Being in an asexual relationship has been deeply freeing and also very weird

First time posting. I’ve just been thinking a lot of things lately and wanted to get them off my chest to people who understand.

I came out as asexual over a decade ago. At the time, I thought it was a result of being abused as a child. But as I did therapy, my PTSD got better but I continued to be asexual. I had several long term relationships with allosexual people; some were sexual relationships and others weren’t. It always felt like there was a weird power imbalance, with them always wanting more and me not wanting to give it. I spent a lot of time on forums in the early days, trying to figure out what was “wrong with me.” A lot of people told me that I was broken and I was “abusing” my partners by withholding sex. It was deeply confusing. As a relationship went on and they pushed me more and more, it would get harder to have any kind of physical contact with them. Kissing and hugging them felt like I was giving them “mixed signals.”

I decided to take a break from dating and I was single for several years. It was honestly the happiest I had been in a long time. I did a lot of work on myself during that time, including a lot of work on unmasking when it came to my Autism. I started dressing how I wanted, I dyed my hair pink, I focused on my own interests, etc. I felt the most me in a long time.

But I still wanted a relationship. I’m a deeply romantic person at heart. I decided that I would just try to “get over” my issues with sex. I downloaded Tinder and started talking to a few people. One really caught my eye and we started talking every day. We were very emotionally and intellectually compatible so we decided to go on a first date. Then a second, a third, a fourth, etc. A few months into dating, they invited me over to stay the night at their place. I felt weird, uncomfortable, worried.

It turns out… they were feeling exactly the same thing as me. They had never heard the word “asexual” before, but they knew that they had no desire to have sex. They had also decided they needed to “get over” it in order to have a relationship. But we happened to find each other.

We’ve been together for three years now and it’s just been so… easy. For many reason. Beyond them also being asexual, they’re extremely caring, also Autistic, and just unlike anyone I’ve dated before. But it’s so freeing to be in a relationship where there is zero pressure. It’s so easy to hug and kiss them because we both know it’s just love. I can snuggle up to them in bed at night with no worries. We can go out and have a nice evening and I’m not dreading coming home the whole time.

Being in an asexual relationship has also made me feel deeply lucky to be asexual. A decade ago I would have told you that being asexual was a curse that made me unlovable. And yet today I cherish my asexuality and have absolutely zero jealousy of allosexual people. I’ve seen so many of my allosexual friends go through terrible breakups, especially as we’ve gotten older. I’ve had a friend whose partner left her because he felt “no longer sexually attracted to her” due to her looking older. I’ve had a friend whose partner left her because she got ill and could no longer have sex. I’ve had friends who stayed in emotionally unsatisfactory relationships because “at least the sex is good.”

I just feel so lucky that I don’t constantly have to manage my partner’s sexual attraction and force myself to look and act a certain way so they continue to be attracted to me. I feel so lucky that I know my partner is with me for me. That they just genuinely enjoy spending time with me. That there are no alternative motivations or conditions to their love. And I’m not saying that all allosexual relationships are like that. I’ve just seen so many people in my life go through these experiences, and constantly question whether their partner actually likes them or just likes the sex.

I don’t know if there is a point to this post, I just wanted to throw my thoughts into the universe. But if you read this,

then thank you. And I want you to know that you are not broken, you are not unlovable, you are not doomed to a life of unsatisfactory relationships. Just because something has been normalized by the majority doesn’t mean that it is “normal.” You are whole, you are fine just the way you are, and you are deserving of community and relationships (whether they be platonic, romantic, familial, etc.).

https://redd.it/1ora5pc
@asexualityonreddit

You all know about garlic bread. Now let me introduce to you: garlic potatoes!
https://redd.it/1or67vh
@asexualityonreddit

Felt this fits here
https://redd.it/1orfxt4
@asexualityonreddit

My partner is asexual but i am not- i need advice

My partner (ftm20) and i (f20) have been dating for a little over two months, and im realizing that the level of intimacy i want and the level he’s okay with are vastly different, and i really want to support his wishes but i also crave that physical connection and im not sure how to go about keeping him comfortable without sending myself into depression. I love him so much and i really want what’s best for him, but I have to think about myself too, and it feels like an intrusion to ask him about the limits, so i was wondering if any of you seasoned asexuals could give me some advice on this. :)

https://redd.it/1orh10x
@asexualityonreddit

Ace neck strap for my 90s film camera
https://redd.it/1orbwxc
@asexualityonreddit

Can someone turn asexual

Idk if I am or not but I get grossed out by sex now,
I used to have it a lot in my 20s up till I was like 35 and then I met a girl online that scared me and she be became creepy and obsessed with me I haven’t done it or met anyone ever since so idk 🤷

Haven’t had sex in 5 years or dated anyone


Sex grosses me out now idk why


https://redd.it/1orfnud
@asexualityonreddit