Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

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@asexualityonreddit

I logged on just now and saw what is happening. I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who supported me by mass posting on r/truths I am so flattered right now and I am forever grateful for everyone’s contribution. ASEXUALITY IS A REAL SEXUALITY
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@asexualityonreddit

Is there a way to deactivate my libido so it goes away?

I think it is physical sensations. I really would like that to stop. It feels like my body is being hijacked and I hate it. Please help.

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@asexualityonreddit

Found this book a couple months ago but I was with my mum so I couldn't get it :(
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@asexualityonreddit

Help with a conversation :)

Hiya everyone, first post in this specific subreddit and I’m asking for a bit of advice if nobody minds.
I’m 18F, and I’ve recently gotten a girlfriend - my first relationship after realising that I am somewhere on the ace spectrum. I’m pretty far on the side of sex-repulsed.
The thing I wanted to ask about is how I would bring this up to my gf, because it’s something that does need to be talked about. This may be a deal breaker for her, which is okay, everyone has wants/needs in a relationship. Also when is an excellent question. I don’t want to wait too long so that I’m not wasting her time, but also it’s still very new and may be an incredibly awkward/uncomfortable situation.
So, has anyone ever been in a similar situation? If so, I’d greatly appreciate some words of wisdom. Thank you for reading this pile of words that somehow constitutes a post, have a lovely day everyone! :)

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@asexualityonreddit

I feel like a faker

Hello! I'm Omniromantic Asexual. I've identified as such and been open about it for three years now. But sometimes I feel like I'm faking...

I haven't ever felt sexual attraction to anyone. I've had crushes, found people and characters to be super aesthetically attractive, and I have a partner of over a year now who knows about my asexuality and respects it, even if they don't understand it in depth.

But sometimes I fantasize about fictional characters in sexual situations. I read smut for fun on occasion. I make sex jokes with my partner. But I feel guilty. I feel like a faker sometimes. I can never imagine myself or a real person in such a situation. That makes me uncomfortable on so many levels, I could probably gag.

Maybe it's just weird imposter syndrome. But I feel icky every time because what if I am a faker? What if I read this all wrong or I'm giving the wrong impression?

https://redd.it/1ndvu5v
@asexualityonreddit

Why are women reduced to their chests all the time?

Like, I’ve even seen women be referred to as a “walking pair of breasts” one time. I don’t find breasts attractive, I never have. In fact I hate mine and want top surgery. I just hate how hypersexualized breasts are I can’t stand it yet our entire society is built around it. What is even attractive about them I just want mine off im so sick and tired of being reduced to a body part I didn’t ask for all day every day

https://redd.it/1ndtc2f
@asexualityonreddit

i think im asexual

I (20F) think im asexual, but Im really confused. I've been sexually active for 5 years, but in the past year I've found myself repulsed by sex. To me, sex is just sex, not something meaningful. It feels like that even when I get into a relationship and I've been in many. I think it's something I've been told is normal to do and so I've just done it, but I find myself dissociating when I do have sex and wanting it to be over as fast as possible. Now, the thought of having sex with anyone makes me nervous and full of dread.

Im really confused because i've always had sex and I would even consider myself to have been hypersexual before coming to college. I still get turned on and can masturbate but when someone else comes into the equation I can't seem to give or receive anymore. Sometimes I can, but I feel like I have to jump over so many hurdles to get to a point where I can enjoy it, and even then it's extremely hard to look the person in the eye or talk or form any type of connection while it's happening.

Does anyone else have any similar feelings or experiences?

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@asexualityonreddit

I don't want to "work towards" sex.

I 19F am in my first romantic relationship ever with my partner 23M. We started dating around five months ago, and I told him basically on our first "official" date that I was asexual. It lead to a discussion about our boundaries and our expectations in a romantic relationship - he told me his love language is physical touch and asked me if I was Ok with things like cuddling, and holding hands, which I in most contexts am. We eventually progressed to closed-mouth kissing and sometimes him touching himself while I sort of spoon him.

Lately, though, it feels like he wants more from me, and I'm really not sure what to do. He has been asking about if there are ways we can "work towards" more sexual intimacy. He asks for these little changes in the physical intimacy we do have, like me actively watching him touch himself, or open-mouth kissing, or me initiating and taking his pants off, or him touching my butt. Honestly, all of these things kind of gross me out and make me anxious, but I don't know how to say that without sounding accusatory or self- righteous. They're small enough changes that sometimes I agree to them, but it usually leaves me feeling guilty and gross afterwards when I'm on my own. But then, he says all this stuff about how I make him so happy, and God, he just loves me so much, and so on, and I can't find the words to say anything because I don't want to ruin the moment, and it's like - I'm timeless but still wearing my pants and he's lying there naked in the afterglow I guess, and I feel guilty about saying something I think he might be hurt by when he's vulnerable in a way I'm not.

He says he likes physical intimacy because it makes him feel desired. On the one hand, I don't blame him for wanting that in a relationship and I don't want him to feel like his body is undesirable. On the other hand, I don't desire him in this way, and it's unhealthy and painful for me to pretend I do. I love him, but I don't want to lead him on.

