I want a relationship but am scared to get into one due to sexual pressures and expectations

I'm afraid of feeling trapped in a relationship but I also crave intimacy with someone romantically and want to be a priority to someone. I'm afraid that if I get into to a relationship ship there will be sexual pressure put on me to perform for a partner amd no one will understand me. They will simply think I am selfish for denying my partner what they want and I will be the only person trying to explain my side. People seem to think not giving a partner sex is selfish but it benefits the partner and is about THEIR desires not mine. I do not want the expectations of a baby either if I do get into a relationship. I feel like no one would understand me and they would only argue with me or try to prove me wrong instead of trying to understand. It's always what seeks to happen. They compare my sexuality to a child and say that "children are selfish" or they tell me I havent met the right person yet when I say I'm asexual. It feels like theu are just trying to prove Ixm not asexual or there's always the silent "oh yeah? Prove it. Do you do x y z? See I knew you were lying!"

https://redd.it/1mco6fc
@asexualityonreddit

Egg irl
https://redd.it/1mcphj5
@asexualityonreddit

"but I thought you were ace!!!"
https://redd.it/1mcua54
@asexualityonreddit

The layers of confusion I had seeing this post lol. At first glance thought it was from this sub.
https://redd.it/1md3d6g
@asexualityonreddit

Aesthetic appeal + sex-favorable = pseudo-sexual attraction?

Male married to a female here. I am asexual, and appear to be "sex favorable" if that makes sense. We have sex, it feels good....when it happens. Zero "pull" "draw" or feeling of "I need to get some of that". It is mechanical, but pleasant mechanical, and there are emotional/bonding feelings.

Now when I see a woman, I can feel (and have felt) "she is beautiful", gorgeous, pretty, or similar adjectives. I may even have "a type".

Here is where I sometimes get confused - I can see a woman who is aesthetically beautiful and think "she looks athletic, so if we had sex it would be fun", or "she is a gymnast and flexible, so if we had sex it would be fun", "If we were married, sex would be fun", I could go on about various features but you get the point.

It is almost like when people think "that person's tall, it may be difficult to hug them at times".

I have only had one sexual partner so I have no reference points.

Can anyone else relate? Does this still sound like asexuality? The combination of sex-favorable-ness and aesthetic appeal almost seems like it could mimic sexual attraction. There is still no "feeling hot" "ravenous hunger" or similar feeling, though.

https://redd.it/1md6xzx
@asexualityonreddit

Galactic asexual representation.

https://redd.it/1md7ocr
@asexualityonreddit

And here’s some casual Ace erasure: Christian Theology Edition
https://redd.it/1mdbkw3
@asexualityonreddit

This is what an ace looks like (bonus owl)
https://redd.it/1mdcthu
@asexualityonreddit

“Just date other asexuals”

So, so many times on dating sites or apps, or even in the wild when discussing my dating life and my asexuality, people tell me these words and I’m so, so tired! How common do they think asexuality is? 

“Why would asexuals even want to be with allosexuals? It can never work, asexuals should just date each other and leave allos alone.”

“Have you ever considered finding an ace partner?”

Have I? Have I? It’s so, so infuriating. Do these people think we don’t know that? Do these people think we’re not trying to find asexual partners? I always ask them if they’ve ever met someone who’s openly ace and they always go quiet. Yes, there are asexual dating sites, but we’re still a pretty small bunch of people, and just being asexual doesn’t guarantee they’d be a good match otherwise. Also, as someone who lives in a small country, I do feel like I have a tiny bit of a better chance finding someone if I’m in both asexual dating spaces and the dating apps targeted to allos.

