Why do allos think not having a relationship/having had your first time yet makes you a loser?

Like ... I get that sex is important and fun for a lot of allos. And I get that most are very much interested in getting a nice and stable relationship. But what I don't get is that it's seen as sad if you haven't had your first time/relationship yet. Me personally I've had neither. And when my friends ask: "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"

And I reply with "no", they immediately give me this look full of pity and say, "Really!? Oh my god!" I've had a friend make fun of me for not having had a boyfriend yet. Like it's something everyone has to have. I just don't get why it makes you a loser.

https://redd.it/1n0x0wi
@asexualityonreddit

Do you like dressing up?

I personally hate those things and I’m curious if it is related to my lack of sexual desire.

My goal to grooming is simply to avoid looking strange to others while I feel that others aim more to appear attractive

Maybe I am feeling this way because I am a young woman and most of my friends are into dating&glow up😅

https://redd.it/1n127cz
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuals or aromantics, how significant is aesthetic and intellectual attraction in your social life when forming connections with others?



https://redd.it/1n1d5if
@asexualityonreddit

Has society gotten too hypersexual in recent years?

Tw: sex mention
Lately all songs are explicitly about sex, all song performances are sexual and include almost complete nudity. As a repulsed ace, I can't be a fan of anything without a sexual song, a sexual choreography, a sexual concert, naked artists being shoved into my face. And no matter how much I love songs/performances or anything really, I just feel sick and I cannot explain this in fandom spaces without being jumped. I hope people from my community will understand this.
There's only so many songs I can relate to cake and garlic bread, yk?

https://redd.it/1n1b8h4
@asexualityonreddit

Taking the blame for someone else's "toy."

My roomate brought his mother over to help clean part of the house. I walked by and caught her holding a bright pink you-know-what and looking at it with disgust. Later on I seen she had put it in my bathroom drawer, just sitting on top of my hygiene belongings like some kind of insult.

I have to see her again in a couple days and I'm just so embarrassed and pissed off. I can't and won't narc on her son, but knowing she assumed it was mine and me having to just go along with it makes me sick to my stomach, worse than having to actually move the fucking thing myself.

I'm venting here because I can't tell this to anyone in person, but it needs to be said so I can try to get over it before I have to go look her in the eyes and act like it never happened.






https://redd.it/1n1f7r8
@asexualityonreddit

Question to alexithymic asexuals (if some are here) - how did you realize you are asexual?

Random question that just popped in my mind so now i'm curious

if someone doesn't know - having alexithymia means that the person has troubles with recognizing emotions, their own and/or other people's

https://redd.it/1n1fdbs
@asexualityonreddit

hi guys I just came out in a extremely religious household

finally got my parents to accept me for the first time and I’m kind of surprised 🤷🏻‍♀️



I‘m a 14 year old asexual girl.



Story time :



I hit puberty really young and you know how teenagers go crazy and sexual and shit but I just completely lacked sexual attraction ever since I was 9 for whatever reason and I’ve been suspecting it for a while. Lacking sexual attraction was high-key depressing for me knowing that I’ll never be able to experience it. I grew up in an extremely religious household so I didn’t know how my parents would react and that only fed my sadness and worries. Eventually, 5 years later I couldn’t stand it anymore, and confronted my parents at the dinner table. I was genuinely cringing as they continued to lecture me about God nd blah blah blah whatever I’m not too serious about religion like they are... They were honestly in disbelief like… yes… it was obvious... Had to tell them what it means to be ace and they bashfully accepted it. Woo-hoo I guess, wasn’t expecting it but hey atleast I get to express myself 😁

https://redd.it/1n15szd
@asexualityonreddit

I hate how everything is a “fetish”

the internet culture and consensus is that the stuff i liked when i was a kid needs to mandatorily be fetishized and sexualized. i don’t like to kink shame people but it’s extremely frustrating to be unable to draw comfort art without someone treating it like a fetish. People would regularly say incredibly creepy stuff about my vent and comfort art when i was a minor and now if i try to draw what makes me happy people react as if i’ve drawn porn and it’s really fucking disgusting.

