hate masterbating with a burning passion.

My reasons for being asexual and not having sex is plain ol “never thought about it other than learning about it and don’t care”.

I decided to masterbate. I get it. But I also don’t.

Like I rather be making an omelette with bacon in it.

…and that is exactly what I did. The food was good.

To the however we exist if we even exist at all… Thank you for asexuality in its simplest form as well as all else me.

Fun? I love being an asexual; but damn it all the hell that those such as me didn’t get no sexy drive. Pfttttttttttttt.

https://redd.it/1os7vp1
@asexualityonreddit

This sexuality is a love hate relationship

i hate this so much , but yet i’m so lucky. I hate this because i’ll never be normal, and i’ll end up living alone. But i’m so lucky because there’s a chance i could be infertile, but that doesn’t really affect me because i don’t ever plan on having kids. Like genuinely i’m pretty lucky because if i wasn’t ace, i would be devastated, but like gwaiuwbehwjwksyenebeueieibeueuehr

https://redd.it/1osd311
@asexualityonreddit

Everyone is accepting but?

So I have been out as an ace for 10 years. I have noticed that ppl will accept it when I tell them. However, when I say things like ”i have been seeing this new girl” ppl that know still act like I am trying to make the relationship sexual. Its like I never said that im ace. I have took it as a joke but now its getting old. Next time im gonna remind them that Im ace in case they forgot. Anyone relates to this?

https://redd.it/1osg6nk
@asexualityonreddit

My roommates’ hookup culture makes me feel uncomfortable and out of place

I’m a 21 year old girl, and i’m still a virgin. i never thought it was weird and im fully aware that everyone is different..BUT i recently moved in with two of my friends, and they have quite a different sex life from me. They constantly talk about who they’re hu with in great detail and honestly i think it’s gross to hear about. i obv don’t wana hurt their feelings, but im stuck w this alienated feeling like something’s wrong with me. my friend group kinda mocks me for it, as im the only one left who’s still a virgin. i’ve thought about the fact that im asexual, but i still kinda hope i don’t have to have a label like that, and that im just not into HU culture. my roomates will bring guys over at night and hearing them makes me so grossed out and feeling weird. living at home w my parents used to be good because i wasn’t met w it as much. now its everyday im met w friends who constantly talk about sex in gross detail, and i’m honestly so tired. Am i normal for feeling this way? as stated i’ve considered asexuality, but idk..

https://redd.it/1osm4uf
@asexualityonreddit

Coming out😊

I used to be a very very sexual person, even in my previous relationship, while finding myself within the relationship I discovered I am not into sex or hookups or anything in that sense. That was the downfall of my relationship but it's okay, I have found a new version of myself. I used to think I was emotionally broken and not okay since I couldn't get myself to do anything with my partner, but that was not the answer. The answer is I am Asexual. I've never met anyone like me. But I've googled and everything points to being asexual. So since I've cut everyone out of my life while being in the relationship and after since I thought I was broken and have literally no one to tell. I'm telling everyone in this community. I'm a 22 year old little Gay boy and I'm Asexual❤️

https://redd.it/1osmuja
@asexualityonreddit

Ace Ring
https://redd.it/1osn9qh
@asexualityonreddit

Biromantic asexual confusion

Just a vent about how being ace makes finding your romantic orientation confusing.

I’m a 40 year-old woman, and I’ve known since my early 20s (when I found myself having some intense feelings for a female roommate) that I’m probably something other than straight. I mostly use the bisexual label nowadays, but I’m pretty sure I’m also somewhere on the ace spectrum.

I’m not sure if there’s a term for this but I feel like I’m some combination of grey ace and demi, because I do experience random sexual attraction to people sometimes but it’s very infrequent, and I find I don’t actually want to act on it physically unless there’s emotional intimacy and deep trust there. I don’t experience attraction to anyone based only on appearance, and things like celebrity crushes have always seemed completely foreign and bizarre to me (which I know is a common ace thing). I haven’t dated much and haven’t had sex in years, but I don’t feel deprived by it at all. I’ve just focused most of my energy on things other than finding a relationship, as it always just felt like something that would be nice to have but not something I necessarily needed.

What’s confusing about this is that it makes me question my romantic orientation too. I’ve only had sex with three people, all cis men. But the anticipation of it was always more exciting than the act itself, which never did that much for me. I have occasionally wondered if maybe I just prefer women, but I can’t say I feel that excited about the idea of sex with a woman either. I find women’s bodies more aesthetically appealing, but I have basically no interest in anyone’s genitals regardless of variety. And since I can’t really do casual sex and don’t want to just use someone, I’ve never had the opportunity to find out from experience if I actually prefer women sexually. So then I wonder, do I actually like women, or do I just like the idea of liking women because my experiences with men have been so disappointing?

