how to be okay with your so desiring you?

I'm running on a big hypothetical. This is my first real relationship at 18 and it's still pretty new. We were friends for a while before this though. I'm simultaneously wishing he'd express more want for me and also thinking that if that happened I would be uncomfortable. So, obviously I cannot know how i'll react until I do, but is there another way I can think of someone desiring you? Because that, to me, means lust and objectifying and dehumanizing and just gross and unsafe behavior. I have previously opened up more to the idea of sex by thinking of it as an exchange of love, where you're with someone you trust with your sensitives and your heart. So, is there any kind of romanticism I can replace that traumatized line of thinking with? Because I think I would like that but I don't want to ask for anything before I understand this.

https://redd.it/1on58m1
@asexualityonreddit

Saw all the horny people in the comments getting goth girls and wondered what y'all thought
https://redd.it/1on5cxe
@asexualityonreddit

Not a victim

I don't know if anyone needs to hear this but I need to say it: I don't feel unlucky that I'm Asexual. I don't feel lucky either, I just feel normal. I feel like me.

I used to feel miserable only when I compared myself to how other people. I used to resent my sexually active friend for just casually hooking up and having fun and I felt self-conscious because I realized I could never do that. I felt boring. I felt like a bad feminist for not wanting sex or enjoying sexual attention like the "strong empowered sexy" girl boss archetype social media pushed onto me saying "this, and only this is what strength looks like".

But it slowly dawned on me that I don't feel miserable or sad when I think about my life and how I want to live it. When I think about my future I feel untethered, free. When I think about the connections I've made so far, the rich friendships I've formed with men and women alike I feel blessed. The lack of sex makes no difference when you prioritize honesty and genuine emotional connection. I realized that when I focus on just myself and self-improvement, I don't feel like I'm a victim of my asexuality. I dont feel like I'm missing out. I just feel comfortable in my own skin.

My advice? Think about yourself in isolation, as an individual. Think about who you are and who/what you value. Work on that and don't let society's standards bog you down. Yes, it is a choice. Yes, you can form long-term, meaningful connections with people without sex. Go back to the community, volunteer. Get off social media, hang out with friends in real life. Do fun nerd stuff with like-minded people. See people as they truly are and they'll see you too.

I know this is corny, but that's what I am. Corny, not horny. Hehe 🌽🖤🩶🤍💜🌽

https://redd.it/1on8hya
@asexualityonreddit

how is this flirting?
https://redd.it/1oneqyf
@asexualityonreddit

I made some ace pride bookmarks!

https://redd.it/1onlat7
@asexualityonreddit

I made some ace pride bookmarks!

https://redd.it/1onlc7n
@asexualityonreddit

I'm confused on what this means as its a repeating cycle


So, when I’m not in a relationship, I don't care for them at all, almost. I do get really confused about attraction and liking someone tho. I’m a lesbian so I end up deciding I like this girl when in reality when we start dating I make it end immediately. Every about 3 years I find someone I’m actually interested in dating long term. I feel so weird for being like that. I can’t tell if it’s high standards or something else.

https://redd.it/1onnkus
@asexualityonreddit

I am confused but not complaining
https://i.imgur.com/SEatHgU.png

https://redd.it/1onqzo5
@asexualityonreddit

I'm really uncomfortable with what reading for women has become.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, like I would around allosexual company. Most of the books written for and marketed to women are porn.

This makes me uncomfortable, as a woman who loves to read, for two big reasons:

When I tell someone I love to read they automatically assume I read porn.

If they're readers too they instantly start to tell me which porn they're into.

If I don't match their enthusiasm while they're telling me about their favorite porn, they end up telling me I'm too conservative.

They make no effort whatsoever to match my energy when I talk about my favorite books. They're clearly not listening, and can barely wait till I finish speaking to tell me I should read one of the books they like.

I hate that it's not acceptable for me to tell them that I'm uncomfortable with this situation.

And when they're bashing men for watching porn, there's zero self-awareness or recognition of the double-standard they've set. If men need to keep their porn interests to themselves or else be labeled "creepy/gross/pervy/groomers" etc. then WOMEN NEED TO DO THE SAME.

/end rant

---

Edit: These people aren't my friends. They're random strangers, neighbors, the lady at the post office, random women at the hair salon, random women on public transit, wait staff at restaurants, etc. etc. And it's not limited to a specific age group either.

https://redd.it/1onqdru
@asexualityonreddit

My bf asked how often I think about him naked and I panicked because I realised not at all

Pretty much the title
Me (28f) and my bf (30M) play questions games just on the daily and he busted out this question
I've been wondering for a while if I'm ace or if something is wrong with me/our relationship, and I guess I just felt really confronted by this question and realised I don't think about him naked at all. Like I literally said nothing as I realised I don't think about it at all, and then my bf laughed and moved on to the next question.
I can also take it or leave it with the sex, more often then not I'm not really interested in it. I do it sometimes but the feeling is more about being close to someone I love than actually being excited about a good bonking.
In comparison he's got a really high sex drive, which makes me feel sad because I want to love him in that way but the idea of having sex so often just sounds like hard work to me. But then when it does happen he's great in bed, I'm always a happy customer! I just don't know why I don't feel like that all the time.
I do love him, he's such a sweet green flag man and I'm really happy with him, we have plans to spend the rest of our lives together. I think I feel bad because I really do love him and I feel like I should have these thoughts and feelings, but I just don't. I'm very confused about myself.

Idk what this post is, I guess a vent or a get off my chest. I also think it's a question to a community that understands more about being ace than I do, and I'm asking if what I feel relates here. I really don't know. I'm trying to figure it out. Can't afford therapy in a cost of living crisis, so turn to reddit. Thanks for reading.

https://redd.it/1onnm3w
@asexualityonreddit

(some) allo men have some sort of fetish with purity and I'm tired of pretending they don't

Ok, so, to begin, no problem with people expressing their sexuality or whatever, but I really started catching on how allo people act creepy over women "keeping their purity" and hide it under the pretense of religious beliefs, good manners and whatnot instead of just admitting what it is.

So, short story: there's this girl on my country that has an animation channel where she talks with the animated version of herself on skits and stuff. Well, one day she made a slightly different video where she vented about people being surprised she is still virgin and how she didn't understand why people expected her to have sex (she isn't asexual, probably just sex-indifferent). Which is fine, obviously. But then I saw a comment of a guy saying something like "you are right, you need to 'keep yourself' for your boyfriend", despite the fact she NEVER mentioned anything keeping her virginity for a man, just saying she wasn't interested in losing it at the moment.

I understand some people have religions where they don't have sex until marriage and whatever but

1. He assumed that was the reason she wasn't interested in sex even though that was never even mentioned

2. He didn't even actually mention it was for marriage, from what he said it could be interpreted as just a casual partner

3. If he was ACTUALLY just talking about pre-marital celibacy, there were a thousand different ways he could've phrased that without sounding so fucking creepy and objectifying (not that it would make it less weird given the overall context but still)

I just can't wrap my head over why are allo men are like this, this actually just feels like just straight up slut shaming and some sort of fetish over taking someone's "purity" and trying to downplay it as "I'm just following my religion" or "I'm just having good manners". Pure bullshit, because that only even comes up when it's a woman. It's all just so, ew.

https://redd.it/1onsp36
@asexualityonreddit

What was the most confusing things that your relatives told you?
https://redd.it/1onulb1
@asexualityonreddit

Finding something visually appealing is not the same as thinking of that thing in a sexual manner
https://redd.it/1onvsxp
@asexualityonreddit