This has definitely contributed to my overall sex negativity/sex repulsion but it is genuinely triggering to me how much the internet feels a need to make everything about sex. If you’re the kind of person who gets off to the stuff i found comfort in as a child, fine, but do not project that onto me or onto literal children just trying to enjoy things. it gets to the point where even just involving children in the things that i liked to do as a child is some horrible thing and it’s like. jesus christ im so sick of horny people projecting their shit onto everything else. keep your fetishes to yourself and don’t assume just because someone enjoys something you happen to get off to means they also get off to it.

https://redd.it/1n1mnem
@asexualityonreddit

any italian ace / aroace people here?

hi y'all, I'm 21F and I live near Piacenza in emilia-romagna, I'm looking for some fellow ace / aroace people that live near me or in Italy generally speaking, I'd like to chit chat about what it's like being like me here in italy but also to talk about anything and nothing really!

https://redd.it/1n1nh20
@asexualityonreddit

Romantic vs. platonic attraction who???

Does anybody else have difficulty telling the difference between romantic and platonic attraction? Knowing now that I’m on the ace spectrum and that sexual attraction doesn’t have to play a part in my relationships, it feels really ambiguous where the line is between liking someone platonically or liking them romantically. It seems like either way, it’s just me really enjoying spending time around the person and wanting to be close to them emotionally. And of course, some friendships are closer than others so it’s plausible to have stronger feelings for someone and it still be platonic. I feel like I want committed long term relationships in my life, but I know plenty of people have committed platonic partnerships as well. But if all that’s the case, then wtf actually is romantic attraction?? I’m not sure if this means I might be on the aro spectrum or if it’s just because I have alexithymia and can’t always tell my emotions apart. Can anybody else relate, and if so, how do you approach it?

https://redd.it/1n1prdp
@asexualityonreddit

Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

https://redd.it/1n1szyj
@asexualityonreddit

How did you discover you were asexual?

I've recently been heavily questioning whether I am asexual, especially since I'm about to be an adult and I sort of feel like I should be experiencing sexual attraction, but I lowkey don't? I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but I'm curious to hear y'all's perspectives to see if any of you feel the same things I do! So, like the title says, how did you discover you were asexual?

https://redd.it/1n1q8i9
@asexualityonreddit

My girlfriend is asexual and I'm not

Hi guys, I feel weird talking about that but I've got a problem. I'm really not asexual, I've experienced some sexually correlated trauma and my sexuality is pretty messed up because of that but im definitely not asexual. And the problem is that I love this one girl and I'd like to stay with her till my death, have kids and a cute house together but she's asexual and even tho I don't have a high libido and it doesn't matter to me so much if we'll have sex or not (i also wouldn't like to do it but if she wanted to, it would be okay with me) she told me that kisses don't feel good to her at all. I feel like kissing is big part of how i am intimate with someone, so much that when I think that I'll never kiss her anymore I just randomly start to feel uncomfortable and sometimes cry, does anybody know how can I do something about that?

https://redd.it/1n1ur3c
@asexualityonreddit

i am now apparently abusive for "withholding sex"

i cant do this shit anymore i think we should just break up at this point but uuuugh kill me

https://redd.it/1n1xx5w
@asexualityonreddit

Thought this was an Ace club on my campus
https://redd.it/1n1yqut
@asexualityonreddit

Being asexual is ruining my life

I wouldn't have it any other way I don't want to have sex. Sex is not something I ever want to do but all anyone wants is sex. Everyone who is interested in me just wants to have sex with me. All my friends don't understand me. They think I am weird and that's okay but I wish someone understood.
Most of my friends are people who failed to hit.
I am on the aromantic spectrum and I don't never wanted to date anyone but people don't leave me alone and they lie and say they're fine with me being asexual but few months down the line they tell me there's no love without sex. I guess I never loved anyone then and no one will ever love me.

https://redd.it/1n222ir
@asexualityonreddit

I need help navigating this and unlearning “traditional masculinity”

I’ve (24M) been on this strange, but freeing asexual journey for almost a year now. The last time I had sex was December 26, 2025. It feels like a long time, but at the same time I don’t miss it at all that I feel as though no time has passed. For a while I thought sex would be the most important thing for me (dumb I know). But I was wrong and I damaged myself so much by chasing it.

