Being asexual is ruining my life
I wouldn't have it any other way I don't want to have sex. Sex is not something I ever want to do but all anyone wants is sex. Everyone who is interested in me just wants to have sex with me. All my friends don't understand me. They think I am weird and that's okay but I wish someone understood.
Most of my friends are people who failed to hit.
I am on the aromantic spectrum and I don't never wanted to date anyone but people don't leave me alone and they lie and say they're fine with me being asexual but few months down the line they tell me there's no love without sex. I guess I never loved anyone then and no one will ever love me.
https://redd.it/1n222ir
@asexualityonreddit
I wouldn't have it any other way I don't want to have sex. Sex is not something I ever want to do but all anyone wants is sex. Everyone who is interested in me just wants to have sex with me. All my friends don't understand me. They think I am weird and that's okay but I wish someone understood.
Most of my friends are people who failed to hit.
I am on the aromantic spectrum and I don't never wanted to date anyone but people don't leave me alone and they lie and say they're fine with me being asexual but few months down the line they tell me there's no love without sex. I guess I never loved anyone then and no one will ever love me.
https://redd.it/1n222ir
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I need help navigating this and unlearning “traditional masculinity”
I’ve (24M) been on this strange, but freeing asexual journey for almost a year now. The last time I had sex was December 26, 2025. It feels like a long time, but at the same time I don’t miss it at all that I feel as though no time has passed. For a while I thought sex would be the most important thing for me (dumb I know). But I was wrong and I damaged myself so much by chasing it.
Up until about 2022 I was a virgin I spent my whole life in the church and was very sexually repressed. When I finally left at 20 I wanted the first thing to experience to be sex. And so I began to engage in hookup culture. I just about hooked up with any girl I met at bars or clubs that gave it up. I think the more I frequently hooked up the more I felt the need to prove I loved it (I did not). I began to freak out thinking there was something wrong with me, I thought I should be enjoying this more. It felt like something I’ve been waiting for a long time just let me down. I was so scared to tell anyone that I didn’t enjoy sex because all the guys around would talk about hot girls and whatnot. I thought there was something deeply wrong with me so I went to the doctor and I was fine, healthy. It killed me that I couldn’t be “normal”.
All I ever wanted was to fit in, I camouflaged myself socially to fit in with whatever group I could be part of. Never really gave it a second thought to who I am or what I wanted. I figured anything was better than being alone again. I faked everything for so long and now I began to fake things again, I developed a relationship with a girl who was terrible for me. She was always very insistent on having sex, it was quite possibly the worst situation I could be in. I did so many things that I think the average porn brained straight person would die for. I felt like I was debasing myself every time and I hated myself more and more. I was so scared to tell anyone these things because I didn’t want to complain about “living the dream”. I kept it to myself and every time to comfort myself I would think “I’m a man, I shouldn’t be complaining”. Those thoughts killed me a bit every time I spoke them to myself.
I’ve since separated myself from this girl and I’m now left with the pain and trauma of what happened. However, I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m complaining about having sex. It makes me feel like less of a man. According to my friends I’ve shaken several of the toxic masculinity traits we as Latino men are raised with, but some still stick. I’ve been battling with my masculinity lately and I hate it. I feel like how could I consider myself a man when nothing about me feels masculine. I’m not on a non-binary journey or anything like that, but I wish I was more of a man. Whatever that means. I thought I shed my skin of these gross traditions, but I’m still seeking the validation from them to prove myself something I’m not. Not sure if anyone else has any similar experiences, but if you do please I’d love to hear something, anything. I need to know if I’m doing things right or if I’m wrong, I feel very lost and this is all still new to me.
https://redd.it/1n2659a
@asexualityonreddit
I’ve (24M) been on this strange, but freeing asexual journey for almost a year now. The last time I had sex was December 26, 2025. It feels like a long time, but at the same time I don’t miss it at all that I feel as though no time has passed. For a while I thought sex would be the most important thing for me (dumb I know). But I was wrong and I damaged myself so much by chasing it.
