Can we stop with the cactus metaphor?
It's humorous, yeah, but it isn't really helpful, since it's comparing apples to oranges.
Q: How do you know you don't like hugging a cactus if you've never done it before?
A: It's common knowledge that hugging a cactus would hurt. I have experienced pain before. Therefore, I know I would not enjoy hugging a cactus.
Is different from
Q: How do you know you're asexual if you haven't had sex before?
A: Having sex isn't relevant to the question of being asexual.
Is different from
Q: How do you know you don't like sex if you haven't had sex before?
A: a complicated reply that could range from actually, yes, I did need to try it first to being similar to the cactus question to a philosophical discussion on the nature of shame, consent, and bodily autonomy
https://redd.it/1oo9d6p
@asexualityonreddit
It's humorous, yeah, but it isn't really helpful, since it's comparing apples to oranges.
Q: How do you know you don't like hugging a cactus if you've never done it before?
A: It's common knowledge that hugging a cactus would hurt. I have experienced pain before. Therefore, I know I would not enjoy hugging a cactus.
Is different from
Q: How do you know you're asexual if you haven't had sex before?
A: Having sex isn't relevant to the question of being asexual.
Is different from
Q: How do you know you don't like sex if you haven't had sex before?
A: a complicated reply that could range from actually, yes, I did need to try it first to being similar to the cactus question to a philosophical discussion on the nature of shame, consent, and bodily autonomy
https://redd.it/1oo9d6p
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Is it normal to be ace but love admiring other people’s bodies?
I’ve always had a fascination with the human body. I like admiring and observing people because I think that everyone has natural beauty. Some are more unconventional that others, sure, but there’s always something special about them.
When I see someone I find gorgeous, it’s exacerbated. I keep watching them like they’re a piece of art. I actually mistook it for sexual attraction before, but I have no interest in being physically intimate with them. I just act like I’ve come across a particularly beautiful painting that I can’t help but admire. I want to get closer to see them more clearly, observe their expressions, and I’m interested in seeing them naked, but my attention isn’t sexual at all.
Is that weird? Is that objectifying them? I don’t see them like an object, I just admire their beauty. I’ve watched every gender, and type of ethnicity like that. The only common factor between them all is that they’re all adults (though, when I was a teen, I admired other teens)
https://redd.it/1oo9kxi
@asexualityonreddit
I’ve always had a fascination with the human body. I like admiring and observing people because I think that everyone has natural beauty. Some are more unconventional that others, sure, but there’s always something special about them.
When I see someone I find gorgeous, it’s exacerbated. I keep watching them like they’re a piece of art. I actually mistook it for sexual attraction before, but I have no interest in being physically intimate with them. I just act like I’ve come across a particularly beautiful painting that I can’t help but admire. I want to get closer to see them more clearly, observe their expressions, and I’m interested in seeing them naked, but my attention isn’t sexual at all.
Is that weird? Is that objectifying them? I don’t see them like an object, I just admire their beauty. I’ve watched every gender, and type of ethnicity like that. The only common factor between them all is that they’re all adults (though, when I was a teen, I admired other teens)
https://redd.it/1oo9kxi
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Seeing a gynecologist as an ace woman?
So, I’m a 25 y/o cis woman. I’ve never been to the gynecologist, and I’m horrified by the idea. I started to refuse genital exams when I was a teenager, and since then, no one’s ever been down there. I don’t have sex, and I guess you could say I’m sex repulsed in the sense that I don’t want to be seen or touched in that way. I know exams aren’t sexual, and they’re important for my health, but as someone who NEVER has anyone touching or looking at my vulva, it feels like a nightmare.
Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this?
https://redd.it/1oo9wjq
@asexualityonreddit
So, I’m a 25 y/o cis woman. I’ve never been to the gynecologist, and I’m horrified by the idea. I started to refuse genital exams when I was a teenager, and since then, no one’s ever been down there. I don’t have sex, and I guess you could say I’m sex repulsed in the sense that I don’t want to be seen or touched in that way. I know exams aren’t sexual, and they’re important for my health, but as someone who NEVER has anyone touching or looking at my vulva, it feels like a nightmare.
Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this?
https://redd.it/1oo9wjq
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
I feel like “I don’t date/I’m asexual” never gets a normal response
Yesterday this guy at work who’s temporarily transferred from another store was asking me about what I do outside of what. Stuff like if I’m in school or what I wanted to do with my degree, if I had a relationship. For context I’ll clarify rn he has a male fiance. I tell him no, I don’t date. He’s like “oh, you don’t date?” I say no, he says something else like maybe “you don’t date at all?” The confused response we’re all probably used to.
I don’t know if he knows the meaning or has even heard the term, but to clarify I tell him “No, I’m asexual.”
“Oh! Okay.” A few moments later: “well you can still date even if you’re asexual.”
On the inside I’m facepalming. Because if I say I don’t date because I’m asexual, it’s not hard to put two and two together. Also, thanks for explaining my own sexuality to me. “I’m aromantic asexual.”
There’s a moment he doesn’t say anything where it seems like he still disagrees or is still confused. I was definitely anticipating him questioning that response too, but he just says “Alright.”
It was a brief moment and I will say I already wasn’t in the best of moods at work. I tend to use asexual as a blanket term even though it doesn’t necessarily mean aromantic too, but again, I feel like you can still connect the dots.
I think it was sometime before this he asked me “why so sad” because I was “so quiet.” I wasn’t sad at all and don’t know why he thought that or if he was just saying it. He’s been here for about a week so we haven’t worked that many shifts together yet it seemed like he felt being quiet was out of character for me somehow. I had told him my social battery was just low and looking back I think I’ve been a little burned out by work. He says he gets it but then continues to ask me all these questions above which definitely put me in a worse mood. Sometimes I wish people would know to just accept a simple answer and move on.
https://redd.it/1oojztg
@asexualityonreddit
Yesterday this guy at work who’s temporarily transferred from another store was asking me about what I do outside of what. Stuff like if I’m in school or what I wanted to do with my degree, if I had a relationship. For context I’ll clarify rn he has a male fiance. I tell him no, I don’t date. He’s like “oh, you don’t date?” I say no, he says something else like maybe “you don’t date at all?” The confused response we’re all probably used to.
I don’t know if he knows the meaning or has even heard the term, but to clarify I tell him “No, I’m asexual.”
“Oh! Okay.” A few moments later: “well you can still date even if you’re asexual.”
On the inside I’m facepalming. Because if I say I don’t date because I’m asexual, it’s not hard to put two and two together. Also, thanks for explaining my own sexuality to me. “I’m aromantic asexual.”
There’s a moment he doesn’t say anything where it seems like he still disagrees or is still confused. I was definitely anticipating him questioning that response too, but he just says “Alright.”
It was a brief moment and I will say I already wasn’t in the best of moods at work. I tend to use asexual as a blanket term even though it doesn’t necessarily mean aromantic too, but again, I feel like you can still connect the dots.
I think it was sometime before this he asked me “why so sad” because I was “so quiet.” I wasn’t sad at all and don’t know why he thought that or if he was just saying it. He’s been here for about a week so we haven’t worked that many shifts together yet it seemed like he felt being quiet was out of character for me somehow. I had told him my social battery was just low and looking back I think I’ve been a little burned out by work. He says he gets it but then continues to ask me all these questions above which definitely put me in a worse mood. Sometimes I wish people would know to just accept a simple answer and move on.
