Am I Demi? Or still ace?

So Ive (24F) have been pretty confident that I’m ace for several years now. I have never once looked at a person or partner and thought how I wanna strip them down and have sex with them. For the longest time I thought that feeling was something made up for TV and movies and everyone was just joking.

But recently I met someone who I do wanna sleep with??? And it wasn’t like soon as I saw them, it was after spending a good day few days with them and realizing how easy it was to click with them. Finishing each other’s sentences and all that.

But it’s just so weird for me cause I’ve had romantic crushes in the past but all I would fantasize about was a domestic life with them. It literally is just this one person. So can you guys give me some feedback as a jumping off point of what this could mean for me. I just need a community to help gather my thoughts since I dont have any ace friends 🥲

https://redd.it/1o9pyfv
@asexualityonreddit

I'm heteroromantic asexual and I feel like I'm never going to find the love I'm looking for.

I really want to have a relationship. I want to be comforted and held and comfort and hold the person back when he needs me to. And have movie nights and cook together and laugh together, have inside jokes together, go on dates and I want to be as crazy about him as he's crazy about me. And I want to be told I'm beautiful without it having an alterior motive. I want the love so bad, I just don't want the sex bit and it shouldn't be that difficult to find a person like that. It's not fair. Dating sites don't work for me, I don't like them at all...I tried. I'm just letting out my frustrations here, I don't know if I want any advice. If anyone like me has any success story that would be nice to hear. I hardly ever find friends I click with not to mention a partner, the people I click with are allo anyways and usually don't want anything to do with me when they find out I won't sleep with them. This really isn't fair.

https://redd.it/1o9rppj
@asexualityonreddit

My girlfriend cannot accept the fact that I have fetishes

Me (23M) and my girlfriend (22F) have been dating for 2+ years, she is ace and I'm allo. We started the relationship being very clear about her asexuality and boundaries regarding sex. While I experience sexual attraction and libido, I find sex to be pretty disgusting, dirty, and painful, so I do not crave it at all. This was what we established: no sex because neither party likes it. However, she is very aware that I still have fetishes, some of them with sexual undertones or implications, but nothing related to direct sex. I watch porn and masturbate to them, but again ones without any form of penetration involved, just sexually charged acts. Some of my fetishes are also just related to articles of clothing. In fact, when we started dating, she suggested buying and wearing some of them for me since she knows I like them. We did it once or twice, but stopped after I noticed that she was uncomfortable, and I didn't want her to force herself to do something for my sake. Afterwards, our relationship stayed pretty "clean". We cuddle pretty often, but that is the extent of our physical intimacy - just some hugs and her sitting on my lap and such.

Fast forward to a few days ago, she caught me scrolling Insta on my burner account and saw stuff related to my fetishes. I didn't think much of it, just went about our date and went home like usual afterwards. But I knew something was wrong when she started replying to my texts very sporadically and unenthusiastically (we don't live close to each other), culminating in the big reveal she told me just now: she is upset that I have fetishes. She said that it slipped her mind that I still have sexual needs, albeit not explicit sex, because we have mostly steered clear of everything of that sort in our relationship. But now that she got reminded, she thought about it and got very uncomfortable about the fact that I have them, and decided she cannot accept it. And she knows that this is not something I can change, so I am guessing she is pushing the conversation towards a breakup.

I haven't replied to her yet, because I guess I am still a bit bewildered and haven't fully let the situation sink in. I just felt like this came out of nowhere(?), because we were happy, I was happy, being with her without needing anything of that nature. And it is not like she doesn't know my fetishes, in fact she asked for a very clear explanation and example for each of them when we started dating so she can be more informed. And I have communicated to her before that I am perfectly fine without doing anything related to my fetishes irl (just like the last 2 years we spent together). To me, it is like satisfying my innate desire for violence by playing FPS or fighting games. I don't want to shoot or beat up anyone irl of course, but it is cathartic to do so in an imaginary medium. The same goes for my fetishes and porn/masturbation. And the baseline is, I really really love my girlfriend, so I don't know what to say to her in this instance. I am afraid any little move I make will just topple the house of cards and lead to something I will regret. Some insight will be greatly appreciated, thank you to all you guys in advance!

