Asexuality and Aromanticism on Reddit

recently broke up with gf and my underlining issue is asexuality is it possible to amend it work?

Hello, posting on side account because she knows my other account. I dont know where to start or how to say what I am asking.

We have our other issues that we have been working through together for sure, and the main one that seemed to have ended things for good, a fundamental difference is our sexuality.

We are both bi romantic but I am allo and she is ace. We are also both trans. When we started this relationship the conversation came up as her letting me know most of her ace tendencies are sex repulsion due to dysphoria. Having my own issues I tried to understand and we started a relationship. Down the road we tried many tactics, work around, methods of being sexually intimate that could work for both of us. But more often than not it left us both unsatisfied, grossed out, unhappy, and worst of all for her like something she felt was she needed to do in order to keep me.

I tried to be as reassuring as possible that this wasn't the case. Intimacy was always an issue, until it subsided, and communication around it did as well. I got more nervous to engage in other forms of intimacy other than sex, worrying she would feel it necessary, I pulled away, I left her feeling alone, and I did too in the process.

It wasn't until the conversation that started the end where she finally set a hard boundary. In some ways I am so happy and proud that she finally told me how she truly felt, and yet so upset because this is what I wanted. To know that she had 0 interest and to stop pursuing it.

She told me that she couldn't, wouldn't, will not be having sex, and that if that was a deal breaker then it needed to end. In the heat of the moment I told her that it might be. I am an allo person, someone who craves intimacy, one who feels like its one of the ways for a romantic connection to thrive.

I can't help but feel this need to push her away because I feel disgusting for the many acts we have done in our relationship leading to this point. She has told me many times not to feel shame towards any of it, that I am valid for craving something she cannot provide for me, I commend her for this, love her for this.

In the end this was one of the healthiest most fulfilling relationships I have ever been through even through all its trials and tribulations. We are fundamentally different in many ways and yet through those I could see it working out, coming to a compromise, figuring how to make us happy. But here I am lost.

I have asked friends for advice and many of them are allo, but my sister and her gf are an asexual and allo couple who have made it work longer than we had. our situations are very different and I cna see those differences clearly but in this regard I can't help but wonder why its working for them but not for me.

I dont picture a life where I never have sex again, but I also dont picture a life with out her in it. Im worried the friendship we had is tainted but sexual and romantic tension. I'm worried that through all our all other issues this will hurt her in ways I can never imagine, will not understand. Part of me wants to reach out and ask her if we can make it work, but i dont want to leave her where its ended here or worse but trying and making the same mistakes.

Weve asked many times is it possible during, and now that its ended I cant help ask again if its possible for us to work.

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