21M and looking for bros

Hi, I'm 21 M and bored . I'd like to make new friends and have new fun experiences. I like reading and listening to music. And on most days, I just watch YouTube videos.

https://redd.it/1nk49iy
@asexualityonreddit

The duality of being asexual, a 2 parter :3

https://redd.it/1nkaivq
@asexualityonreddit

Am I a pervert?

I'm struggling with this a lot. Here's the thing. I'm asexual. I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone, I could never jerk off to any of my crushes and even my partner doesn't turn me on. Whenever we have sex I don't need it to be reciprocated and we're happy with that. Whenever I watch porn (which is rarely since I don't jerk off that often, I mostly watch solo stuff and usually only get turned on by the sensation the person would get from said action).
My problem is the fact that although I don't get any sexual gratification from this, I still have a lot of sexual thoughts. I have a very dirty mind and I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes I think about being used by older men. I stare at people in the wrong way, but again, not in the way an actual creep would do it. But am I actually a creep? I don't know. I've been exposed to sexual material ever since I was a little kid. I've had stuff happen to me that might've affected my mindset. I was pretty sexualized by my ex and some other people when we were still in puberty (so like 14-15).
So what even am i? Am I a pervert? A creep?
I need somebody to explain to me what is happening because it's making me sick just thinking about my behavior and all the things that come out of my mouth. Please

https://redd.it/1nka3vf
@asexualityonreddit

This may be dumb but can asexuality run in the family?

Look look look, hear me out. I literally know that's not how sexuality works 😭 I just thought it was interesting that both my sister and I are ace AF, idk about my brother but as far as I know he's never been attracted to anyone IRL (but what do ik he's an 18 y/o boy, who knows what he does in his free time) my younger sister on the other hand came out before I even understood that I also fit under the umbrella. I guess my real question is more so, is there a higher chance you can be ace if ur related to someone who is, kinda like if u have a bipolar parent you are more likely to have bipolar than the general public. I know this leans on the gay uncle debate, and I don't mean to offend, I've just not met many aces IRL so I thought it was weird my own sister was also ace.

Please be nice this is half a joke 😭

https://redd.it/1nkcf40
@asexualityonreddit

Thank you Asexual Reddit community for existing!!!

I ended up here through a lot of Google searches about asexuality, in an attempt to understand myself better.
You guys are so fantastic!!

I've never seen anyone speak openly like this but I really wanted to thank you for being so welcoming and kind.
Thanks to you, I understood myself better and, on top of that, I realized how much I was harassed in my old relationship.
If I hadn't read the stories of you going through the same thing, I would never have realized.
Because I thought I owed him sex because he was my boyfriend.
But no, I don't owe anyone sex if I don't want it.

You really helped me a lot!! Thank you very much for this 🥹

Please don't stop being the light in the lives of so many acespec as you were in mine ❤️

https://redd.it/1nkdmmw
@asexualityonreddit

Am i asexual?

I'm an 18-year-old guy and I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality lately. I know for sure that I really like guys and I want to be with them in a romantic way, hug, spend time together, say warm words and generally be with him physically without sex. As for my attitude towards sex, it's very ambiguous. On the one hand, I can experience sexual arousal, but at the same time not want to do it. I sometimes masturbate, but for me it's more of a physical pleasure and I just like to please myself. As for pornography, I can easily watch it, but I often get bored and sometimes even disgusted.

https://redd.it/1nkbigc
@asexualityonreddit

To me, sex feels like a chore

I don't know if anyone else feels this way, and i hope i can give more context to this.

Sex to me feels like a chore, and not the kind of chore you do for yourself? If that makes sense. Like brushing your teeth, cleaning your home, washing the dishes, cooking, doing laundry etc. Because in a way those are chores you have to do, to maintain a clean home, healthy body & mind and such. These are the kind of chores you do for yourself as well, for your own well being.

