Bro, i need to rant abt something ( sorry, it might be a long vent )
Hello, this is random maniac. I am terribly sorry for this post, but there was something that was bothering me for the last…Idk…12 months. And it has gotten to the point that my mentality is going coo-coo
I was trying to create something for my fellow ace ppl ( specifically the ones that are sex-repulsed ) a story. But this has caused me to get…intrusive thoughts( OCD ). BUT LETS NOT TALK ABT THAT
I have been trying to find a sexless relationship to write abt. The problem is that i would never find it bc these sexless relationships will always end up badly or the ppl would still have sex but only 10 Times per year.
Anytime when i try and find a sexless relationship that could be idk happy, i always end up with sad stories, the ones that compromise on sex, or the ones that are only sexless temporarily ( or just having sex but its rare ).
This isn’t exactly what i am trying to find. I was trying to find a relationship that has no sex AT ALL. Like…ZERO ZERO sex. NADAAAAA. Like no sex permanently ( ik it may seem very harsh i am really sorry. I am just tired to see that every relationship requires sex and if you don’t like it, than just do it rarely or sometimes. But thats not what i am trying to find. I am sex-repulsed myself and i sometimes get tired of the same story yk. Abt how it sexless relationships will never work, or how its miserable or how its just friendship ( GURL FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS EXIST WHAT ARE YOU ON ABT??? ) it just hurts to see that for me. Its okay for ppl to not like it, but it always feels like a shameful relationship to have and it that it should be shamed to want this kind of relationship. Heck these relationships are so rare to the point that i find it weird too, even though its exactly what i would want )
I have no hate for the ppl who are in these kind of relationships, heck its okay if you do. But its just not what i am trying to find. I am trying to find a story abt two ppl who are happy toghether whether they may never have sex at all. I wanted to show ppl that even though its sexless ( or zero sex ) doesn’t mean that the ppl in these kinds of relationships are miserable and sad. They’re maybe some of them that would want this, but it always feels impossible for them. I wanted to show ppl you can love someone or have intimacy without it being sexual/ sex related.
But it always feels like that ppl will never like it. Or that ppl will be okay at first, until they realize that it will never be expected.
There will always be these kinds of ppl that would go ‘’ well its ok if you don’t wanna have sex ‘’ but then gets annoyed or angry when they have come to realize that the person doesn’t want to have sex at all.
It always feels like sex needs to be liked, or that its ok not to like sex as long as it doesn’t last..
I have seen some sex-repulsed that would want sexless relationships, but then they change their mind and they finally have sex.
Its ok if they do as long as they are happy.
But i feel…left out. Bc i know myself better. I know that i am not willing to do that at all. But its still a problem. ( i don’t want to find a relationship. But it hurts to see that if someone doesn’t like sex or wants to avoid it completely, it should be abnormalized or should change that )
I have been trying to create this sorry where two girls who are in a sexless relationship ( like…literally, they are not having sex )
One of them is ace and the other is allo bambi lesbian.
They are both happy with their decision and are living a normal life. Even though they aren’t having sex ( and would never be expected ) they are still happy and inlove toghether.
But heres the problem. I knew that if i ever will make this happen and publish it to the whole world. There will be ppl that will…sexualize it ( Especially the asexual characters ) And let me be honest, i don’t like it when my characters are sexualized. Ik when you publish it, its won’t be yours, but i still created them, and i wouldn’t want them in these positions either way. Ik ppl
Hello, this is random maniac. I am terribly sorry for this post, but there was something that was bothering me for the last…Idk…12 months. And it has gotten to the point that my mentality is going coo-coo
I was trying to create something for my fellow ace ppl ( specifically the ones that are sex-repulsed ) a story. But this has caused me to get…intrusive thoughts( OCD ). BUT LETS NOT TALK ABT THAT
I have been trying to find a sexless relationship to write abt. The problem is that i would never find it bc these sexless relationships will always end up badly or the ppl would still have sex but only 10 Times per year.
Anytime when i try and find a sexless relationship that could be idk happy, i always end up with sad stories, the ones that compromise on sex, or the ones that are only sexless temporarily ( or just having sex but its rare ).
