Yesterday I asked if you guys find hands or collarbones more aesthetically pleasing and there were lots of different opinions. So now I’m asking, what is any body part apart from genitals that you find very aesthetically pleasing?
I saw lots of people say noses and backs, which I totally second, but as the title says, what are some niche body parts you find attractive?
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I saw lots of people say noses and backs, which I totally second, but as the title says, what are some niche body parts you find attractive?
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Coping with an Ace-Allo Breakup
Just got broken up with after 3 years and one of the reasons that was cited was that our ace-allo relationship is not a compatible one. I just feel so lost and hopeless. Any advice that might make me hate my identity less is appreciated 🙃
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Just got broken up with after 3 years and one of the reasons that was cited was that our ace-allo relationship is not a compatible one. I just feel so lost and hopeless. Any advice that might make me hate my identity less is appreciated 🙃
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I never thought I'd find someone who truly understood me - Don't give up!
Well to be honest - He found me.
So I'm still quite young, 19F, and I met my boyfriend (21M) about 3 years ago whilst I was a junior in high school and he was a senior. During high school, I never really participated in dating since I knew from a younger age I seemed to be on the asexual/demisexual spectrum, and I always felt ashamed and like I would never find anyone that would be okay with that.
Many guys displayed interest in me throughout the years, but I knew that being ace would deter them (and it did) because guys typically care a lot about physical intimacy, especially young high school ones.
On top of that, I also considered myself more androgynous looking at the time. It was the beginning of the year, and a guy randomly came up to me as we waited outside for the school doors to open and introduced himself. Apparently he was also in my math class, so I did see him before I just didn't realize it (he sat right next to me, I was so unobservational lol).
He admitted later that he didn't really know for sure whether I was a girl or guy which I thought was funny. He was a band kid (or rather, he was until his senior year) and I could tell he liked me right away.
Now, I have a very hard time trusting people and I don't usually relate to people very easily since I'm also on the autism spectrum. Knowing people's true intentions is hard, so it would take a very long time for this guy to grow on me, but he didn't seem to mind.
To be honest, there was never really an exact day when we decided to start dating, it just sort of turned into that. We were best friends before anything, though. I came to realize over time that this man would literally do anything for me, and expect nothing in return which was so surprising to me.
Even to this day, he's always the one that drives (I'm scared of driving, but I do if I have to), he always makes me food or brings me food especially if it's that time of month, he would buy me anything I asked for (even though I'm always too scared to ask for stuff, and I always feel very guilty doing so), and he overall treats me like a queen.
He goes everywhere with me. We've even been on some trips out of town (soon out of state, hopefully), His family likes me, and my family absolutely loves him. He spoils me way more than I deserve, and he's just such a goofball and makes me laugh all the time.
We have such similar interests, like music, my art, our mutual feeling of not wanting kids. He's my biggest supporter in anything I do. I look back when I was younger, and I felt that a relationship like this wasn't possible for me, I never would have imagined how my life would change.
Something that helped immensely was realizing I also had to fix my own issues and love myself before I could love someone else. Throughout my entire life, I have had such bad anxiety and even depressive episodes due to genetics and past traumas. I only started medicating with Lexapro this year, but my god has that helped me so much. I used to be more angry in life, and it would cause me to lash out on others sometimes, and it just made everything more difficult for me in general. Getting over my fear of simply asking for help changed me for the better, and I can love better because of it, too.
There's so much more I could say, but the main points are there. I know were both still very young and we hopefully have a long life ahead of us, but I often do think he really is my soulmate in many ways (if you believe in that stuff, anyway) and I share this because I know many people on the ace spectrum, especially younger ages, may feel helpless when it comes to finding someone who truly sees you and validates your feelings.
My boyfriend and I talk everyday, even if we don't see each other in person. He wants to make a lot of money and become a software engineer so I can stay home, and he's a nerd who's interested in that kind of stuff (green flag!). I do art commissions sometimes. Overall, I'm excited for what the future holds, and what our
Well to be honest - He found me.
