Just Me?
Is is weird that I want to be sexy, but I don't want anybody to ever be sexually attracted to me whatsoever? Like, who people get attracted to is a gamble with probability favoring attractive people, right? So, like, could I be a very attractive person but NOT attract people ever? How does that even work? Am I asking to many questions in a row? It's like the kind of flare Scar (from The Lion King) or Alastor (ironically an ace character from Hazbin Hotel). Do I just want to be a cool person?
Edit: Hey guys, I just realized this might have come off too much like a personal plea for help. Maybe I should have formulated it a bit more before posting, but I really did mean for this to be more a discussion and less supporting me. I'm ok. This isn't a huge thing, but it seemed like a strange feeling so I walked to hear what some of the emotionally smartest people I've ever seen think, especially because not wanting people to find you sexy seemed like something more likely to be relatable to ace people.
That said, I also just wanted to say thank you to anybody who read that and had the first instinct to reach and and give the poster encouragement and affirmation.
https://redd.it/1macql6
@asexualityonreddit
Is is weird that I want to be sexy, but I don't want anybody to ever be sexually attracted to me whatsoever? Like, who people get attracted to is a gamble with probability favoring attractive people, right? So, like, could I be a very attractive person but NOT attract people ever? How does that even work? Am I asking to many questions in a row? It's like the kind of flare Scar (from The Lion King) or Alastor (ironically an ace character from Hazbin Hotel). Do I just want to be a cool person?
Edit: Hey guys, I just realized this might have come off too much like a personal plea for help. Maybe I should have formulated it a bit more before posting, but I really did mean for this to be more a discussion and less supporting me. I'm ok. This isn't a huge thing, but it seemed like a strange feeling so I walked to hear what some of the emotionally smartest people I've ever seen think, especially because not wanting people to find you sexy seemed like something more likely to be relatable to ace people.
That said, I also just wanted to say thank you to anybody who read that and had the first instinct to reach and and give the poster encouragement and affirmation.
https://redd.it/1macql6
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
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asexuality conversion therapy victim
So, I just watched this video on YouTube where the creator (she's asexual, repulsed too, so I found this relatable) shared how her 'friends' set up a sort of talk conversion therapy? to 'fix her asexuality' And honestly? I saw myself in that video.
A couple years ago, I came out to a friend as asexual. He acted like it was no big deal, said he supported me, etc. Then I found out he told our other friends without asking me. During a hang out at his place, things got weird. They suddenly started playing p*rn, out loud, and talking about how “hot” sex is. Then this same friend casually said something like, “How could you not want this? It’s so hot,” like I just needed the right push or whatever.
It was horrifying. And honestly, it just sucks. You come out thinking your friends will respect you, and instead you get treated like you're broken. Being asexual, especially when you’re repulsed, can feel really lonely sometimes.
Has anyone else been through something similar? Like, has a friend ever tried to “convert” you or pressure you out of being ace?
https://redd.it/1maffpf
@asexualityonreddit
So, I just watched this video on YouTube where the creator (she's asexual, repulsed too, so I found this relatable) shared how her 'friends' set up a sort of talk conversion therapy? to 'fix her asexuality' And honestly? I saw myself in that video.
A couple years ago, I came out to a friend as asexual. He acted like it was no big deal, said he supported me, etc. Then I found out he told our other friends without asking me. During a hang out at his place, things got weird. They suddenly started playing p*rn, out loud, and talking about how “hot” sex is. Then this same friend casually said something like, “How could you not want this? It’s so hot,” like I just needed the right push or whatever.
It was horrifying. And honestly, it just sucks. You come out thinking your friends will respect you, and instead you get treated like you're broken. Being asexual, especially when you’re repulsed, can feel really lonely sometimes.
Has anyone else been through something similar? Like, has a friend ever tried to “convert” you or pressure you out of being ace?
https://redd.it/1maffpf
@asexualityonreddit
YouTube
a hang out that turned into an asexuality conversion therapy?
a storytime about a hang out that turned into an asexuality conversion therapy?