This isn’t exactly what i am trying to find. I was trying to find a relationship that has no sex AT ALL. Like…ZERO ZERO sex. NADAAAAA. Like no sex permanently ( ik it may seem very harsh i am really sorry. I am just tired to see that every relationship requires sex and if you don’t like it, than just do it rarely or sometimes. But thats not what i am trying to find. I am sex-repulsed myself and i sometimes get tired of the same story yk. Abt how it sexless relationships will never work, or how its miserable or how its just friendship ( GURL FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS EXIST WHAT ARE YOU ON ABT??? ) it just hurts to see that for me. Its okay for ppl to not like it, but it always feels like a shameful relationship to have and it that it should be shamed to want this kind of relationship. Heck these relationships are so rare to the point that i find it weird too, even though its exactly what i would want )
I have no hate for the ppl who are in these kind of relationships, heck its okay if you do. But its just not what i am trying to find. I am trying to find a story abt two ppl who are happy toghether whether they may never have sex at all. I wanted to show ppl that even though its sexless ( or zero sex ) doesn’t mean that the ppl in these kinds of relationships are miserable and sad. They’re maybe some of them that would want this, but it always feels impossible for them. I wanted to show ppl you can love someone or have intimacy without it being sexual/ sex related.
But it always feels like that ppl will never like it. Or that ppl will be okay at first, until they realize that it will never be expected.
There will always be these kinds of ppl that would go ‘’ well its ok if you don’t wanna have sex ‘’ but then gets annoyed or angry when they have come to realize that the person doesn’t want to have sex at all.
It always feels like sex needs to be liked, or that its ok not to like sex as long as it doesn’t last..
I have seen some sex-repulsed that would want sexless relationships, but then they change their mind and they finally have sex.
Its ok if they do as long as they are happy.
But i feel…left out. Bc i know myself better. I know that i am not willing to do that at all. But its still a problem. ( i don’t want to find a relationship. But it hurts to see that if someone doesn’t like sex or wants to avoid it completely, it should be abnormalized or should change that )
I have been trying to create this sorry where two girls who are in a sexless relationship ( like…literally, they are not having sex )
One of them is ace and the other is allo bambi lesbian.
They are both happy with their decision and are living a normal life. Even though they aren’t having sex ( and would never be expected ) they are still happy and inlove toghether.
But heres the problem. I knew that if i ever will make this happen and publish it to the whole world. There will be ppl that will…sexualize it ( Especially the asexual characters ) And let me be honest, i don’t like it when my characters are sexualized. Ik when you publish it, its won’t be yours, but i still created them, and i wouldn’t want them in these positions either way. Ik ppl
will be very angry at me if i ever tell them that i don’t want my characters to be sexualized. But its always feels…wrong..idk If they ever existed they wouldn’t want this either tbh. I know i will be hated for that, but ITS always always feels like anytime these ppl hear their fav creators tell them not to sexualize their characters bc they are uncomfortable with that. They would force them to make it happen ( it kinda feels like pushing someones boundaries when they say no. Like… NO MEANS NO )
And ik that there will be ppl disappointed to see that ( or even try to erase it ).
And i also know very well that some ( NOT ALL ) lesbians might rant on me abt it. I have seen some ( AGAIN NOT ALL ) lesbians that rant abt asexual lesbians ( or even bambi lesbians ) for not feeling sexual attraction or for not wanting to have sex ( they even call sexless relationship ‘’ lesbian death bed ‘’. Like what? No offense to any lesbians who made that. It just feels like….idk in sorry )
Im not talking abt the ones who don’t want to date them. Im talking abt the ones who shame them. And i have seen it a lot on some lesbian community. ( AGAIN, NOT ALL LESBIANS ARE LIKE THIS )
And i know very well if they wouldn’t like seeing that, and might make rumors abt me…. Sooo yeah
I have been overthinking abt this so much to the point that i was afraid of these. It gotten worse to the point that i get intrusive thoughts abt these characters being sexualized or being forced into sex even though they wouldn’t enjoy it ( ik those characters are not me. But i know very well that they wouldn’t want this to happen to them )
And this has caused my mental health to worsen. So i stopped writing abt them.
Idk what to do, Especially when the world will always see sexless relationship as something shameful, or even miserable..
I feel left out, i am very sorry for this long vent, i really don’t want anything. I just want to be litsened.
Ty for listening.
https://redd.it/1ks80l3
@asexualityonreddit
And ik that there will be ppl disappointed to see that ( or even try to erase it ).
