Asexuality and Aromanticism on Reddit
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Mirror of /r/asexuality, /r/asexual, /r/aaaaaaacccccccce and /r/aromanticism.

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Positive Affirmations

Hey guys, i've been in a pretty dark place recently and would love if y'all could post any positive quotes, affirmations, or anything that's positive in general. Sending love 💗

https://redd.it/1llb224
@asexualityonreddit
I'm ace/alloromantic and like an allosexual aromantic guy

I'm not sure what I'm getting out of this post. Could it work out? What do I do? Idk, just any advice, insight, experiences, etc I'm open to hearing

I've been recently talking to this guy who I've developed feelings for. We've bonded a lot, have a lot of emotionally deep/close convos and he's honestly just so funny !! We joke a lot and do a lot of fun things together and I think I've developed a special bond with him. He's also flirted with me a lot and I can't tell his intent behind it, but he does act a certain way with me.

One of the deep conversations we have sometimes is about love. We were talking about crushes and stuff and the amount of people who date and all that. He was talking about how he's aromantic and that he doesn't understand what it means to be in love. He thinks girls are attractive and he does identify with experiencing sexual attraction to women. But he doesn't understand relationships and all that "in love" ideals that everyone promotes.

I talked about how I experienced crushes and define how it was like for me, and he said he never felt that way. I also included how I am asexual and don't experience as much attraction the idea of having sex and that I'm more attracted to other things. He says that he does feel physical attraction to women (sexually, aesthetically, etc) but hasn't had any feelings of being in love with a girl.

As for the way we're like towards each other? He's very sweet to me and he says he cares about me a lot. We're still friends at the moment so I'm not sure, he probs is like that cause sees me as a friend. Sometimes when we're hanging out though he'll do things like call me beautiful or open doors for me and stuff. He even bought me a whole stuffed animal the other day when we were at the mall and said "Just for you princess!"

Idk where we stand and If I'm just being delusional. I don't experience sexual attraction and he doesn't experience romantic attraction. It seems we both experience aesthetic/non sex physical attraction though. Idek 😭

We're still friends and nothing has happened but I do keep thinking about him but I know it may not work out for him.

https://redd.it/1lldxmj
@asexualityonreddit
I need help confessing

So recently I started dating a girl who asked me out and in these last few months I have realized I don't feel Any sexual attraction to anything and nor can I feel intimate love and I can't love her back and I realy want to break up b3cuse I don't want to tell her to late and I'm scared that it will emotionally break her

https://redd.it/1llg0zr
@asexualityonreddit
GARLIC BREAD [and more affirming body I guess]
https://redd.it/1llkzz5
@asexualityonreddit
I don't know what to believe anymore

I'll try to keep it short. Basically, my aro identity was shaped by the fact that I've made bad experiences with people who have had romantic feelings for me, and that I've had people do "romantic" stuff with me (cuddling, kissing, etc.) while they'd still say they didn't have romantic feelings for me (that was before I realized I was aro and still felt compelled to date in order to be "normal", btw).

So now as a result I'm romance-averse and get really uncomfortable whenever someone has romantic feelings for me, on the other hand I view affection as platonic and friendship as basically a better version of romance.

But now, after telling people outside of the community this, they now claim the people who have kissed me had lied about not having romantic feelings for me, and now I'm spiraling.

Why would they lie? Why wouldn't they just tell me they had a crush on me? Why shouldn't kissing be something platonic? What are the odds of this happening multiple times?

I don't get it. Is kissing strictly romantic? Was I conditioned/groomed into thinking it wasn't???

https://redd.it/1llq73b
@asexualityonreddit
Hey, i would like to talk abt this video

Link: https://youtu.be/JjFpCK80zlI?si=DMCkPVWAGGY_yi3m

Hi, i wanted to talk abt this vid bc i am questioning myself-

I know i have been posting abt this subject a lot and i really apologise for this constant spamming. I have a problem with me and labels yk ( and SO-OCD )
Which caused me to spam constantly. And i am gonna try my Best to not post abt the same subject everytime i am here sooo yeah.



