My relationship is doomed
Forcing myself to be sexually intimate with someone for a year now...has completely broken me. I knew what I was getting myself into, I thought. I loved him and so I did what I could to satisfy him. A year later, I'm so insecure and confused. I don't understand his desires and need for something I never think of. I don't know what I'm even saying...currently sleeping in a guest room to avoid being in the same bed. I couldn't muffle my crying anymore and I don't want to have this conversation with him tonight. I can't see us lasting any longer, nor can I see ever dating again. I'm in pain and I waited too long to speak up. Reminder to those on the market...it's usually worth it to have these conversations with someone you're trying to be in a relationship with. I somehow thought I'd find my rhythm with it all and I've done nothing but break myself. Oh well.
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Forcing myself to be sexually intimate with someone for a year now...has completely broken me. I knew what I was getting myself into, I thought. I loved him and so I did what I could to satisfy him. A year later, I'm so insecure and confused. I don't understand his desires and need for something I never think of. I don't know what I'm even saying...currently sleeping in a guest room to avoid being in the same bed. I couldn't muffle my crying anymore and I don't want to have this conversation with him tonight. I can't see us lasting any longer, nor can I see ever dating again. I'm in pain and I waited too long to speak up. Reminder to those on the market...it's usually worth it to have these conversations with someone you're trying to be in a relationship with. I somehow thought I'd find my rhythm with it all and I've done nothing but break myself. Oh well.
https://redd.it/1phxwb5
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My asexual girlfriend is confusing the hell out of me. What does she want?
Hey all. I’m in an asexual relationship of three years, my girlfriend is asexual, I am not. I’ve come to understand her pretty well throughout the years but recently she just hasn’t been making a lot of sense, I wanted to share my experience with her and see if anybody feels similarly and can shed some light on the situation, because frankly she’s been confusing the hell out of me.
So my girlfriend is asexual. Her asexuality stems from not feeling sexual attraction, full stop. She claims she doesn’t understand it, has never self-pleasured or even felt horny in her whole life. She finds naked bodies, including her own, uncomfortable and gross. She’s basically sex-repulsed, and sees it as no more than a function to have children, nothing more.
She made this abundantly clear at the beginning of the relationship, and I was and still am okay with it. I came from a previous relationship of serious abuse which affected my libido, so she was a welcome change. I made it clear to her that, while I still felt sexual attraction, my priority was companionship and finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. I still desired her sexually, but given my past and low libido I never expected anything from her. I could go the rest of my life without sex and be happy, and I still feel that way today. So we clicked pretty well and things have been great ever since.
She still likes to do the sensual things in a relationship - hold hands, hug, kiss, cuddle, etc. She’s a very physical lover despite her asexuality. But a couple months ago she asked me why I never touch her sexually, like her breasts and her butt and whatnot. I told her that I never did out of respect for her sexuality, and she told me that she still wants to be desired. Makes sense I guess.
I asked her to go into more detail and she had trouble putting it to words. But long story short, she wants me to be sexually attracted to her, which I am, but she doesn’t want to ever be expected to participate in any kind of sexual activity. So she’s given me permission to touch her butt and her breasts and she just wants me to treat her a little more sexually I guess.
I told her I appreciated it, and since then I occasionally do touch her in those ways and she never minds it. But it’s hard to explain to her that it’s more sexually frustrating than satisfying to touch her in those ways and nothing else to come of it. To be turned on by doing these things and then to not have anything done about it is frustrating. Not in the sense of me being upset with her or anything, but physically frustrating, if that makes sense. Believe me I don’t mind touching her, but it’s kind of doing more harm than good to me and not bringing enough of a reaction out of her.
I don’t get how she benefits from it outside of feeling attractive. I tell her all the time how much I love her and how beautiful she is and all that, why does she need sexual gratification when she doesn’t feel that type of attraction herself?
Anyways, over time, I’ve been more open about my attraction towards her and she seems to have been appreciating it. I’ll mention her butt looks nice in certain pants and she blushes and acts giggly, I’ll make little jokes here and there or touch her how she requested occasionally.
Recently (a few weeks ago) we went clothes shopping, and she loves to try on clothes and show them off to me, saying she wants to look good for me. I made a passing joke when we walked past a lingerie store about how she could try THAT on for me, and she seemed uncomfortable. I immediately apologized and said I was just joking and that I just wanted her to know I love her and never expect anything like that out of her, it was just a joke. And she said I could tone down my mention of attraction to her in that regard.
