Have a curious question but it might be TMI. And i am sorry
https://redd.it/1ml2fol
@asexualityonreddit

What non-romantic and non-sexual aspects attract you to people?

....

https://redd.it/1ml0q6d
@asexualityonreddit

I apologise for my post. I am sorry to every ace and allo community

https://redd.it/1ml17xr
@asexualityonreddit

Can asexuals technically have kinks?

So I'm asexual. I've known since I was 17 (that's when I found out what it's called) and I'm 23 now and still a 100% sure of my sexuality. I've never wanted to have sex with anyone, I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone. But I do masturbate. Now here comes my dilemma. I have things that sorta turn me on? Or that I like in the porn I consume, right... So for example kinks like exhibitionism and stuff. But does that count as HAVING that kink? Because I'm asexual, I would NEVER want to have sex in public, but watching porn where that happens is so hot. Basically, all the kinks I like (long list) are only a turn on if it's other people participating and I have nothing to do with it so are they technically MY kinks?? Bro like I'm so confused. Whenever people ask me if I have kinks, idk what the hell to tell them. Like if I say "yes, I have a piss kink" they would think that I'd need to participate in that to cum or something, BUT I DON'T, like it's literally the opposite - I MUSTN'T be participating in order to cum. I'm scared of telling people what I like in case they'll misunderstand... All of my kinks are theoretical rather than practical, I guess.

If anyone wants to give their two cents on this, I'd gladly read you replies.

https://redd.it/1ml555v
@asexualityonreddit

how often do you experience sexual attraction

Hi so im not sure im asexual, i have never been in a relationship or had sex so i can’t figure out my stance on it. I has never been a problem for me that i’m still a virgin (19F) and i think even if i find a partner i wont have sex right away. But my question is do you feel sexuall attraction? I don’t know if i have ever been sexually attracted to anyone, generally i’ve only had maybe 2 “crushes” but i don’t get those either. I rarely ever even feel aroused or when i do i can just ignore it. I can’t even imagine what sexual attraction would be other than like thinking “i would hit”. Is that it?

https://redd.it/1ml9mrl
@asexualityonreddit

15 and Ace?

I’ve come to ask the community for advice or an answer to my question.

To put it bluntly, can I know I’m asexual at only 15 years old?

I’m actually closer to 16, but still, I’ve never felt any sexual attraction in all 15 and 11 months of my life. Can I truly know that I’m ace this young?

I ask this because of how young I am, and I’ve been told that I’ll “change my mind when I’m older” when expressing that nothing has made me feel sexually attracted.

Almost all of my peers and friends(who are all the same age as me) often tell me about their sexual attraction to characters they like, actors, and even pornography. I’ve seen porn. It doesn’t do it for me. I know I’m certainly not aromantic, and can feel attracted to a person’s looks (but mostly their personality), but I’ve never once thought about what they’d look like unclothed or inside of me.

But it’s like it’s all my friends can think about. I seldom see things in a sexual light, and my friends are often the ones to point it out when they find something sexy.

I don’t see this as shameful, and I figure that this is something normal for people around our age group, but I’m wanting to know if there’s something wrong with me.. or if I’m just late to the game.

Will I change?

https://redd.it/1mldomd
@asexualityonreddit

Feeling confused

I (22nb) am feeling really confused about my sexuality as of late. Throughout my life I thought I might’ve been asexual many times. Like 7th grade and then junior year and then a few times in college I had conversations abt it but I feel like people have just always not encouraged taking on the label. I made a friend recently who is asexual and hearing abt their life and attraction made me look into it and it all feels like… right? I mean I think maybe I’m somewhere on the spectrum but not fully. But today my friends were talking abt sex and I like just opted out of the conversation and it felt like I was able to not pretend/perform in the conversation as I usually would have. Cuz I feel like I just pretend to be interested in it all. Which is a weird thing for me just to figure out but literally every time I’ve had sex I shake uncontrollably and feel nauseous and have to take anxiety meds before.
Edit: I def feel romantic attraction but for physical I have always had to pick someone as a “celebrity crush” and I have never once thought about having sex with someone or thought someone was sexy upon meeting them

https://redd.it/1mlejeu
@asexualityonreddit

Even though both make up roughly the same percent of the population, why do I find more trans people on dating apps than aces?

I'm a trans ace woman in case you're wondering why, so I often am on the lookout for both aces and other trans people. But for real, even though statistically both make up roughly the same percentage, it feels like aces are rarer. Maybe aces are less likely to be on dating apps? Which I suppose makes sense. A lot of people use them to hookup which isn't really what most aces are into. So it still leaves me wondering how to find local aces

https://redd.it/1mlgytf
@asexualityonreddit

im so sad

im tolerant of sex, but god i hate oral so much. i love my boyfriend very much, but god every time i give head it feels so degrading. i feel like i become a slab of meat, and all my individuality and integrity flies out the window while performing. i know its not normal to feel this way, but god i wish i was normal. i think this time was like my breaking point. i just felt like crying the whole time. im just so upset right now i just need to write this out.