And i also know very well that some ( NOT ALL ) lesbians might rant on me abt it. I have seen some ( AGAIN NOT ALL ) lesbians that rant abt asexual lesbians ( or even bambi lesbians ) for not feeling sexual attraction or for not wanting to have sex ( they even call sexless relationship ‘’ lesbian death bed ‘’. Like what? No offense to any lesbians who made that. It just feels like….idk in sorry )
Im not talking abt the ones who don’t want to date them. Im talking abt the ones who shame them. And i have seen it a lot on some lesbian community. ( AGAIN, NOT ALL LESBIANS ARE LIKE THIS )
And i know very well if they wouldn’t like seeing that, and might make rumors abt me…. Sooo yeah
I have been overthinking abt this so much to the point that i was afraid of these. It gotten worse to the point that i get intrusive thoughts abt these characters being sexualized or being forced into sex even though they wouldn’t enjoy it ( ik those characters are not me. But i know very well that they wouldn’t want this to happen to them )
And this has caused my mental health to worsen. So i stopped writing abt them.
Idk what to do, Especially when the world will always see sexless relationship as something shameful, or even miserable..
I feel left out, i am very sorry for this long vent, i really don’t want anything. I just want to be litsened.
Ty for listening.
https://redd.it/1ks80l3
@asexualityonreddit
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Are You Aro (Advice)?
**Hi everyone!**
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)
* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)
https://redd.it/1ks90l5
@asexualityonreddit
**Hi everyone!**
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)
* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)
https://redd.it/1ks90l5
@asexualityonreddit
Sex is not sacred
I hate this new wave of puritans crying about "hookup culture is bad" "sex is sacred" "it's the closest you'll ever get to a person" like PUHLEASE. You're just telling on yourselves that a lot of yall are perfectly shallow and the only way that you're able to show love is by bumping privates. Like how lukewarm and stupid is that? You obviously only have sex when you're horny and not any other time. So obviously you do it for your own pleasure. It's not sacred. It's a cope. It's irritating.
https://redd.it/1ks5uq1
@asexualityonreddit
I hate this new wave of puritans crying about "hookup culture is bad" "sex is sacred" "it's the closest you'll ever get to a person" like PUHLEASE. You're just telling on yourselves that a lot of yall are perfectly shallow and the only way that you're able to show love is by bumping privates. Like how lukewarm and stupid is that? You obviously only have sex when you're horny and not any other time. So obviously you do it for your own pleasure. It's not sacred. It's a cope. It's irritating.
https://redd.it/1ks5uq1
@asexualityonreddit
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First time attraction or intrusive thoughts?
I’ve identified as asexual for about 6 years now. When I first learned what asexuality was my entire life made sense. I’m also agender and somewhere on the demiromantic aroflux spectrum. I started anti depressants about a year ago and since starting them I have had thoughts of engaging in physical intimacy which I never had before. These thoughts have only been on friends/“crushes” (hence the demiromantic questioning). I also have depression, some symptoms of anxiety, and very likely ADHD which I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis for. The last few months I’ve had a crush on a friend and fantasize physical intimacy with them, even though I’ve never done any physical intimacy with anyone before. It has really thrown my mental health in a loop since I was so confidently aroace for such a long time. I was wondering if anyone else has had something like this happen before? I’ve also been reading up on OCD, I think OCD very likely runs in my family. I never really resonated with it. But when I did some reading on intrusive thoughts and “pure O” those things resonated with me, not just about the sexual intimacy but other thoughts I’ve had as well. I’ve never exhibited signs physically of OCD but I’m wondering if I do have this more mental component. I know the advice will probably be to talk to my doctors about it, which I definitely will. I’m currently seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. But because being ace and aro has been such a part of me for so long I wanted to hear from this community and if anyone else can relate? It’s hard for me to determine if my crush on my friend is purely intrusive because sometimes I do think it would be nice to be with someone, but I’m wondering if the way I’m thinking about it is more OCD? Anyway I’m questioning all my identities now and it’s not fun 🙃 thank you so much to anyone who read this whole thing! I don’t have any ace or aro people in my life so it can feel quite lonely.
