Being sex-repulsed shouldn't be your whole personality.
I'll begin by saying that the vast majority of sex-repulsed ace people don't act like this. This post is dedicated to a very small percentage of the ace community, which also tends to be younger compared to the rest of us.
I might get downvoted for this, but as someone who's sex-neutral, leaning towards sex-repulsed, this pisses me off. I get the world can be frustrating sometimes. Some people make everything about sex, and that SUCKS! But that's not all people, and the vast majority of allosexual people aren't sick perverts like some of you all say they are. I have friends who I thought were asexual before they told me they weren't.
I'm tired of seeing people here being sex-negative or shaming people for having sex or having sexual thoughts, or ranting about it. It's just repetitive, annoying, and even infantilising. I feel like some of you don't even know what asexuality actually means. The lack of sexual attraction doesn't automatically mean the lack of arousal. That's a biological response (one very inconvenient, in my experience) that people simply can't help with. If you don't feel that, congrats! But that doesn't make you more asexual than other people here. You can also be sex-repulsed and feel arousal. Humans are complicated!
Anyway, I'm writing this because I just saw a post that went "people actually do that? People actually have sex?" and yes, they do! Including some asexual people. Was that all? Or are you going to keep acting like a child who just found out where babies come from?
Sex-positivity is important for us too, you know? Some people don't realise they're on the ace spectrum because of sex-negativity. They don't realise it's okay to be ace, because sex-negativity is all about telling people how they need to have sex. Oh, you like having sex with clothes on? That's wrong. That's not even sex! You like having kinky sex? That's wrong too, and you're a disgusting freak. You don't like having sex at all? That's also wrong-- who doesn't like having sex?! Here's how you have to do it.
Got it? Being sex-negative isn't the same as being sex-repulsed. You can be sex-positive and absolutely disgusted by sex, and that's valid! People will appreciate you more if you understand that it's not because you're disgusted by sex that everybody who partakes in it is also disgusting. You can separate these things!
Again, to state the obvious one last time: It's completely fine to be sex-repulsed. I support you, and I will defend you and fight for you if anybody ever tries to pressure you into having sex or even talking about sex. But don't act like other people are weird freaks because they're into it. - an asexual person.
https://redd.it/1o6s2wm
@asexualityonreddit
I'll begin by saying that the vast majority of sex-repulsed ace people don't act like this. This post is dedicated to a very small percentage of the ace community, which also tends to be younger compared to the rest of us.
I might get downvoted for this, but as someone who's sex-neutral, leaning towards sex-repulsed, this pisses me off. I get the world can be frustrating sometimes. Some people make everything about sex, and that SUCKS! But that's not all people, and the vast majority of allosexual people aren't sick perverts like some of you all say they are. I have friends who I thought were asexual before they told me they weren't.
I'm tired of seeing people here being sex-negative or shaming people for having sex or having sexual thoughts, or ranting about it. It's just repetitive, annoying, and even infantilising. I feel like some of you don't even know what asexuality actually means. The lack of sexual attraction doesn't automatically mean the lack of arousal. That's a biological response (one very inconvenient, in my experience) that people simply can't help with. If you don't feel that, congrats! But that doesn't make you more asexual than other people here. You can also be sex-repulsed and feel arousal. Humans are complicated!
Anyway, I'm writing this because I just saw a post that went "people actually do that? People actually have sex?" and yes, they do! Including some asexual people. Was that all? Or are you going to keep acting like a child who just found out where babies come from?
Sex-positivity is important for us too, you know? Some people don't realise they're on the ace spectrum because of sex-negativity. They don't realise it's okay to be ace, because sex-negativity is all about telling people how they need to have sex. Oh, you like having sex with clothes on? That's wrong. That's not even sex! You like having kinky sex? That's wrong too, and you're a disgusting freak. You don't like having sex at all? That's also wrong-- who doesn't like having sex?! Here's how you have to do it.
Got it? Being sex-negative isn't the same as being sex-repulsed. You can be sex-positive and absolutely disgusted by sex, and that's valid! People will appreciate you more if you understand that it's not because you're disgusted by sex that everybody who partakes in it is also disgusting. You can separate these things!