Up until about 2022 I was a virgin I spent my whole life in the church and was very sexually repressed. When I finally left at 20 I wanted the first thing to experience to be sex. And so I began to engage in hookup culture. I just about hooked up with any girl I met at bars or clubs that gave it up. I think the more I frequently hooked up the more I felt the need to prove I loved it (I did not). I began to freak out thinking there was something wrong with me, I thought I should be enjoying this more. It felt like something I’ve been waiting for a long time just let me down. I was so scared to tell anyone that I didn’t enjoy sex because all the guys around would talk about hot girls and whatnot. I thought there was something deeply wrong with me so I went to the doctor and I was fine, healthy. It killed me that I couldn’t be “normal”.
All I ever wanted was to fit in, I camouflaged myself socially to fit in with whatever group I could be part of. Never really gave it a second thought to who I am or what I wanted. I figured anything was better than being alone again. I faked everything for so long and now I began to fake things again, I developed a relationship with a girl who was terrible for me. She was always very insistent on having sex, it was quite possibly the worst situation I could be in. I did so many things that I think the average porn brained straight person would die for. I felt like I was debasing myself every time and I hated myself more and more. I was so scared to tell anyone these things because I didn’t want to complain about “living the dream”. I kept it to myself and every time to comfort myself I would think “I’m a man, I shouldn’t be complaining”. Those thoughts killed me a bit every time I spoke them to myself.
I’ve since separated myself from this girl and I’m now left with the pain and trauma of what happened. However, I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m complaining about having sex. It makes me feel like less of a man. According to my friends I’ve shaken several of the toxic masculinity traits we as Latino men are raised with, but some still stick. I’ve been battling with my masculinity lately and I hate it. I feel like how could I consider myself a man when nothing about me feels masculine. I’m not on a non-binary journey or anything like that, but I wish I was more of a man. Whatever that means. I thought I shed my skin of these gross traditions, but I’m still seeking the validation from them to prove myself something I’m not. Not sure if anyone else has any similar experiences, but if you do please I’d love to hear something, anything. I need to know if I’m doing things right or if I’m wrong, I feel very lost and this is all still new to me.
https://redd.it/1n2659a
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How old is everyone in this group?
Just curious.
I'll go first. I'm 35.
https://redd.it/1n29i1t
@asexualityonreddit
Just curious.
I'll go first. I'm 35.
https://redd.it/1n29i1t
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Tired of being dismissed or not believed when explaining things simply? Say some stupid, outrageous nonsense instead!
"So you've never had a relationship? Ever? And you don't want one either?!"
"No. I took a vow of strict lifelong chastity when I was 12 and shall not break it for as long as I breathe, lest my soul be damned to burn in the deepest depths of hell for eternity."
"What do you mean you don't want to have sex? Everybody has sex, it's a basic human need!"
"I was born with a rare vaginal deformity that detects all sexual activity as a physical disease and sends signals to my stomach to violently expel everything I've eaten that day in response"
"Oh, you just haven't met the right person yet, and you're still so young! Just you wait until Mr. Right comes along and you'll change your mind, you'll see!"
"Mr. Right? He tried to kiss me once, but my gag reflex triggered a projectile vomiting session so intense it left the room smelling like decaying meat for hours. Romance for me is… complicated."
Bonus points if you can say these things with a perfect poker face on, as if you're being dead serious.
Honestly, some people won't believe you or take this orientation seriously no matter how much you bend over backwards to explain it, so wasting your time trying to isn't always worth it. It's something I've had to learn over the years. Might as well have some fun with it, if nothing else.
https://redd.it/1n274ll
@asexualityonreddit
"So you've never had a relationship? Ever? And you don't want one either?!"
"No. I took a vow of strict lifelong chastity when I was 12 and shall not break it for as long as I breathe, lest my soul be damned to burn in the deepest depths of hell for eternity."
"What do you mean you don't want to have sex? Everybody has sex, it's a basic human need!"
"I was born with a rare vaginal deformity that detects all sexual activity as a physical disease and sends signals to my stomach to violently expel everything I've eaten that day in response"
"Oh, you just haven't met the right person yet, and you're still so young! Just you wait until Mr. Right comes along and you'll change your mind, you'll see!"
"Mr. Right? He tried to kiss me once, but my gag reflex triggered a projectile vomiting session so intense it left the room smelling like decaying meat for hours. Romance for me is… complicated."
