I'm confused on what this means as its a repeating cycle


So, when I’m not in a relationship, I don't care for them at all, almost. I do get really confused about attraction and liking someone tho. I’m a lesbian so I end up deciding I like this girl when in reality when we start dating I make it end immediately. Every about 3 years I find someone I’m actually interested in dating long term. I feel so weird for being like that. I can’t tell if it’s high standards or something else.

https://redd.it/1onnkus
@asexualityonreddit

I am confused but not complaining
https://i.imgur.com/SEatHgU.png

https://redd.it/1onqzo5
@asexualityonreddit

I'm really uncomfortable with what reading for women has become.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, like I would around allosexual company. Most of the books written for and marketed to women are porn.

This makes me uncomfortable, as a woman who loves to read, for two big reasons:

When I tell someone I love to read they automatically assume I read porn.

If they're readers too they instantly start to tell me which porn they're into.

If I don't match their enthusiasm while they're telling me about their favorite porn, they end up telling me I'm too conservative.

They make no effort whatsoever to match my energy when I talk about my favorite books. They're clearly not listening, and can barely wait till I finish speaking to tell me I should read one of the books they like.

I hate that it's not acceptable for me to tell them that I'm uncomfortable with this situation.

And when they're bashing men for watching porn, there's zero self-awareness or recognition of the double-standard they've set. If men need to keep their porn interests to themselves or else be labeled "creepy/gross/pervy/groomers" etc. then WOMEN NEED TO DO THE SAME.

/end rant

---

Edit: These people aren't my friends. They're random strangers, neighbors, the lady at the post office, random women at the hair salon, random women on public transit, wait staff at restaurants, etc. etc. And it's not limited to a specific age group either.

https://redd.it/1onqdru
@asexualityonreddit

My bf asked how often I think about him naked and I panicked because I realised not at all

Pretty much the title
Me (28f) and my bf (30M) play questions games just on the daily and he busted out this question
I've been wondering for a while if I'm ace or if something is wrong with me/our relationship, and I guess I just felt really confronted by this question and realised I don't think about him naked at all. Like I literally said nothing as I realised I don't think about it at all, and then my bf laughed and moved on to the next question.
I can also take it or leave it with the sex, more often then not I'm not really interested in it. I do it sometimes but the feeling is more about being close to someone I love than actually being excited about a good bonking.
In comparison he's got a really high sex drive, which makes me feel sad because I want to love him in that way but the idea of having sex so often just sounds like hard work to me. But then when it does happen he's great in bed, I'm always a happy customer! I just don't know why I don't feel like that all the time.
I do love him, he's such a sweet green flag man and I'm really happy with him, we have plans to spend the rest of our lives together. I think I feel bad because I really do love him and I feel like I should have these thoughts and feelings, but I just don't. I'm very confused about myself.

Idk what this post is, I guess a vent or a get off my chest. I also think it's a question to a community that understands more about being ace than I do, and I'm asking if what I feel relates here. I really don't know. I'm trying to figure it out. Can't afford therapy in a cost of living crisis, so turn to reddit. Thanks for reading.

https://redd.it/1onnm3w
@asexualityonreddit

(some) allo men have some sort of fetish with purity and I'm tired of pretending they don't

Ok, so, to begin, no problem with people expressing their sexuality or whatever, but I really started catching on how allo people act creepy over women "keeping their purity" and hide it under the pretense of religious beliefs, good manners and whatnot instead of just admitting what it is.

So, short story: there's this girl on my country that has an animation channel where she talks with the animated version of herself on skits and stuff. Well, one day she made a slightly different video where she vented about people being surprised she is still virgin and how she didn't understand why people expected her to have sex (she isn't asexual, probably just sex-indifferent). Which is fine, obviously. But then I saw a comment of a guy saying something like "you are right, you need to 'keep yourself' for your boyfriend", despite the fact she NEVER mentioned anything keeping her virginity for a man, just saying she wasn't interested in losing it at the moment.