Again, to state the obvious one last time: It's completely fine to be sex-repulsed. I support you, and I will defend you and fight for you if anybody ever tries to pressure you into having sex or even talking about sex. But don't act like other people are weird freaks because they're into it. - an asexual person.
https://redd.it/1o6s2wm
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What does it mean when an asexual person finds someone "hot"?
I came across a few asexuals who say as an asexual person, they are allowed to find people or characters "hot", and it doesn't mean they want to have sex with them. I understand that compliments does not equate to sexual attraction, but I was confused because usually when I deem a person attractive, I usually wouldn't refer to them as hot because to me that word has sexual connotations. Do they mean it as a synonym for beautiful or something?
Sorry if this question sounds stupid, this also isn't meant to invalidate asexual experiences. I think this actually broadens it!
https://redd.it/1o6oijg
@asexualityonreddit
I came across a few asexuals who say as an asexual person, they are allowed to find people or characters "hot", and it doesn't mean they want to have sex with them. I understand that compliments does not equate to sexual attraction, but I was confused because usually when I deem a person attractive, I usually wouldn't refer to them as hot because to me that word has sexual connotations. Do they mean it as a synonym for beautiful or something?
Sorry if this question sounds stupid, this also isn't meant to invalidate asexual experiences. I think this actually broadens it!
https://redd.it/1o6oijg
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Safe bubble broken
I just needed to enter a safe space for a bit.
I commented on a post in r/showerthoughts about how without sexual desire sex would probably seem gross.
I made a comment about how my journey into discovering that I am Ace is that I had a conversation with a friend about oral sex, getting told «well if you won’t blow him then you can’t expect him to go down on you». And that started a thought process in my head about how repulsed I was at the idea of having my mouth hear anyone’s genitalia, AND having anyone’s mouth near my genitalia. From that point, I realised sex in general didn’t excite me, at probably 16 y/o I discovered tumblr and what asexuality was, and started a journey of self-discovery.
Anywho, since this is the internet, someone started arguing, being obtuse about how not liking oral sex doesn’t make me «diagnosed as an asexual». I know I shouldn’t expect «more» from the general internet, but I just needed to come on in this subreddit and vent for a bit.
https://redd.it/1o6q2h6
@asexualityonreddit
I just needed to enter a safe space for a bit.
I commented on a post in r/showerthoughts about how without sexual desire sex would probably seem gross.
I made a comment about how my journey into discovering that I am Ace is that I had a conversation with a friend about oral sex, getting told «well if you won’t blow him then you can’t expect him to go down on you». And that started a thought process in my head about how repulsed I was at the idea of having my mouth hear anyone’s genitalia, AND having anyone’s mouth near my genitalia. From that point, I realised sex in general didn’t excite me, at probably 16 y/o I discovered tumblr and what asexuality was, and started a journey of self-discovery.
Anywho, since this is the internet, someone started arguing, being obtuse about how not liking oral sex doesn’t make me «diagnosed as an asexual». I know I shouldn’t expect «more» from the general internet, but I just needed to come on in this subreddit and vent for a bit.
https://redd.it/1o6q2h6
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I'm non-asexual, my boyfriend is not
I'll preface that I have ZERO issues with the actual fact that he's asexual, I wasn't sure that it's appropriate to put this in this discussion (I'm new), but sometimes non-asexual people can be awful and misunderstanding about our relationship :(
we've been together almost half a decade and I love this man sm, we've been through so much and he's truely the light of my life. However... he has a complete sex repulsion, while I do not. I'm definitely not a highly sexually motivated person (I used to identify as demisexual, perhaps I still am), however it is still something I'd like in our relationship:( he didn't discover his asexual identity till a year or two into our relationship (we were very young, I hadn't made moves as I was nervous and, am to this day, still a virgin), so this is not something I'd known to prepare for when we got together
This is something I know I should have a discussion with him about, but I don't know what I'd even say... I don't want to make him feel sad or inadequate, or gross him out, but I hate feeling like I need to choose between one or the other...
Honestly I just want to know if there's anybody else out there in our boat, and how they learned to cope as someone on my side of the situation?