Bonus points if you can say these things with a perfect poker face on, as if you're being dead serious.
Honestly, some people won't believe you or take this orientation seriously no matter how much you bend over backwards to explain it, so wasting your time trying to isn't always worth it. It's something I've had to learn over the years. Might as well have some fun with it, if nothing else.
https://redd.it/1n274ll
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Three year long relationship ended because I’m ace
My ex and I had dated for three years, until two weeks ago she broke up with me. One of the reasons was because we had never had sex. She said “I’m not ace” when I asked if it was because of sex we were breaking up. She knew going into the relationship I was ace and I told her I don’t need to have sex. I told her if she wanted to, that I would, but I didn’t need it. She didn’t ask the entire relationship, despite this and apparently it bothered her the entire time that we didn’t have sex.
It just makes me feel so shitty that I had such a good relationship ended because of sex. I really thought it was good, and now I’m doubting be in a relationship again. I don’t understand why sex is the be-all and end-all of relationships. It just hurts
https://redd.it/1n2etu1
@asexualityonreddit
My ex and I had dated for three years, until two weeks ago she broke up with me. One of the reasons was because we had never had sex. She said “I’m not ace” when I asked if it was because of sex we were breaking up. She knew going into the relationship I was ace and I told her I don’t need to have sex. I told her if she wanted to, that I would, but I didn’t need it. She didn’t ask the entire relationship, despite this and apparently it bothered her the entire time that we didn’t have sex.
It just makes me feel so shitty that I had such a good relationship ended because of sex. I really thought it was good, and now I’m doubting be in a relationship again. I don’t understand why sex is the be-all and end-all of relationships. It just hurts
https://redd.it/1n2etu1
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Asexual, Anxious or Just Inexperienced
Hey all,
I’m a 25 year old guy- and struggling with my identity pretty hard.
I’ve always been a “don’t care for labels” person. But I was trying to meet people, and am trying to be clear in communicating how I am. I’m also pretty socially anxious so I overthink and shutdown pretty quick.
I sometimes find other guys attractive, and have only had a full on crush once (when I was 22). I’ve never been on a date and never outwardly expressed romantic or intimate feelings to a person (never held hands, called a guy cute, asked someone out etc). Thus, I’m a virgin that’s never dated.
I’m not sure if this is a product of asexuality, anxiety or inexperience.
I like the idea of dating a guy and getting married. Going on adventures, out to dinner, etc. Hypothetically, I think I’d be okay with kissing and such. I’ve never really liked being touched (I’ve got some sensory quirks) so that might be a hurdle with me.
However, I’ve never been intimate ever. So sexually speaking, I don’t particularly know if it’s something I want or not because to a certain extent, I don’t really know what it’s like.
As far as like natural urges go, I have practically none. Never masturbated, and only get randomly aroused very very rarely. I’m not sure if this is normal (or medically normal even?) but it’s how I’ve always been.
I’ve read some other threads in this subreddit, suggesting, you think someone is hot vs you want to have sex with them as the demarcation line. But in my head, I think someone is hot, but because I don’t really know what sex is like, I have no measurement. Or is it rather, I would already have some instinctive sexual attraction if I was allo?
As mentioned before- I’ve also got crippling social anxiety which fits into this. Ya boi here can’t even make friends or approach people when going out, so maybe it’s just that I’m a bit too anxious in general to let myself have these feelings?
I tried downloading some online apps with the intention of meeting people. And my experiences have been no bueno. I basically tried to make friends first, but people definitely are not looking for that, at least where I am.
I just didn’t want to mislead people until i understand my identity- but it’s a bit of a chicken and egg situation in my head.
Anyway- I know that’s a very long ramble. But I am extremely confused, and have absolutely no one in my life that understands.
https://redd.it/1n2a8a9
@asexualityonreddit
Hey all,
I’m a 25 year old guy- and struggling with my identity pretty hard.
I’ve always been a “don’t care for labels” person. But I was trying to meet people, and am trying to be clear in communicating how I am. I’m also pretty socially anxious so I overthink and shutdown pretty quick.
I sometimes find other guys attractive, and have only had a full on crush once (when I was 22). I’ve never been on a date and never outwardly expressed romantic or intimate feelings to a person (never held hands, called a guy cute, asked someone out etc). Thus, I’m a virgin that’s never dated.