So I'm still quite young, 19F, and I met my boyfriend (21M) about 3 years ago whilst I was a junior in high school and he was a senior. During high school, I never really participated in dating since I knew from a younger age I seemed to be on the asexual/demisexual spectrum, and I always felt ashamed and like I would never find anyone that would be okay with that.
Many guys displayed interest in me throughout the years, but I knew that being ace would deter them (and it did) because guys typically care a lot about physical intimacy, especially young high school ones.
On top of that, I also considered myself more androgynous looking at the time. It was the beginning of the year, and a guy randomly came up to me as we waited outside for the school doors to open and introduced himself. Apparently he was also in my math class, so I did see him before I just didn't realize it (he sat right next to me, I was so unobservational lol).
He admitted later that he didn't really know for sure whether I was a girl or guy which I thought was funny. He was a band kid (or rather, he was until his senior year) and I could tell he liked me right away.
Now, I have a very hard time trusting people and I don't usually relate to people very easily since I'm also on the autism spectrum. Knowing people's true intentions is hard, so it would take a very long time for this guy to grow on me, but he didn't seem to mind.
To be honest, there was never really an exact day when we decided to start dating, it just sort of turned into that. We were best friends before anything, though. I came to realize over time that this man would literally do anything for me, and expect nothing in return which was so surprising to me.
Even to this day, he's always the one that drives (I'm scared of driving, but I do if I have to), he always makes me food or brings me food especially if it's that time of month, he would buy me anything I asked for (even though I'm always too scared to ask for stuff, and I always feel very guilty doing so), and he overall treats me like a queen.
He goes everywhere with me. We've even been on some trips out of town (soon out of state, hopefully), His family likes me, and my family absolutely loves him. He spoils me way more than I deserve, and he's just such a goofball and makes me laugh all the time.
We have such similar interests, like music, my art, our mutual feeling of not wanting kids. He's my biggest supporter in anything I do. I look back when I was younger, and I felt that a relationship like this wasn't possible for me, I never would have imagined how my life would change.
Something that helped immensely was realizing I also had to fix my own issues and love myself before I could love someone else. Throughout my entire life, I have had such bad anxiety and even depressive episodes due to genetics and past traumas. I only started medicating with Lexapro this year, but my god has that helped me so much. I used to be more angry in life, and it would cause me to lash out on others sometimes, and it just made everything more difficult for me in general. Getting over my fear of simply asking for help changed me for the better, and I can love better because of it, too.
There's so much more I could say, but the main points are there. I know were both still very young and we hopefully have a long life ahead of us, but I often do think he really is my soulmate in many ways (if you believe in that stuff, anyway) and I share this because I know many people on the ace spectrum, especially younger ages, may feel helpless when it comes to finding someone who truly sees you and validates your feelings.
My boyfriend and I talk everyday, even if we don't see each other in person. He wants to make a lot of money and become a software engineer so I can stay home, and he's a nerd who's interested in that kind of stuff (green flag!). I do art commissions sometimes. Overall, I'm excited for what the future holds, and what our
domestic life could look like (many cats and reptiles for sure). Never ever feel bad about what you can't control about yourself. People 'do' see beyond physical gratification, knowing someone on such a deep emotional level is everything. You are worthy of love and respect, and anyone who thinks otherwise are just dummies.
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Leg Hair
How well do you pay attention to and maintain your leg hair, ladies?
I'm so bad about it cause I wear pants all the time and associate it to sex. Given I dont care for sex, I dont care to shave frequently. Lol
I learned from the TV show Friends that 1 week is too long, so since middle school I'd made sure to shave at least once a week. Nair and razor commercials taught me to shave from my ankle to my knee... which later on I found out youre supposed to do your whole leg when I told my sisters and they said "gross!" We won't get into discovering shaving pubic hair as I want to keep this G rated.
Now that I've been married for 18 years, I often forget. I still try to maintain but it's been probably months. I think my husband has given up or stopped caring about my leg hair cause he hasn't said anything.