#asexual #asexuality #aroace
#asexual #asexuality #aroace
Mexican conjoined twin Carmen Andrade married her boyfriend. Her twin sister, Lupita, approved of the marriage, despite identifying as asexual and aromantic, and despite the fact that they share the same reproductive system.
https://redd.it/1mao50i
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1mao50i
@asexualityonreddit
Princess Peach and Mario are just friends, according to Nintendo
https://www.eonline.com/news/1420332/nintendo-addresses-mario-princess-peachs-relationship
A lot of people are making pretty crude jokes about how they're clearly more than that, but I choose to believe Peach is aro/ace, and Mario, after a couple of failed attempts at wooing her (see the end of Mario Odyssey), has come to respect her orientation.
https://redd.it/1maqz74
@asexualityonreddit
https://www.eonline.com/news/1420332/nintendo-addresses-mario-princess-peachs-relationship
A lot of people are making pretty crude jokes about how they're clearly more than that, but I choose to believe Peach is aro/ace, and Mario, after a couple of failed attempts at wooing her (see the end of Mario Odyssey), has come to respect her orientation.
https://redd.it/1maqz74
@asexualityonreddit
E! Online
Nintendo Clarifies the Truth About Mario and Princess Peach’s Relationship
After decades of romance rumors, Nintendo revealed the status of Mario and Princess Peach’s relationship.
Recently discovered I'm ace, now what?
At the ripe old age of 28, I just had a profound realization about myself. After years of identifying as gay (at least socially, I align more spiritually and politically with the term "queer") I have come to understand that I'm actually more of a homoromantic asexual than I am homosexual.
Even though it made a lot of sense in hindsight, I was actually quite shocked initially because I've had a lot of sexual partners over the years, but the truth is, sex has always felt like something I "had" to do than something I *wanted* to do. In fact, everytime I had sex I was either under the influence of alcohol or completely dissociated. I might have consented, but I was never fully present. I don't know if I even really enjoyed sex or tricked myself into thinking I did. But now I realize I've actually been traumatizing myself with every sexual encounter because for years I was walking around in a haze and feeling constantly foggy-headed/on autopilot and at first I thought i was experiencing symptoms of derealization/depersonalization or some undiagnosed mental disorder but now I've come to realize that my brain was protecting me from all the trauma I put my body through.
Sex was always transactional. I thought I needed to have sex to get a guy to like me or get him to "stay" but the irony is that even if I gave in and gave a guy what I thought he wanted, I rarely got what *I* wanted, which was companionship and intimacy and genuine connection. After a hookup, the guy would either ghost or only ever hit me up to have sex or trade nudes. And the cycle would repeat itself where I felt like I "had" to have sex or trade nudes in order to keep their interest or they'd get bored of me. Which would make me feel crummy because I knew I was smart and funny and kind and interesting and all these wonderful things but they didn't care. They only wanted my body. Not my mind, not my heart. They didn't actually like me for who I was as a person, but for what I could do for them. And I was willing to do anything, because I wanted to be liked.
And I take full responsibility for never saying no. Well that's not true. I did say no sometimes. But no never really means no when it comes to these men, because they don't really care about what you want. They'll give you the silent treatment or guilt trip you into giving them what *they* want. So even if I was uncomfortable, I always relented. And of course that would make me feel even crummier afterwards. Violated even. It felt like a self-betrayal. Like I let myself down. Especially since I was the one who put myself in those positions to begin with and I have no one to blame but myself, especially when it came to sexualizing myself. Or allowing myself to be objectified.
I will admit that there were times that I downplayed my intelligence (both emotional and intellectual) and put more emphasis on my sex appeal but all that did was attract the wrong crowd and send the wrong message and made me feel misunderstood, but only because I was misrepresenting and mischaracterizing myself. There were even times where I felt like I "had" to put out if a guy was nice to me or did me a kindness, such as paying for a meal or allowing me to spend the night at his place after a night out to the point where I started to believe that all I had to offer *was* my body, when that couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is, I am loveable. I am worth getting to know. And I can have a good time without taking my clothes off.
In fact, whenever I was aroused it was not because I was sexually attracted to someone per se, but more so because we were being emotionally vulnerable with each other. He was opening up and sharing things with me or I was opening up and sharing things with him. It was a physical reaction to me feeling seen, appreciated, understood. Which is all I've ever wanted. All I ever wanted was to love and be loved in return and I fear I conflated sex and love even though the two are mutually exclusive and have practically nothing to do with each other.