Also, I feel like he sort of shuts down in a way I don't know how to react to when something makes him feel rejected. I remember about a month into the relationship, on our first dinner date we had planned to go back to my apartment afterwards, but I had a pretty big work trip the next day and still needed to pack and prepare and even though I tried to softly say several times before and during dinner that I might have to raincheck on the plans afterwards, he just couldn't take the hint (offering to help me pack, or help me prepare/practice the presentation I was going to give, even though I kept turning him down). Eventually, I let him up for a quick tea or something, but my mom started calling me on the phone for some reason, and he was offering to wait outside my apartment in the hall, but the door is really thin, and I eventually just told him that it might be best if he left (which I realize may have been hurtful, but I just felt really overwhelmed and anxious in the moment). His reaction though was to start crying and repeating "I'm sorry" over and over again, which I really didn't know how to react to. I ended up just sort of trying to comfort him and apologize. This is kind of a pattern, for example if I let go of his hand to put my backpack on, he says "Im sorry " over and over a few times before I tell him its Ok and explain why I let go of his hand to put my backpack on. It maybe sounds mean, but I just don't know how to keep up a conversation when he starts doing this, and anytime I try to it just devolves into me comforting him and telling him everything is fine, even if it's really not. All this to say, I don't know how I'm going to say I don’t want to "work towards" sex with him and don't desire him the way he wants me to without the conversation turning into me saying "nevermind, everything's fine, please stop saying you're sorry."

Also also, we're kind of coworkers and literally work down the hall from each other, which makes everything feel complicated.

I know this was very over-sharey and negative, but I just feel

frustrated and need a rant right now.

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@asexualityonreddit

Furry_irl
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1nc8c43

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@asexualityonreddit

Do you date allos?

As an asexual (wherever you are on the spectrum, me personally being sex averse) do you ever take the chance of dating someone who’s allo thinking there’s a slim chance it could work out?

https://redd.it/1ndslqq
@asexualityonreddit

How did you found out you were ace ?

Hi beautiful people

I’m mostly asking demi/grey ace or sex positive and favorable ace but every testimony is welcomed. I’d like to know more about how you found you were ace, and how did it changed the way you perceived yourself and your past experiences.

I ask because I’m having a hard time processing it. It’s like my whole world and identity is shifting (in a good way cause I finally have answers) but still, it’s a lot !

https://redd.it/1ne2569
@asexualityonreddit

How do I refuse to have sex? Please help

My girlfriend (25) and I (28) broke up about 7–8 months ago. It was a huge emotional trauma for me, and I fell into depression. I tried many things to cope with it. At one point, I considered dating men because I’ve always identified as bisexual — I find some feminine-looking men sexually attractive.

So, I installed Grindr and started chatting with a guy (23). I found him cute, and he had a nice personality. A strong bond quickly developed between us, and we shared everything about our lives. We also agreed to have sex when the right situation arose.

I shared my breakup story with him, and he did everything he could to help me recover from my depression and grief. For months, he was the only person I regularly spoke to, apart from my family. Eventually, my mind became more stable, and I returned to a sense of normalcy.

During that time, he invited me many times to have sex, but I kept postponing it with various reasons. Lately, I’ve decided to embrace a fully asexual lifestyle, as romantic or sexual pleasures no longer appeal to me. I’ve overcome my libido through extreme, disciplined practice.

Now, the problem is that he still calls me every day asking to have sex and wants to start a long-term romantic and sexual relationship with me. But I can’t do that — I no longer feel that way, not toward him or anyone else. However, I’m afraid to tell him the full truth because I don’t want to hurt or humiliate him. I know he’s strongly attracted to me, and he was the only person who stood by me when I was at my lowest point. I don't want him to feel like I used him as some kind of experiment to explore my sexuality.

How can I refuse his invitations for sex without making him sad or disappointed? I still want him in my life — as a friend.


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@asexualityonreddit

Garlic bread recipes needed

If someone has a garlic bread recipe for me I need it. Make sure you include bread and garlic

https://redd.it/1ne002u
@asexualityonreddit

people who came out to their parents, how did they react?

im curious to see how other parents have reacted. i came out to my parents a while ago and my mom still refuses to believe im ace. she knows ace people exist but for some reason she completely denies my asexuality. i hope y'all have better experiences or if not maybe we can give each other support?

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@asexualityonreddit

This is all I ever wanted in life. Cuddles
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@asexualityonreddit

One for the grey aces and demis
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@asexualityonreddit

This is all I ever wanted in life. Cuddles.
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@asexualityonreddit

"Icks" and allosexuals/romantics

So I (21 nb) have been seeing all those "These are my dating icks, list of normal healthy things." Do allo's even like eachother? And why do people (in this argument men) feel they are deserving of sex and/or romance. Why are romance and sex used this way? (Aside from sex sells.)

Again it could be my aro/Ace butt talking, I don't understand being so creepy and super picky. (Especially when incel speak starts to come through.)

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@asexualityonreddit