https://redd.it/1o9si1u
@asexualityonreddit

Another day same guy in my dms

https://redd.it/1o9xy7j
@asexualityonreddit

This is how I imagine my future QPR to be like

https://redd.it/1o9ybet
@asexualityonreddit

Thought y'all would like this
https://redd.it/1oa261q
@asexualityonreddit

Im not ace but a have a question

Sorry if I’m being intrusive by asking this as an aroallo I have nothing to do with this subreddit, but just to know. How do you keep your asexuality from “getting in the way” (so to speak) of your allosexual partners?

I’m so sorry if it sounded rude or something like that I’m just curious :’)

https://redd.it/1o9z763
@asexualityonreddit

Garlic bread this, garlic bread that

https://redd.it/1oa4y1f
@asexualityonreddit

Real
https://redd.it/1oa57bk
@asexualityonreddit

Very old thing I drew for ace pride several years ago that I felt like posting
https://redd.it/1oa4nut
@asexualityonreddit

Garlic bread this, garlic bread that

https://redd.it/1oa4ylg
@asexualityonreddit

Anyone else ?

Has anyone else tried sex and not like it ?

https://redd.it/1oaae6k
@asexualityonreddit

Is it weird to want marriage but be ace?

I recently came to terms with my asexuality about two years ago. I’ve dated someone for one week during high school, have missed obvious flirting cues, and basically ghosted anyone that has asked me out. Romantic relationships used to scare me because I always thought it would turn sexual, which disgusted me. I didn’t want to label myself as something I didn’t understand at the time. As I’m getting older (30s) I realize that I want to build a life with somebody. Just someone to hold hands with and share a marriage. I don’t want sex, I don’t want kids, I just want a dink relationship with dogs and to have a wedding that everyone dreams of. I’d like to have a more-than-platonic relationship with someone. Is that weird?

https://redd.it/1oad5bk
@asexualityonreddit

I feel so invalidated...

Why is asexuality so hard to fucking believe? My brother told my mom, "Joey thinks she is asexual-" and my mom said, "No she's just not active. You're either active or you're not. She's not interested in intercourse at this point of time." And he yells from the back, "MOM DOESN'T BELIEVE IN LGBTQ" and she goes, "It's not that I don't believe in LGBTQ- but asexual isn't LGBTQ, it's an unnecessary term. Joey's not asexual."

And I don't know what to do. She says we can love who we love but how come we can't love HOW we want to love? Even if I end up not asexual in the future, why can't it be accepted while I identify as it? And then it feels like I'm getting confused with my identity because I'm told it's just lack of horomones, but I sure be acting up and getting called hormonal for lashing out or having strong emotion. But then I'm told I'm BPD. So then I think, well if it's a disorder making me act out then maybe I am just lacking horomones? And she tells me I just haven't met someone I don't have good chemistry with. She said the same thing when I was with my ex that I was REALLY in love with. She said he's not the one if I don't like him like that, but it doesn't make sense to me.

I've never wanted sex AT ALL. I know asexuality is about lack of sexual attraction. And I don't have any... I don't think? I don't even know what it is. How do I know if I'm asexual? I just want to fit in somewhere, but it feels impossible. Do I find people attractive? Sure. Do I find certain features attractive? Yes, sometimes certain features are just appealing. But I've never... wanted sex... with anyone. I never even really considered it. Not until I was forced to, but even then the stuff I did (oral, hand) was meh. I had no desire to do it with him. His looks didn't affect how I felt about sex, or my libido. Sure, I'm OKAY with things, but it fluctuates so fucking much. I'm repulsed by the idea, I don't want to participate. But some days it sounds like it could be okay with STRICT boundaries. Reading it is alright? Watching it, I skip scenes in movies and shit. I hate being called sexy or hot, I hate sexualization, I hate being seen for sex. I hate feeling required. Is that not in any way asexual? I feel like I'm having an identity crisis all over again. I don't know who or what I am again, and I thought I had just figured it out.

I'm so confused.

https://redd.it/1oacpe6
@asexualityonreddit