So now im curious, do any of you feel the same way? How much do you pay attention to your leg hair? Those attracted to women, how much do you care or pay attention given youre asexual?
Edit: Wow! I really thought i was alone in this. I'm so glad I'm not. Lol
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How well do you pay attention to and maintain your leg hair, ladies?
I'm so bad about it cause I wear pants all the time and associate it to sex. Given I dont care for sex, I dont care to shave frequently. Lol
I learned from the TV show Friends that 1 week is too long, so since middle school I'd made sure to shave at least once a week. Nair and razor commercials taught me to shave from my ankle to my knee... which later on I found out youre supposed to do your whole leg when I told my sisters and they said "gross!" We won't get into discovering shaving pubic hair as I want to keep this G rated.
Now that I've been married for 18 years, I often forget. I still try to maintain but it's been probably months. I think my husband has given up or stopped caring about my leg hair cause he hasn't said anything.
So now im curious, do any of you feel the same way? How much do you pay attention to your leg hair? Those attracted to women, how much do you care or pay attention given youre asexual?
Edit: Wow! I really thought i was alone in this. I'm so glad I'm not. Lol
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Difficulty finding a partner
Hello everyone I have known for a while now that I am ace with 0 attraction towards sex and I am definitely not planning on having it with anyone. I do prefer romance, however. But it is so difficult to find a partner that matches this, even on apps like Acespace. I didn't know so many asexual people actually still want to have a sexual relationship with their partner, I know it's a broad spectrum but it always feels like such a letdown when I meet a fellow ace person and they still end up wanting sex... I do find that the majority of the people that do not want sexual relations, are women. I have been open to dating women for a few years but it never happened and I also am not out to anyone. It's such a struggle... does anyone else have problems like this?
EDIT: Due to not great experiences in the past I have grown repulsed towards sex and it's not something that will ever change. But I still would love to have a partner and have a wonderful relationship with someone who is like minded. On that app I have noticed that a lot of men reaching out to me are complete weirdo's and make me feel uncomfortable, for example them getting mad when I do not reply to them, even though I did not match with them, or demanding children from me when I am a child free and sex free person. I have no luck with women as they never reach out to me nor like me back. And if they do, they only want to have a friendship.
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Hello everyone I have known for a while now that I am ace with 0 attraction towards sex and I am definitely not planning on having it with anyone. I do prefer romance, however. But it is so difficult to find a partner that matches this, even on apps like Acespace. I didn't know so many asexual people actually still want to have a sexual relationship with their partner, I know it's a broad spectrum but it always feels like such a letdown when I meet a fellow ace person and they still end up wanting sex... I do find that the majority of the people that do not want sexual relations, are women. I have been open to dating women for a few years but it never happened and I also am not out to anyone. It's such a struggle... does anyone else have problems like this?
EDIT: Due to not great experiences in the past I have grown repulsed towards sex and it's not something that will ever change. But I still would love to have a partner and have a wonderful relationship with someone who is like minded. On that app I have noticed that a lot of men reaching out to me are complete weirdo's and make me feel uncomfortable, for example them getting mad when I do not reply to them, even though I did not match with them, or demanding children from me when I am a child free and sex free person. I have no luck with women as they never reach out to me nor like me back. And if they do, they only want to have a friendship.
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If you don't want allos to post about wishing they were ace, then don't post about wishing you were aro!
First off, I genuinely believe alloromantic asexuals mean no harm when they make posts about being sad for struggling to find a compatible romantic partner and say they wished they were aro so they didn't have that desire. That does, however, not change the fact that it's arophobic, and considering people on here are quick to mass downvote allosexuals wishing they were asexual while unintentional arophobia receives hundreds of upvotes... I don't think I have to explain the issue with this.
Now, of course, there are aces and aros who experience nothing but joy in their identity, and that's wonderful for them. Unfortunately, that's not necessarily the case for most aspec folks; we're all negatively affected by allonormativity and amatonormativity, are invalidated even by the queer community sometimes, feel alienated because we don't feel something everyone else seems to feel, the list goes on.