So for the last few weeks I haven’t been mentioning it, because I felt bad about what happened last time. Just the other day she mentioned that I haven’t been touching her sexually and that I haven’t been mentioning how
Hey all. I’m in an asexual relationship of three years, my girlfriend is asexual, I am not. I’ve come to understand her pretty well throughout the years but recently she just hasn’t been making a lot of sense, I wanted to share my experience with her and see if anybody feels similarly and can shed some light on the situation, because frankly she’s been confusing the hell out of me.
So my girlfriend is asexual. Her asexuality stems from not feeling sexual attraction, full stop. She claims she doesn’t understand it, has never self-pleasured or even felt horny in her whole life. She finds naked bodies, including her own, uncomfortable and gross. She’s basically sex-repulsed, and sees it as no more than a function to have children, nothing more.
She made this abundantly clear at the beginning of the relationship, and I was and still am okay with it. I came from a previous relationship of serious abuse which affected my libido, so she was a welcome change. I made it clear to her that, while I still felt sexual attraction, my priority was companionship and finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. I still desired her sexually, but given my past and low libido I never expected anything from her. I could go the rest of my life without sex and be happy, and I still feel that way today. So we clicked pretty well and things have been great ever since.
She still likes to do the sensual things in a relationship - hold hands, hug, kiss, cuddle, etc. She’s a very physical lover despite her asexuality. But a couple months ago she asked me why I never touch her sexually, like her breasts and her butt and whatnot. I told her that I never did out of respect for her sexuality, and she told me that she still wants to be desired. Makes sense I guess.
I asked her to go into more detail and she had trouble putting it to words. But long story short, she wants me to be sexually attracted to her, which I am, but she doesn’t want to ever be expected to participate in any kind of sexual activity. So she’s given me permission to touch her butt and her breasts and she just wants me to treat her a little more sexually I guess.
I told her I appreciated it, and since then I occasionally do touch her in those ways and she never minds it. But it’s hard to explain to her that it’s more sexually frustrating than satisfying to touch her in those ways and nothing else to come of it. To be turned on by doing these things and then to not have anything done about it is frustrating. Not in the sense of me being upset with her or anything, but physically frustrating, if that makes sense. Believe me I don’t mind touching her, but it’s kind of doing more harm than good to me and not bringing enough of a reaction out of her.
I don’t get how she benefits from it outside of feeling attractive. I tell her all the time how much I love her and how beautiful she is and all that, why does she need sexual gratification when she doesn’t feel that type of attraction herself?
Anyways, over time, I’ve been more open about my attraction towards her and she seems to have been appreciating it. I’ll mention her butt looks nice in certain pants and she blushes and acts giggly, I’ll make little jokes here and there or touch her how she requested occasionally.
Recently (a few weeks ago) we went clothes shopping, and she loves to try on clothes and show them off to me, saying she wants to look good for me. I made a passing joke when we walked past a lingerie store about how she could try THAT on for me, and she seemed uncomfortable. I immediately apologized and said I was just joking and that I just wanted her to know I love her and never expect anything like that out of her, it was just a joke. And she said I could tone down my mention of attraction to her in that regard.
So for the last few weeks I haven’t been mentioning it, because I felt bad about what happened last time. Just the other day she mentioned that I haven’t been touching her sexually and that I haven’t been mentioning how
attracted (sexually) I am to her and she was wondering why, so I told her, and she said she didn’t want me to stop completely, she just didn’t want me to overdo it. It confuses me because I’ve made jokes about wanting to see her in her underwear and a bikini at times before and THAT wasn’t too far for her, but a lingerie store was? I understand that the intention of lingerie is more sexual than the others but I didn’t think it was that far off.
So I don’t get what she wants anymore. She wants to be desired sexually, she wants me to tell her how much I want to have sex with her, but doesn’t want me to ever expect anything from her. She wants me to want to see her in a bikini or her underwear but NOT lingerie, she wants me to touch her breasts and her butt but doesn’t get any kind of satisfaction out of it other than knowing somebody desires her, I just don’t get it anymore. I have a low libido, I’d rather just not do any of this stuff for her but when I try to it seems I take it too far in her eyes. WHAT DOES SHE WANT? It feels like “you can look and touch but you’re never going to get it” and I’m not some beast who NEEDS that. I’d rather the relationship just be strictly sensual. I don’t need to touch her to feel satisfied, but for some reason, she does? Can somebody make this make sense?
