Relationships when you're aroace ... and didn't know yet.
I'm aroace - but when I had my first relationship, I didn't know that yet. I was still in strong belief that I was straight. Everyone else around me had always talked about how desperately they wanted a relationship. So, being a teenager who's always just copied what everyone else does, I just figured I wanted one too. (Spoiler alert: I didn't, but everyone else did, so I thought I had to get into one).
When I had that relationship, I felt like I was forcefully bound to my "partner". Everything felt so forced, I genuinely felt a tight, suffocating feeling in my chest. (Of course, I'm not in a relationship with them anymore, that was years ago) Has anyone else felt this way when they got into a relationship and didn't know they were aroace yet?
https://redd.it/1nvabm2
@asexualityonreddit
I'm aroace - but when I had my first relationship, I didn't know that yet. I was still in strong belief that I was straight. Everyone else around me had always talked about how desperately they wanted a relationship. So, being a teenager who's always just copied what everyone else does, I just figured I wanted one too. (Spoiler alert: I didn't, but everyone else did, so I thought I had to get into one).
When I had that relationship, I felt like I was forcefully bound to my "partner". Everything felt so forced, I genuinely felt a tight, suffocating feeling in my chest. (Of course, I'm not in a relationship with them anymore, that was years ago) Has anyone else felt this way when they got into a relationship and didn't know they were aroace yet?
https://redd.it/1nvabm2
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Not wanting to feel anything down “there”
19F, I never had a problem with this stuff before, but around April this year I started getting a lot of intrusive thoughts, and it has made everything a lot harder for me to figure out. I don’t want to masturbate at all. The thought of it makes me disgusted. Sex also makes me disgusted, but it’s a lot easier to deal with cause it feels like something that’s really far away and not that relevant, like going to the dentist once a year, you don’t think about it until it’s a week away.
Anyways, I still have feelings in my groin and I guess the correct way to label it is as “something that feels good” even though i don’t like to label it as such because of the extreme anxiety it gives me.
I already know there are a lot of asexual that do masturbate and enjoy that kind of thing. I never really had a need for it before and even now, but my brain keeps telling that it’s something I have to do cause I “enjoy it”. When I tell myself I should do it so my brain stops spinning, I never feel like it, there’s always something else I’d rather do, like reading, drawing or playing video games.
This whole thing has been really hard on me and if I’m completely honest I never EVER wanna do it and I’d rather never feel anything ever again in my groin, but my body tells me something else.
I’m not really sure what to do anymore. And the stress hasn’t gotten any better in the last few months.
The only good that I can say about all this is the fact that I’ve already got an appointment with a therapist. I guess the only reason I’m posting about this is because I feel extremely helpless, and could really use some advice.
Also excuse any grammar mistakes (I’m dyslexic)
https://redd.it/1nvgtq0
@asexualityonreddit
19F, I never had a problem with this stuff before, but around April this year I started getting a lot of intrusive thoughts, and it has made everything a lot harder for me to figure out. I don’t want to masturbate at all. The thought of it makes me disgusted. Sex also makes me disgusted, but it’s a lot easier to deal with cause it feels like something that’s really far away and not that relevant, like going to the dentist once a year, you don’t think about it until it’s a week away.
Anyways, I still have feelings in my groin and I guess the correct way to label it is as “something that feels good” even though i don’t like to label it as such because of the extreme anxiety it gives me.
I already know there are a lot of asexual that do masturbate and enjoy that kind of thing. I never really had a need for it before and even now, but my brain keeps telling that it’s something I have to do cause I “enjoy it”. When I tell myself I should do it so my brain stops spinning, I never feel like it, there’s always something else I’d rather do, like reading, drawing or playing video games.
This whole thing has been really hard on me and if I’m completely honest I never EVER wanna do it and I’d rather never feel anything ever again in my groin, but my body tells me something else.
I’m not really sure what to do anymore. And the stress hasn’t gotten any better in the last few months.
The only good that I can say about all this is the fact that I’ve already got an appointment with a therapist. I guess the only reason I’m posting about this is because I feel extremely helpless, and could really use some advice.
Also excuse any grammar mistakes (I’m dyslexic)
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Are You Aro (Advice)?
**Hi everyone!**
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)
* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)
https://redd.it/1nvkeso
@asexualityonreddit
**Hi everyone!**
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)
* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)
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@asexualityonreddit
Explaining crushes as an asexual to non asexuals is a very interesting experience.
I was talking to my best friend about my guy friend (whom I kinda have a crush on lol), who invited me to his homecoming, and how excited I was about it. I was talking about how he was going to get me a bouquet, corsage, and was even going to match his tie to my dress.