To
At the ripe old age of 28, I just had a profound realization about myself. After years of identifying as gay (at least socially, I align more spiritually and politically with the term "queer") I have come to understand that I'm actually more of a homoromantic asexual than I am homosexual.
Even though it made a lot of sense in hindsight, I was actually quite shocked initially because I've had a lot of sexual partners over the years, but the truth is, sex has always felt like something I "had" to do than something I *wanted* to do. In fact, everytime I had sex I was either under the influence of alcohol or completely dissociated. I might have consented, but I was never fully present. I don't know if I even really enjoyed sex or tricked myself into thinking I did. But now I realize I've actually been traumatizing myself with every sexual encounter because for years I was walking around in a haze and feeling constantly foggy-headed/on autopilot and at first I thought i was experiencing symptoms of derealization/depersonalization or some undiagnosed mental disorder but now I've come to realize that my brain was protecting me from all the trauma I put my body through.
Sex was always transactional. I thought I needed to have sex to get a guy to like me or get him to "stay" but the irony is that even if I gave in and gave a guy what I thought he wanted, I rarely got what *I* wanted, which was companionship and intimacy and genuine connection. After a hookup, the guy would either ghost or only ever hit me up to have sex or trade nudes. And the cycle would repeat itself where I felt like I "had" to have sex or trade nudes in order to keep their interest or they'd get bored of me. Which would make me feel crummy because I knew I was smart and funny and kind and interesting and all these wonderful things but they didn't care. They only wanted my body. Not my mind, not my heart. They didn't actually like me for who I was as a person, but for what I could do for them. And I was willing to do anything, because I wanted to be liked.
And I take full responsibility for never saying no. Well that's not true. I did say no sometimes. But no never really means no when it comes to these men, because they don't really care about what you want. They'll give you the silent treatment or guilt trip you into giving them what *they* want. So even if I was uncomfortable, I always relented. And of course that would make me feel even crummier afterwards. Violated even. It felt like a self-betrayal. Like I let myself down. Especially since I was the one who put myself in those positions to begin with and I have no one to blame but myself, especially when it came to sexualizing myself. Or allowing myself to be objectified.
I will admit that there were times that I downplayed my intelligence (both emotional and intellectual) and put more emphasis on my sex appeal but all that did was attract the wrong crowd and send the wrong message and made me feel misunderstood, but only because I was misrepresenting and mischaracterizing myself. There were even times where I felt like I "had" to put out if a guy was nice to me or did me a kindness, such as paying for a meal or allowing me to spend the night at his place after a night out to the point where I started to believe that all I had to offer *was* my body, when that couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is, I am loveable. I am worth getting to know. And I can have a good time without taking my clothes off.
In fact, whenever I was aroused it was not because I was sexually attracted to someone per se, but more so because we were being emotionally vulnerable with each other. He was opening up and sharing things with me or I was opening up and sharing things with him. It was a physical reaction to me feeling seen, appreciated, understood. Which is all I've ever wanted. All I ever wanted was to love and be loved in return and I fear I conflated sex and love even though the two are mutually exclusive and have practically nothing to do with each other.
To
be honest if I spent the rest of my life never having sex ever again I genuinely believe I would be perfectly content. Even if it meant being a side, not a top or a bottom or a verse, just a side, that would be fine with me too. I've had enough sex to last me a lifetime and there's nothing I want more than to read my books in peace, travel to beautiful places, go on long walks, see interesting sights, meet interesting people, drink hot coffee (preferably with a nice pastry), listen to great music and watch exciting films. It would be nice to share these moments with someone special of course but I enjoy my company enough to know that I'll be fine with or without them. I wouldn't even know where to find another homoromantic ace (I checked out acespace, not for me personally but I'm open to recs).
So yeah, I say all of this to say, I will be abstinent for the foreseeable future because I have zero interest in or desire to have sex rn (and dare I say, I don't think I ever did). In any case, I'm happy to be part of the community. Where's the garlic bread?
https://redd.it/1mb4afi
@asexualityonreddit
So yeah, I say all of this to say, I will be abstinent for the foreseeable future because I have zero interest in or desire to have sex rn (and dare I say, I don't think I ever did). In any case, I'm happy to be part of the community. Where's the garlic bread?
https://redd.it/1mb4afi
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
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