I understand some people have religions where they don't have sex until marriage and whatever but

1. He assumed that was the reason she wasn't interested in sex even though that was never even mentioned

2. He didn't even actually mention it was for marriage, from what he said it could be interpreted as just a casual partner

3. If he was ACTUALLY just talking about pre-marital celibacy, there were a thousand different ways he could've phrased that without sounding so fucking creepy and objectifying (not that it would make it less weird given the overall context but still)

I just can't wrap my head over why are allo men are like this, this actually just feels like just straight up slut shaming and some sort of fetish over taking someone's "purity" and trying to downplay it as "I'm just following my religion" or "I'm just having good manners". Pure bullshit, because that only even comes up when it's a woman. It's all just so, ew.

https://redd.it/1onsp36
@asexualityonreddit

What was the most confusing things that your relatives told you?
https://redd.it/1onulb1
@asexualityonreddit

Finding something visually appealing is not the same as thinking of that thing in a sexual manner
https://redd.it/1onvsxp
@asexualityonreddit

Real(I’ve only faced one of these myself but feel free to share!)
https://redd.it/1onxwx2
@asexualityonreddit

I never mentally got over the switch of “those are your private parts absolutely no one touches or looks no matter who it is” to “you’re of age go share them”

Does that make any sense.. am I the only one it’s ingrained in you from early childhood no one touches or looks at you there so when you get of sexual age all of a sudden now it’s okay because that’s your partner for the day or you bf/gf but having that ingrained in me made sex always feel wrong and dirty and violating same for going to a gyno I haven’t been because I am so scared to be exposed like that.. maybe I am overthinking

https://redd.it/1onyw4l
@asexualityonreddit

the only relationship i want
https://redd.it/1onwhfr
@asexualityonreddit

Update: Made my second brACElet! 💜
https://redd.it/1oo4r2r
@asexualityonreddit

Can you be sure you’re asexual if you never had sex?

I never had sex but I have been thinking I’m ace for a long time, I’m only 16 though.

https://redd.it/1oo78zi
@asexualityonreddit

Can we stop with the cactus metaphor?

It's humorous, yeah, but it isn't really helpful, since it's comparing apples to oranges.

Q: How do you know you don't like hugging a cactus if you've never done it before?
A: It's common knowledge that hugging a cactus would hurt. I have experienced pain before. Therefore, I know I would not enjoy hugging a cactus.

Is different from

Q: How do you know you're asexual if you haven't had sex before?
A: Having sex isn't relevant to the question of being asexual.

Is different from

Q: How do you know you don't like sex if you haven't had sex before?
A: a complicated reply that could range from actually, yes, I did need to try it first to being similar to the cactus question to a philosophical discussion on the nature of shame, consent, and bodily autonomy

https://redd.it/1oo9d6p
@asexualityonreddit

Is it normal to be ace but love admiring other people’s bodies?

I’ve always had a fascination with the human body. I like admiring and observing people because I think that everyone has natural beauty. Some are more unconventional that others, sure, but there’s always something special about them.

When I see someone I find gorgeous, it’s exacerbated. I keep watching them like they’re a piece of art. I actually mistook it for sexual attraction before, but I have no interest in being physically intimate with them. I just act like I’ve come across a particularly beautiful painting that I can’t help but admire. I want to get closer to see them more clearly, observe their expressions, and I’m interested in seeing them naked, but my attention isn’t sexual at all.

Is that weird? Is that objectifying them? I don’t see them like an object, I just admire their beauty. I’ve watched every gender, and type of ethnicity like that. The only common factor between them all is that they’re all adults (though, when I was a teen, I admired other teens)

https://redd.it/1oo9kxi
@asexualityonreddit

Me af
https://redd.it/1oo85zx
@asexualityonreddit

Seeing a gynecologist as an ace woman?

So, I’m a 25 y/o cis woman. I’ve never been to the gynecologist, and I’m horrified by the idea. I started to refuse genital exams when I was a teenager, and since then, no one’s ever been down there. I don’t have sex, and I guess you could say I’m sex repulsed in the sense that I don’t want to be seen or touched in that way. I know exams aren’t sexual, and they’re important for my health, but as someone who NEVER has anyone touching or looking at my vulva, it feels like a nightmare.
Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this?

https://redd.it/1oo9wjq
@asexualityonreddit

🥳 We support asexy alien bros!
https://redd.it/1oo9z0a
@asexualityonreddit