To confuse things further, my sexual fantasies are almost exclusively about men, but it’s always some faceless man and almost never a specific real person. I’m also pretty sure I don’t actually want these scenarios to be anything more than fantasies. Even so they make me feel like a fake or an impostor, yet I like the idea of being with a woman romantically.

I recently matched with an ace woman on a dating app, and I realized I feel really comfortable talking to her largely because I know there will be no expectation of things turning immediately sexual. I never even realized before that I had been feeling this pressure and unconsciously putting walls up with allo people on the apps because of it, but chatting with an ace person feels so different and refreshing. I don’t know if it’s going anywhere, because we only just started talking, but it’s making me realize that maybe I’m more ace than I thought. I think I always hesitated to fully embrace the label before because I do sometimes experience sexual attraction, but it’s so complicated.

I’m not really sure why I’m posting this honestly, but I guess I’m just a bit confused and wondering if anyone out there can relate.

https://redd.it/1osrpa3
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuals when someone tries to hit on them
https://redd.it/1ossfe1
@asexualityonreddit

Uncertain of myself

Ok, where do I start. This might be a little long-winded, so buckle up.

I considered posting this with a throwaway account in case someone irl found my account, but here I am. I’ve been going back and forth about posting this for the past few months.

Ok, so I think I might be asexual. It’s 50/50, I go back and forth about it all the time. I’m 99% sure that I’m aromantic, but I’ll get into that later.

I’ll start by saying, Ive never once experienced any form of romantic attraction in any form. Ever. I am active in the aromantic community and have known the at I am probably aromantic for about 1.25 years. I have never once been interested in being in a romantic relationship; growing up, I dreaded the day when I would first experience romantic attraction, but that day fortunately never came. I’m not sure whether I’m asexual, though; that’s what this post is about.

Ok, I really don’t feel comfortable talking about this, even to a bunch of strangers on the internet who I’ll (probably) never meet in real life (hopefully not, that would be a little concerning if I did). Mods, I don’t know if this requires an NSFW tag, but if it does, feel free to add one.

Ok, I’ll just get right into it. When I was a pre-teenager, I saw renaissance-era paintings of naked people of the opposite sex and liked the image of them, although I wasn’t “attracted” to them per se. When I was 14, I accidentally discovered masturbation, and I continued to do this over the next few years until I became addicted to it. (I have since recovered from this addiction, although I still occasionally do it from time to time. However, I never looked at any pornography, real or fictional, while I was doing it. I sometimes thought of the images I had seen while I did it, and later on I thought of other people doing you know what while I masturbated, and in the rare instances where it was me I was thinking of doing you know what while masturbating, it was always with a faceless person, never anyone I actually knew.

Anyways, despite this, I never actually became attracted to anyone, online or in person. However, near the end of my senior year in high school, I saw someone who I legitimately thought to be pretty, the first time I had ever thought that about someone. It was a person of the opposite sex. However, this didn’t come with any uncomfortableness around the person or any desire to be with them. It went away after a few weeks. I was scared that I actually wasn’t aroace, although I now think this may be linked to my repulsion to romance. A few months ago, I saw a person of the same sex who I thought to be aesthetically attractive; it was a similar feeling to the one I got in high school, so I came the the conclusion that I am simply aegosexual.

However, I have doubts. Is my lack of sexual attraction to people linked to the fact that I only ever looked at fictional, idealized images of people? If so, is my aromanticism because of that as well? I really hope not on this point, but I’m 99% sure that this isn’t linked.


This post is just a combination of needing to get this off my chest and being so uncertain about myself, which is not a feeling I particularly like. I realize this would be more appropriate on r/TooAfraidToAskLGBT, but I want opinions from people who are exclusively experienced in this field, and anyways that sub isn’t quite as active.

https://redd.it/1osw52b
@asexualityonreddit

My freinds reaction to me telling her I am asexual

I told my freind "I thought i might be ace "and she said

" I can't believe that any one cant feel attraction are you sure you arent attracted to dogs or something "


So yea I am not freinds with that person anymore lol

https://redd.it/1osw9g5
@asexualityonreddit

Note: don't out people 🫢

https://redd.it/1osz3ls
@asexualityonreddit

I don’t have a license either
https://redd.it/1ot0vt2
@asexualityonreddit