https://redd.it/1mlhwou
@asexualityonreddit

SIL might be ace and asking me questions about it

sooo my SIL has had only negative experiences and traumatic events happen in the category of sexual experiences. this being things like inappropriate touching when she was in school and her mom is very outwardly a sexual person, so i wonder if her lack of situational awareness has negatively impacted my SIL. (basically her mom has loud nasty sex and doesnt care who hears, and makes sexual comments to her, its weird)

anyways, as someone who is not ace, im happy shes able to come to me and ask about sexual things, but i dont know if im helping or hurting.

i dont understand being ace and i accept that i never will. when she comes to me asking about how she "should feel" about things, i just advise her that its okay to feel the way she does and if shes willing to be open minded, it may change the way she feels and she could some day feel more comfortable with things like that.

in encouraging her to explore things before she fully shuts it down, am i doing wrong? shes very blunt and will tell me off if im uspetting her, but i just wonder is me always telling her "that door is always open" setting her up for failure? i never want to make her feel pressured or that she should be a sexually active person, but i cant help but think she just has only had negative experiences with things out of her control.. so maybe if she took back control when shes ready she might like it?

is that rude of me to encourage and communicate to her? again i dont understand what its like being ace and never will, but i want to support her as best i can by just reminding her things change and its okay to feel one way today and another tomorrow.

i just need a little reassurance that im not pressuring her moreso into a negative feeling rather than encouraging her to take back control and do what shes comfortable with.

any advice would be appreciated 🙏

https://redd.it/1mlgb32
@asexualityonreddit

Just realizing could be Asexual

Hi. I (30F) have been married 4 years to my husband (M30). We have two small kids. For some background, my first experience with sex was very painful. It was consensual, but very painful. I didn’t tell him to stop because I am a people pleaser. Ever since my first relationship, I’ve never really yearned for or even cared for sex. I just wanted to make sure I was pleasing my partner. I thought it was all good because they’d usually “help” me afterwards, if you catch my drift. When i met my husband, it was the same deal; do it because that’s what is expected. And though I acted like I wanted it, I really didn’t, and I never cared for being “helped” either.

Well fast forward 2 kids later (yes, I know). I’ve developed this awful desire of not wanting to have sex ever, not kiss, or hug, or be held.. all I want is to be alone. But not emotionally. Idk I hope I’m making sense. I’ve realized over the past few weeks, I’ve only ever been attracted to a man’s appearance and how they treated me.
I would rarely if ever think of their penis. So now I’m dealing with this issue of being in a marriage where I just don’t want any intimacy anymore. It’s obviously not fair to my husband. But I feel like I’m screaming inside every time he kisses me or tries to put it in (after saying no more than once). Idk guys I’m really at a crossroads here. Please if you can be kind, this is new for me, I’m scared and have no one to talk to.

https://redd.it/1mljg25
@asexualityonreddit

Waiting for marriage to have sex?..

So, I’m ace. I have no interest in having sex, really. In marriage, outside of marriage. I’m 30, I’ve tried. Like, when I felt close to certain men and felt strong connection to them (happened twice), I tried, and it was not abysmal, but nothing I actively want. I also tried ONS or with men who seemed like good men, but it was abysmal. So, maybe I will have sex with my partner, I don’t know. But for me, every time I tried having sex for the purpose of keeping a man (not manipulating him — just giving him what he wants sometimes because he’s a good man and treated me well), the men left. Because they saw that I wasn’t enthusiastic about it and I didn’t care. So, now I don’t really want to have sex with anyone outside a super committed relationship — just not worth it for me. I don’t need it, I don’t have any physical desire, don’t suffer myself from lack of sex. And to do it for a man who will leave me anyway… What’s the point. But I might be willing to explore sex with my husband. I might. I don’t know. Maybe it’ll end with just one time we try before I lose interest completely. Maybe I’ll be able to do it once every couple of months/a month/a week. I have no idea. But I’m not ready to even bother for men who are going to leave me anyway when I don’t get anything (pleasure) out of it.

I thought that maybe I need to present myself as waiting for marriage to have sex. It’s important to say that I’m an atheist, and guys who are willing to try dating me are usually also atheists or maybe believe but don’t observe anything. But then, when I think about it, read about people waiting for marriage to have sex, I understand that they’re LOOKING FORWARD to having sex. They don’t use marriage as an excuse not to have sex — they WANT to have sex. So, if I tell a guy that I want to have sex after marriage, and then after marriage I’m still not interested, will it be a lie? Like, I always thought that people who wait for marriage to have sex just don’t really prioritize sex, they prioritize other types of connection…

https://redd.it/1mljj2u
@asexualityonreddit

Do people actually Enjoy feeling horny?

I probably have PGAD and am having a particularly uncomfortable episode but I just cannot fathom how people enjoy feeling like this. It's like desperately needing to pee but not having a bathroom, or having an itch you can't reach. The desire for relief isn't a desire for pleasure, it's a desire to stop feeling discomfort. For years self-pleasuring has just felt like a chore, like something I'm obligated and pressured into doing because my hormones tell me to, and sometimes I wish I could just physically remove it all. I'd imagine this might be similar to gender dysphoria, but I do identify as the gender I was assigned at birth, I just wish I didn't have any of the hardware that came along with it.

It wasn't until recently that I realized that people actually enjoy feeling horny and seek it out. So I just want to understand what it is that people find appealing about it. Part of me wants to enjoy it, but it's just not something I can physically understand


https://redd.it/1mlicv1
@asexualityonreddit