Again I apologize if this is inappropriate to put in this thread... I don't know where else to go where people won't rudely tell me to break up with him :(
https://redd.it/1o6w37b
@asexualityonreddit
I'll preface that I have ZERO issues with the actual fact that he's asexual, I wasn't sure that it's appropriate to put this in this discussion (I'm new), but sometimes non-asexual people can be awful and misunderstanding about our relationship :(
we've been together almost half a decade and I love this man sm, we've been through so much and he's truely the light of my life. However... he has a complete sex repulsion, while I do not. I'm definitely not a highly sexually motivated person (I used to identify as demisexual, perhaps I still am), however it is still something I'd like in our relationship:( he didn't discover his asexual identity till a year or two into our relationship (we were very young, I hadn't made moves as I was nervous and, am to this day, still a virgin), so this is not something I'd known to prepare for when we got together
This is something I know I should have a discussion with him about, but I don't know what I'd even say... I don't want to make him feel sad or inadequate, or gross him out, but I hate feeling like I need to choose between one or the other...
Honestly I just want to know if there's anybody else out there in our boat, and how they learned to cope as someone on my side of the situation?
Again I apologize if this is inappropriate to put in this thread... I don't know where else to go where people won't rudely tell me to break up with him :(
https://redd.it/1o6w37b
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I am so tired and so lost...
I am just so tired. And I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so hopeless.
I just think my life would be so much easier if I wasn't this way, I have lost so many friendships and so many genuine connections that I cherished so deeply because of the simple fact that I am asexual and sex repulses me. And before you go and say they were not real friends anyway and you will find your people who accept you, I really don't think I will. Because at bottom the problem is not them, it is me. It is hard to be around someone that you have feelings for knowing that they cannot stand physical affection in any form. It is a hard thing to work with. I don't blame them for giving up and moving along with their lives but it still hurts. I don't even want to make friends anymore as I am terrified that it will eventually graduate into something more and then when it does I will lose them.
And this is really just the tip of the iceberg for me, I hate how vulnerable being asexual has made me, I hate what I have had to put up with all because I just couldn't accept myself and accept my sexuality. I hate that I just let people have my body, have my mind, take advantage of me in all these ways because I was desperate to just be "normal." And have normal relationships. But even then I am more mad at myself because I feel as if I didn't have proper boundaries in place in the first place. You know how many people want a relationship or want to be pursued and here I am throwing that away, that's how it feels sometimes.
It is just a phase and I will get over it once I find the right person or group of people... yeah spoiler alert that never happened. And if anything people took advantage of me thinking in such ways. I do want to have meaningful connections, just not sexual ones.
I also hate how some doctors will blame my asexuality on trauma. And while yes I know I have trauma to work through, I truly do not believe that this is the cause of my asexuality. I believe that I have always been asexual since I was born. If anything it feels as if being asexual has caused trauma for me if that even makes sense.
I have been in such compromising situations, doing things that I was not comfortable doing and for the longest time I told myself it was all okay because sex is meaningless to me so why does it matter if they are happy I am happy. And now I just can't lie to myself like that anymore and I am at my breaking point. I think it is this realization that has really turned my life upside down.
I feel as if I am in a constant state of emotion.
Random crying outbursts to feelings of just pure hopelessness. I have never felt this way before and I am debating therapy as I have decent insurance now (I have not had a therapist since childhood).
I don't even know if this rant made sense but I just had to get this stuff out, I can't keep it in any longer.
Maybe a few can even relate to this?
I don't know I just feel so lost and hopeless right now.
https://redd.it/1o6zv84
@asexualityonreddit
I am just so tired. And I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so hopeless.
I just think my life would be so much easier if I wasn't this way, I have lost so many friendships and so many genuine connections that I cherished so deeply because of the simple fact that I am asexual and sex repulses me. And before you go and say they were not real friends anyway and you will find your people who accept you, I really don't think I will. Because at bottom the problem is not them, it is me. It is hard to be around someone that you have feelings for knowing that they cannot stand physical affection in any form. It is a hard thing to work with. I don't blame them for giving up and moving along with their lives but it still hurts. I don't even want to make friends anymore as I am terrified that it will eventually graduate into something more and then when it does I will lose them.
