I just came out. So relieved.

I had a total meltdown post therapy with my brother (we live together). Explained that I loved my bf but didnt care about sex and didnt know what to do. My brother was entirely calm and told me ' I feel the exact same way'

I thought i was insane for feeling like sex was just a side. Turns out my brother felt the same way this whole time.

https://redd.it/1oqfk9m
@asexualityonreddit

I feel ashamed of my desire for only cuddling and not sex


I (37M) separated from my partner (35M) of nine years a few months ago.

Reflecting on the relationship and my own feelings since separating, it has become clear to me that I am asexual.

After dipping my toe back into the dating pool for the first time this week, I raised my lack of interest in sex with my therapist. She started to “reassure” me that my interest in sex would return as I heal from the separation, find a new partner, etc.

I had to clarify that there isn’t anything to “return”. Sex has always been something I’ve done because it was the expectation, not because I ever wanted it.

I’ve known that about myself for a while. What I’m realizing now, however, is that I still have physical desires.

I want to cuddle. I want to kiss. I want to touch. I want skin contact. I want to rest my head on someone’s lap and feel his hands running through my hair.

I feel embarrassed by this. These feel like the kinds of things a child wants, not a gay man pushing 40.

How do you handle the fact that you don’t have “grown up” desires?

How do you communicate this to other people without feeling embarrassed?

https://redd.it/1oqgxp8
@asexualityonreddit

hiii is this normal, and asexuals actually feel like this?
https://redd.it/1oqmera
@asexualityonreddit

Here is my Touch Chart
https://redd.it/1oqnsba
@asexualityonreddit

Petah I'm absolutely clueless
https://redd.it/1oqsm43
@asexualityonreddit

My best friend told me I have "An advantage to talking to girls because I'm ace" and it's making me angry and confused

A few months back I came out to my best friend, who is as straight as a flag pole, that I'm ace. He did ask a bunch of questions because I've shown to like girls, have libido and have kinks. I explained to him that I'm only romantically interested in girls and that libido is just the biological process that everybody has. My kinks: I'm a gray ace so some things bring forth that.

Anyway, he is generally supportive but I believe he does not fully grasp what Ace means because a few months ago he told me "Bro, you have such an advantage in talking to girls, because if you make it clear that you are ace they won't automatically assume you're trying to fuck them and be on drop guard"

And this statement is like. I don't know it makes some sense from a purely logical perspective but it makes me angry for some reason. It's like he's saying "As an Ace you can be straight better" and sure I'm romantically straight, but most of my conversations with women are very asexual in nature. And if I do I'm usually quite anxious to share that I'm ace because of my social anxiety, but at the same time I'm worried people are going to think I'm just another straight guy wanting just to have sex, which I am not.

Or worse: I end up thinking "I hope they don't get feelings for me "Romantic or Sexual" because then I would have to deal with that.

Before anyone asks: I am in therapy about my anxiety and even on meds about it.

https://redd.it/1oqs90d
@asexualityonreddit

PLEASE can we not start another round of the touch chart?

Having lived through the first round, I still don't need to know that much about your preferences for your junk touch.

https://redd.it/1oquvst
@asexualityonreddit

Calm down bro i asexual

https://preview.redd.it/u64e5ik79uzf1.png?width=1919&format=png&auto=webp&s=dcebab523df20858619e29164a1465e397915e0b



https://redd.it/1oquovo
@asexualityonreddit

[OC] Sometimes that's all you need to hear

https://redd.it/1oqtgaq
@asexualityonreddit

Am I in the wrong?!

So I’ve recently started speaking to this guy and he’s been talking an awful lot about you know however, I had put it on the table that it repulses me but I didn’t straight up tell him I was asexual.

I did feel like crap that I didn’t tell him though I spoke to a friend and they told me to be straight up with him, especially while it’s early on in the talking stage, so I did I told him and he had said “I can adapt to that” which idk what that means but I was happy so we spoke about it more and I told him that I know he wants to experience it all in the near future but I’m not that person to experience it with.

He then said that he “doesn’t know how to NOT be sexual” which in all honesty, annoyed me so I told him that if he wants to leave he can like I don’t care about it and if it’s too much hassle to deal with then he can leave but he told me to tell him where the line is but again there is no line I don’t want any do that full stop.