https://redd.it/1ksevw5
@asexualityonreddit
I’ve identified as asexual for about 6 years now. When I first learned what asexuality was my entire life made sense. I’m also agender and somewhere on the demiromantic aroflux spectrum. I started anti depressants about a year ago and since starting them I have had thoughts of engaging in physical intimacy which I never had before. These thoughts have only been on friends/“crushes” (hence the demiromantic questioning). I also have depression, some symptoms of anxiety, and very likely ADHD which I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis for. The last few months I’ve had a crush on a friend and fantasize physical intimacy with them, even though I’ve never done any physical intimacy with anyone before. It has really thrown my mental health in a loop since I was so confidently aroace for such a long time. I was wondering if anyone else has had something like this happen before? I’ve also been reading up on OCD, I think OCD very likely runs in my family. I never really resonated with it. But when I did some reading on intrusive thoughts and “pure O” those things resonated with me, not just about the sexual intimacy but other thoughts I’ve had as well. I’ve never exhibited signs physically of OCD but I’m wondering if I do have this more mental component. I know the advice will probably be to talk to my doctors about it, which I definitely will. I’m currently seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. But because being ace and aro has been such a part of me for so long I wanted to hear from this community and if anyone else can relate? It’s hard for me to determine if my crush on my friend is purely intrusive because sometimes I do think it would be nice to be with someone, but I’m wondering if the way I’m thinking about it is more OCD? Anyway I’m questioning all my identities now and it’s not fun 🙃 thank you so much to anyone who read this whole thing! I don’t have any ace or aro people in my life so it can feel quite lonely.
https://redd.it/1ksevw5
@asexualityonreddit
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How often do you think about sex?
They say the average person thinks about sex 10-20 times per day. I would say, for me, the lower end of that is probably pretty accurate. So, I'm curious about how other people on the ace spectrum compare. Would you say you're above, below, or about average? For reference I'm aegosexual with rare, but not non-existent, sexual attraction.
https://redd.it/1ksgbei
@asexualityonreddit
They say the average person thinks about sex 10-20 times per day. I would say, for me, the lower end of that is probably pretty accurate. So, I'm curious about how other people on the ace spectrum compare. Would you say you're above, below, or about average? For reference I'm aegosexual with rare, but not non-existent, sexual attraction.
https://redd.it/1ksgbei
@asexualityonreddit
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Kids, I tell ya!
I (M) teach middle school, and late last week a student came out to me as aroace/nonbinary when I asked them about the beads on their shoelaces.
They knew I had previously dated someone, but that it didn't work out (I told their class this months ago during work time)
Yesterday I told the student that I myself am ace, and their first reaction was, "So THAT'S why you broke up with that person?!"
Not at all the reaction I was expecting, but it was still a nice moment of making meaningful connection with a student.
https://redd.it/1ksiiem
@asexualityonreddit
I (M) teach middle school, and late last week a student came out to me as aroace/nonbinary when I asked them about the beads on their shoelaces.
They knew I had previously dated someone, but that it didn't work out (I told their class this months ago during work time)
Yesterday I told the student that I myself am ace, and their first reaction was, "So THAT'S why you broke up with that person?!"
Not at all the reaction I was expecting, but it was still a nice moment of making meaningful connection with a student.
https://redd.it/1ksiiem
@asexualityonreddit
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maslow’s hierarchy of needs is acephobic
like why does this world have to be so goddamn sexual? why can‘t people actually want an emotional connection before sex? why is physical connection prioritized over emotional? why does sex have to be so important? why is it seen as a „need“ i don‘t understand it. i wanna bring up the maslow hierarchy of needs of how sex is in it; i mean it was clearly designed by and for the needs of a heterosexual white man who can be privileged enough to achieve all on the pyramid but like i hate that sex is on there bc it‘s saying that everyone needs sex to survive and it perpetuates people’s acephobic beliefs about us to make us think we’re broken or there’s something wrong with us or we’re liars because we say we can survive without sex. the pyramid proves even more how sexual everyone in the world is and that most typical people really are sexual and would need sex.
https://redd.it/1ksnags
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like why does this world have to be so goddamn sexual? why can‘t people actually want an emotional connection before sex? why is physical connection prioritized over emotional? why does sex have to be so important? why is it seen as a „need“ i don‘t understand it. i wanna bring up the maslow hierarchy of needs of how sex is in it; i mean it was clearly designed by and for the needs of a heterosexual white man who can be privileged enough to achieve all on the pyramid but like i hate that sex is on there bc it‘s saying that everyone needs sex to survive and it perpetuates people’s acephobic beliefs about us to make us think we’re broken or there’s something wrong with us or we’re liars because we say we can survive without sex. the pyramid proves even more how sexual everyone in the world is and that most typical people really are sexual and would need sex.
https://redd.it/1ksnags
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