Sooo this video that i have seen talked abt the 8 stages of sexual attraction if i am correct. And this has made me question myself a lot bc….idk

I have been watching this the whole time on repeat and i don’t know how to explain it. It’s a bit blurry to understand and all, Especially since the feeling is sexual i can’t get it ( idk why )


I have a kind of attraction that is hard to understand. Idk if its sexual or not. Its like, all blurry that you can’t indicate it


I would personally explain how i feel my attractions bc….idk what that is


Sooo the eight stages of sexual attractions are


1. The spark

2. Idealization

3. Obsession

4. Fantasy + projecting

5. Emotional frustration

6. Withdrawal

7. Clarity

8. Intergration


1. Ok soooo for spark, idk what they mean by that bc i kind of do feel sparks for ppl, but i never had felt any physical attraction. Its more of being interested in having a conversation ig???
Idk man, i like talking to others non stop
Especially if i am interested in talking to them. Idk what they mean by physical attraction either bc i have noticed a lot of ppl talk abt physical attraction as sexual attraction so i wouldn’t know if they actually meant physical attraction of if they just say physical attraction as in sexual attraction.


2. I do i dealize but mine is very different.
They arent like sexual fantasies but just imagining talking to them abt a topic that i would love to say.

Like, i would make imaginations on how i wanna talk abt different types of dinosaurs, or how i like to talk abt that one show that i watched.

I also dont get what they meant by sensual either bc i have AGAIN noticed that they use this word a lot to mean by ‘’ sexual ‘’

Like, i could imagine hugs, but i never imagined anything sexual and enjoyed it.

But then i have Heard a lot of ppl telling me how they sexually fantacise abt their crush or how they liked it. I didnt relate at all and though it was just how they enjoyed thoughts. I didnt knew it was bc they actually found them attractive that way and just liked thinking abt the situation ig.

This has kind of caused me to condition myself into thinking my crushes that way bc of my surrounding thinking ‘’ oh, if ppl think like that then i should do the same ‘’

So yeah i tried, didnt enjoyed it….and now they are intrusive thoughts that i dont enjoy now. This now has caused me to question if i am repressing some sort of sexual attraction….yayyyy

( i also dont have any evolutionsry needs or reproductions soooo yeah )

3. I dont know man, i dont obsessively think abt my crushes. Like, i could think abt them once or twice but then i just stop and then think abt something else like….idk cheese?
And i also dont go Check their accounts either. I could say hi to them but then i move on to something else.


4. I don’t do sexual scenarios in my head bc…..why?
Also bc i am sex-repulsed so i would rather eat concrete than have this in my head.

I have Heard ppl talking abt their sexual fantasies and all. I just sit here and thought it was a joke.
But then Little did i know, they weren’t joking.


5. I dont get emotionally frustated if something like this Will never happen. Heck i dont want it do bc….i dont want anything sexual with them bc…..why?

Maybe if they dont wanna be my friend then i would be kind of sad, but then i move on and then think abt what i Will be eating today. Idk why, but i do that. I like food


6. I don’t get this one bc i was taught to not be embarrassed abt what you feel for a person.
And i also dont care so much.


7. I don’t this one either bc i dont…..get it. And i am also writing this at night
so my brain is like a drunk….brain??? Idk man, i lost every creativity in vocabulary so this post might not make sense of what i am saying i am sorry.


8. I again dont experience it but i was infact talked abt how its not shameful to feel lust and all of that. So its not new to me to hear that. But i am not sure if i have ever felt it for someone either way. Its blurry and hard to know what i feel.

Its like a person who is colourblind trying to guess how an actual rainbow colour is..when they just see blue and yellow ( to what i have Heard )



Sooo yeah, Thats how i experience my attraction and i still don’t get what i feel bc i am on a whole crisis and i am also sick and tired of ppl thinking if you wanna be close to someone sensually means ya wanna do more……im tired of this.