So am I in the wrong for letting him down slowly??!!

https://redd.it/1or8n5l
@asexualityonreddit

Ace but I identify as straight to everyone

I've never told anyone that im like not straight, and like I dont think anybody would judge me but still it feels wierd to not say im straight because I realized s was disgusting and that straight people like it then I did more digging and realized im ace like a month ago. Sorry if this is the wrong flair, just wanted to get it off my chest.

https://redd.it/1or897k
@asexualityonreddit

Being in an asexual relationship has been deeply freeing and also very weird

First time posting. I’ve just been thinking a lot of things lately and wanted to get them off my chest to people who understand.

I came out as asexual over a decade ago. At the time, I thought it was a result of being abused as a child. But as I did therapy, my PTSD got better but I continued to be asexual. I had several long term relationships with allosexual people; some were sexual relationships and others weren’t. It always felt like there was a weird power imbalance, with them always wanting more and me not wanting to give it. I spent a lot of time on forums in the early days, trying to figure out what was “wrong with me.” A lot of people told me that I was broken and I was “abusing” my partners by withholding sex. It was deeply confusing. As a relationship went on and they pushed me more and more, it would get harder to have any kind of physical contact with them. Kissing and hugging them felt like I was giving them “mixed signals.”

I decided to take a break from dating and I was single for several years. It was honestly the happiest I had been in a long time. I did a lot of work on myself during that time, including a lot of work on unmasking when it came to my Autism. I started dressing how I wanted, I dyed my hair pink, I focused on my own interests, etc. I felt the most me in a long time.

But I still wanted a relationship. I’m a deeply romantic person at heart. I decided that I would just try to “get over” my issues with sex. I downloaded Tinder and started talking to a few people. One really caught my eye and we started talking every day. We were very emotionally and intellectually compatible so we decided to go on a first date. Then a second, a third, a fourth, etc. A few months into dating, they invited me over to stay the night at their place. I felt weird, uncomfortable, worried.

It turns out… they were feeling exactly the same thing as me. They had never heard the word “asexual” before, but they knew that they had no desire to have sex. They had also decided they needed to “get over” it in order to have a relationship. But we happened to find each other.

We’ve been together for three years now and it’s just been so… easy. For many reason. Beyond them also being asexual, they’re extremely caring, also Autistic, and just unlike anyone I’ve dated before. But it’s so freeing to be in a relationship where there is zero pressure. It’s so easy to hug and kiss them because we both know it’s just love. I can snuggle up to them in bed at night with no worries. We can go out and have a nice evening and I’m not dreading coming home the whole time.

Being in an asexual relationship has also made me feel deeply lucky to be asexual. A decade ago I would have told you that being asexual was a curse that made me unlovable. And yet today I cherish my asexuality and have absolutely zero jealousy of allosexual people. I’ve seen so many of my allosexual friends go through terrible breakups, especially as we’ve gotten older. I’ve had a friend whose partner left her because he felt “no longer sexually attracted to her” due to her looking older. I’ve had a friend whose partner left her because she got ill and could no longer have sex. I’ve had friends who stayed in emotionally unsatisfactory relationships because “at least the sex is good.”

I just feel so lucky that I don’t constantly have to manage my partner’s sexual attraction and force myself to look and act a certain way so they continue to be attracted to me. I feel so lucky that I know my partner is with me for me. That they just genuinely enjoy spending time with me. That there are no alternative motivations or conditions to their love. And I’m not saying that all allosexual relationships are like that. I’ve just seen so many people in my life go through these experiences, and constantly question whether their partner actually likes them or just likes the sex.

I don’t know if there is a point to this post, I just wanted to throw my thoughts into the universe. But if you read this,

then thank you. And I want you to know that you are not broken, you are not unlovable, you are not doomed to a life of unsatisfactory relationships. Just because something has been normalized by the majority doesn’t mean that it is “normal.” You are whole, you are fine just the way you are, and you are deserving of community and relationships (whether they be platonic, romantic, familial, etc.).

https://redd.it/1ora5pc
@asexualityonreddit