24 F looking for people who understand what I'm going through

For the longest time I've known that I am Panromantic but asexual and I've been looking for other people who resonate with that feeling being romantic but not sexual because I feel like it's an interesting position to be in just looking for people to talk to who understand me! I am more active on discord so ask me for my discord if you wanna have a conversation!

https://redd.it/1ofdbw5
@asexualityonreddit

Are you also aro?



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https://redd.it/1ofciao
@asexualityonreddit

Best friend lost virginity; making me feel weird

So we are seniors in high school. My best friend just told me about how he had sex with his girlfriend(who I am also really good friends with). It just feels really weird because I love them both so much, but for some reason my opinion of them has shifted. Not necessarily negative, but just different. It makes me feel like I’m not as “grown up” as they are, like they feel like they’re better than me, which I know they don’t really feel. I love them both and I’m so glad to have them. Whenever I find out about someone losing their virginity, this happens, but this won’t leave my mind for some reason. Even though it doesn’t affect me at all, it makes me feel a little weird. They started dating a few months ago, although I’ve been friends with them each for over 4 years each. They were never friends until recently, and then they started dating. I was so happy two really good friends of mine were dating, but this adds a weird aspect to it, even though it shouldn’t. 17 is what I assume to be a normal age to lose your virginity. I’m not necessarily opposed to sex, but I don’t feel any need to have it. I do have a romantic relationship with my girlfriend, but I haven’t wanted to do anything sexual. This has kinda warped my perception of what I want. I don’t want to, but it would make me feel on par with my friends. It’s just isolating I think. I don’t really know how to feel better about this.

https://redd.it/1ofi3j9
@asexualityonreddit

The nerve of some people
https://redd.it/1ofie3m
@asexualityonreddit

Why are others so mean

I just posted on another subreddit with a different account regarding a relationship question since I have a lovely girlfriend but she’s not ace herself.

I just wanted to understand her side more since I don’t know much and so far the only comment is saying I should just split with her. Not even an explanation of her possible side or referring to Information I gave in the post about how she’s been lovely and accepting. Just an immediate “break up with her” :c

https://redd.it/1ofjy5b
@asexualityonreddit

Accidentally kinda ace IMO
https://redd.it/1ofl115
@asexualityonreddit

I made Axey the Aceoltl and his 2 fav things to do

https://redd.it/1ofk0l2
@asexualityonreddit

I made some ace and enby earrings :) I wore the ace ones, my wife wore the enby ones, today, at a halloween market. We only stayed an hour, SO MANY kids!
https://redd.it/1ofnbsr
@asexualityonreddit

Taking advantage of spectrums (art by akhtsjrep on IG)

https://redd.it/1ofqekj
@asexualityonreddit

I didn't get the appeal of garlic bread so I made garlic butter focaccia because I love focaccia. I really wanted to love it as an asexual...

https://redd.it/1ofpebs
@asexualityonreddit

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

I feel like I'm going mad.

Me 34F *exists* never so much as been on a date, has been using use ace label the past 3-4 years, wears an ace pin on my work lanyard, tells friends when they ask that I've never dated and that I don't think that I want to, (although I do still visibly find it difficult and uncomfortable to talk about). Extreme social anxiety, working on it with doctor and counsellor. Social anxiety spikes around men since I don't know how to act, since it's really difficult to predict how people will react around an emotion you've never felt. Work in a field where the higher levels are almost completely male dominated so most of my colleagues my age are male (although 99% of junior members are female...). Tries harder to interact with men as kind of exposure therapy and because I'm genuinely worried I'm becoming misandronous (an aside: I was worried I was becoming misandronous because I read and watch an awful lot of thrillers and murder mysteries, 99% of which depict violence against women perpetrated by men. However, I can honestly say that spending more time with my male colleagues and being constantly patronised and consdescended to by them, even around work tasks that I taught THEM, has made me more misandronous than anything else...). And, honestly, because I'm lonely and they are the nearest and easiest possiblity to make FRIENDS with. Interactions:

Guy #1: Same age as my little brother (who's 7 years younger than me). Find him sooo young - he has the same existentialist-lite^(TM) philosophical point of view of every 13 year old girl and thinks it's edgy. I treat him with a touch of (what I think is) indulgent, big sister energy.
Them: "Ooo do you lliiiikkkkeee him?!?" or comments implying this
Me: "huh, what, no?!?"
Them: "uh huh, yeah suuurreeee" *smirks* *continues making little comments*
Me: "huh?"
Guy #2: male colleague who's...fine. I'm don't have many opinions on him one way or the other, he's just always there and reliably up for going to the pub. A couple of times he's asked around if people want to go to the pub after work. I'm free. No one else is. I really, really don't want to go with him alone as 1-1 socialising triggers my social anxiety and I find him boring as hell as we've never been able to keep a 1-1 conversation going. Say "oh well, next time" or awkwardly don't say anything and just go home after work.
Them: seem to think the fact that I DON'T want to spend time with him alone means that I llliiikkkeeee him?!? Can anyone explain this to me? Why would the fact that SPENDING TIME ALONE WITH HIM WOULD BE A CIRCLE OF HELL TAILORED JUST FOR ME make them think that I LIKE him rather than the truth that I DON'T particularly like him. Maybe because I was awkward about it? But I was awkward because you can't really tell someone that you'd rather swallow glass than spend time with them 1-1...
Did I mention he has a girlfriend? I realise I have before made the naive assumption before that men in relationships are "safe" to be around without having to guard against this kind of misunderstanding, because how could I like him if he's taken? And have then had little disaproving looks and remarks aimed at me for being overly familiar with a claimed man... and I bet you ANYTHING I would have gotten the same thing if I had regularly gone to the pub with Guy #2 alone...
Guy #3: male colleague who's...also fine. A bit condescending... He's Irish and has the typical Irish sense of humour making fun of everyone and everything. I give as good as I get as I'M NOT A F@#!ING DOORMAT and don't want to just smile sweetly and take his patronising "jokes"
Them: Oooo you two are flirting tee hee
Me: what?!?! He's literally being sooooo patronising and I hate it and react against it! What is wrong with you people that you think men should treat women this way and it's a sign of attraction??
Guy #4: Guy joins workplace. I feel a little sorry for since he's terribly sheltered and a little ignorant and socially a little

inept, as he's a know-it-all that rubs people up the wrong way. I try to be nice because I always try to be nice to EVERYONE, that's just who I am. I certainly don't think I treated him any differently than I would anyone else.
Them: comments upon comments implying Oooo do you llliiikkkeeee him?
Me: Ah ha! I know this one from my experience with Guy #1! If I react too strongly in the negative, they'll think I'm protesting too much and assume I'm lying to cover up my embarrassment. This time, I'll just ignore the comments, and make sure that he knows I'm ace and uninterested in dating/relationships/anything, and even make jokes about how we might be related since my mother's maiden name and his are the same from the same place.
Them: little comments build and build and get more and more blatant
Me: ffs

The even worse bits:

At some point, someone starts sending Guy #2 annonymous love letters. I'm not 100% convinced they weren't supposed to be from me as some weird way of trying to get us together... but that would be insane, right? Right? RIGHT?!?!? Why would anyone do that? Who spends so much time thinking about other people and who likes who that they would do that...ESPECIALLY PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THEIR LATE 20s, EARLY 30s NOT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
This one is really really bad. The comments with Guy #4 reach such a fever pitch that one of my "friends" actually decides to lie to my face and tell me that Guy #4 asked her to find out from me whether his "more-than-friend" feelings for me are returned. I go home and have a panic attack. I panic for a month not sure what to do. Out of Guys 1-4, Guy #4 is the one I have liked the most PLATONICALLY. I like chatting to him as he's super chatty and that helps with my social anxiety knowing that he can fill in any awkward pauses. I find I kinda like the idea that he is attracted to me. At this point I'm 32 and never been on a date. I am curious though, and decide that this is my chance to try something and see what happens. I put on my big girl boots and ask him out (while having a huge panic attack) over WhatsApp. He responds that he just thinks of us as friends. I find I'm relieved more than anything and realise that I don't think I could have gone through with any of it. Still confused though - why did he go to my friend then?? I find out much later that my "friend" lied to me.
Point 1: How INSANE do you have to be to lie to someone like that. I've mentioned before about not wanting to be in a relationship and she has said the infamous line "you just need to find the right person" which was bad enough. But to try and FORCE something like this?!?! How dare you! I feel like I'm treated like a child who won't eat my vegetables and therefore needs to be tricked into doing so because "it's good for me"..
Point 2: It's INSANE the number of people who, when I told them that I was relieved more than anything when he turned me down, have smiled at me sadly and said, "Do you think that might actually just be because you were scared and now you were let off the hook from having to do the scary thing." "No, I think it's because I didn't actually want it in the first place, I just thought I should give it a go just to stop the people telling me, you don't know until you try it!" "hmmm" *another small sad smile and pitying head tilt*

I feel like I'm going crazy, I don't know how to act or what to do. People don't believe me and treat me like I'm a child who doesn't know what I want. I also want to scream at them sometimes "why are you so obsessed with me?" why do they care so much about trying to force me to date? I don't get it and I just want to scream and throw things.T

https://redd.it/1oft78s
@asexualityonreddit