Supporto per una situazione che sto vivendo
Ciao amici di Reddit! Volevo parlarvi di una questione successa con l'amico che preferisco di più, premetto subito che credo di essere aromantico o asessuale, in pratica lui mi piace esteticamente e siccome la cosa mi stava facendo stare male, per motivi che ora non sto ad elencare, gliel'ho detto, il problema è che gli ho detto una cosa molto forte, ossia che avevo il dubbio di essermi innamorato di lui...Lui ha preso un pochino le distanze ma poi è tornato e mi ha detto che mi vuole molto molto bene e mi considera un caro amico, però non sente una preferenza nei miei confronti (sa che invece io la sento o almeno la sentivo).
Io non sono innamorato perché il mio è solo un bisogno intenso di affetto, che ora ho ridimensionato perché non voglio metterlo mai più a disagio, ho pensato anche che potrebbe essere uno squish o un mesh. Poi non ho mai desiderato baciarlo o altro o formare una coppia con lui, anzi, io non vedo l'ora che lui si fidanzi, che stia benissimo e sia felicissimo con la sua futura fidanzata, anche perché so che lo desidera tanto.
Ora vengo alla domanda (lui mi vuole un bene dell'anima)...se sei etero al 100% e sai o sospetti che un tuo caro amico prova dei sentimenti per te, che gli piaci, anche se non ha mai desiderato fidanzarsi con te e magari l'omosessualità potrebbe anche non essere il suo orientamento, prenderai per sempre una distanza emotiva nei suoi confronti? Non sarete più amici come prima? Ti dà fastidio il fatto che un altro maschio, per di più un tuo amico, possa provare sentimenti per te? Anche se non vuole e non ha mai voluto andare oltre l'amicizia? Ti dà fastidio oppure, se lui sta bene, per te va bene così?
In sostanza, anche se lui è un po' più cauto adesso, vuole essere ancora mio amico "come prima" oppure ciò che gli ho detto lo inibirà per sempre un pochino nei miei confronti? Potrà tornare a fidarsi "ciecamente" di me oppure no?
https://redd.it/1mtlhmp
@asexualityonreddit
Ciao amici di Reddit! Volevo parlarvi di una questione successa con l'amico che preferisco di più, premetto subito che credo di essere aromantico o asessuale, in pratica lui mi piace esteticamente e siccome la cosa mi stava facendo stare male, per motivi che ora non sto ad elencare, gliel'ho detto, il problema è che gli ho detto una cosa molto forte, ossia che avevo il dubbio di essermi innamorato di lui...Lui ha preso un pochino le distanze ma poi è tornato e mi ha detto che mi vuole molto molto bene e mi considera un caro amico, però non sente una preferenza nei miei confronti (sa che invece io la sento o almeno la sentivo).
Io non sono innamorato perché il mio è solo un bisogno intenso di affetto, che ora ho ridimensionato perché non voglio metterlo mai più a disagio, ho pensato anche che potrebbe essere uno squish o un mesh. Poi non ho mai desiderato baciarlo o altro o formare una coppia con lui, anzi, io non vedo l'ora che lui si fidanzi, che stia benissimo e sia felicissimo con la sua futura fidanzata, anche perché so che lo desidera tanto.
Ora vengo alla domanda (lui mi vuole un bene dell'anima)...se sei etero al 100% e sai o sospetti che un tuo caro amico prova dei sentimenti per te, che gli piaci, anche se non ha mai desiderato fidanzarsi con te e magari l'omosessualità potrebbe anche non essere il suo orientamento, prenderai per sempre una distanza emotiva nei suoi confronti? Non sarete più amici come prima? Ti dà fastidio il fatto che un altro maschio, per di più un tuo amico, possa provare sentimenti per te? Anche se non vuole e non ha mai voluto andare oltre l'amicizia? Ti dà fastidio oppure, se lui sta bene, per te va bene così?
In sostanza, anche se lui è un po' più cauto adesso, vuole essere ancora mio amico "come prima" oppure ciò che gli ho detto lo inibirà per sempre un pochino nei miei confronti? Potrà tornare a fidarsi "ciecamente" di me oppure no?
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Aces who have had (consensual) sex, how was it?
I'm curious about everyone's experiences. Did you enjoy it? Was it underwhelming? Awkward? Something else? And I mean strictly consensual sex, not if you were assaulted or otherwise used (and I'm very sorry if that happened to you).
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I'm curious about everyone's experiences. Did you enjoy it? Was it underwhelming? Awkward? Something else? And I mean strictly consensual sex, not if you were assaulted or otherwise used (and I'm very sorry if that happened to you).