Soooo yeah, i just wannna let this out. I DONT WANT LABELS. But i wanna know if this video is confusing for yall? For me yes but also interesting to learn ig…and confusing ( and for whoever is allo here, what i explained abt my attraction is. is it concidered sexual attraction? I would like to understand how i feel rn )



FYI: Idk what crush was i talking abt….







https://redd.it/1llld43
@asexualityonreddit
Single tax

Just wondering if anyone else feels the same, but do you ever get the feeling like we're being taxed for being single? For context im a 30yo male living in England.

I'm very fortunate in my own situation but I not everyone is so lucky. You can't buy a house on one income, so unless you work days and nights, you're denied a home. Holidays always say price per person, but mimim booking of two people.

I'm an extrovert I love being around people, but I'm super comfortable in my own skin and company. I love to travel with friends and on my own. But doing anything on my own feels so unachievable sometimes. It's like we have to forfit so many opertunites for simply bring who we are.

Get a dog? Nope can't do that on my own because of work. Get a cheap holiday, well yep but it won't be as cheap as couples get it. Raise a family, nah not only is that impossible, but petgst can just pop out kids will lord it over you, unintentionally admittedly, but still. No Suzanne I don't know what it's like to get the kids up and off to school in the mornings, id love to but that'll never happen.

Not sure what the purpose of this post is, but if you feel the same way, I feel you I really do.

https://redd.it/1lm43a1
@asexualityonreddit
Question relating to terminology

Hey guys!

A straight allosexual friend and I had a lengthy discussion about aspec identities and other things relating to being aspec.

It was prompted by her having seen a video in which the OP stated that a fictional character "cured" them of being aroace. At first my only answer to that was that (obviously) sexuality is not something to be cured/that can be cured. But she said she knew that.

So after explaining a couple of things to her like that sexuality is fluid (therefore can change over the years), she asked if someone by saying they were "cured" from being aspec could mean that their sexual identity changed (and for example now they simply identify as bisexual).

I told her that even if they didn't have bad intentions, that phrasing is still harmful for the community, because it would enable queerphobes' beliefs that sexuality can be cured.

To which she asked what would be an acceptable phrasing to tell other people (presumable meaning allosexuals/cishet people) that you now identify as something other than before. I couldn't answer that question, because I genuinely have no idea and couldn't come up with anything on the spot either.

So now I'm curious too. What would be the correct way to tell someone that your sexual identity changed?

https://redd.it/1lm68ya
@asexualityonreddit
Leave asexual characters ALONE

There are INFINITE characters to choose from. Young, old, guy, girl, both, neither. There are a myriad of sexualities to dismiss or change or have fun with.

I can count the number of canonically asexual characters I have seen in all the media I've watched on ONE. HAND.

Imagine, if you will, it's 1980 and there's, what, five gay characters anywhere? A few more, a few less? You are a closeted queer person. You're talking to somebody about whatever show, and you mention the openly gay character and they say that they just ignore it, and ship them in a straight relationship instead. How would you feel?? Do you feel GOOD??

Now imagine you find a character who is exactly like you, and you love them with your whole heart because you have never seen someone you could relate to, and it's from a show or book you love! So you go online to see what people say about them, only to discover, shocker, people are constantly dismissing that one thing you could really relate to. It feels like they're dismissing YOU.

That's what it's like to have people ship an aro/ace character. Especially one who's sex-repulsed. It feels like in dismissing a huge part of the character to make them more appealing, they're acknowledging that a person can't be interesting without a love interest. It fucking sucks.

There are so few of these characters. Why oh WHY does anyone feel the need to ship these characters with someone else?? There are so many other characters out there, why must these precious few be changed so inherently?? Pick someone else, ANYONE else, to find hot and sexy!! Leave these few alone, please?

https://redd.it/1lm8tmy
@asexualityonreddit
I don't know if I'm asexual or lesbian

First of all, I would like to say that I am autistic and probably something that is obvious to you is not obvious to me.
For years I have considered myself a lesbian, but it's more because I don't like men, I don't see myself in a life with a man and I'm not attracted to a man's body, I simply don't like them.
With women I feel very comfortable and I like being with them, But their bodies... it's more like I saw some very beautiful painting, I understand the beauty, I understand why they are incredible, But I don't know, I feel like something is missing

https://redd.it/1lm95xz
@asexualityonreddit