Feeling Anxious About Staying Single Due to Not Wanting Intercourse – Seeking Advice on Relationships and Managing Fears
Hi everyone, I’m a 34F looking for advice on navigating relationships and my fears about staying single. I’ve never had intercourse, partly due to past experiences that make me uncomfortable with it, and partly because I just don’t feel drawn to it. I do have sexual urges and masturbate, which feels like enough for me most of the time, but I’m worried this will make it hard to find a lasting relationship.
I really want a meaningful romantic connection, but I’m anxious that most guys will expect sex, and I’m not sure how to bring up my feelings without it being awkward or pushing them away. I’ve tried explaining my boundaries in the past, but I worry I’m not doing it right, or that it’s unfair to expect a partner to be okay with a relationship without intercourse. At the same time, I’m scared of being alone forever if I can’t find someone who’s okay with my preferences.
For those who’ve been in similar situations:
- How do you talk to a partner about not wanting intercourse in a way that feels natural and helps them understand? I want to be honest but also show I’m open to other forms of intimacy.
- How do you deal with the fear of staying single because of this? I keep worrying I’ll never find someone who’s okay with a low/no-sex relationship.
- For guys (or anyone) in relationships with someone who doesn’t want intercourse, how do you make it work? Is it realistic to expect a partner to be okay with this long-term, or am I asking too much?
I’m open to exploring other ways to connect with a partner (like emotional intimacy or non-penetrative stuff), but I’m not sure how to navigate this or find someone compatible. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been through this, whether you’re in my shoes or a partner who’s navigated something similar. Any tips on managing anxiety, communicating boundaries, or finding the right person would mean a lot. Thanks so much!
https://redd.it/1nojdmv
@asexualityonreddit
Hi everyone, I’m a 34F looking for advice on navigating relationships and my fears about staying single. I’ve never had intercourse, partly due to past experiences that make me uncomfortable with it, and partly because I just don’t feel drawn to it. I do have sexual urges and masturbate, which feels like enough for me most of the time, but I’m worried this will make it hard to find a lasting relationship.
I really want a meaningful romantic connection, but I’m anxious that most guys will expect sex, and I’m not sure how to bring up my feelings without it being awkward or pushing them away. I’ve tried explaining my boundaries in the past, but I worry I’m not doing it right, or that it’s unfair to expect a partner to be okay with a relationship without intercourse. At the same time, I’m scared of being alone forever if I can’t find someone who’s okay with my preferences.
For those who’ve been in similar situations:
- How do you talk to a partner about not wanting intercourse in a way that feels natural and helps them understand? I want to be honest but also show I’m open to other forms of intimacy.
- How do you deal with the fear of staying single because of this? I keep worrying I’ll never find someone who’s okay with a low/no-sex relationship.
- For guys (or anyone) in relationships with someone who doesn’t want intercourse, how do you make it work? Is it realistic to expect a partner to be okay with this long-term, or am I asking too much?
I’m open to exploring other ways to connect with a partner (like emotional intimacy or non-penetrative stuff), but I’m not sure how to navigate this or find someone compatible. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been through this, whether you’re in my shoes or a partner who’s navigated something similar. Any tips on managing anxiety, communicating boundaries, or finding the right person would mean a lot. Thanks so much!
https://redd.it/1nojdmv
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
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I just came out to my mom and it went...well?
So I (F18) came out to my mom as AroAce (I mostly mentioned the Ace part, but the Aro part was there too) she didn't knew nothing about that so I had to explain to her plus that I'm romance aversed and sex repulsed (so she doesn't expected me dating or having biological children in the future) and of course what those words mean (the most uncomfortable conversation I ever had with my mom), and when I finish, It seemed like she took it well... and then... she proceeds to give me a talk about safe sex...
I didn't say a lot, more than "I know", "yeah", "I was tought that in school" but it really felt like she hadn’t listened to me at all, or like she didn't care.
It was like "Mom I don't feel sexual attraction and I think sex is gross" My mom: "Yeah, yeah, well, when you have sex..."
It was half funny cuz wtf??? But it also was kinda hurfull.
https://redd.it/1nol54i
@asexualityonreddit
So I (F18) came out to my mom as AroAce (I mostly mentioned the Ace part, but the Aro part was there too) she didn't knew nothing about that so I had to explain to her plus that I'm romance aversed and sex repulsed (so she doesn't expected me dating or having biological children in the future) and of course what those words mean (the most uncomfortable conversation I ever had with my mom), and when I finish, It seemed like she took it well... and then... she proceeds to give me a talk about safe sex...
I didn't say a lot, more than "I know", "yeah", "I was tought that in school" but it really felt like she hadn’t listened to me at all, or like she didn't care.
It was like "Mom I don't feel sexual attraction and I think sex is gross" My mom: "Yeah, yeah, well, when you have sex..."
It was half funny cuz wtf??? But it also was kinda hurfull.
https://redd.it/1nol54i
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the aaaaaaacccccccce community on Reddit
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Tired of finding NSFW when trying to find things I like
Ever since I first used the internet I'd regularly get jumpscared with nsfw content while trying to find stuff I liked. Safe search and filters have helped, but I'm just disgusted at how sexualized the internet is to the point that there's literally the meme of "rule 34" being used to fetishize everything. I feel uncomfortable even just searching for the stuff I enjoy online for fear some porn will appear in the search results. It's triggering and gross.
I'm tired of my mental illnesses being fetishized. I'm tired of my coping mechanisms being fetishized. I'm tired of feeling like a child when I'm almost 30 just because I can't stand the thought of being associated with anything sexual. The concept that it's supposedly normal for allosexuals to have sexual fantasies about real people without their consent is just really disgusting to me and I feel like I could never fully trust a romantic partner, or even just the average person online.
https://redd.it/1np5yq5
@asexualityonreddit
Ever since I first used the internet I'd regularly get jumpscared with nsfw content while trying to find stuff I liked. Safe search and filters have helped, but I'm just disgusted at how sexualized the internet is to the point that there's literally the meme of "rule 34" being used to fetishize everything. I feel uncomfortable even just searching for the stuff I enjoy online for fear some porn will appear in the search results. It's triggering and gross.
I'm tired of my mental illnesses being fetishized. I'm tired of my coping mechanisms being fetishized. I'm tired of feeling like a child when I'm almost 30 just because I can't stand the thought of being associated with anything sexual. The concept that it's supposedly normal for allosexuals to have sexual fantasies about real people without their consent is just really disgusting to me and I feel like I could never fully trust a romantic partner, or even just the average person online.
https://redd.it/1np5yq5
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
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