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So I don’t get what she wants anymore. She wants to be desired sexually, she wants me to tell her how much I want to have sex with her, but doesn’t want me to ever expect anything from her. She wants me to want to see her in a bikini or her underwear but NOT lingerie, she wants me to touch her breasts and her butt but doesn’t get any kind of satisfaction out of it other than knowing somebody desires her, I just don’t get it anymore. I have a low libido, I’d rather just not do any of this stuff for her but when I try to it seems I take it too far in her eyes. WHAT DOES SHE WANT? It feels like “you can look and touch but you’re never going to get it” and I’m not some beast who NEEDS that. I’d rather the relationship just be strictly sensual. I don’t need to touch her to feel satisfied, but for some reason, she does? Can somebody make this make sense?
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Being bellusromantic
Just wanted to talk a little about a microlabel I identify with, maybe some will relate...
Bellusromanticism is an identity for romance-averse/-repulsed people who nonetheless experience a desire to engage in activities which are traditionally considered "romantic", such as cuddling, kissing, and other sorts of romance-coded affection, in an explicitly non-romantic context.
While many (perhaps most) people using this label identify as aromantic, this is indeed a label which may also be used by alloromantics.
You could also use this label synonymously with "allosensual aromantic", as many who use it consider the romance-coded activities they desire as simply sensual activities and don't view them as romantic (definitely the case for me).
Bellusromanticism is similar to cupioromanticism, and I have seen some people question whether they're one or the other, but the key difference is that cupioromantics desire a romantic relationship while bellusromantics explicitly do not and even feel repulsed by the idea of being in one. They only desire romance-coded activities in a platonic or otherwise non-romantic context only.
It may also be somewhat adjacent to lithromanticism; lithromantics are people who do experience romantic attraction, but feel repulsed by the idea of it being reciprocated in which case it also fades. Bellusromantics may experience sensual attraction to someone initially, but feel similarly repulsed if the other person has romantic feelings for them and will likely also lose the attraction.
Hope at least a few can relate to these experiences, because it's such a niche label it gets kinda lonely.
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Just wanted to talk a little about a microlabel I identify with, maybe some will relate...
Bellusromanticism is an identity for romance-averse/-repulsed people who nonetheless experience a desire to engage in activities which are traditionally considered "romantic", such as cuddling, kissing, and other sorts of romance-coded affection, in an explicitly non-romantic context.
While many (perhaps most) people using this label identify as aromantic, this is indeed a label which may also be used by alloromantics.
You could also use this label synonymously with "allosensual aromantic", as many who use it consider the romance-coded activities they desire as simply sensual activities and don't view them as romantic (definitely the case for me).
Bellusromanticism is similar to cupioromanticism, and I have seen some people question whether they're one or the other, but the key difference is that cupioromantics desire a romantic relationship while bellusromantics explicitly do not and even feel repulsed by the idea of being in one. They only desire romance-coded activities in a platonic or otherwise non-romantic context only.
It may also be somewhat adjacent to lithromanticism; lithromantics are people who do experience romantic attraction, but feel repulsed by the idea of it being reciprocated in which case it also fades. Bellusromantics may experience sensual attraction to someone initially, but feel similarly repulsed if the other person has romantic feelings for them and will likely also lose the attraction.
Hope at least a few can relate to these experiences, because it's such a niche label it gets kinda lonely.
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Do any of you feel overstimulated
during orgasm? Like it feels too good to the point where it’s no longer good & u wish for this to end right now. It feels like too much & overwhelming. Idk if overstimulation is the right term here
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during orgasm? Like it feels too good to the point where it’s no longer good & u wish for this to end right now. It feels like too much & overwhelming. Idk if overstimulation is the right term here
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If I (F) feel horrible and gross when men comment on my body and make sexual remarks, does that mean I could be Ace?
My therapist said most people are validated when men find them attracted and want to be with them. I feel the opposite. And I’m not even sure I’m at attracted to men or woman anyway.
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My therapist said most people are validated when men find them attracted and want to be with them. I feel the opposite. And I’m not even sure I’m at attracted to men or woman anyway.
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What’s the most annoying/ weird thing you’ve been told when coming out as an ace ?
