Can you be asexual and very freaky?

Hellooo!

I've been thinking about my sexuality for years now. Based on my experience, identifying as something on the ace-spectrum would make the most sense.

I have never felt sexual attraction, to a point where I had to research the concept for weeks to understand it properly. I really don't feel it. When I researched, people often thought of arousal and attraction as different, not directly connected things to feel, what makes much more sense than to categorise them as the same exact thing.

But could there be a third 'category'? Because many things I did were FREAKY (I don't wanna go into detail, but some would even be conconsidered overly freaky for allosexuals, sooo...)

Nonetheless, I registered two crucial features in all of these actions:

Firstly, I NEVER felt sexual attraction like allosexual people describe it. It was never pointed at a specific person nor had I the active fantasy of doing naughty things with these people.

Secondly, I was never really 'aroused' or did said things because of arousal. I never had the intention to do sexual activities with said people. When something happened, I wasn’t the one initiating the act itself. I only went with it (because I was okay with it!). I was talking and texting about these kinda things, but the active wish to do them never left my fantasy. And as soon as they got too real, I wasn't finding joy in them anymore.

I wasn't aroused or attacked, I was just very very freaky. Due to the fact of these somewhat chaotic feelings and intertwining concepts, I am actively doubting my identification as asexual.

Like I already said, asexuality is a spectrum and I know I am somewhere on that. Nevertheless, it makes me uncomfortable or even worse, feeling like I am not a part of the ace community or even harming it, by using its labels.

Do you think, 'being freaky' could be categorised separately or does it fit in one of the existing concepts?

Sorry for my english-skills, I am not a native speaker and languages aren't really my thing.

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@asexualityonreddit

What verified that you were ace?

I guess I need to discuss this with my therapist but I’ve just been reflecting

I had my first relationship last summer and I was incredibly disappointed in my first kiss and I didn’t enjoy any of the kisses I had after that (we didn’t have sex I’m also wlw)

I think I’d be okay never having any sexual things again

With masturbation I always felt addicted as in I’d go on almost binges of doing it. I had the idea of taking back the power over it and I was never able to finish bc I’d get overwhelmed. I was molested as a kid.

I want to raise a family but I don’t see anything sexual in my future

This just seems scary for some reason and I very well could be wrong, I thought I was trans for 9 months before realizing I was nonbinary so it’s just scary

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@asexualityonreddit

What if I’m wrong

Sex sounds bad kissing sounds bad I don’t like the idea of cuddling I could maybe tolerate holding hands. I want kids. I don’t even understand am I destined to just live with a best friend and raise kids? I don’t even understand this enough. And I’m too traumatized to date a man. I get confused because I get intrusive thoughts about living with and kissing all my friends and it makes me feel like a freak. I just get so confused and embarrassed idek and can I even call myself ace is it even right? And is it normal to grieve the self I guess I never had? Like I couldn’t even sleep around if I wanted I’ll never be able to take back the power over sex because I hate it idek

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@asexualityonreddit

When you and your bestie both help each other come out as aces

Hi! This is just a story of two besties and how we come out as aces to each other :D

I have this friend (we'll call her B) and we have been bestie since high school. I noticed very quickly that she got that aro ace in her. Like, homegirl has zero interest and zero understanding when it comes to romance and s*x. So I was just waiting for her to come out. But apparently, she thought she wasn't and didn't even know the term lol. I told her what I noticed, encouraged her to do more research, and assured her that she gets to choose if she wants the label or not, and I will accept her no matter what. She finally came out as aro ace to our friend's group and seems much happier, so yippeeee!!!

As for me, I didn't think I was ace cause I had limited knowledge, and I thought I was just single and hadn't found my person yet (gurl u thought-). However, after one year of being in a relationship, I noticed my attitude towards s*x and attraction isn't what I thought it was. I thought I would be excited and maybe even addicted to s*x, but it wasn't as good as cuddling or going on a date lol. And besides, I'm also bisexual and I am attracted to both men and women romantically and sexually...? I think? What is the difference :p. I really thought I was broken, but like my libido is working, so what is going on?!

So I texted B and did more research, and we were able to relate to each other so much. We both noticed how weird s*x is so valued in relationships, why everyone is hyping it up so much, why people find it hard not to engage in it, sexual frustration, how we don't mind living the rest of our lives without s*x, etc. Our main difference, however, is that B is what people typically think of when they hear the word "aro/ace," and I am ace that can still engage in sexual activities, I just prefer not to. As I put it for her, boba > booba

In a poetic way, she encourages me in the same way I encouraged her before, and that helped me so much! I came out to her a second time as bi and ace, and I feel so much more connected with my bestie! We decided to call ourselves the Aces Sisters and have code names for each other. Mine is Ace of Hearts (cause I still like romance) and hers is Ace of Spades.

Anyway, idk if this is a joy story, but thank you for reading my yapping! Stay safe, everyone :D

https://redd.it/1o14r1x
@asexualityonreddit

Tired of everyone assuming I’m ‘just shy’ because I’m asexual 😩

Okay, real talk… does anyone else feel like people assume you’re ‘just shy’ or ‘haven’t met the right person’ or 'it's because you didn't try it yet' when you’re asexual? Because I’m tired of explaining it every time.
How do you guys usually respond to that?

https://redd.it/1o12qvo
@asexualityonreddit

Attracted to men but repulsed by pee pees.