https://redd.it/1oojztg
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
What I need as a sex-repulsed ace with the occasional bit of frustrating libido
https://redd.it/1ool25v
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1ool25v
@asexualityonreddit
Me: ‘’ no, i am not ace. Maybe it is just puberty doing this. Or suppression idk ‘’
https://redd.it/1ookfpo
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1ookfpo
@asexualityonreddit
New to Reddit: Looking for Demi/Ace Friends 32F
Hello! 🍃
Anyone up for conversations about books, science, academe, anime, cosplay, tech, series and other random things? Let's talk! I want to make SFW connections, I hope this is okay to post on this sub! Thanks so much! 🌸
Upcoming interesting thing for me: I am preparing for a Jill Valentine cosplay for December. 🤞
https://redd.it/1oopshn
@asexualityonreddit
Hello! 🍃
Anyone up for conversations about books, science, academe, anime, cosplay, tech, series and other random things? Let's talk! I want to make SFW connections, I hope this is okay to post on this sub! Thanks so much! 🌸
Upcoming interesting thing for me: I am preparing for a Jill Valentine cosplay for December. 🤞
https://redd.it/1oopshn
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
ACE OF HEARTS, my graphic memoir about my life as an asexual, is available for pre-order!!!
https://redd.it/1ooryth
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1ooryth
@asexualityonreddit
ACE OF HEARTS, my graphic memoir about my life as an asexual, is available for pre-order!!!
https://redd.it/1oorxdw
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1oorxdw
@asexualityonreddit
is this a weird question or not?
am i the only asexual that kinda enjoys adult content, i dont mean the irl stuff (cause thats too much for me). Im able to handle nsfw content in moderate amount but somtimes its too much for me and i dont let it consume by brain or head. idk if its just me. cause i dont really feel sexual attraction when viewing such content.
https://redd.it/1oovoy2
@asexualityonreddit
am i the only asexual that kinda enjoys adult content, i dont mean the irl stuff (cause thats too much for me). Im able to handle nsfw content in moderate amount but somtimes its too much for me and i dont let it consume by brain or head. idk if its just me. cause i dont really feel sexual attraction when viewing such content.
https://redd.it/1oovoy2
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
weird coming out story
commented this in another post earlier, thought i'd share it here as well because it left an impression on me.
i used to play this one online game and i met a dude there. we met in this one groupchat function to chat. and we all hit off very well. this one guy started to private message me because i was the only one who didn't have discord and he claimed he didn't want me being left out. i did befriend the others but i got the closest to him and another guy (who wasn't weird plus he was attached). initially he assumed i was a guy but after talking more he found out i'm a girl and we got along well. from there we played together often, he'd help me level up because i'd quite recently restarted on a new character at that point. then i noticed he seemed interested in me, he mentioned he liked my personality and started joking about meeting me someday and marrying me and asked for my number multiple times. he actually wanted discord but that was a no from me. i told him not now because we only knew each other in-game for a couple of months, plus giving numbers out to strangers is weird.
eventually i told him i'm asexual and his response was, asexuals can date. i didn't tell him i was aromantic too, because i am actually cupio. so what i did was tell him that's true, and asked him if that would be a problem for him. then he started getting all defensive saying my sexuality isn't his business, why am i telling him, he never asked, it's totally irrelevant, etc. basically he was acting like he hadn't been hitting on me and that me sharing my sexuality was unsolicited. he blocked me after and we never talked again. very confusing experience.
for a long time after i felt like maybe it was my fault, maybe he really didn't need to know that, maybe i was jumping the gun for bringing it up in the first place. maybe talking about sex even in this way was being inappropriate. but was i really the one being weird when he'd talk about marrying??
it took a long time before i stopped blaming myself and decided online men can be so weird. he wasn't the only weirdo i'd met via games so. i would think he only befriended me to hit, but it was kind of nonsensical because we lived continents apart plus he never took it hard when i rejected giving my number. he'd just laugh it off and then try again days later. maybe he was hoping to sext idk. well whatever it is i hope you're happy out there, go fk yourself, Tim.
https://redd.it/1ooy9pe
@asexualityonreddit
commented this in another post earlier, thought i'd share it here as well because it left an impression on me.