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i feel “out of place” even in the asexual community
i don’t know how to explain this correctly, but even among asexuals i feel like a stranger. i absolutely don’t want to offend anyone, but in many ace communities there’s a constant message that asexuals can also have sex and enjoy it, that asexuality does not mean the absence of libido, that asexuals also masturbate and can have sexual fantasies — i think many of you have seen such opinions and takes.
the fact is that i am asexual, and most likely also somewhere on the aromantic spectrum — i recently realized that what i always thought of as being in love was actually more about a very specific need connected to my cptsd, but this post is not about that. the point is: i never felt sexual attraction to anyone and never understood why people have sex or why it is so important to them, and i don't experience sex drive at all — and as a result, i have never masturbated, never had sexual fantasies, and in general the very thought of sex disgusts me. there are people who do it just to give pleasure to their partner, while not feeling any desire and not feeling anything during sex except boredom, but i’m different: even the idea of genital contact makes me recoil. it also deeply unsettles me that someone could ever see me as a potential sexual partner. (to be clear: this has nothing to do with trauma, i have never experienced sexual violence — i’ve simply always felt this way, and i’m fine with it.)
at the same time the world itself is very sex-centered, and it would seem that the asexual community should be the only place to escape that; but whenever i join, i see that most people there are still, in one way or another, interested in sexual activity. and i honestly don’t know where else to go, if the only space created for people like me doesn’t feel that different from the rest of the world.
like, there is the asexual spectrum, which really does have a lot of different variations, and that's valid. and there are simply asexuals — and i don’t understand why people who actually enjoy sex call themselves that, when there are already plenty of labels to describe it (demisexual, graysexual, lithsexual, cupiosexual, etc.)
and i have the feeling that even in the community created for me, my experience still ends up on the margins. where am i even supposed to go, if even in the ace spaces the dominant narrative is “we can also masturbate and have sex”? where can i find a space free from constant discussions about sex?
https://redd.it/1mu3rjo
@asexualityonreddit
i don’t know how to explain this correctly, but even among asexuals i feel like a stranger. i absolutely don’t want to offend anyone, but in many ace communities there’s a constant message that asexuals can also have sex and enjoy it, that asexuality does not mean the absence of libido, that asexuals also masturbate and can have sexual fantasies — i think many of you have seen such opinions and takes.
the fact is that i am asexual, and most likely also somewhere on the aromantic spectrum — i recently realized that what i always thought of as being in love was actually more about a very specific need connected to my cptsd, but this post is not about that. the point is: i never felt sexual attraction to anyone and never understood why people have sex or why it is so important to them, and i don't experience sex drive at all — and as a result, i have never masturbated, never had sexual fantasies, and in general the very thought of sex disgusts me. there are people who do it just to give pleasure to their partner, while not feeling any desire and not feeling anything during sex except boredom, but i’m different: even the idea of genital contact makes me recoil. it also deeply unsettles me that someone could ever see me as a potential sexual partner. (to be clear: this has nothing to do with trauma, i have never experienced sexual violence — i’ve simply always felt this way, and i’m fine with it.)
at the same time the world itself is very sex-centered, and it would seem that the asexual community should be the only place to escape that; but whenever i join, i see that most people there are still, in one way or another, interested in sexual activity. and i honestly don’t know where else to go, if the only space created for people like me doesn’t feel that different from the rest of the world.
like, there is the asexual spectrum, which really does have a lot of different variations, and that's valid. and there are simply asexuals — and i don’t understand why people who actually enjoy sex call themselves that, when there are already plenty of labels to describe it (demisexual, graysexual, lithsexual, cupiosexual, etc.)
and i have the feeling that even in the community created for me, my experience still ends up on the margins. where am i even supposed to go, if even in the ace spaces the dominant narrative is “we can also masturbate and have sex”? where can i find a space free from constant discussions about sex?
https://redd.it/1mu3rjo
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This might be it
For so long, I have identified as bisexual. I liked the idea of a relationship whether it was with a man or woman, etc. I love reading and watching romance. But I kept coming back to what I wouldn’t necessarily call a problem but a confusing curiosity maybe? Everyone around me seems so sex driven, and relationship driven, whereas I’ve just kind of been cruising, not carrying much about pursuing a relationship. The only time I felt bad about it was when others might say that I must be super lonely. And that made me feel like I was failing in someway. Even though I just wasn’t as interested. When asked out, I turn them down. I don’t like the idea of going out with someone I don’t know. But last year an ex coworker asked me out, and I was pretty conflicted. There was no reason I should turn them down. He looks nice, we had a lot of in common, and I enjoyed his company. But for some reason, I just really wasn’t feeling it. I thought maybe it was just because I hadn’t actually gone out on a date in like eight years. So, Maybe I should give it a try? The date was awesome. I had so much fun, but I realized i didn’t was the intimacy he wanted. We kissed and I was so uncomfortable with it. Not that he necessarily did anything wrong, but I expected to enjoy the act of kissing but it only made me incredibly uncomfortable. That discomfort only grew when I thought about experiencing physical sexual intimacy myself. I’d always liked reading it, but suddenly this reality of me potentially being a participant gave me an ick that’s hard to describe.
