r/kinkyaces is back up and running

Hi friends,

Just to say, after a while with no moderators, r/kinkyaces is now unbanned and up and running in case you were there before or in case you are new and want to check it out!

Best,

Your new mod

https://redd.it/1nf55uk
@asexualityonreddit

Sexn't
https://redd.it/1nf8zjk
@asexualityonreddit

Aegosexuality my beloved
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1nfa2h1

https://redd.it/1nfa3lu
@asexualityonreddit

Asexual/aromantic characters or "monsters" in media

For a college class I'm in, I'm conducting research on representations of asexuality, aromanticism, and heavy allo/amatonormative themes featured in "monster" stories. As an ace person myself (and demiromantic), I'm trying to increase awareness of how monster narratives may impact aro and ace people. Has anyone here, especially aro and ace people, encountered any monster literature or movies (horror, fantasy, and sci-fi included) that features asexual/aromantic (canon, coded, or thematic) characters or monsters? If so, I would be interested in any recommendations you might be able to make and/or any thoughts you’ve had. 

https://redd.it/1nf2ydv
@asexualityonreddit

Thank you for being welcoming

I'm not asexual, but for a few years, I thought I was. Your community has been especially wonderful and accepting, and though I know I'm not asexual, I do miss this. It still keeps me confident in having split attraction (which is why I thought I was ace in the first place!), something I don't always see supported in other queer spaces. I'm glad I knew that was valid from the start of realising I was queer. I will try my best to give back and stand by you defending your rights, defending your place in queer spaces and in the invasion of Denmark (if that's still happening)

https://redd.it/1nfh59q
@asexualityonreddit

I’m a mess

I am curious if anyone else experiences this- but I cannot be aroused by people in person. Only online. Something about humans turns me off. The conversations and the talk is attractive to me. Exploring online and in VR is fun and exciting for me. But in person. I just have no interest in physical touch or interaction.

I have no desire to have a closed relationship and I’m starting to wonder if it’s possible to be aromantic too? Like because I just have utterly no desire to be loved by or love/ have sex with another person.

But for some reason I love to flirt with people online and am a complete like a nympho-flirt when it comes to like text/speech.

Is this normal? Like being attracted to ideas of sex but not sex itself. Being attracted to doing sexual things in speech and mind but not physically with another person.

is it like common for asexual people to not desire any kind of relationship? Or specifically relationships that have very specific boundaries where you’d borderline hardly even be dating.

I’m in a relationship and I just am constantly pulling my hair stressed because I feel guilty that I’m poly and guilty that I won’t provide sex. My boyfriend said being poly with him would be fine and it really just hasn’t felt that way and I can’t make him understand me and it’s making me kind of miserable. Like desperate to date someone else who is also poly and can leave me alone a lot like I like.

I’m starting to think that maybe the reason this is because I can kind of role play a more feminine role with people through text and VR. In VR I can be exactly the gender I feel in the moment which fluctuates horribly but something that seems the same 24/7 is that I like to acknowledge myself with a female anatomy.

It’s like a huge mess of complicated sex emotions because I have body parts I cant even look at or I get immediately turned off. Being acknowledged as a boy makes me miserable and just like depressed in the moment; and I don’t even mind being a boy. I like being male. I just feel like I’m not right down there because it’s not the right thing. I wonder if that’s why I’m asexual sometimes but I find also there’s a lot of other things that tie into it as well. I feel grossed out by kissing and being touched mostly bothers me even when it’s just cuddling.

I guess this is just a rant because I’ve been feeling really uncomfortable and don’t know who to talk to or what to say.

https://redd.it/1nfkeg1
@asexualityonreddit

Dear Biased Crowd, What's The Verdict? (Ace?)
https://redd.it/1nfjl70
@asexualityonreddit

Anyone else develop strong platonic "crushes"?

It seems like at almost every stage of my life, I have fallen utterly, head-over-heels for someone with all the intensity of a crush. They (usually "he," if I'm being honest) will consume my thoughts, I think everything they do is cool (and sometimes want to emulate it), I desperately want to talk to them and please them and impress them...except it's not sexual or romantic. In high school, it was a boy in the class ahead of me who I spent three years dearly wanting to befriend. In college, a particular professor whose office hours I haunted and whose approval and mentorship I craved. The last couple of times it's been slightly older authority figures who gave off supportive big brother vibes.

I don't want to say I'm filling a void, exactly, because I'm happy with who I am and consider my lack of inclination towards a "love life" a feature rather than a bug. But I guess in spite of being ace, I contain a certain amount of impassioned admiration and desire for connection that finds expression through other means. Does that resonate with anyone?

https://redd.it/1nfmdty
@asexualityonreddit

Am I the only asexual who doesn’t like the feeling of orgasming?

For me it is I find sex boring as to why I don’t have sex and don’t get how people find it fun and interesting.

…and then the title of this post. So no to masterbating as well.

https://redd.it/1nfgcxz
@asexualityonreddit

Is this okay.

I'm in a relationship with an amazing attentive man, who treats me wonderfully. It's close to a year that we've been taking time to really get to know each other on an emotional level. I don't know how to feel about sex. I've never done it, no fantasies, zero thoughts about it, and half the time I recommend a movie and forget there's sex scenes in it. My man is an amazing partner,but sex worries me. Will he notice if I'm not completely into it? Is it wrong to try and enjoy it just to be closer to your partner and feel something from their happiness? Just can't wrap my brain around the idea of sex, but I love my partner. Thoughts?

https://redd.it/1nfox0o
@asexualityonreddit

How do you explain yourself to people?



https://redd.it/1nfrxtp
@asexualityonreddit

I still don't understand what QPR means.