Exactly what the title says divas. I don’t even know how to talk to people about it without sounding like a horrible person. Im 18f and I just recently realised that I was ace. I broke up with my now ex because of my asexuality and our long term incompatibility as a result of it.

When I dated my ex, I remember being utterly repulsed when I saw his dih for the first time. It didn’t have anything to do with looks. It wasn’t literally disgusting. I just got super grossed out on the inside after seeing it. I didn’t say anything about it at all then because basic human respect. It’s not like anyone gets to choose their body. But as much as Ive tried I can’t forget that feeling. Today I was doing a nude life drawing class with a male model and that repulsion just came right back to me. I got the worlds biggest ick while I was drawing the model and was suddenly horrified by the fact that the people I am attracted to have dicks. I genuinely dont know what to do. I thought that being in a relationship would change that feeling over time, but seeing as I broke up partly because of my asexuality and that I still experience that awful feeling, it’s clear to me that how I feel isnt going to change at all. I feel like a terrible person for judging AMAB people so harshly for something completely put of their control, but I am genuinely just so repulsed by penises. I dont know what to do.

Edit: Grammar and clarity edits

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@asexualityonreddit

How did you meet your partner that accepted you for being ace?

I really need some uplifting stories after getting rejected so many times after I tell them I’m ace. What did your partner do differently that made you know they were the one?

https://redd.it/1o16in7
@asexualityonreddit

Don’t want to date but feel left out when all my friends are getting married?

Like…having someone who wants to hang out with you for the rest of your life seems cool. But that’s pretty much always like a regular relationship wanting things like physical intimacy. Like I’m pretty sure if that was off the table none of my friends would be getting married. But I’m not interested in it. And yet I also feel left out by not participating in kind of a big part of human lives.

And I know there’s ace folks in relationships but the dating pool for that is so small I’ve never even met around ace person in my life.

https://redd.it/1o1dk9c
@asexualityonreddit

There’s been a trend of these posts so here’s mine!
https://redd.it/1o1fk7s
@asexualityonreddit

My breakfast
https://redd.it/1o1gklr
@asexualityonreddit

Does anyone else view heavily sexualized characters as “ruined”?

I haven’t been able to play a certain extremely popular game, both because I have no money and the main character is HEAVILY sexualized and the internet absolutely exploded with goon art of her drastically changing her proportions literally JUST because shes a woman. The game and the character are ruined for me now. As usual everyone tells me to get over it and not to let it affect my view of the game.

I’m just so beyond sick and tired of how women, fictional or not, are treated and having to grapple with my rough relationship with femininity because of it. I don’t want to be a woman anymore. This is unbearable to me, I can’t take it anymore. I only find comfort in fictional men because I SOLELY associate women with being objectified and sexualized now, which is also why I specifically don’t like genderbending and crossdressing masc into fem characters

https://redd.it/1o1fiy8
@asexualityonreddit

Where do you even meet other aces?

Please delete if not allowed, I’m not sure where else to ask. Where do you even meet other aces? Do any exist that prefer online or long distance relationships? I have kids, and I want to enjoy adult conversations and intimacy that does not involve sex, but I’m in the Bible Belt and I don’t know where to meet anyone. I’m not asking anyone here because I know that’s not allowed, I guess I’m wondering if anyone has a recommendation for an app or FB group or different subreddit maybe? Thanks!

https://redd.it/1o1huzm
@asexualityonreddit

I made some ace pride stickers!
https://redd.it/1o1mg5p
@asexualityonreddit

I made some ace pride stickers!
https://redd.it/1o1mi2o
@asexualityonreddit

Can someone tell me what why this guy called me john ace???
https://redd.it/1o1os16
@asexualityonreddit

Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

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@asexualityonreddit

I dont know how to say this...

I dont like garlic bread.

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@asexualityonreddit

As an ace man, this is truly the thing I want most! 😆

https://redd.it/1o1u0ap
@asexualityonreddit

As an ace man, this is all I want! 😆

https://redd.it/1o1ul7r
@asexualityonreddit

Does anyone like the thought of ‘fucking around’ more than they do actually doing it?

Like I feel like the thought of having sex is more entertaining and hot than actually doing it…like you know once you’re in there, it just becomes another activity to scratch an itch then like…what then? I’ve only had sex a few times with one person. I don’t hate it. Liked it a lot, still do, but honestly, I don’t go searching for it. I can fantasize about being the biggest slut on the block, but I really wouldn’t know what to do with myself. lol

I guess that’s the curse of this spectrum of sexuality, at least for me. I love sex, and the idea of it but it’s not the first thing on my mind when it comes to anyone. If someone I’m aesthetically interested in asked me, then sure.

(Expectation > Reality)

Like it gives me huge imposter syndrome, sometimes.

https://redd.it/1o1ua7t
@asexualityonreddit