Later I started thinking about What I actually wanted. I had assumed my lack of interest was due to a lack of experience. But that wasn’t right. When I asked myself if I wanted to be sexually intimate with anyone I started becoming very uncomfortable. I realized I like the idea of non-sexual intimacy. I like the idea of having a partner I could cuddle with and live with and be best friends with, but I didn’t like the idea of anything beyond that.
It’s crazy how long it took me to realize I had an interest in women as well as men. But it’s crazier to me that only now am I realizing that my enjoyment of romance novels and romance movies and video game romance doesn’t translate into me being someone who would enjoy that type of relationship.
I talked to my sister a lot about it and she put it into words really well by comparing it to sports. Enjoying watching a game is very different from participating in the game itself.
So yeah I think I’m Ace. Watching the game? I enjoy. Participating in the game? NOPE.
https://redd.it/1mubht7
@asexualityonreddit
For so long, I have identified as bisexual. I liked the idea of a relationship whether it was with a man or woman, etc. I love reading and watching romance. But I kept coming back to what I wouldn’t necessarily call a problem but a confusing curiosity maybe? Everyone around me seems so sex driven, and relationship driven, whereas I’ve just kind of been cruising, not carrying much about pursuing a relationship. The only time I felt bad about it was when others might say that I must be super lonely. And that made me feel like I was failing in someway. Even though I just wasn’t as interested. When asked out, I turn them down. I don’t like the idea of going out with someone I don’t know. But last year an ex coworker asked me out, and I was pretty conflicted. There was no reason I should turn them down. He looks nice, we had a lot of in common, and I enjoyed his company. But for some reason, I just really wasn’t feeling it. I thought maybe it was just because I hadn’t actually gone out on a date in like eight years. So, Maybe I should give it a try? The date was awesome. I had so much fun, but I realized i didn’t was the intimacy he wanted. We kissed and I was so uncomfortable with it. Not that he necessarily did anything wrong, but I expected to enjoy the act of kissing but it only made me incredibly uncomfortable. That discomfort only grew when I thought about experiencing physical sexual intimacy myself. I’d always liked reading it, but suddenly this reality of me potentially being a participant gave me an ick that’s hard to describe.
Later I started thinking about What I actually wanted. I had assumed my lack of interest was due to a lack of experience. But that wasn’t right. When I asked myself if I wanted to be sexually intimate with anyone I started becoming very uncomfortable. I realized I like the idea of non-sexual intimacy. I like the idea of having a partner I could cuddle with and live with and be best friends with, but I didn’t like the idea of anything beyond that.
It’s crazy how long it took me to realize I had an interest in women as well as men. But it’s crazier to me that only now am I realizing that my enjoyment of romance novels and romance movies and video game romance doesn’t translate into me being someone who would enjoy that type of relationship.
I talked to my sister a lot about it and she put it into words really well by comparing it to sports. Enjoying watching a game is very different from participating in the game itself.
So yeah I think I’m Ace. Watching the game? I enjoy. Participating in the game? NOPE.
https://redd.it/1mubht7
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Ok sooooo, does anyone dislike it when a specific sentence or words that are used sexually?
Now first off, im not saying that ppl who uses sexually are bad ( which idk why it would be bad ) bc DUH. Its okay if you do it
But i am talking abt how a specific word or sentence is so overused as a sexual meaning to the point that it can’t be seen as something else yk.
For like example, how ppl describe sexual attraction. And yes sexual attraction is sexual. Its in the name. But im talking abt how ppl describe sexual attraction.
They always say that it means that you want to be close with someone and that is it.
No clear explanation. Just being close with someone ( i even heard someone online saying sexual attraction is wanting to be close with someone. Even if its just innocent cuddles and kisses. Its sexually intended….bro, i know my dating pool is gonna be non-existent. Which most of the Time i don’t mind being single. But cmon man, i can still want some romance without sex )
Which i never got it bc ppl can want to feel close to someone but its not sexually intended or used for that.
