I feel so deeply disappointed by everyone (allo) right now.

For some reason, I still don't understand that other people ACTUALLY want sex and are having it. I remember being in my first relationship, assuming that surely, we're still too young for this and not into all of this stuff, right? That's until my then boyfriend told me what he did with his ex and demanded to do sexual things with me, too. It made me feel so disgusted and repulsed from him as a person. And then came the realization that his is the common experience, not mine. It feels like the whole world is betraying me and noone understands me.
So I had a first date recently and it went really well, we talked for hours, had a laugh, chatted for a couple days now, very friendly and not at all "romantic" so far. All good until tonight, he shared a couple of memes and "funny videos" with me that were sexual jokes, the kind of stuff you'd just expect in mens WhatsApp groups... It was nothing graphic or explicit but still grossed me out so bad. I don't know why I even still believe people are "innocent" in that way. I immediately felt objectified and repulsed. No idea whether he's making allusions or just trying to be funny, I just don't wanna be anywhere near those. I didn't rly know what to reply or how to act now.
My dating profile does say I'm asexual but we didn't have a talk about it explicitly yet because I'm very uncomfortable with talking about that and it felt very out of place in the casual talks we had. Guess it's due soon now..

I feel silly but this tiny thing just made me feel so alone. I'm not trying to hate on anyone, rationally I know sexuality is normal and okay. But truth is, as a sex repulsed person, I just feel betrayed by the whole world and disgusted by everyone right now... This hit really hard. And idk why I keep being naive and believing people are more "innocent" in those aspects. I just need to talk to someone who shares my feelings about this right now, but I don't have any ace friends 😓 It feels like noone will understand me ever. I wish dating asexual people wasn't so hard/impossible. I'm starting to think it is the only way. I'm aware that there's gonna be problems when dating allos. But this showed me again... I feel like I'm just incompatible with everyone. Time to uninstall the dating apps again, I guess.

I don't want to panic and leave btw. I always panic and leave. We had a nice day and I was looking forward to doing more together. Should I talk to him about this or for now just try to ignore it and change the topic, focus on other things? 😓

Vent end...

https://redd.it/1mlle5o
@asexualityonreddit

Needed this out of my head and my notes app

Why can't I just feel it? Why can't it be easy like it seems to be for everyone else? I don't feel broken, but I feel like something in me is. Like there's this huge disconnect between who I always thought I'd be and who I am. Where are the sparks, the gut feeling? Do I even have those? Is it just not for him? Why can't it be for him? We could be so good for eachother. Maybe it's best? I think we would both end up resentful. Hurt. More than we already are. I don't know if we could handle more hurt. I want it to be like a movie, like we need the build up for the payoff. But I also believe in "you know when you know" and I just don't know. Why can't I fucking know? Will I ever? What does that mean for our friendship? What does it mean for me?


https://redd.it/1mlm6if
@asexualityonreddit

Sex-favorable aces exist

As a sex-favorable ace, I often times feel very distant from the ace community. So often I hear people equate having sex to allosexuality, but asexual ≠ celibate. Asexual ≠ sex-repulsed. No, I don't experience sexual attraction, but I still participate in allosexual sex culture because I like it and think it's fun! And I am definitely not the only ace with this experience. There's a surprising number of kinky aces out there too.

So this is my plea for the community to stop equating asexuality with sex-repulsion. Sex-repulsed aces are valid and deserve their space in the community, of course, but so do sex-indifferent and sex-favorable aces. And we shouldn't forget that sex-repulsed allos exist too! Asexuality is experiencing little to no sexual attraction. It has nothing to do with feelings towards sex itself or willingness to participate in sex. Sexual desire can exist without sexual attraction.

Anyway, I just wanted to put this reminder out there, and I'm more than happy to talk with people in the comments about this. I love this community and just want to make sure all who are part of it feel welcome within it!

https://redd.it/1mlszpm
@asexualityonreddit

How do you go through life being a sex negative asexual?

I feel uncomfortrable even within asexual safe spaces sometimes.

I got my family harassing me and talking to me about uncomfortrable topics, when I was already doing well avoiding these topics of sex, while sometimes I go online for comfort when my family keep upsetting me, and I see more things about being sex positive than anything and it makes me feel more alone.....

I get that sex positive asexual exist but I feel lonely. If u are sex negative, how do u do it?....

I try to avoid nsfw things because why waste my time on topics I dislike, but yeah. I need advise plz.

https://redd.it/1mlw436
@asexualityonreddit

Can Morihito be considered Aroace?

https://redd.it/1mlxaj5
@asexualityonreddit

For the AroAces?
https://redd.it/1mlwhpx
@asexualityonreddit

(18f) when to tell boyfriend i'm ace?

Hi! Using a throwaway since my bf knows my main reddit account.

I'm a rising college freshman and just got into a relationship with my boyfriend a week ago. We're both going to amazing unis (I'm so proud of him!) and we will be long-distance in college but our colleges are quite close to each other, so we can definitely meet up. (This will be relevant later.)

My boyfriend and I are in the same friend group and, recently, me and two others in the friend group met up. They are in a relationship and, the whole time we were hanging out, were very handsy with each other, going as far as reaching under each others' shirts in public. I remarked on this to my boyfriend and he said something along the lines of "I don't know, that sounds kind of fun," which is why I feel the need to tell him that I'm ace.

I am not completely repulsed to the idea of sex and would be okay with trying it at some point, especially if it's important to my partner. However, I am 100% certain that I am not sexually attracted to him (even though I think he's gorgeous and cute) and have never experienced sexual attraction in my life. Do you think I should bring my asexuality up to him the next time it comes up naturally? Am I right for expecting that he might want to have sex one day? If we're planning to go long-distance soon anyways, would pushing off the conversation be a better idea?