So, of course, I was getting all giggly and blushy, eventually saying, "When he picks me up at my house and I see him, I'm literally going to-"
Then my friend joked, "You're going to make out with him and want to get freaky."
I kind of busted out laughing, kind of caught off guard that she was even thinking that. I was just thinking about how tight I wanted to hug him and the fun time we'd have that night.
Of course, there's absolutely nothing wrong or shameful with her thought process; it was just very different from mine.
So I'm curious, what is your experience explaining crushes as an asexual person to non asexuals? Thanks for reading!
https://redd.it/1nvk3m7
@asexualityonreddit
I was talking to my best friend about my guy friend (whom I kinda have a crush on lol), who invited me to his homecoming, and how excited I was about it. I was talking about how he was going to get me a bouquet, corsage, and was even going to match his tie to my dress.
So, of course, I was getting all giggly and blushy, eventually saying, "When he picks me up at my house and I see him, I'm literally going to-"
Then my friend joked, "You're going to make out with him and want to get freaky."
I kind of busted out laughing, kind of caught off guard that she was even thinking that. I was just thinking about how tight I wanted to hug him and the fun time we'd have that night.
Of course, there's absolutely nothing wrong or shameful with her thought process; it was just very different from mine.
So I'm curious, what is your experience explaining crushes as an asexual person to non asexuals? Thanks for reading!
https://redd.it/1nvk3m7
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am i ace?
i, 18F, have had some sexual experiences but i never got to do the deed because my supposedly first time was a complete mess and since then, i didn’t try again and i did felt the need to but not really, because every urge/need for sex that comes up is often related to insecurity i have toward other women around my age being sexually active. and as soon as i start getting intimate with a guy i get grossed out really quickly, even though i was attracted to them at some point. (side note: i used to hyper sexualize myself at an inappropriate age). now, every time i have sexual urges/needs, i just masturbate using a toy, and i’ve never felt so good before buying that toy. i’m very confused because i am attracted to people, but once we get intimate i get grossed out, and i am still very active when i have alone time. can someone help me clarify my feelings?
https://redd.it/1nvlagk
@asexualityonreddit
i, 18F, have had some sexual experiences but i never got to do the deed because my supposedly first time was a complete mess and since then, i didn’t try again and i did felt the need to but not really, because every urge/need for sex that comes up is often related to insecurity i have toward other women around my age being sexually active. and as soon as i start getting intimate with a guy i get grossed out really quickly, even though i was attracted to them at some point. (side note: i used to hyper sexualize myself at an inappropriate age). now, every time i have sexual urges/needs, i just masturbate using a toy, and i’ve never felt so good before buying that toy. i’m very confused because i am attracted to people, but once we get intimate i get grossed out, and i am still very active when i have alone time. can someone help me clarify my feelings?
https://redd.it/1nvlagk
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Is it ok to have sex with my boyfriend and still call myself Asexual ?
I’ve been with my Boyfriend for over 3 years and we’ve gotten intimate multiple times. I’ve identified as asexual for as long as I remember and he’s the only person I’ve ever liked that way (he took my V Card) and I enjoyed it somewhat. Sometimes I’ll just sit there and take it. Idk it’s a on and off kind of things. There will be moments where I’m ok with it and moments where I don’t want to be touched at all. My other Ace friends made me feel bad, telling me since I do get intimate with him I’m not Asexual. So I’m just really confused :,)
https://redd.it/1nvpmyo
@asexualityonreddit
I’ve been with my Boyfriend for over 3 years and we’ve gotten intimate multiple times. I’ve identified as asexual for as long as I remember and he’s the only person I’ve ever liked that way (he took my V Card) and I enjoyed it somewhat. Sometimes I’ll just sit there and take it. Idk it’s a on and off kind of things. There will be moments where I’m ok with it and moments where I don’t want to be touched at all. My other Ace friends made me feel bad, telling me since I do get intimate with him I’m not Asexual. So I’m just really confused :,)
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I don't know if I'm fully ace or just way too anxious?
The title explains it pretty well, but let me give y'all some backstory.
I'm 21F and have been calling myself asexual since probably freshman year of HS, but recently Ive been wondering if it's just my insecurities and anxiety that's causing me to not want anything sex. I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety for years now and the insecurities have always been around (weight and teeth/oral hygiene are the biggest due to a bad depressive episode)
Anyway! I was hanging out and drinking with a group of friends this weekend and one of them (21M) was very touchy, which is fine, I'm used to my friends being touchy/cuddly. But for some reason it felt different? Like he and I ended up sleeping in the same bed bc we were both VERY drunk and everytime he bumped me or something it was just different. I (again very drunk) joked that everyone can have a peck on the lips and he said no bc he knows he'd want to go further but respected my boundaries but in my head I almost wanted to. I've had people tell me they find me attractive but I've never acted on it and nor have they. I've been in 2 relationships (a guy then a girl) and neither time did we do anything further than cuddle and peck on the lips.