To just blatantly claim we had it so much easier because we don't feel a certain type of attraction demonstrates ignorance, and upvoting posts doing so and agreeing with them is to promote it.
Again, I do honestly believe people mean no harm when posting things like that, but how about we start treating them the same as allos wishing they were ace because "life would be so much easier if I didn't desire sex like you guys"? - Don't upvote such posts and thoroughly explain why one shouldn't say things like that.
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First off, I genuinely believe alloromantic asexuals mean no harm when they make posts about being sad for struggling to find a compatible romantic partner and say they wished they were aro so they didn't have that desire. That does, however, not change the fact that it's arophobic, and considering people on here are quick to mass downvote allosexuals wishing they were asexual while unintentional arophobia receives hundreds of upvotes... I don't think I have to explain the issue with this.
Now, of course, there are aces and aros who experience nothing but joy in their identity, and that's wonderful for them. Unfortunately, that's not necessarily the case for most aspec folks; we're all negatively affected by allonormativity and amatonormativity, are invalidated even by the queer community sometimes, feel alienated because we don't feel something everyone else seems to feel, the list goes on.
To just blatantly claim we had it so much easier because we don't feel a certain type of attraction demonstrates ignorance, and upvoting posts doing so and agreeing with them is to promote it.
Again, I do honestly believe people mean no harm when posting things like that, but how about we start treating them the same as allos wishing they were ace because "life would be so much easier if I didn't desire sex like you guys"? - Don't upvote such posts and thoroughly explain why one shouldn't say things like that.
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I fear for my mental health
Disclaimer: if you find this subject triggering, please don't read: There'll be mention of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts.
Hello all,
I needed a place to rant, and I hope you'll allow me to do it here. As the title says, I fear for my mental health. I live in isolation, meaning, I don't have friends nor am I in contact with my family.
However I live in an urban area (parisian area), I am not stuck at home, so I do talk to people everyday, but barely, they are very superficial interactions. I'm a runner and walker (helps with the depression), move around on a bike (don't drive) and take public transports, so everyday people (mostly men with different intentions than mine unfortunately) actually come up and talk to me. This happens very often, there's nothing special about me, but asking for phone numbers is a regional sport here where I live.
Except, I am a 37 y/o woman, and only teenagers and very young adults come to talk to me. People think I am under 18. So people my age don't try and strike a conversation. And I'm ace anyway, so that wouldn't change anything. And I don't do it myself because I am an extreme introvert (for reasons that'll become clear later in the post).
Up until now I've never had any friends nor boyfriend. My mother was herself mentally ill. She "trained" me to fear other people (even women), and I was not allowed to play with other kids (even though we lived in an appartment complex, with lots of kids). I was not allowed to go outside alone (had to be with her) even as an adult.
I lived with her until I was 33 when she died, I then "fled" and live now by myself in a little flat.
I survived all these years by living inside my head. Since I was little I had I don't know how many imaginary friends and boyfriends. Except I feel I spend more and more time in these fantasy worlds and I honestly fear I'll get stuck there one day and not come back.
The other thing that worries me is I've never fell in love, or felt love towards another person (could be friendship, a family member....) I come from a dysfonctional family, so no love there, and I am not in contact with them now. And as I said I was trainded to fear and distrust people, so I am not sure I can, even now I'm by myself, have a friendship or romantic relationship with anyone, even if I actually want to. I am not a misanthrope, I wish I could be close to other people. I spend an unhealthy amount of time listening to podcasts and read books (both fiction and non fiction), I actually like to listen to people and learn from them. But I find it terrifying to do it with "actual" people, in front of me, having a conversation.
I feel so disconnected, I often have suicidal thoughts, I don't see any reasons to live, nothing tie me to this world. Hopefull I've manage to not give in, but it gets harder as time goes by.