I’m not sure if this is a product of asexuality, anxiety or inexperience.
I like the idea of dating a guy and getting married. Going on adventures, out to dinner, etc. Hypothetically, I think I’d be okay with kissing and such. I’ve never really liked being touched (I’ve got some sensory quirks) so that might be a hurdle with me.
However, I’ve never been intimate ever. So sexually speaking, I don’t particularly know if it’s something I want or not because to a certain extent, I don’t really know what it’s like.
As far as like natural urges go, I have practically none. Never masturbated, and only get randomly aroused very very rarely. I’m not sure if this is normal (or medically normal even?) but it’s how I’ve always been.
I’ve read some other threads in this subreddit, suggesting, you think someone is hot vs you want to have sex with them as the demarcation line. But in my head, I think someone is hot, but because I don’t really know what sex is like, I have no measurement. Or is it rather, I would already have some instinctive sexual attraction if I was allo?
As mentioned before- I’ve also got crippling social anxiety which fits into this. Ya boi here can’t even make friends or approach people when going out, so maybe it’s just that I’m a bit too anxious in general to let myself have these feelings?
I tried downloading some online apps with the intention of meeting people. And my experiences have been no bueno. I basically tried to make friends first, but people definitely are not looking for that, at least where I am.
I just didn’t want to mislead people until i understand my identity- but it’s a bit of a chicken and egg situation in my head.
Anyway- I know that’s a very long ramble. But I am extremely confused, and have absolutely no one in my life that understands.
https://redd.it/1n2a8a9
@asexualityonreddit
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It’s interesting noticing true arousal over dopamine/attention seeking (ADHD)
Been discovering my asexuality for a little while now and it’s really interesting truly noticing how much my hypersexual behaviour was just attention seeking from men and dopamine seeking.
I mean I always knew it on some levels but because I’ve done the work and am in a better place can properly feel it and know it on a deeper level.
It’s sort of scary but good, being true to myself more and more xxx
https://redd.it/1n2gwjs
@asexualityonreddit
Been discovering my asexuality for a little while now and it’s really interesting truly noticing how much my hypersexual behaviour was just attention seeking from men and dopamine seeking.
I mean I always knew it on some levels but because I’ve done the work and am in a better place can properly feel it and know it on a deeper level.
It’s sort of scary but good, being true to myself more and more xxx
https://redd.it/1n2gwjs
@asexualityonreddit
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I don't know if I'm bi or a lesbian because of gender roles AND because I'm asexual
So basically, I'm a sex repulsed asexual. I really have no interest in sex at all. I found out I liked women at 14, I knew I was asexual since I was 9 (even though I didn't know how to name it).
I've never dated or kissed a woman ever. I have had experiences with three men. Every single time I was with them I "questioned" my sexuality, not because I genuinely thought I wasn't asexual but because I thought that this was what society was expecting of me. I'm questioning wether or not I've been dating men because of societal expectations too. Patriarchal patterns are kinda strong in me I think, even though I'm actively trying to not follow them.
I don't really know how to explain the issue, but I've dated men, never ever enjoyed kissing or touching them. I just don't know if that's because I might be a lesbian or if it's because I'm just very asexual. When I picture myself with a woman I don't question my asexuality and I just genuinely feel love for the person and I wanna spend time with her and all. With men I'm like well they're pretty but not so pretty at the same time, and I guess I like kissing them because every woman MUST like to kiss and touch men, even though when I actually do I kinda feel sick and just don't enjoy it. The only interest I have for men is physical, and this physical interest seems to be there just because I was taught to like men like that. I even find myself faking to like a certain bodytype or certain features for no apparent reason ?? I don't really wanna date men, when I picture myself dating them I picture makeout sessions and that's ALL, makeout sessions that I don't like in real life. I picture them because "that's what a woman and a man do together". I don't see myself spending my life with a man but I definitely see myself marrying a woman one day. Picturing myself dating a man is cringe as hell to me, but it's not with women. But the issue is : I've dated men and never had the chance to date women.
I feel like there's some "performative heterosexuality" or something, that contradicts both my very radical asexuality and potential gayness.