I’m so tired. Finding a partner is really hard in the first place. Having ignorant allos saying stuff like this makes it really exhausting.

https://redd.it/1md9t04
@asexualityonreddit

Found at the Oregon City Public Library
https://redd.it/1mdf9ro
@asexualityonreddit

Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

https://redd.it/1mdidc7
@asexualityonreddit

i think im aroace

I always preferred having friends than lovers and i find romance to be cheesey like i hate that i love you babey or honey boo holy cornballs. I also not really into sex it feels embarrassing and i feel kinda gross after it. Now i did have fictional crushes but i got over them quickly and i had some irl crushes but i got over them and wanted friends more. I think im aorace.

https://redd.it/1mdf7f6
@asexualityonreddit

I thought I was pan for sooo long
https://redd.it/1mdgprp
@asexualityonreddit

What was your asexual awakening?
https://redd.it/1mdkt5c
@asexualityonreddit

getting rid of libido

OK so, I've read other posts saying "it's ok to be asexual and have a libido (sex drive) and you shouldn't feel bad about whether it's perfectly normal, and you should just enjoy yourself", but that's the thing. I don't want to.

After years of looking into myself, I'm completely sure I'm aroace. When I look at people and even new images, it's not that I get "turned on" by it. It's a bit complicated to explain, but it's like I only (feel) the (feeling) the person in the image is, and... that's it!, but my body still have a high libido, it's like a child that's always with you and sometimes randomly starts crying in your ear wanting something and I end up doing it not because I want to but just to quiet that voice for a while...

And just to clarify, I do feel pleasure, but it's like, cheap pleasure, like if I had to rank every single pleasure I felt in my life, this would be the furthest down alone by itself, because every other kind of pleasure just feels so much better, and I really just don't care for this one. So yeah, if you know anything that you think can help me, I'd appreciate it greatly <3



https://redd.it/1mdotma
@asexualityonreddit

it was hard for me to comprehend people NEEDING sex

a part how i realized i was asexual (aegosexual more specifically) was that i couldn't comprehend at first that no sex in a relationship was a dealbreaker for people. i just assumed that everyone else could go without it (of course now i realize that it is a dealbreaker let for a lot of people, but it was jarring to me at one point in my life). although i assumed i was weird for being completely repulsed. anyone else have the same experience?

https://redd.it/1mdqa3n
@asexualityonreddit

Being Sex-repulsed feels like everyone is a pervert except you

I hate feeling like this

https://redd.it/1mdo5vo
@asexualityonreddit

That moment where you really don't feel like explaining your specific microlabels to an allo
https://redd.it/1mdwize
@asexualityonreddit

I feel ashamed to be asexual.

I see so many asexual people say horrible things about sex and genitals. Shaming people for having sex, saying it’s not important and people can just go without it. Equating genitals to dirty garbage by calling them waste disposal holes.

I AM SICK OF IT.

I am asexual. I have zero sexual attraction. I have identified with the ace community since I was 12. Yet honestly at the rate I am seeing posts like that. I am embarrassed to be asexual. I don’t want to associate with people like that. Ever.

Sex negativity as in shaming others for sex and genitals. Wanting to remove sex from this earth harms queer people. There is no denying that. At least half of what sex negative people say is what homophobes told gay people.

I am intersex. A lot of intersex people have suffered from genital mutilation. It causes a lot of the time nerve damage. Making it impossible to orgasm. The amount of intersex people that suffer from severe psychological pain because of this is beyond your imagination. Yet people will say “oh but you don’t need sex”. HELLO??? I don’t recall women ever being happy with clitoris removal, that’s why we ban it. Yet it’s still perfectly legal on intersex people in the majority of this world.

It’s disrespectful and I hate it. I wanna leave. I don’t want to be asexual.

Can we have an ace community that’s sex positive pls. I am tired of this bullshit.

https://redd.it/1mdwiiv
@asexualityonreddit

Do allo people actually have wet dreams?

I've never had one and don't really have people in my life that could confirm or deny this. For the most part, I just thought it was one of those things that mostly happen in fiction, but since figuring out that I'm ace, I am wondering if people actually have those sorts of dreams and my brain never mashed something up to be that sort of dream.
(lmk if i need to switch up the tag i'm using. with how things are going i didn't know which tags to use)

https://redd.it/1mduo79
@asexualityonreddit