Part of me is just really afraid that he will break up with me or reevaluate the relationship which is why I'm hesitant to tell him. At the same time, I don't want to deceive him, and I know it's better to tell him now when things aren't super serious yet. Thank you so much, anything helps!

https://redd.it/1mm4u2x
@asexualityonreddit

Garlic bread posting because I tried it finally recently and this is so fucking good
https://redd.it/1mm5zum
@asexualityonreddit

Wizards?

Ok so you know how there's the saying in some countries that if your a virgin past 30 you turn into a wizard and get magic? Do you think this also applies to people on the asexual spectrum? I know that this is kinda a stupid question but I am curious to know if it's though to also be a thing with people on the ace spectrum.

https://redd.it/1mm4skt
@asexualityonreddit

Many allosexuals are asensual and lack passion. Many asexuals are allosensual and passionate.

Sensual passion is completely separate from urges to have sex with someone. Sensual attraction is not just hugs and touches and flowers and rainbows.

You can be sex-repulsed and still sensuality-favorable. They are not the same thing.

Me and my partner bite, hold and claw each other out of passion. That doesn't mean we have sex. That doesn't mean libido. No genital contact involved or wanted. I'm sex averse asexual, he is sex indifferent (falls asleep out of boredom type) asexual, and we are extremely passionate towards each other sensually.

Completely different things. I had a nightmare incompatible allosexual asensual ex before and it was both boring and repulsive, especially since I was extremely dysphoric until my nullification surgery.

Passion comes in vastly different forms. So do our needs and urges.

https://redd.it/1mm60aj
@asexualityonreddit

What my ex told me when I discovered and came out as ace when we were dating

"please stop brining it up, I don't want our friends to feel bad for me"


I'll always kick myself for not breaking it off right then and there, but teenagers are dumb

https://redd.it/1mm5s2p
@asexualityonreddit

I’m realizing I’m asexual and worried about keeping my act up for my wife.

We’ve quite young, but have been together since 2018. Originally we were long distance and going to wait for marriage, but we had sex for the first time in late december of 2023. Both of us were virgins at the time.

She got pregnant, absent sex drive throughout the pregnancy. Our son is now 10.5 months old. Since our son was born I’ve graduated with my master’s degree, we’ve gotten married, bought our first house, renovated, and I (very slowly) moved ~100 miles from my big major city to her very small rural hometown. Like I said, all pretty young, so it’s been a particularly stressful time. There hasn’t really been a lot of time for sex, this past year has been very go go go. That did change fairly recently, things are stabilizing & starting to mellow out.

Aside from curiosity, I’ve never really desired sex per se. Now that sex is happening, it’s even clearer to me that I have absolutely no desire or pleasure derived from sex. I’m even a little repulsed by it. I’m able to set that repulsion aside though because I do really enjoy seeing her happy & her pleasure. I’ve even gotten pretty good at it, I even initiate sometimes when I can tell she wants it. But I don’t get anything sexually from it. Nothing.

She’s starting to let go of regressive views from religious repression/programming. She’s becoming increasingly open minded in a lot of ways. I want her to continue in that progression. It’s resulting in the sex being very frequent (several times daily), kinks are starting to be explored. But I’m not sure I can totally keep up the act. I don’t feel like resentment is a risk, I really do enjoy seeing her happy to the extent it offsets any of the negatives. I’m just not sure I can keep up the act if things stay this way, and her open mindedness hasn’t gotten to the point she’d accept I’m asexual.

There’s a few acts too that I find particularly difficult to act like I enjoy, but those happen to be ones that are her favorites… so they happen all the time. One big positive though is she’s become more amicable to me using toys on her, which has relieved a lot of repulsion etc. But yeah, keeping my story & face straight is getting harder.

https://redd.it/1mmb3op
@asexualityonreddit

Assembling an ace army on wPlace to fight hate

sorry if this isn’t the place, but a university that suffered a mass shooting (UCSB)is getting regularly vandalized on wplace by incels. I can’t exactly stop the vandals on my own, but i saw someone was making a collection of ace flags nearby and i thought that if we can team up we can stop vandals from spewing hate speech on a platform aimed at fostering community and creativity

https://redd.it/1mm8jqa
@asexualityonreddit

I want friends who won’t crush on me

I wish I had more female friends (21+), or at least people who aren’t as likely to catch feelings for me, like gay men or other aroaces. I’m sad I can’t fully be myself around some people cause im afraid of them tryna turn it into something more. It happens often, and it’s ruined many friendships (all with straight/bi/pan men).

I dress plainly most of the time, speak in a monotone, don’t smile much, and I still get this problem. Many guys will say “Oh yeah I completely understand”, and then they don’t. Bc I still observe them mirroring me, feigning interest in my interests, not looking for other women to date. Even one said, “Why not just try it with me?” Another said “So do you think you’ll change sometime soon?” NO. I WONT.

Where tf do I meet people who I can 100% act myself around without a fear of them crushing on me??? (I tolerate romantic advances from women better than men, but the point still stands). Anytime I try to make friends with women on female-only forums, no one replies. I gotta be genderless in every chatroom cause even the slightest hint of a female presence gets me unwanted advances in my dms.

Sorry this is partially a rant, but I also just really don’t wanna constantly be on my guard when hanging out with people.

https://redd.it/1mmb9x2
@asexualityonreddit

Are the allos ok???????

https://redd.it/1mmdu69
@asexualityonreddit