i used to play this one online game and i met a dude there. we met in this one groupchat function to chat. and we all hit off very well. this one guy started to private message me because i was the only one who didn't have discord and he claimed he didn't want me being left out. i did befriend the others but i got the closest to him and another guy (who wasn't weird plus he was attached). initially he assumed i was a guy but after talking more he found out i'm a girl and we got along well. from there we played together often, he'd help me level up because i'd quite recently restarted on a new character at that point. then i noticed he seemed interested in me, he mentioned he liked my personality and started joking about meeting me someday and marrying me and asked for my number multiple times. he actually wanted discord but that was a no from me. i told him not now because we only knew each other in-game for a couple of months, plus giving numbers out to strangers is weird.
eventually i told him i'm asexual and his response was, asexuals can date. i didn't tell him i was aromantic too, because i am actually cupio. so what i did was tell him that's true, and asked him if that would be a problem for him. then he started getting all defensive saying my sexuality isn't his business, why am i telling him, he never asked, it's totally irrelevant, etc. basically he was acting like he hadn't been hitting on me and that me sharing my sexuality was unsolicited. he blocked me after and we never talked again. very confusing experience.
for a long time after i felt like maybe it was my fault, maybe he really didn't need to know that, maybe i was jumping the gun for bringing it up in the first place. maybe talking about sex even in this way was being inappropriate. but was i really the one being weird when he'd talk about marrying??
it took a long time before i stopped blaming myself and decided online men can be so weird. he wasn't the only weirdo i'd met via games so. i would think he only befriended me to hit, but it was kind of nonsensical because we lived continents apart plus he never took it hard when i rejected giving my number. he'd just laugh it off and then try again days later. maybe he was hoping to sext idk. well whatever it is i hope you're happy out there, go fk yourself, Tim.
https://redd.it/1ooy9pe
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
My asexuality is ruining my love life
Yesterday for the second time this year, the girl I was dating broke things off citing a lack of physical touch/intimacy (in mild forms even) saying it was a turn off. And I completely expected it.
This happened before mid this year. I am really fed up. I have no interest in physical touch/intimacy at all, and it’s taking a serious toll on my relationships. HELP.
https://redd.it/1op0855
@asexualityonreddit
Yesterday for the second time this year, the girl I was dating broke things off citing a lack of physical touch/intimacy (in mild forms even) saying it was a turn off. And I completely expected it.
This happened before mid this year. I am really fed up. I have no interest in physical touch/intimacy at all, and it’s taking a serious toll on my relationships. HELP.
https://redd.it/1op0855
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
I wish I wasn’t asexual.
If my words are jumbled up I’m sorry. I don’t know how to make this neat as possible without looking like a mess.
I’m sorry this is long.
I’m 18F and been together with my bf for a year and a half and recently me and him broke and it was because of my asexuality. He said that he can’t live without “it” if you know what I mean and I understood but it sucked. I had told from the start that I was asexual and he was ok with it at first but at the end he realised he wasn’t.
But tbh I knew that one day he would realise he couldn’t live without it and one day we would end. I did hope I would be wrong and we could be together forever but I was delusional. We had planned our future because we had similar plans for the future and everything.
3 months before we broke up I started realizing it more that it won’t work out I just had this feeling idk how to explain it I just knew it would happen just not sure when. I had been preparing myself mentally for when it would happen. And when the day came it was like any other just few hours before it happened we were laughing and playing Minecraft
Not realizing what was about to come and then it happened.
Then when we were just talking told me he can’t live without it. we talked about it a bit and then decided to end it. I wasnt crying It just was this deep feeling I couldn’t grasp I just felt nothing even the next day I felt nothing just emptiness tho I did start to realise how much I have of him, his gifts, the pictures the memories. He was my first actual bf and he showed me how it’s to be loved.
It feels strange not being able to cry about it I can only feel the emptiness the realization I’m not with him anymore. And that now I’m just by myself.
