Over 40 and just discovering I may be asexual

Hi, I am a 45 year old divorced single mum and I am new here in this community and I wanted to share my story as many people here seem to be much younger. I was married once, and have one child. I had a lot of short term or long term relationships with kind of "normal" sex.





I just ended a new relationship with a guy after three months and I am glad I don't have to have sex with him anymore. He was a really nice and lovely guy but wanted sex all the time and I did not.

And I realized that I always wondered how people voluntarily had sex in long term relationships.

For me it always felt like a chore. I participated because it was expected.

I did enjoy it most of the times, but I would never initiate.

I always thought I chose the wrong men and if I would meet the right one, I would want to have sex with him forever. But I always had this issue, and I had many relationships.

So I guess it's me...

It felt better to have sex at the beginning of the relationships when it was new but still it was nothing I would really desire...

The only time I really felt desire was when it was kind of forbidden. I once was the sidepiece of a married man (not proud of it), and I really felt attracted to him. But of course this relationship did not go into long term.





So I looked into this subreddit and I guess I am kind of grey-asexual or aegosexual. I like to read smut and watch porn from time to time. But I only watch lesbian porn. I do not enjoy watching men in porn. But I never met a woman I would want do have sex with in real life, so I guess I am not bi oder lesbian.





I generally feel like bodies are kind of gross and I do not want to interact with anyone naked. Sex felt always better for me when we had clothes on. Maybe this is an issue of my body aging and of bad body image but I do not want to get naked with anyone.





So I guess I am starting to wonder if I might be kind of asexual after having a ton of sex in my life.

Are there other people like me who found out they are asexual later in life?

https://redd.it/1ovx8jo
@asexualityonreddit

Have you ever been in love?

Although I’ve been in a couple of relationships, and had all consuming crushes on people (not the people I’ve had relationships with) I’ve never knowingly been in love. I can obsess about people, sure, and I can love people, but I don’t know the feeling of being in love. Does that have any bearing on being aromantic? Or can aro people still fall in love?

https://redd.it/1ovwu5e
@asexualityonreddit