How to come to terms with the fact that you might never find a partner?

I'm sex-averse to pretty much all sex acts, I also have a libido of literally 0. However I'm monogamous and when I've vented about this in the past all I've gotten was "well some aces have sex" which like okay? Not in my situation lol, or "well then have an open-relationship" Which honestly makes me feel like I'm inherently undesirable/have to be penciled into my partner's schedule with others rather than with a life partner/in a one-sided situation where I'm committed to one person - but they aren't committed to me. I'm also not aromantic so I have no desire for a QPR, and the "just find a friend group" advice was always so unsatisfactory since romantic relationships =/ friendship. I'm 21F, I've never tried dating before and honestly I'm considering just giving up before even starting. At the same time I'm deeply upset I may never find a life partner. Sorry if this was too much of a ramble lol.

I'm aware of the ace dating sub but ngl i'm skeptical of long-distance, online, relationships.

https://redd.it/1mfe5vq
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Everyone need to know this
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Trying to figure out if I’m just anxious or actually on the Ace spectrum

I (25 afab enby) have been trying to figure myself out since the start of the year in earnest. I’ve been medicated off and on for anxiety since I was 13, and I’ve been struggling the last few years to figure out if I’m actually on the ace spectrum or if my anxiety is the barrier preventing me from pursuing relationships. I’ve had one sexual partner, and initially I thought it was going to be a one night stand. She was also on the ace spectrum, and we met during pride month at a bar. After spending 17 hours together, I figured we had run our course since we lived 6 hours away from one another. In actuality, we long distance dated for about 6 months. She was the one who initiated this, and I did find myself attracted to her and enjoyed some of our sex. I also appreciated that when I expressed wasn’t enjoying it, she stopped and was okay with just cuddling. We ended up just fizzling out, but have chatted off and on the last few years if we end up in the other’s city.
I find folks attractive and do get aroused thinking of other people, but when I see real potential of the folks I “like” liking me back, I immediately panic and think through the possibilities of a relationship and nip it in the bud. I think through a combination of my body image, our compatibility, and our existing relationship. It happened a few times with guys when I was younger, and recently happened with another afab person whom I deeply care about and think is attractive. I thought for a while that it was my comp het, but now that it’s also happening with women/queer folk I think I need to figure it out.
I love my independent life. I am financially independent, I have a dog who is my child, and a great healthy community of folks who reciprocates the energy I put into it. I don’t feel like I’m missing out as the token “single” of my crew. I think in order for me to want a partner long term, they’d have to significantly add to my existing life. That being said, I do enjoy drunk make out sessions with strangers/my friends. I am self sufficient in the bedroom on a regular basis, and cuddling brings me joy. Just trying to figure out if my anxiety is due to self esteem issues or something else.

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I just feel so confused

I don't want to be in a relationship with anybody I feel like the times where I had a crush on somebody was because I was bored and I needed some entertainment but one time this crush almost turned into a relationship but I didn't want one I wasn't attracted to the person and it's just other people as well like I like the idea of me like talking to them and stuff like that but when it comes to like being lovey-dovey and stuff like that.
It's disgusting and I don't want to do it and I just like genuinely do not see a future with somebody being married and even having kids I don't want to do any of that.

It would be nice to have somebody to call my partner but I'm very confused because at the same time I don't want a partner so I don't know if I'm a sexual aromantic or if I'm just an avoidant attachment.

https://redd.it/1mfe3s8
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I’m really confused right now…

I find certain individuals attractive but not sexually. I don’t know how to explain it but I’m more attracted to energy and vibe versus sexual appeal. I’m scared if I’ll ever be able to have a family being asexual since I really want one.

https://redd.it/1mfkfst
@asexualityonreddit

How asexuals be discovering their sexuality

https://redd.it/1mfl5k4
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Do those who identify as ACE not feel pleasure from there … parts?

I’ve often heard asexuals describe sex as a “chore” I guess my question is does the sensation not feel pleasurable ? I understand there are asexuals who masterbate bs those who don’t , I suppose my question is aimed at those who don’t. But I welcome answers from both . Hope I don’t offend I only wish to better understand. Does the sensation feel like any other? Just rubbing skin? Or is it like a solely just sensitive area that you don’t enjoy being touched like if you don’t like being tickled?

Edit : Their*

https://redd.it/1mfmqc5
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Feeling hopeless

I’m putting this on my burner account cause I feel sort of embarrassed.

I’m 30F and want a partner, not someone that I have to talk to all the time or be with all the time just someone who I can enjoy life with and share that connection. I want someone who is also my best and we get so comfortable with each other we can share the silence, that type of connection.