The other day I was talking to a long time friend and he kinda told me he didn’t quite understand what being ace is. At the end he just ended up telling me how he’d like to “make me change my mind abt this and see how nice it can be” lmaooooo
Made me laugh more than anything
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The other day I was talking to a long time friend and he kinda told me he didn’t quite understand what being ace is. At the end he just ended up telling me how he’d like to “make me change my mind abt this and see how nice it can be” lmaooooo
Made me laugh more than anything
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got this ace plus lesbian flag bracelet from an indie shop! ♡
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sexual attraction
is sexual attraction literally just when u see a person and want to have penetrative sex? what if i never want to have penetrative sex but there plenty of other sensual things id enjoy?
i have vaginismus im confused by the whole sexual attraction of things bc penetrative sex is not my sex...
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is sexual attraction literally just when u see a person and want to have penetrative sex? what if i never want to have penetrative sex but there plenty of other sensual things id enjoy?
i have vaginismus im confused by the whole sexual attraction of things bc penetrative sex is not my sex...
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I think the number of people who qualify as being Asexual is much higher than at first glance because of one factor: Sex-Favorability
Let me just be blunt here. I'm aspec of some kind, either demisexual, aegosexual, or just asexual, I can't really relate to the experiences of allos and the idea of someone being "hot" escapes me, yet I personally love sex and i'm engaged despite the fact that most of my attraction could be termed as nebulous or alterous, the ol' "I can't tell the difference between platonic, romantic, and sexual feelings". I've been "confused" like this since I was 14 and now i'm 25 and I still have no good answers, and i've always felt transient inside the ace community because of how despite the fact that it's repeated over and over again that being asexual doesn't mean being repulsed by sex, in practice that is who uses the label more often than not and its not hard to see why.
Anyways talking with other people about the complexities of attraction from that time forwarde specially in the very queer and diverse autistic community has made something a bit clearer.. I think I may of not had such a question in my head if I was just a few years older... a lot of people I find feel similarly thought don't seem to question it as much or just decide not to label thier experiences, or they call themselves straight or bi, etc. It seems at least a bit that if someone is sex favorable, experiences romantic attraction or some kind of attraction that makes relationships enjoyable enough to stay, then the thought may not come into their head that maybe they don't TECHNICALLY experience sexual attraction, ergo the lack of interest into the ace community.
Anyways what do y'all think about that? Is what i'm saying making any sense?
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Let me just be blunt here. I'm aspec of some kind, either demisexual, aegosexual, or just asexual, I can't really relate to the experiences of allos and the idea of someone being "hot" escapes me, yet I personally love sex and i'm engaged despite the fact that most of my attraction could be termed as nebulous or alterous, the ol' "I can't tell the difference between platonic, romantic, and sexual feelings". I've been "confused" like this since I was 14 and now i'm 25 and I still have no good answers, and i've always felt transient inside the ace community because of how despite the fact that it's repeated over and over again that being asexual doesn't mean being repulsed by sex, in practice that is who uses the label more often than not and its not hard to see why.
Anyways talking with other people about the complexities of attraction from that time forwarde specially in the very queer and diverse autistic community has made something a bit clearer.. I think I may of not had such a question in my head if I was just a few years older... a lot of people I find feel similarly thought don't seem to question it as much or just decide not to label thier experiences, or they call themselves straight or bi, etc. It seems at least a bit that if someone is sex favorable, experiences romantic attraction or some kind of attraction that makes relationships enjoyable enough to stay, then the thought may not come into their head that maybe they don't TECHNICALLY experience sexual attraction, ergo the lack of interest into the ace community.
Anyways what do y'all think about that? Is what i'm saying making any sense?
https://redd.it/1piwy1q
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Someone said “why do you watch BL series when you don’t even like guys?” And I’m like “well why do you watch House when you said you hate doctor’s appointments?”
Like, just cause I don’t want to be in those situations personally doesn’t mean I hate seeing it on a screen? Also, you don’t have to find the actors/characters in a show attractive to find the story interesting. Like bruh
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Like, just cause I don’t want to be in those situations personally doesn’t mean I hate seeing it on a screen? Also, you don’t have to find the actors/characters in a show attractive to find the story interesting. Like bruh
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Misunderstanding asexuality/ not feeling ace enough until you find out about aegosexuality like:
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