I don't know if any of this made sense but I feel like the crushs I get on men are just some sort of pre-written script that says "you're a girl and this guy is aesthetically pretty, and if he's not at least he looks kind so you MUST have a crush on him and wanna kiss him". I don't have a type, I have "crushs" on guys I don't even find pretty or interesting, the last guy I dated I didn't even know why I dated him, I didn't like him, he was just my age and slightly pretty. (Also don't feel sorry for him because he was extremely abusive). But with women, I just see how beautiful they are and I'm like, I wanna give you the world and all, I have a genuine feeling in my chest that hits different than the "anxiety butterflies" I get with pretty much every man I meet. Does this make sense to you ?
https://redd.it/1n2kvkj
@asexualityonreddit
So basically, I'm a sex repulsed asexual. I really have no interest in sex at all. I found out I liked women at 14, I knew I was asexual since I was 9 (even though I didn't know how to name it).
I've never dated or kissed a woman ever. I have had experiences with three men. Every single time I was with them I "questioned" my sexuality, not because I genuinely thought I wasn't asexual but because I thought that this was what society was expecting of me. I'm questioning wether or not I've been dating men because of societal expectations too. Patriarchal patterns are kinda strong in me I think, even though I'm actively trying to not follow them.
I don't really know how to explain the issue, but I've dated men, never ever enjoyed kissing or touching them. I just don't know if that's because I might be a lesbian or if it's because I'm just very asexual. When I picture myself with a woman I don't question my asexuality and I just genuinely feel love for the person and I wanna spend time with her and all. With men I'm like well they're pretty but not so pretty at the same time, and I guess I like kissing them because every woman MUST like to kiss and touch men, even though when I actually do I kinda feel sick and just don't enjoy it. The only interest I have for men is physical, and this physical interest seems to be there just because I was taught to like men like that. I even find myself faking to like a certain bodytype or certain features for no apparent reason ?? I don't really wanna date men, when I picture myself dating them I picture makeout sessions and that's ALL, makeout sessions that I don't like in real life. I picture them because "that's what a woman and a man do together". I don't see myself spending my life with a man but I definitely see myself marrying a woman one day. Picturing myself dating a man is cringe as hell to me, but it's not with women. But the issue is : I've dated men and never had the chance to date women.
I feel like there's some "performative heterosexuality" or something, that contradicts both my very radical asexuality and potential gayness.
I don't know if any of this made sense but I feel like the crushs I get on men are just some sort of pre-written script that says "you're a girl and this guy is aesthetically pretty, and if he's not at least he looks kind so you MUST have a crush on him and wanna kiss him". I don't have a type, I have "crushs" on guys I don't even find pretty or interesting, the last guy I dated I didn't even know why I dated him, I didn't like him, he was just my age and slightly pretty. (Also don't feel sorry for him because he was extremely abusive). But with women, I just see how beautiful they are and I'm like, I wanna give you the world and all, I have a genuine feeling in my chest that hits different than the "anxiety butterflies" I get with pretty much every man I meet. Does this make sense to you ?
https://redd.it/1n2kvkj
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I’m stunned at myself
TL;DR - I’m officially sex repulsed and I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that it wasn’t my birth control’s fault. Weird, but kinda sick.
A little TMI but I need to talk about a discovery I made: sometimes I get so bored that I try to get off to see what happens. I usually only can when I’m ovulating or on my period or something, but on those days I’m not? Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Could be there trying for hours and I just feel sore bc I feel like I’m just, rubbing my skin raw.
I got off of birth control for my hormones about two years back, and they’ve been all out of whack since. I’d had doubts that I was actually ace recently because I figured hey, might be the Nexplanon and its innumerable side effects messing me up. Well not too long ago I got bored like I said, and tried going through videos and trying to distract myself.
It. Was. Boring.
Nothing did anything for me. Animation, real people, men, women, nothing. I ended up lying there watching the vids after like two hours of nothing and…nothing. It just fascinated me, how little I was not attracted to anything happening on screen.