Finally, I do not expect any messages or anything (Or so I think. I'm not sure what I want anymore). But I do think I'm f up beyond repair, and would be a waste of anyone's time. I'm also aware I'm emotionally a child, so I'm not even sure I would be of any interest to people my age.
But if what I've said resonates with you in any way, means anything to you, please chime in, please say hi, I'd like to know I'm not alone in this madness.
Thank you for reading (I hope this somewhat makes sense and doesn't sound like the ramblings of a madwoman).
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Disclaimer: if you find this subject triggering, please don't read: There'll be mention of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts.
Hello all,
I needed a place to rant, and I hope you'll allow me to do it here. As the title says, I fear for my mental health. I live in isolation, meaning, I don't have friends nor am I in contact with my family.
However I live in an urban area (parisian area), I am not stuck at home, so I do talk to people everyday, but barely, they are very superficial interactions. I'm a runner and walker (helps with the depression), move around on a bike (don't drive) and take public transports, so everyday people (mostly men with different intentions than mine unfortunately) actually come up and talk to me. This happens very often, there's nothing special about me, but asking for phone numbers is a regional sport here where I live.
Except, I am a 37 y/o woman, and only teenagers and very young adults come to talk to me. People think I am under 18. So people my age don't try and strike a conversation. And I'm ace anyway, so that wouldn't change anything. And I don't do it myself because I am an extreme introvert (for reasons that'll become clear later in the post).
Up until now I've never had any friends nor boyfriend. My mother was herself mentally ill. She "trained" me to fear other people (even women), and I was not allowed to play with other kids (even though we lived in an appartment complex, with lots of kids). I was not allowed to go outside alone (had to be with her) even as an adult.
I lived with her until I was 33 when she died, I then "fled" and live now by myself in a little flat.
I survived all these years by living inside my head. Since I was little I had I don't know how many imaginary friends and boyfriends. Except I feel I spend more and more time in these fantasy worlds and I honestly fear I'll get stuck there one day and not come back.
The other thing that worries me is I've never fell in love, or felt love towards another person (could be friendship, a family member....) I come from a dysfonctional family, so no love there, and I am not in contact with them now. And as I said I was trainded to fear and distrust people, so I am not sure I can, even now I'm by myself, have a friendship or romantic relationship with anyone, even if I actually want to. I am not a misanthrope, I wish I could be close to other people. I spend an unhealthy amount of time listening to podcasts and read books (both fiction and non fiction), I actually like to listen to people and learn from them. But I find it terrifying to do it with "actual" people, in front of me, having a conversation.
I feel so disconnected, I often have suicidal thoughts, I don't see any reasons to live, nothing tie me to this world. Hopefull I've manage to not give in, but it gets harder as time goes by.
Finally, I do not expect any messages or anything (Or so I think. I'm not sure what I want anymore). But I do think I'm f up beyond repair, and would be a waste of anyone's time. I'm also aware I'm emotionally a child, so I'm not even sure I would be of any interest to people my age.
But if what I've said resonates with you in any way, means anything to you, please chime in, please say hi, I'd like to know I'm not alone in this madness.
Thank you for reading (I hope this somewhat makes sense and doesn't sound like the ramblings of a madwoman).
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I want to thank this subreddit. It solved many doubts I had and made me happy again
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Am I Asexual?
If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.
If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.
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If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.
If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.
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Am I dumb for not understanding the concept of ‘sexual attraction’?
As an aroace person who leans more towards asexuality, I get very confused on how a person can possibly be sexually attracted to another being. I just don’t get it at all. Is it more of just a physical or mental thing?? I just can’t imagine looking at a stranger (or a friend) and immediately thinking of undressing them with my eyes or screwing them. Even when looking at naked bodies I don’t see the appeal of it.
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As an aroace person who leans more towards asexuality, I get very confused on how a person can possibly be sexually attracted to another being. I just don’t get it at all. Is it more of just a physical or mental thing?? I just can’t imagine looking at a stranger (or a friend) and immediately thinking of undressing them with my eyes or screwing them. Even when looking at naked bodies I don’t see the appeal of it.
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