Up until about 2022 I was a virgin I spent my whole life in the church and was very sexually repressed. When I finally left at 20 I wanted the first thing to experience to be sex. And so I began to engage in hookup culture. I just about hooked up with any girl I met at bars or clubs that gave it up. I think the more I frequently hooked up the more I felt the need to prove I loved it (I did not). I began to freak out thinking there was something wrong with me, I thought I should be enjoying this more. It felt like something I’ve been waiting for a long time just let me down. I was so scared to tell anyone that I didn’t enjoy sex because all the guys around would talk about hot girls and whatnot. I thought there was something deeply wrong with me so I went to the doctor and I was fine, healthy. It killed me that I couldn’t be “normal”.

All I ever wanted was to fit in, I camouflaged myself socially to fit in with whatever group I could be part of. Never really gave it a second thought to who I am or what I wanted. I figured anything was better than being alone again. I faked everything for so long and now I began to fake things again, I developed a relationship with a girl who was terrible for me. She was always very insistent on having sex, it was quite possibly the worst situation I could be in. I did so many things that I think the average porn brained straight person would die for. I felt like I was debasing myself every time and I hated myself more and more. I was so scared to tell anyone these things because I didn’t want to complain about “living the dream”. I kept it to myself and every time to comfort myself I would think “I’m a man, I shouldn’t be complaining”. Those thoughts killed me a bit every time I spoke them to myself.

I’ve since separated myself from this girl and I’m now left with the pain and trauma of what happened. However, I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m complaining about having sex. It makes me feel like less of a man. According to my friends I’ve shaken several of the toxic masculinity traits we as Latino men are raised with, but some still stick. I’ve been battling with my masculinity lately and I hate it. I feel like how could I consider myself a man when nothing about me feels masculine. I’m not on a non-binary journey or anything like that, but I wish I was more of a man. Whatever that means. I thought I shed my skin of these gross traditions, but I’m still seeking the validation from them to prove myself something I’m not. Not sure if anyone else has any similar experiences, but if you do please I’d love to hear something, anything. I need to know if I’m doing things right or if I’m wrong, I feel very lost and this is all still new to me.

https://redd.it/1n2659a
@asexualityonreddit

huh.
https://redd.it/1n1xdig
@asexualityonreddit

How old is everyone in this group?

Just curious.

I'll go first. I'm 35.

https://redd.it/1n29i1t
@asexualityonreddit

Tired of being dismissed or not believed when explaining things simply? Say some stupid, outrageous nonsense instead!

"So you've never had a relationship? Ever? And you don't want one either?!"
"No. I took a vow of strict lifelong chastity when I was 12 and shall not break it for as long as I breathe, lest my soul be damned to burn in the deepest depths of hell for eternity."

"What do you mean you don't want to have sex? Everybody has sex, it's a basic human need!"
"I was born with a rare vaginal deformity that detects all sexual activity as a physical disease and sends signals to my stomach to violently expel everything I've eaten that day in response"

"Oh, you just haven't met the right person yet, and you're still so young! Just you wait until Mr. Right comes along and you'll change your mind, you'll see!"
"Mr. Right? He tried to kiss me once, but my gag reflex triggered a projectile vomiting session so intense it left the room smelling like decaying meat for hours. Romance for me is… complicated."

Bonus points if you can say these things with a perfect poker face on, as if you're being dead serious.

Honestly, some people won't believe you or take this orientation seriously no matter how much you bend over backwards to explain it, so wasting your time trying to isn't always worth it. It's something I've had to learn over the years. Might as well have some fun with it, if nothing else.

https://redd.it/1n274ll
@asexualityonreddit