I feel like it’s never going to happen. I’ve tried the dating apps and they lead to nothing, I’ve tried Acespace and even someone I was talking to on there doesn’t seem to be interested. Do the rest of you feel like they are just never going to meet the right person?

https://redd.it/1mfpg29
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Pinterest blessed me with this gem
https://redd.it/1mfrs43
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ACE main character in a book.
https://redd.it/1mfu57s
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Took this last weekend for my gf while at Pride in Lyon, but just realized you guys might like it :D
https://redd.it/1mfwlto
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"Because fries are a date worth going on". Advertisement of the Swiss potato association. I think we are the target audience 😊
https://redd.it/1mfx40l
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Belated birthday present from my aunt!
https://redd.it/1mfzuk0
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The Hunting Wives

so glad I didn’t decide to start The Hunting Wives bc according to other subReddits it’s just sex scene after sex scene. Like bro how is that even a plot? I hate shows like that. You can insinuate two ppl are intimate together without us needing to see strangers bang on a screen. Makes me feel annoyed and I’d probably just end up skipping over it, but apparently with this show I’d just end up fast forwarding through the whole thing 😆

https://redd.it/1mfyfu8
@asexualityonreddit

Have you ever enjoyed feeling sexual attraction or tension towards someone, yet never had an interest in going further than that?



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NSFWStill Confused

I thought I had figured out that I’m Asexual, but recent events have me reevaluating. Some background: I am a 39 year old woman who is blind and has other less obvious disabilities. I have dated men in the past (about 15-20 years ago), but never felt an actual romantic connection with a man. I had intercourse with these men, but took no pleasure in it at all. I only tried it multiple times, because friends/family said I just hadn’t found the right person yet. But, I am unwilling to sleep with every guy just to find the right one, first because I don’t like the experience and also because following that line of logic might mean sleeping with every man on Earth just to find the right one. :) I’m absolutely not going to do that.
While I have not been in a romantic nor a sexual relationship with a woman before, I have experienced limited attraction to a woman’s voice or her personality, but I never pursued those feelings any further. In fact, I have experienced the same kind of limited attraction to a few men, but as you read above, those relationships didn’t go past the initial engagement in sex.
I should also add that I have some medical conditions which are probably contributing to though probablyly not the cause of my problems with sex. In short, I had a brain tumor removed when I was 10 years old which messed up my Pituitary, sexual and emotional hormones among others. As a teenager, I took hormone replacements to get me through puberty, but stopped the hormones as a young adult due to unpleasant side effects. So, the good news is that I am able to live a relatively normal life, but the bad news is that the hormones I can’t produce play a pretty significant role in dating and relationships.
Anyway, I was so happy to recently learn about the Ace orientation, so I tried dating apps again for the first time in 15 years. I’ve chatted with many men, but haven’t been feeling any attraction beyond the initial burst of endorphins when a conversation starts. So, I wondered if I was fishing in the wrong gender pond.
So, I switched my profiles to Lesbian and eventually started chatting with a 20 year old woman. Unfortunately, she came as a package deal with her mother; which was weird, but I tried to just go with it. Anyway, the three of us texted back and forth for several hours across two days. But, instead of talking about our interests and life goals, those two ladies pulled me into a pretty intense sexting sessions. I expressed my discomfort with it, but they managed to convince me to stay in the conversation at least for a while.
And, here’s the really weird part, those text messages actually had me feeling a bit turned on. However, the rational part of my mind and my guilt at what I was doing, quickly extinguished those physical feelings, because even though it felt physically good, the rest of me felt pretty repulsed by it. So, after realizing that those feelings of disgust weren’t going away, I put a hault to the entire encounter.
That brings me back here, asking all of you for help and advice. Am I asexual because of my feelings of disgust? Or, Am I an embarrassed closeted lesbian who needs to get over my self-recrimination and feelings of discomfort?
Ultimately, I’m glad I explored lesbian relationship at least a little bit, because it seemed to reveal that I am more romantically drawn to women, but now I am even more confused about whether or not I am Asexual too. Please provide me with some wisdom and advice to help me through this literal identity crisis.
I will ask follow up questions after receiving responses from this community. Thanks in advance for your assistance.

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@asexualityonreddit

I'm really pissed

Getting harrased bc I have an opinion :)... As some of you may know r/actuallyasexual is just a community of asexuals hating on their own community. I defend that asexuality is a spectrum was told "that's bs". I just feel like the ace community has become toxic for NO REASON. Idk I'm just pissed, thoughts?

https://redd.it/1mg9ks2
@asexualityonreddit

Pride festival in Vancouver today, got to make my own pin.
https://redd.it/1mgarur
@asexualityonreddit

What's the longest amount of time you've been in a romantic or queerplatonic relationship?

...

https://redd.it/1mgcek6
@asexualityonreddit

Why, just why
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