My partner told me she is a heterosexual woman after 20 months, and I’m non-binary and asexual I need help
I’m non-binary and asexual. I’ve been in a relationship for about 20 months.
Throughout this time, I believed my partner was also non-binary. She supported me, agreed with my critiques of gender roles, and joined me in criticizing how rigid gender norms make people’s lives harder. Based on this, I genuinely thought we shared a similar gender perspective.
Recently, she had what she describes as a complete emotional breakdown. She told me that for the past 20 months she feels she has been suppressing herself, and that in reality she sees herself as a woman who is heterosexual and attracted to men. She says her understanding of “love” has always been directed toward men, and that she now doubts whether she ever truly loved me or whether she was forcing herself into an identity and relationship that didn’t align with her.
She says she wants to break down her heteronormative mindset, but outside of those norms she feels like she has no sense of self, no personality, no joy, and this realization is causing daily panic attacks and emotional crises. She feels empty without the framework she grew up with, even though she intellectually criticizes it.
At the same time, I’m struggling deeply. I’m still trying to be understood and accepted for who I am, and now I’m also trying to emotionally support her while she’s in constant distress. I feel overwhelmed, confused, and scared of hurting her further.
The questions she keeps asking and that we both don’t know how to answer are:
Are heteronormative attractions and roles something people are born with, or are they shaped by upbringing and social conditioning?
Regardless of whether they are innate or learned, can these patterns realistically change?
If she doesn’t “change” them, is it even possible for her to genuinely fall in love with someone who is not a man?
I don’t want her to suffer. I don’t want either of us to keep living in crisis mode. But I also don’t want either of us to erase ourselves to make the relationship work.
I’m looking for perspectives from people who’ve experienced identity shifts, late realizations, mixed-orientation relationships, or anything similar. Honest insights are appreciated.
Thank you for reading.
https://redd.it/1pqrw5m
@asexualityonreddit
I’m non-binary and asexual. I’ve been in a relationship for about 20 months.
Throughout this time, I believed my partner was also non-binary. She supported me, agreed with my critiques of gender roles, and joined me in criticizing how rigid gender norms make people’s lives harder. Based on this, I genuinely thought we shared a similar gender perspective.
Recently, she had what she describes as a complete emotional breakdown. She told me that for the past 20 months she feels she has been suppressing herself, and that in reality she sees herself as a woman who is heterosexual and attracted to men. She says her understanding of “love” has always been directed toward men, and that she now doubts whether she ever truly loved me or whether she was forcing herself into an identity and relationship that didn’t align with her.
She says she wants to break down her heteronormative mindset, but outside of those norms she feels like she has no sense of self, no personality, no joy, and this realization is causing daily panic attacks and emotional crises. She feels empty without the framework she grew up with, even though she intellectually criticizes it.
At the same time, I’m struggling deeply. I’m still trying to be understood and accepted for who I am, and now I’m also trying to emotionally support her while she’s in constant distress. I feel overwhelmed, confused, and scared of hurting her further.
The questions she keeps asking and that we both don’t know how to answer are:
Are heteronormative attractions and roles something people are born with, or are they shaped by upbringing and social conditioning?
Regardless of whether they are innate or learned, can these patterns realistically change?
If she doesn’t “change” them, is it even possible for her to genuinely fall in love with someone who is not a man?
I don’t want her to suffer. I don’t want either of us to keep living in crisis mode. But I also don’t want either of us to erase ourselves to make the relationship work.
I’m looking for perspectives from people who’ve experienced identity shifts, late realizations, mixed-orientation relationships, or anything similar. Honest insights are appreciated.
Thank you for reading.
https://redd.it/1pqrw5m
@asexualityonreddit
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Questioning if I'm asexual
Hi folks,
This feels a bit embarrassing to come to reddit and share, but here I am.
When I was a teenager, I was very curious about sex and masterbated myself quite a lot, whilst regularly watching videos. Whenever I watch videos and masterbate, I think about having sex with other people, but then as soon as I stop, I get turned off at the thought of having sex.
In your opinion, is this asexual, or would you suggest exploring another sexuality? I just hate the thought of sex with someone, I'm pretty content on my own.
https://redd.it/1pqsjm9
@asexualityonreddit
Hi folks,
This feels a bit embarrassing to come to reddit and share, but here I am.
When I was a teenager, I was very curious about sex and masterbated myself quite a lot, whilst regularly watching videos. Whenever I watch videos and masterbate, I think about having sex with other people, but then as soon as I stop, I get turned off at the thought of having sex.
In your opinion, is this asexual, or would you suggest exploring another sexuality? I just hate the thought of sex with someone, I'm pretty content on my own.
https://redd.it/1pqsjm9
@asexualityonreddit
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How do you guys handle the want for non sexual physical touch?
This is kinda an inquiry mixed with rant so just a warning.
Unfortunately physical touch is my main love language but I’m sex repulsed, so it’s very hard to find a partner.
I have severe OCD that causes me to not want to have physical contact with just anyone, hugs, handshakes, high fives, are out of the question for normal people.
But when I like someone I don’t get the same feeling to keep away from them, it takes me a while to like someone because I need to know their habits first to determine if they are cleanly or not.
But once I start liking someone I almost crave to be near them physically.
It’s been about 3 years since I was in my last relationship and I’m starting to fantasize about cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc. but unlike allosexual people with sexual fantasies who can just look up p*rn, there isn’t much out there to satisfy this feeling for me.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? If so, how did you deal with it?
https://redd.it/1pqub7x
@asexualityonreddit
This is kinda an inquiry mixed with rant so just a warning.
Unfortunately physical touch is my main love language but I’m sex repulsed, so it’s very hard to find a partner.
I have severe OCD that causes me to not want to have physical contact with just anyone, hugs, handshakes, high fives, are out of the question for normal people.
But when I like someone I don’t get the same feeling to keep away from them, it takes me a while to like someone because I need to know their habits first to determine if they are cleanly or not.
But once I start liking someone I almost crave to be near them physically.
It’s been about 3 years since I was in my last relationship and I’m starting to fantasize about cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc. but unlike allosexual people with sexual fantasies who can just look up p*rn, there isn’t much out there to satisfy this feeling for me.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? If so, how did you deal with it?
https://redd.it/1pqub7x
@asexualityonreddit
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Who cares about "ass or t!ts", the real question is collar bones or hands?
https://redd.it/1pqyeri
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1pqyeri
@asexualityonreddit
''hurrrrr durrrrrrrr but basic biology states that EVERYONE likes sex'' mfs when neurology and psychology:
https://redd.it/1pr06b8
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1pr06b8
@asexualityonreddit