My stepdad has a question
"If you're in relationship with someone that's asexual what does that make you?" My parental figure asks calmly
https://redd.it/1p0xup9
@asexualityonreddit
"If you're in relationship with someone that's asexual what does that make you?" My parental figure asks calmly
https://redd.it/1p0xup9
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
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I'm so confused on attraction, platonic feelings and more
I think I'm a gray romantic. I get feelings for someone every about 3 years. This leads to me getting confused in this time frame. I start thinking I have a crush on people I would never date. I ask them if they wanna date and they agree then I freak out hating it a day later so I tell them I can't do it. I hurt them by accident but it's always a day to a week all this happens. Then every 3 years I get into a serious relationship. How do I even tell the difference because I mess a bunch up on accident from it sometimes.
https://redd.it/1p0zo54
@asexualityonreddit
I think I'm a gray romantic. I get feelings for someone every about 3 years. This leads to me getting confused in this time frame. I start thinking I have a crush on people I would never date. I ask them if they wanna date and they agree then I freak out hating it a day later so I tell them I can't do it. I hurt them by accident but it's always a day to a week all this happens. Then every 3 years I get into a serious relationship. How do I even tell the difference because I mess a bunch up on accident from it sometimes.
https://redd.it/1p0zo54
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Aromanticism community on Reddit
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My wife 30Enby keeps threatening to divorce me 26F because we don't have sex
My wife (they/them) of three years (partner of almost six), keeps threatening to divorce me every few months. We have recurring arguments about me not meeting their needs, specifically when it comes to sex and affection.
We've never had a super active sex life, except in the very beginning when we were long distance. We did that for two years without seeing eachother (covid times + from different countries), and we both had periods where one of us wanted sex while the other one didn't. For the past few years it's typically been once a month or sometimes not at all.
Two years ago they gave me an ultimatum to either improve our sex life or they would divorce me. I'm on the ace spectrum and don't always have the desire to have sex. It's not impossible for me, but definitely less frequent and I have to be in the right headspace. Things would get better between us for a short period, but I could never consistenly be able to keep up with their requirement which was sex once a week.
We're also both neurodivergent ASD (me, undiagnosed) and ADHD (them, but probably AuDHD). For them, sex is something that helps to regulate their mood and keep them from getting depressed or angry. I know this, but still struggle with the pressure and expectation. For me, it's very easy to not want to have sex if the vibes aren't right, if we've argued recently, if I haven't showered yet, etc.
They want me to be the one to initiate, seduce them, and be passionate. I struggle with this when I'm not in the mood and it's hard to get myself to that level of confidence by myself. They even withheld kisses from me for a time so that I had to be the one to go for it.
Since the first ultimatum, it's been a recurring thing that they will threaten to divorce me, usually in the middle of an argument. It's taken a toll on me emotionally and my self worth has never felt lower. Our arguments tend to last one or two rough days and then they start going back to normal and they don't mention divorce til the next time they get angry because I failed again.
Each argument seems to escalate, one of the recent times they tried to kick me out and said I better come back with a lawyer to sign the papers. They've thrown their ring at me multiple times and are currently refusing to wear it because I've failed as a wife.
They want me to admit that I can't do what they're asking and just be honest with myself. That way we can find a different solution instead of waiting for something that might never happen. I believe that I can do it though, but I've never been able to make it last. Last month we didn't argue and we had sex 4 times, which is a lot more than the normal for us. I really went for it and put in the effort even if I wasn't feeling sexual.
I feel like I don't know where to go from here. We're currently in an argument, they said they were breaking up with me earlier today. But I think they want me to tell them how I'm going to fix this. They're asking for change, but they don't believe in me and always put me down, saying I can't do it, just accept that I can't do it. They want me to prove them wrong. I used to be the type of person that would say "watch me" and would prove anyone wrong. Now, I don't know what to do with my life and how to fix this situation.
They're also poly and are only monogamous to be in this relationship with me. We've gone in circles about opening the relationship, but they did that in their last relationship and that's how it ended. They want me to be the person to fulfill their needs and I want to be that person. I love my wife, but there's a growing divide between us and it seems like all I do is upset them.
Any advice? I feel stuck, emotionally drained, and I'm not sure how it gets better from here. Thanks in advance for any thoughts, I'd really appreciate any insight y'all have.
(Also, this is my first time posting. Hopefully this was coherent enough, I'm not in the best
My wife (they/them) of three years (partner of almost six), keeps threatening to divorce me every few months. We have recurring arguments about me not meeting their needs, specifically when it comes to sex and affection.
We've never had a super active sex life, except in the very beginning when we were long distance. We did that for two years without seeing eachother (covid times + from different countries), and we both had periods where one of us wanted sex while the other one didn't. For the past few years it's typically been once a month or sometimes not at all.
Two years ago they gave me an ultimatum to either improve our sex life or they would divorce me. I'm on the ace spectrum and don't always have the desire to have sex. It's not impossible for me, but definitely less frequent and I have to be in the right headspace. Things would get better between us for a short period, but I could never consistenly be able to keep up with their requirement which was sex once a week.
We're also both neurodivergent ASD (me, undiagnosed) and ADHD (them, but probably AuDHD). For them, sex is something that helps to regulate their mood and keep them from getting depressed or angry. I know this, but still struggle with the pressure and expectation. For me, it's very easy to not want to have sex if the vibes aren't right, if we've argued recently, if I haven't showered yet, etc.
They want me to be the one to initiate, seduce them, and be passionate. I struggle with this when I'm not in the mood and it's hard to get myself to that level of confidence by myself. They even withheld kisses from me for a time so that I had to be the one to go for it.
Since the first ultimatum, it's been a recurring thing that they will threaten to divorce me, usually in the middle of an argument. It's taken a toll on me emotionally and my self worth has never felt lower. Our arguments tend to last one or two rough days and then they start going back to normal and they don't mention divorce til the next time they get angry because I failed again.
Each argument seems to escalate, one of the recent times they tried to kick me out and said I better come back with a lawyer to sign the papers. They've thrown their ring at me multiple times and are currently refusing to wear it because I've failed as a wife.
They want me to admit that I can't do what they're asking and just be honest with myself. That way we can find a different solution instead of waiting for something that might never happen. I believe that I can do it though, but I've never been able to make it last. Last month we didn't argue and we had sex 4 times, which is a lot more than the normal for us. I really went for it and put in the effort even if I wasn't feeling sexual.
I feel like I don't know where to go from here. We're currently in an argument, they said they were breaking up with me earlier today. But I think they want me to tell them how I'm going to fix this. They're asking for change, but they don't believe in me and always put me down, saying I can't do it, just accept that I can't do it. They want me to prove them wrong. I used to be the type of person that would say "watch me" and would prove anyone wrong. Now, I don't know what to do with my life and how to fix this situation.
They're also poly and are only monogamous to be in this relationship with me. We've gone in circles about opening the relationship, but they did that in their last relationship and that's how it ended. They want me to be the person to fulfill their needs and I want to be that person. I love my wife, but there's a growing divide between us and it seems like all I do is upset them.
Any advice? I feel stuck, emotionally drained, and I'm not sure how it gets better from here. Thanks in advance for any thoughts, I'd really appreciate any insight y'all have.
(Also, this is my first time posting. Hopefully this was coherent enough, I'm not in the best