yes, another "am i ace?" post

hi everyone :) i’m feeling lost and confused. i’m sure there are thousands of "am i ace?" posts on here, so i understand if you scroll past mine:

i’m 25 (non-binary lesbian), and haven’t felt "i want to rip your clothes off" arousal since puberty. i very rarely feel a desire to have sex, but i enjoy sensual touching and non-sexual physical touch.

i have only ever orgasmed from a vibrator, but it feels more like a mechanical response. as if my body is simply responding to the clitoral stimulation, rather than it being a result of sexual arousal. i watch porn when i masturbate, and i can sort of get into a sexual headspace, but i still feels somewhat removed. my orgasms are "meh" most of the time, and afterwards, i often feel disgusted and am immediately turned off.

i went through a phase of hooking up with lots of women. i was trying to prove to myself that i DO like sex, but i hardly got any pleasure from it.

i’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 2 years, and i love my partner deeply. i enjoy receiving sensual touch: cuddling, massages, ears being kissed, light and fast scratching all over, etc. this feels pleasurable and sometimes makes my brain feel tingly (if anyone knows what that sensation is, please let me know!!!). what usually happens is that my gf is touching me lightly or giving me a massage, and it feels pleasurable, so i initiate sex. but i rarely crave sex. i find my mind drifting (ADHD doesn’t help), but i proceed because i want to make her feel good. she has a relatively high libido, and i want to make sure im meeting her sexual needs. i top 80% of the time, but i usually don’t feel aroused from it. i’ve only ever orgasmed during sex from using my vibrator on myself.

i feel so ashamed of my low desire for sex. it makes me question if i’m actually attracted to my partner, or anyone, for that matter. i find her beautiful and aesthetically pleasing to look at, and i LOVE being in a relationship, so i know i’m not aromantic. but i feel intense guilt that i’m not drooling over her body. i’m ashamed that i don’t feel the same level of sexual attraction to her that she’s stated feeling for me. my vagina very rarely "beats" when we are physical, and it typically only happens when we’re making out or she’s kissing my ears.

i guess i’m just struggling to understand myself. i know i’m not alone, like, that’s not statistically possible, but i feel lost. i’m looking for any and all advice or feedback. if you have an idea of what umbrella i fit under/want to propose a label, please do!!

(i also want to say that my gf has never pressured me into sex and she’s supportive/understanding. a lot of this pressure and shame is internal)

https://redd.it/1p53fi5
@asexualityonreddit

Bragging about inches
https://redd.it/1p53z1e
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Finished my cross stitch project
https://redd.it/1p55aq8
@asexualityonreddit

Acespace has been a great way to make new friends

Have you tried Acespace? Thank you to whoever from this sub recommended it because it's the most trans friendly AND ace centric app I've heard of.

https://redd.it/1p56061
@asexualityonreddit

Am I Asexual?

If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.

If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.

https://redd.it/1p58atw
@asexualityonreddit

I feel like I continously get "more" ace.

So I've been comfortable labeling as Ace for a very long time. I think like almost 6ish years now. I've had the same partner for almost 3 years. They are also on the ace spectrum which is nice though they dont always understand how much more I am affected by my own acesexuality.

In the beginning we didnt want anything remotely sexual from eachother. Then after a year and a half I was open to it and found after roughly half a year of that, I am very very not into sex. Want nothing to do with it, dont want anyone even looking or thinking of me in a sexual manner because it makes me feel yucky and like a scared animal.

I feel like I keep moving more and more up on the ace spectrum. Now even anything beyond hand holding makes me feel flighty or anxious. Small kisses on my head are find but I dont want contact anywhere but the top of my head. It just makes me uncomfortable.

Has anyone gone through a similar path? Sometimes I wonder if I also lean on the Aromantic spectrum because I have such a difficult time finding the line between friendships and relationships and how they differ for me. I enjoy holding my friends hands or being close to them just like my partner. I dont care who I live with forever as long as we care about eachother and take care of eachother. I love my partner but not the same way I love my closest friends. But also I dont know how they differ because it feels like society's only line between the two is who you kiss and who you dont.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes, its very late when I'm writing this.

https://redd.it/1p59n6t
@asexualityonreddit

This sub in a nutshell
https://redd.it/1p5bx4f
@asexualityonreddit

Feeling pleasure but gets bored and tired of it easily, does anyone also feel this way?

So I’m pretty sure I’m on the aroace spectrum. There times I get in the mood tho. I don’t really have much to think about sex since I think sex is just sex. However whenever I try to jerk off and have sex I’ll feel it and probably ten seconds in I get that bored and tired feeling that it’s is such a chore. It’s not like I don’t feel pleasure from it. I do feel it and would even get horny especially when hormones spike but even so I get that tired and uninterested feeling while I do it or after. I think it just makes my sex life difficult because I don’t really enjoy it as much but still get horny? My words are kinda scattering a bit cuz I’m not sure how to really put how I feel into words but I wonder if there’s anyone who also feels somewhat similar or know what this feeling is when it comes to sex

https://redd.it/1p558bl
@asexualityonreddit

People won't let this go, will they?
https://redd.it/1p5e61x
@asexualityonreddit

This really annoys me.

I see reports of sex-related crimes - horrifying hetero acts having been committed. I see a society so focused on sex, the idea of "bedroom performance" (from stiffy drug ads), the purity culture folks crashing Grindr, wedding attire that looks like a strip club and a bottle of Clorox had a baby, and the utter bigotry of people who think their sexual behavior is the only valid choice.

But aces are the abnormal ones? Puh-leez.

https://redd.it/1p5ejm9
@asexualityonreddit

Warning: Uneducated prick in the following image…
https://redd.it/1p5fsd9
@asexualityonreddit

How people can actually enjoy genitals?

I used to think that it doesn’t happen irl honestly, only in fanfics and porn videos that were made just for people masturbating 😅 how u can actually enjoy touching and even licking reproductive organs of other person? For me it’s really dirty organs, u go to toilet with that and so on, that’s really gross. And I don’t even speak about ass (sorry haha) that’s really awful

https://redd.it/1p5izcj
@asexualityonreddit