On Acespace, there is a row where you say if you want a QPR relationship. I saw that some people want marriage but don't want a QPR relationship and some people don't want marriage but want a QPR relationship, so like, what do they want? I googled it but am still confused. Please explain like i'm five, thanks!

https://redd.it/1nfpspa
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuality is NOT restricted by gender (Asexual gay man rant)

I was watching this YouTube video about who can be asexual earlier, and it just made me think about how often I still see people doubt that men can even be asexual. Especially if you're a sex-repulsed guy (which I am), people act like it’s impossible.

It always comes back to that stereotype that men are just inherently sexual beings, and if you’re not, then something must be “wrong” with you or you’re secretly something else. I even had someone recently say I was “just a closeted gay man.” Like… okay? The joke is on you, I’m a romantically gay asexual man. So yeah, try again.

Just wanted to share because it gets exhausting sometimes. It feels like ace men, especially sex-repulsed ones, are still invisible or just seen as "broken."



https://redd.it/1nft1ud
@asexualityonreddit

Other Ways to Connect with Partner?

This is all new to me and I just found this subreddit. I’ve recently been questioning that I may be somewhere on the ace spectrum for a bit now. Me and partner have been together for 3 years and are doing good, but I sometimes miss the emotional connection of having sex together. They don’t mind that I may be on the ace spectrum, but I think we both miss the connection part a little bit. I know there’s obviously other ways to connect so I was wondering if any of you guys also had feelings like this after coming out to your partner? And if so, what are some ideas for emotionally connecting with each other and being intimate without sex?
Thanks in advance! ☺️

https://redd.it/1nfqiha
@asexualityonreddit

Update: Garlic struggling, save the bread!
https://redd.it/1nfouwm
@asexualityonreddit

Relationship with expiry date

has anyone been in a relationship knowing you would break up one day because of incompatibility, and yet you still dated? i know it's not for everyone because who wants to waste their time knowing it will come to an end right? but i have seen some people in other contexts saying things like they're happy they experienced a relationship despite knowing it wouldn't last. for example summer flings or people from different beliefs who can't marry, or people with differing opinions about kids.

i am also personally of the belief that every experience and every relationship matters even if it has to come to an end.
LONG RANT BELOW BUT FEEL FREE TO SKIP IF YOU JUST WANT TO ANSWER THE QUESTION

i think i'll probably be doing a lot of this because of various issues. one being i'm asexual and i don't want to have sex, that's going to lead to incompatibility. i do understand this is something that needs to be communicated with your partner, but like the example i gave, what if i meet someone willing to be in a relationship for the short-term knowing we can't compromise on this?

i also don't want to get married because i grew up with a poor example of what marriage is. i see it as a way of trapping yourself into certain expectations and i don't know if i can ever trust a person to not manipulate these expectations to their advantage. of course i know not everyone is like this, but this is among the reasons i don't see the point of marriage. and clearly i have trust issues, another reason to not burden someone else with them.

another reason is i don't want kids either. i don't have much of a reason to need to start a family then.

lastly, i'm cupioromantic. i crave relationships but i can't fall in love. this makes me feel bad but i can't help the way i feel, knowing i can probably move on from a relationship easier than if i had fallen in love.

TLDR the way i see it, the only way i can be in a relationship with a person long-term is if they don't want sex, don't want to get married, don't want kids, can love me romantically enough for the both of us. i feel like i'm probably being a selfish pos but because i want a relationship despite my hang ups, a relationship with an expiry date is probably what will happen.
(i'm not too upset about this tbh because if i'm going around on a first few dates with people without ever settling down, i don't really lose out. just a rant + thoughts i had because i came across a post about relationships with expiry dates somewhere else and i have a friend who broke up because they have different religious beliefs)

https://redd.it/1nfwz25
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuality : what it is and why it matters, Bogaert
https://redd.it/1nfxff9
@asexualityonreddit

“they’re in a qpr”

I’ve noticed a common theme in fandom spaces where allo fans will post things that are clearly intended to be taken as romantic or sexual in nature about canonically aroace characters and whoever they ship them with (most recently I’ve noticed it’s Yelena and Bob from marvel), then when aro and/or ace people point out that Yelena has been confirmed to be aroace, the default defense is “oh that’s just about them being in a qpr!” Meanwhile the post in question mentions them kissing or fucking or is in some way very clearly not meant to be about a qpr.

I honestly don’t mind if you didn’t know she was aroace- those sorts of announcements don’t generally draw attention outside of the a-spec community- just say “whoops, didn’t realize she was aroace, sorry!” The allos claiming it’s a “qpr” like it’s a get out of jail free card are just assholes appropriating our language so they can keep shipping these characters without getting called out for being aphobic, even when the way they talk about and depict the relationship is indistinguishable from a romantic/sexual relationship. If it was a lesbian, those same fans would be up in arms to see posts indicating a sexual and romantic relationship with a man.

(This last paragraph is cause it was originally posted in the petpeeves sub but it got insta-deleted for being “political” so while I figure it’s not necessary here, I’m still including it because I’m right and I need to get it off my chest:)

And at the risk of preempting arguments I may not even receive, “aces can have sex,” “aros can be interested in romance,” and “qprs look different for everyone” are statements about real asexual and aromantic people, not fictional characters you want to see together regardless of their orientation. Allos claiming them as a defense are just another example of them stealing our language to suit their desires.

https://redd.it/1ng47l9
@asexualityonreddit

Seriously?
https://redd.it/1ng6t8h
@asexualityonreddit

Picked this up from the AO3 Memes sub. How true is this of Aces writing fanfics? Whitley Schnee from RWBY
https://redd.it/1ng7m6p
@asexualityonreddit