This might not feel monumental to anyone else but this has blown me away. I’m not mad at all, just more surprised. I feel like I conducted an experiment on myself. I’ve always been told the typical “you haven’t found the right one” or “you need therapy” bit but honestly? It feels really cool to know what’s going on my body, and to know that what makes me sigh all dreamy is really wanting to kiss someone or hug them really tight lol
Anyway, yeah. Just a cool thing to finally come to terms with.
https://redd.it/1n2mwah
@asexualityonreddit
TL;DR - I’m officially sex repulsed and I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that it wasn’t my birth control’s fault. Weird, but kinda sick.
A little TMI but I need to talk about a discovery I made: sometimes I get so bored that I try to get off to see what happens. I usually only can when I’m ovulating or on my period or something, but on those days I’m not? Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Could be there trying for hours and I just feel sore bc I feel like I’m just, rubbing my skin raw.
I got off of birth control for my hormones about two years back, and they’ve been all out of whack since. I’d had doubts that I was actually ace recently because I figured hey, might be the Nexplanon and its innumerable side effects messing me up. Well not too long ago I got bored like I said, and tried going through videos and trying to distract myself.
It. Was. Boring.
Nothing did anything for me. Animation, real people, men, women, nothing. I ended up lying there watching the vids after like two hours of nothing and…nothing. It just fascinated me, how little I was not attracted to anything happening on screen.
This might not feel monumental to anyone else but this has blown me away. I’m not mad at all, just more surprised. I feel like I conducted an experiment on myself. I’ve always been told the typical “you haven’t found the right one” or “you need therapy” bit but honestly? It feels really cool to know what’s going on my body, and to know that what makes me sigh all dreamy is really wanting to kiss someone or hug them really tight lol
Anyway, yeah. Just a cool thing to finally come to terms with.
https://redd.it/1n2mwah
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Is this asexuality?
Hi guys. Was just talking with my boyfriend and told him about how I am not attracted to penises/faces really or naked bodies in general. Like I can find people attractive and think they’re pretty, and I can get horny mostly through like ‘action’ (kissing etc.), but like. Literally no attraction to anything else. He said this is probably asexuality. I wanted to ask if it is because honestly I’m not sure if it’s considered asexuality if I still enjoy sex/get horny/want to have sex. Any help appreciated! Thanks guys :)
https://redd.it/1n2pk3w
@asexualityonreddit
Hi guys. Was just talking with my boyfriend and told him about how I am not attracted to penises/faces really or naked bodies in general. Like I can find people attractive and think they’re pretty, and I can get horny mostly through like ‘action’ (kissing etc.), but like. Literally no attraction to anything else. He said this is probably asexuality. I wanted to ask if it is because honestly I’m not sure if it’s considered asexuality if I still enjoy sex/get horny/want to have sex. Any help appreciated! Thanks guys :)
https://redd.it/1n2pk3w
@asexualityonreddit
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Help me understand/confirm please?
Hello, all. So my boyfriend (26M) and I(28M) have been together for many years. We used to be sexually involved early on, but it’s kind of been dissolving over the years.
We’ve recently had a discussion, and he’s told me that he just doesn’t really enjoy the act, and never really has. He’s even like encouraged me to go make out with other people, like the sexual aspect as a whole even within our relationship doesn’t matter.
I’m beginning to suspect that he may be asexual, but 1) I don’t want to put words in his mouth, and 2) I don’t think he’s ready to hear/accept this (he has never liked the idea of not being “normal” in any capacity).
Basically, I was hoping someone could help me understand if I’m on the right track with my suspicions? If you’re asexual do you think you would care if your partner was having sexual contact with other people?
https://redd.it/1n2sne7
@asexualityonreddit
Hello, all. So my boyfriend (26M) and I(28M) have been together for many years. We used to be sexually involved early on, but it’s kind of been dissolving over the years.
We’ve recently had a discussion, and he’s told me that he just doesn’t really enjoy the act, and never really has. He’s even like encouraged me to go make out with other people, like the sexual aspect as a whole even within our relationship doesn’t matter.
I’m beginning to suspect that he may be asexual, but 1) I don’t want to put words in his mouth, and 2) I don’t think he’s ready to hear/accept this (he has never liked the idea of not being “normal” in any capacity).
Basically, I was hoping someone could help me understand if I’m on the right track with my suspicions? If you’re asexual do you think you would care if your partner was having sexual contact with other people?
https://redd.it/1n2sne7
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