Idk how I’ll continue with life it feels strange I feel like I won’t ever find anyone who’s asexual and would actually love me, all the parts of me even the strange and weirds ones as well.
I always have felt like I’m difficult to love and that I have a strange personality and that I have so much history that not many could handle.
I just want to be loved for me and not for my body.
https://redd.it/1op34t3
@asexualityonreddit
If my words are jumbled up I’m sorry. I don’t know how to make this neat as possible without looking like a mess.
I’m sorry this is long.
I’m 18F and been together with my bf for a year and a half and recently me and him broke and it was because of my asexuality. He said that he can’t live without “it” if you know what I mean and I understood but it sucked. I had told from the start that I was asexual and he was ok with it at first but at the end he realised he wasn’t.
But tbh I knew that one day he would realise he couldn’t live without it and one day we would end. I did hope I would be wrong and we could be together forever but I was delusional. We had planned our future because we had similar plans for the future and everything.
3 months before we broke up I started realizing it more that it won’t work out I just had this feeling idk how to explain it I just knew it would happen just not sure when. I had been preparing myself mentally for when it would happen. And when the day came it was like any other just few hours before it happened we were laughing and playing Minecraft
Not realizing what was about to come and then it happened.
Then when we were just talking told me he can’t live without it. we talked about it a bit and then decided to end it. I wasnt crying It just was this deep feeling I couldn’t grasp I just felt nothing even the next day I felt nothing just emptiness tho I did start to realise how much I have of him, his gifts, the pictures the memories. He was my first actual bf and he showed me how it’s to be loved.
It feels strange not being able to cry about it I can only feel the emptiness the realization I’m not with him anymore. And that now I’m just by myself.
Idk how I’ll continue with life it feels strange I feel like I won’t ever find anyone who’s asexual and would actually love me, all the parts of me even the strange and weirds ones as well.
I always have felt like I’m difficult to love and that I have a strange personality and that I have so much history that not many could handle.
I just want to be loved for me and not for my body.
https://redd.it/1op34t3
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Woo! i think
Just told my mom about me being aroace. I just showed her the google definition of aroace and said theres a whole group of people like me. She said oooh understood. She already knew i wasnt interested in dating and getting married and stuff like typical people. Im also sexually repulsed. So now she has a term for it. She also acknowledged that we are part of the lgbtq community. That was the scariest part for me due to all the stigma surrounding the community and us being asians lol. Also since intimacy stuff is kinda taboo in asian communities/my household, i feel like i dodged a bullet by being aroace. Like i can stay the innocent daughter to my parents instead of the sexually deviant child exploring intimacy and being awkward about all that.
Im also sapphic tho, but i did not tell her that lol. I feel like coming out as aroace is so much easier than admitting i fancy girls as well. I am Terrified to admit that and i dont want to at all. Since i wont be acting on my sapphic urges in the near future i wont bother coming out as sapphic to her. Aroace will be my identity as far as she is concerned
https://redd.it/1op6quq
@asexualityonreddit
Just told my mom about me being aroace. I just showed her the google definition of aroace and said theres a whole group of people like me. She said oooh understood. She already knew i wasnt interested in dating and getting married and stuff like typical people. Im also sexually repulsed. So now she has a term for it. She also acknowledged that we are part of the lgbtq community. That was the scariest part for me due to all the stigma surrounding the community and us being asians lol. Also since intimacy stuff is kinda taboo in asian communities/my household, i feel like i dodged a bullet by being aroace. Like i can stay the innocent daughter to my parents instead of the sexually deviant child exploring intimacy and being awkward about all that.
Im also sapphic tho, but i did not tell her that lol. I feel like coming out as aroace is so much easier than admitting i fancy girls as well. I am Terrified to admit that and i dont want to at all. Since i wont be acting on my sapphic urges in the near future i wont bother coming out as sapphic to her. Aroace will be my identity as far as she is concerned
https://redd.it/1op6quq
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community