But sex to me feels like a kind of chore you would do for someone else in order to make them happy? Like doing just their laundry, washing only their dishes, taking out their trash etc. A chore which in no way shape of form brings you happiness, but makes you "relieved" you did it for them. Because you feel like you owe this to them? And at least they won't nag you about it anymore, or at least for a while. You wouldn't otherwise do this if you were alone, but since you are in a relationship you feel somewhat obligated to do these chores just for the another person.

I hope i make sense. I know i'm just rambling at this point, but i hope i might find someone who might feel a similar way. I would like to hear your opinions as well!

https://redd.it/1nk7j0x
@asexualityonreddit

Question for asexual people who have sex

Hi asexual community!!
I'm asexual homoromantic.

I have a question for all asexual people (above all for gay ace) who are sexually active.

How did you find out you like sex, even if you don't have sexual attraction?

Or do you do only sex to satisfy your partner desires?
In other words, can you describe what is sex for you?
Thanks in advance

https://redd.it/1nkigag
@asexualityonreddit

I think my friend is aphobic

When the topic of my sexual orientation comes out, my friend always hits me with the "How do you know if you haven't even tried it yet". And I'm each and every time stunned by her point of view as she's also part of the LGBTQIA+ community (she's bi) and have explained multiple times what the label of asexuality (and in particular, being sex-repulsed asexual) applies to me and to my experience. I feel upset but don't know how to move forward

https://redd.it/1nkhj5s
@asexualityonreddit

My wife and I were intimate for the first time in over 5 years

My wife and I have been together 8 years. We’re very much in love, but both consider ourselves ace and don’t really find sex enjoyable. We’ve done it maybe 10 times in our relationship. We recently decided that we want children, and as much as we don’t care for sex, we want to conceive them naturally. Yesterday was the first time since before the pandemic that we did anything more than kiss. As much as we’re not sex fans, we want to avoid using any sort of fertility clinic or procedure. We are excited to eventually become parents, but at the same time can’t wait to not have to have sex anymore. Has anyone else done this in their relationship?

https://redd.it/1nkm9pq
@asexualityonreddit

Religion and asexuality

I was 19 years old the first time I had a boyfriend (I am a man). I described the sexual aspect as feeling like a prostitute in my own relationship. Sex wasn’t for me, it felt like a chore. But I also had feelings for my ex, but I would rather masturbate alone than actually have sex.

We broke up and I got really into Christianity. And for about a year or so I didn’t watch porn or masturbate or have sex. I didn’t really think or worry about it. I thought I was really good at breaking free of lust.

And then I reconnected with my ex and it sent things into haywire—we hooked up… sorta. We didn’t actually have sex, and I was distraught at how far we went (the homosexual shame). But soon after that I started dating a girl I’d been going in dates with.

But I never wanted to have sex with her—I never really was INTO her. We ended up breaking up because I wasn’t into her. The whole time I thought “hey how cool I’m doing this Christianity thing really well.”

And like… I’ve felt attraction to men (more than women at least). They were the ones I was drawn to. But the draw to them was more like okay I wanna be so connected to you that we are inseparable, and that sort of intimacy only comes from sex (Christian teachings that sex is pure communion, total connection, etc).

Martin Luther even declared the union between Christ and the Church as the same thing as the union between a husband and a bride during sexual intercourse.

No one would want me unless I was sexually intimate with them. And I was lonely and alone. And so I went on a journey of sexual connection after sexual connection. Intense hyper sexual behavior with people I wasn’t attracted to, excepting the fact that I wanted to “get off.”

Most times I think of the smell of their breath or the way things feel texturally, the dirtiness, the yuckiness of it all. I was filled with despair so much because I was simultaneously experiencing desire for monogamous and fully committed relationships and the shame of Christianity.

I was romantically attracted to women, but since I wasn’t sexually attracted to women I consider myself sexually attracted to men. But if I could simply not be sexual at all and have a fully committed relationship, I would be okay I think.