I don't really know what I'm saying and kind of just needed to type this out and have someone maybe read it. Any help would be great, if not no worries, just needed to get this out of my head more than anything else :)
Side note: please don't tell me to "try" with him or whatever, he has a long-term bf who was there with us and is aware that we shared a bed, "cuddled" and almost joke kissed. He's fine with it and Ive kissed him before with permission from the guy in the story.
https://redd.it/1nvrl66
@asexualityonreddit
The title explains it pretty well, but let me give y'all some backstory.
I'm 21F and have been calling myself asexual since probably freshman year of HS, but recently Ive been wondering if it's just my insecurities and anxiety that's causing me to not want anything sex. I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety for years now and the insecurities have always been around (weight and teeth/oral hygiene are the biggest due to a bad depressive episode)
Anyway! I was hanging out and drinking with a group of friends this weekend and one of them (21M) was very touchy, which is fine, I'm used to my friends being touchy/cuddly. But for some reason it felt different? Like he and I ended up sleeping in the same bed bc we were both VERY drunk and everytime he bumped me or something it was just different. I (again very drunk) joked that everyone can have a peck on the lips and he said no bc he knows he'd want to go further but respected my boundaries but in my head I almost wanted to. I've had people tell me they find me attractive but I've never acted on it and nor have they. I've been in 2 relationships (a guy then a girl) and neither time did we do anything further than cuddle and peck on the lips.
I don't really know what I'm saying and kind of just needed to type this out and have someone maybe read it. Any help would be great, if not no worries, just needed to get this out of my head more than anything else :)
Side note: please don't tell me to "try" with him or whatever, he has a long-term bf who was there with us and is aware that we shared a bed, "cuddled" and almost joke kissed. He's fine with it and Ive kissed him before with permission from the guy in the story.
https://redd.it/1nvrl66
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how y'alll feel about sex scenes in movies/shows
honestly i'm not too fond. it always feels awkward and i feel like i'm interrupting something
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@asexualityonreddit
honestly i'm not too fond. it always feels awkward and i feel like i'm interrupting something
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cravings
so weird how i crave intimacy and physical touch but i despise it at the same time. it’s like i hate it and love it at the same time. i’m so confused
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@asexualityonreddit
so weird how i crave intimacy and physical touch but i despise it at the same time. it’s like i hate it and love it at the same time. i’m so confused
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Internal struggles
I really wanna impregnate my fiancée, and she is ready to have a child, as am I. I’m over 30 and I don’t wanna be an older father than I already will. I also wanna have my own child before we start fostering, my question is how do I convince myself to have sex? when I don’t really feel like it, and I feel like a failure which just makes it worse
https://redd.it/1nw8iv9
@asexualityonreddit
I really wanna impregnate my fiancée, and she is ready to have a child, as am I. I’m over 30 and I don’t wanna be an older father than I already will. I also wanna have my own child before we start fostering, my question is how do I convince myself to have sex? when I don’t really feel like it, and I feel like a failure which just makes it worse
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@asexualityonreddit
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I have to keep track of so many things. I’m really thankful sex isn’t one of them.
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One Non-Sexual Thing You Thought Was Sexual
I feel like having that moment when you realize something was a sexual inuendo when you thought it was about something completely different and wholesome (ex: cake by the ocean) is an asexual cannon event. You can't escape it, but I actually had the opposite once.
I had heard references to "big spoon" and "little spoon", and I assumed it was like "dom" and "sub", but I didn't exactly care to search that shit. One day, when somebody in a Youtube video mentioned it, they showed a picture of two people lying in bed facing the same direction while the one in the back cuddles the one in front like a stuffed animal.
So, the point: What's one thing you assumed was sexual only to find it was completely different/wholesome?
https://redd.it/1nwb12q
@asexualityonreddit
I feel like having that moment when you realize something was a sexual inuendo when you thought it was about something completely different and wholesome (ex: cake by the ocean) is an asexual cannon event. You can't escape it, but I actually had the opposite once.
I had heard references to "big spoon" and "little spoon", and I assumed it was like "dom" and "sub", but I didn't exactly care to search that shit. One day, when somebody in a Youtube video mentioned it, they showed a picture of two people lying in bed facing the same direction while the one in the back cuddles the one in front like a stuffed animal.
So, the point: What's one thing you assumed was sexual only to find it was completely different/wholesome?
https://redd.it/1nwb12q
@asexualityonreddit
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