So i thought being close to someone could mean anything. Could be sexual, sensual, emotional, ETC.
Its ok wanting to be close to someone sexually. You can if you want to Idc.
But it always feels like most ppl only want to be close to others that way.
And being close to someone differently is just gonna be misunderstood as ‘’ wanting to lead into sexual acts ‘’
Idk. Maybe its just me ig.
There is also another word that has been used this way too which is ‘’ let me take care of you ‘’ now this word kind of cringes me. Idk why. Especially when its used seductively.
But i do think it could be used non-sexually.
Like saying ‘’ let me take care of you ‘’ emotionally or just caring for someone to not be alone.
Like, i think this could count. Not my personal fav but i still think it could be used in that way.
Its just that i noticed it being used in sexual acts most of the time ( mostly in books, movies or just anywhere tbh )
And AGAIIIINNNNN. Its okay if ppl want to use it that way. Which idk what would be not ok if you do soooo.
You can do whatever you want as long as you are consenting, safe and not hurting anyone
Its just something that i noticed.
And also bc im in an enviorment where if you say something in specific then it should only mean sexual.
Like, if you say you wanna be close to someone they would sometimes make me feel like i should only want it sexual if i say i want them close to me sensually or emotionally. So yeh
Thats the part where i mostly dont like it.
Im not talking abt ppl who uses words in a sexual manner in general but ppl who shoves in it your face and say how its should be used that way and ONLY that way. And shouldnt be thought differently.
So yep. Kind of a rant. Im sorry if my posts sounds bad ( i Hope i dont sound like a puritain…i dont like puritains/sex-negatives. But if i do. I will learn my lesson yk. Im trying to be more careful for what i say bc it would sometimes be misunderstood )
I hope the post is a bit understanding to read and all. Idk if some ppl relate to this. But if you do, would you like to talk abt it?
https://redd.it/1mur0nb
@asexualityonreddit
Now first off, im not saying that ppl who uses sexually are bad ( which idk why it would be bad ) bc DUH. Its okay if you do it
But i am talking abt how a specific word or sentence is so overused as a sexual meaning to the point that it can’t be seen as something else yk.
For like example, how ppl describe sexual attraction. And yes sexual attraction is sexual. Its in the name. But im talking abt how ppl describe sexual attraction.
They always say that it means that you want to be close with someone and that is it.
No clear explanation. Just being close with someone ( i even heard someone online saying sexual attraction is wanting to be close with someone. Even if its just innocent cuddles and kisses. Its sexually intended….bro, i know my dating pool is gonna be non-existent. Which most of the Time i don’t mind being single. But cmon man, i can still want some romance without sex )
Which i never got it bc ppl can want to feel close to someone but its not sexually intended or used for that.
So i thought being close to someone could mean anything. Could be sexual, sensual, emotional, ETC.
Its ok wanting to be close to someone sexually. You can if you want to Idc.
But it always feels like most ppl only want to be close to others that way.
And being close to someone differently is just gonna be misunderstood as ‘’ wanting to lead into sexual acts ‘’
Idk. Maybe its just me ig.
There is also another word that has been used this way too which is ‘’ let me take care of you ‘’ now this word kind of cringes me. Idk why. Especially when its used seductively.
But i do think it could be used non-sexually.
Like saying ‘’ let me take care of you ‘’ emotionally or just caring for someone to not be alone.
Like, i think this could count. Not my personal fav but i still think it could be used in that way.
Its just that i noticed it being used in sexual acts most of the time ( mostly in books, movies or just anywhere tbh )
And AGAIIIINNNNN. Its okay if ppl want to use it that way. Which idk what would be not ok if you do soooo.
You can do whatever you want as long as you are consenting, safe and not hurting anyone
Its just something that i noticed.
And also bc im in an enviorment where if you say something in specific then it should only mean sexual.
Like, if you say you wanna be close to someone they would sometimes make me feel like i should only want it sexual if i say i want them close to me sensually or emotionally. So yeh
Thats the part where i mostly dont like it.
Im not talking abt ppl who uses words in a sexual manner in general but ppl who shoves in it your face and say how its should be used that way and ONLY that way. And shouldnt be thought differently.
So yep. Kind of a rant. Im sorry if my posts sounds bad ( i Hope i dont sound like a puritain…i dont like puritains/sex-negatives. But if i do. I will learn my lesson yk. Im trying to be more careful for what i say bc it would sometimes be misunderstood )
I hope the post is a bit understanding to read and all. Idk if some ppl relate to this. But if you do, would you like to talk abt it?
https://redd.it/1mur0nb
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