But because religion has affected me so much, I can never tell whether I’m suppressing my sexuality and attractions towards men, or if I’m simply just a man with a libido and not attracted to men. Or experience very little attraction.

I’ve always been fine to have solo masturbation time, but when the shame of Christianity meddled with the growth of my authentic understanding of sex, I got super confused.

And I guess I am terribly confused still. Two years after “accepting” being gay or whatever, and being in a 10 month relationship, I still do not like sex, don’t really WANT it. I don’t feel feral, ever. I just feel like meh.

And I’ve considered my health issues being the problem, where maybe I just feel crappy all the time and so sex is low priority… but I still masturbate so my libido is there…

Idk..

https://redd.it/1nko1g3
@asexualityonreddit

I wish I wasn’t ace

I’m honestly starting to get depressed over this. I want to fall in love, I want to experience being in love and being loved in return for once in my life. I’m nearing my thirties and have yet to be in a romantic relationship. 

I just wish I could flip a switch and become allo. I’ve met men that I’ve been compatible with on every other level, but me being ace is always that one thing that they can’t work with. I'm sex averse/repulsed and monogamous so there is no working around it for me. And I understand that just as I can't compromise, most allo people can't either, but I’m tired of this. I've met more rejection than one could even imagine.

I don’t even try with allo men anymore. I know my partner needs to be ace. I’ve been posting on asexual subreddits, I’ve been on acespace… but finding someone who is both ace and otherwise compatible is so so so hard. Not to mention I live in a small country so finding someone locally isn’t likely.

I just don’t want to be single all my life…



https://redd.it/1nkpmc6
@asexualityonreddit

Long Term Relationship

I'm sure this is a dime-a-dozen story:

Mostly just need to get this out there, so feel free to stop here. I'm Allo, and I'm sorry for this post, because it feels like I'm 'grabbing the mic' so to speak, without being welcome here. I can't talk about my partner's asexuality without outing them to anyone, so I'm stuck throwing it into the void.

We've been together for 12 years and married for 9. I love them so deeply it hurts. They love me the same and I truly believe that. I understand a common misconception for allos about asexuals is to conflate love and lust.

My partner has recently realized they were more and more comfortable with the term Asexual to describe their sexuality, and feelings around sex. I'm not sure if they've landed yet on a label or umbrella term that describes them more specifically. I'm still learning what I can from them, but unfortunately I'm an emotional mess.

We were sexually active at more of an allo-cadence at the beginning of our relationship, but after we got married and had our child, that tapered off significantly. What I thought at the time, was that my partner and I were tired and 'touched out' and that was the reason behind our slow tapering off of sex. We eventually stopped all together, and it's been a few years now.

It's not the only source of distance between us. I've a lot of blame on my shoulders for letting our relationship sit on the back burner, and no longer being romantic with my partner after marriage. We weren't growing together, and felt like we were slowly drifting apart, and that's my fault. They tried but finally had enough and quiet-quit the romantic side of our relationship, because I already had. It took me a while to finally see it. I've been the focus of my partner's empathy over the last few years, and I've been selfish. I had a mental health crisis, and also came out to them early in our marriage before our child was born. I was the needy one in the relationship, and my partner held things down, and chose me despite me not being what they thought. I want to do the same for them. I want this to work somehow.

After coming out recently, they told me "I don't want to have sex." I figured that's enough said really, and I respect that, I really do. They also said they enjoy the feeling of sex, but never want it or think about it. I feel like they're trying to let me down slowly, and are afraid to rip off the band-aid. If they don't want sex, they don't want sex. I can't help but feel sorry for them, for having to do things they were uncomfortable with their whole adult life. It makes me feel gross for my role, because I thought we both felt the same way about sex.

The sentiment here seems to be that we're incompatible, and things won't work between us, which breaks my heart so much, because we love each other. I want nothing more than intimacy between us, but I don't want to push anything, or make them feel guilty, so obviously it shouldn't happen. If that's how it's going to be, that's how it's got to be. They've stated what they want.