And this is really just the tip of the iceberg for me, I hate how vulnerable being asexual has made me, I hate what I have had to put up with all because I just couldn't accept myself and accept my sexuality. I hate that I just let people have my body, have my mind, take advantage of me in all these ways because I was desperate to just be "normal." And have normal relationships. But even then I am more mad at myself because I feel as if I didn't have proper boundaries in place in the first place. You know how many people want a relationship or want to be pursued and here I am throwing that away, that's how it feels sometimes.
It is just a phase and I will get over it once I find the right person or group of people... yeah spoiler alert that never happened. And if anything people took advantage of me thinking in such ways. I do want to have meaningful connections, just not sexual ones.
I also hate how some doctors will blame my asexuality on trauma. And while yes I know I have trauma to work through, I truly do not believe that this is the cause of my asexuality. I believe that I have always been asexual since I was born. If anything it feels as if being asexual has caused trauma for me if that even makes sense.
I have been in such compromising situations, doing things that I was not comfortable doing and for the longest time I told myself it was all okay because sex is meaningless to me so why does it matter if they are happy I am happy. And now I just can't lie to myself like that anymore and I am at my breaking point. I think it is this realization that has really turned my life upside down.
I feel as if I am in a constant state of emotion.
Random crying outbursts to feelings of just pure hopelessness. I have never felt this way before and I am debating therapy as I have decent insurance now (I have not had a therapist since childhood).
I don't even know if this rant made sense but I just had to get this stuff out, I can't keep it in any longer.
Maybe a few can even relate to this?
I don't know I just feel so lost and hopeless right now.
https://redd.it/1o6zv84
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i like sex but literally only for the other person's enjoyment. anyone else?
i feel like an alien for how i enjoy sex. if i can avoid being touched? great. but sometimes i just like how people react? that's the only thing that actually gets me "turned on" (?) how i personally feel is usually irrelevant or uncomfortable. ive been aspec for ages, but now that im older (an adult, really) it just feels so complicated. how weird am i for developing this perspective? please tell me im not so outlandishly alone in this, like i feel i am.
https://redd.it/1o73gz0
@asexualityonreddit
i feel like an alien for how i enjoy sex. if i can avoid being touched? great. but sometimes i just like how people react? that's the only thing that actually gets me "turned on" (?) how i personally feel is usually irrelevant or uncomfortable. ive been aspec for ages, but now that im older (an adult, really) it just feels so complicated. how weird am i for developing this perspective? please tell me im not so outlandishly alone in this, like i feel i am.
https://redd.it/1o73gz0
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It’s frustrating how I lose attraction to someone the moment they start talking about sex
(F24) I’ve been realizing I’m asexual, and I’ve always had a hard time flirting with people. I like flirting, being affectionate and all that, but the moment someone shows any sexual interest in me, I just lose all attraction.
There was this girl I was talking to. She was really cool, and we were into each other. We started flirting in a cute, affectionate way, but after a while the conversations got more suggestive, and that’s when I completely lost interest.
I didn’t tell her I’m Ace, mostly because I still don’t know how to talk about it. But it honestly frustrates me how I just can’t deal with people being sexually attracted to me.
https://redd.it/1o77el1
@asexualityonreddit
(F24) I’ve been realizing I’m asexual, and I’ve always had a hard time flirting with people. I like flirting, being affectionate and all that, but the moment someone shows any sexual interest in me, I just lose all attraction.
There was this girl I was talking to. She was really cool, and we were into each other. We started flirting in a cute, affectionate way, but after a while the conversations got more suggestive, and that’s when I completely lost interest.
I didn’t tell her I’m Ace, mostly because I still don’t know how to talk about it. But it honestly frustrates me how I just can’t deal with people being sexually attracted to me.
https://redd.it/1o77el1
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Asexuality feels like a curse
My best friend who I love dearly is getting married .I never told I liked him because I am an asexual and he is not. i knew that we are not compatible that way on a fundamental level. I just wish I could not have any romantic feeling at all along with not having sexual feelings , would prevent heartbreak
https://redd.it/1o79mg3
@asexualityonreddit
My best friend who I love dearly is getting married .I never told I liked him because I am an asexual and he is not. i knew that we are not compatible that way on a fundamental level. I just wish I could not have any romantic feeling at all along with not having sexual feelings , would prevent heartbreak
https://redd.it/1o79mg3
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