So I don't know what we're going to do. The thing I want is the thing I can't have. I want them to desire me sexually, I always have, and now I know that's just not a thing that's going to happen, and it never was happening in the first place.

https://redd.it/1nkubz0
@asexualityonreddit

Asexual coming-out

I just came out as asexual today 💜 I feel relieved and very proud !

https://redd.it/1nkvu12
@asexualityonreddit

I feel broken

I’m sure a lot of y’all have felt this and I’m far from the only person on here to say this, but got I feel so broken. I’ve just recently come to terms with being ace, and I’m pretty sex repulsed. Not judging anyone who enjoys sex of course, do you have fun. It’s just not who I am, and I feel like we live in such a horny world, girls guy and others alike. I just constantly feel so pressured to enjoy sex, I feel boring and broken and wrong for not wanting to have sex. I’m a massive people pleaser and I was hypersexual for most of my teenage years, cause of being r*ped. But I don’t think my trauma has anything to do with being ace and having like no libido. It’s not some health thing, I masturbate and enjoy it, but I can’t get over the guilt of not wanting to sleep with people and not being sexually attracted to people I guess. I feel like everyone I talk to like that I try and be sexual and then I just end up being like, I can’t do this, and then everyone just tries to guilt trip me, being like “you really don’t like this? What if I blah blah blah” and It’s like, no, there’s nothing you can do, I just don’t want to. And then I just give in cause I feel bad and i hate it and I hate myself and I wish I was normal. Which is silly cause I’d never say or think that about someone else in my shoes yk. Idk.

https://redd.it/1nktqdx
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuality and Internal Locus

I've been thinking about the asexuality spectrum for some time, trying to make sense of my experience. Just finished reading ACE by Angela Chen.

I've been wondering about ways to describe my experience without leaning so much on identity labels because it seems like any label I land on becomes something I feel that I have to defend eventually.

I've been thinking about the concept of internal vs external locus of control. If I think about it, I experience my sexuality as something deeply internal, a part of myself I'm hesitant to share unless I feel very safe with someone. I also don't find that it's dependent on outside stimulus (ie attraction).
It seems to me that maybe the opposite is true for allosexual folks. Sexuality being experienced much more as an external effect.

If I had to pick an identity I would probably choose demi or gray. However thinking about it in terms of internal vs external locus or process feels useful.
Does that make sense to anyone else?

https://redd.it/1nktllf
@asexualityonreddit

I don't understand if I'm broken or my gf inexperienced

so basically I'm afab20, and my gf is f18. she's been in a relationship with another girl just before we got together, so I've always seen her as the one who knows how to move around and give me pleasure.
Paradoxically whenever we have sex, I mean ok she's on top, but I'm the one giving her the most pleasure, as apparently I'm more practical than I thought, I understand anatomy and having seen porn I know how to do the stuff I've seen. but when it's my turn, I don't get turned on. she can't seem to find my clitoris (which is where I'm def more sensitive and I get more pleasure from that then from being fingered), and overall even tho she's allosexual, I feel like she's a bit goofy as she doesn't masturbate (might that be? I'm curious about her past relationship sex life, not in a perv way).
I think I'm asexual, but sometimes I think my body is just idk broken?, I don't feel any libido ever, nor sexual attraction (I mean, only felt these one single time in my life), and only sometimes sexual desire (so I do masturbate), but the thing that triggers me the most is how I'm not able to feel anything in such context.
I might be not relaxed enough? or is she just not understanding my body? I really don't know

https://redd.it/1nkwr3o
@asexualityonreddit

I am Ace but I dont like garlicbread

I like bread but not the garlic taste. I used to like it but not anymore. Also it makes people stinky.
I would still choose garlicbread over sex, cause it’s the lesser of two evils.
Anyone else agree with me?

https://redd.it/1nl00lv
@asexualityonreddit