Am I Ace

Hey, so I (29nb) have been going through a lot of changes recently and one thing I noticed through therapy is that I don't experience sexual attraction for almost anyone. I thought it was how everyone was. I know when someone is attractive and when someone is aesthetically pleasing but nothing really more than that.

I've had sex in the past and a long term partner where I enjoyed sex but it was strange for them that I felt nothing during the build up, detached during sex and viewed it as a fun past time" then I was back to normal.

Therapy has helped a lot and I've another session in a 2 weeks but this has been a hard one to unpack. I've ordered ace by Angela chen and that's coming in a few days so any advice or support would be greatly appreciated..I don't feel any different but I feel.a but overwhelmed when I look at the ace spectrum.

https://redd.it/1okjdyk
@asexualityonreddit

Archers
https://redd.it/1okqmd0
@asexualityonreddit

Is it normal i never masturbating?

19M. I tried it but feel nothing. I also don't have wet dreams or i just didn't notice them

https://redd.it/1okorcu
@asexualityonreddit

When I realise the I can use Asexuality as a valid reason/excuse to not conform to societal expectations
https://redd.it/1okt94r
@asexualityonreddit

Oh no, I have to measure a cute girl’s bust and inseam for a cosplay outfit. oh no,what will happen - my nose is bleeding and I’m flustered - oh no
https://redd.it/1okujl7
@asexualityonreddit

I have created John Asexual
https://redd.it/1okxqfj
@asexualityonreddit

You belong. You are valued. You are understood.

Sex-averse? Sex-indifferent? Sex-favorable? Questioning? Aroace? Alloromantic and ace? Any identity under our large and beautiful asexual umbrella?

You belong here and always have a space in the rest of the world and in this community. With how topics fluctuate in this sub, it can be hard to always feel and see that belonging, but it doesn't mean it's not there. There is always someone here who can relate to your experiences, even when they don't always speak out for it. You are loved for who you are. You are accepted. You are understood. You belong, even when it feels like the world screams that you don't.

You don't have to come out to the world unless you want to. It's okay to wait until you feel the time is right. Do what you feel is best for you and trust your decision, even if that means staying in the closet or coming out to your conservative parents. Even when it feels like the rest of the world rejects you, we see your beauty and the challenges you face.

You are perfect and lovely as you are now, and will continue to be as you live, change, and grow. We see you.

Your existence is a gift to all of us that brings understanding, kinship, perspective, support, and so much more (even if you tend to lurk like me 😊). You belong here on this earth and in this community. We accept you and every part of yourself that you bring to us. We are proud of you.

https://redd.it/1okvpqm
@asexualityonreddit

Always thought I'm asexual, but

I met this new guy and we went out couple times, did some kissing etc. I find myself thinking of him all the time in a sexual way, I get wet and want him to do stuff with me and I want to do stuff with him. Never had this in my life(30f), always thought im asexual and hate sex. Few times I had sex it was like chore and I hated it.

Does it mean they were right and I just haven't met the right one?!?! Wtf haha help a confused ace( if im even an ace)

https://redd.it/1ol1k2n
@asexualityonreddit

It should be a rule that “Am I asexual?” posts should be deleted and the users directed to the pinned post to help them instead

Because it’s the only thing I see on my feed from this community… I don’t see any other posts unless I go to the community page directly

Does anyone else agree? I’m not trying to be mean here but I just want to see something else from the community is all.

https://redd.it/1okz6sl
@asexualityonreddit

If this is true its definitely the scariest Halloween song.
https://redd.it/1okzxvg
@asexualityonreddit

FAQ – "Am I asexual?" etc.

This subreddit has a [companion website](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/) which includes a [detailed FAQ](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq.html) about asexuality and related topics.

There are many other resources beyond the FAQ as well, including:

[Experiences](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/experiences.html) • [Glossary](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/glossary.html) • [Relationships advice](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/relationships.html) • [Grey-asexuality](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/grey-asexuality.html)

You can find a list of all FAQs here: [https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq.html](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq.html). For convenience, the list of links is also included below, and in the comments you can find some "common asexual experiences" which people often find useful to hear.

Note that some of the FAQs haven't been written yet, are incomplete, or are in a draft phase. If you have any suggestions for changes, improvements, or for additional FAQs, just let us know [via modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fasexuality).

###General questioning

[Am I asexual?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/am-i-asexual.html) • [Am I aromantic?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/am-i-aromantic.html) • [What is asexuality?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/what-is-asexuality.html) • [The a-spectra](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/the-a-spectra.html) (Includes: "What is sexual attraction?", "What is romantic attraction?", "What is sensual / aesthetic attraction?", "What is platonic / alterous attraction?")

###"But what if..."

[Can I be asexual if I have romantic feelings?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-have-romantic-feelings.html) • [Can I be asexual if I masturbate?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-masturbate.html) • [Can I be asexual and gay / lesbian?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-im-gay-lesbian.html) • [Can I be asexual if I get erections?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-get-erections.html) • [Can I be asexual if I have fantasies?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-have-fantasies.html) • [Can I be asexual if I consume pornography / erotica?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-consume-pornography-erotica.html) • [Can I be asexual if I have a kink or fetish?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-have-a-kink-fetish.html) • [What if I just haven't met the right person yet?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-just-havent-met-the-right-person-yet.html) • [Am I too young to identify as asexual?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-im-too-young-to-identify-as-asexual.html) • [Do I need to try sex before I decide if I'm asexual or not?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-havent-tried-sex.html) • [What if it's just a hormonal imbalance?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-just-have-a-hormone-imbalance.html) • [What it I'm this way because of trauma?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-im-this-way-because-of-trauma.html)

###The nature of asexuality

[What's the difference between sexual and romantic attraction?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/whats-the-difference-between-sexual-and-romantic-attraction.html) • [What's the difference between sexual attraction and arousal?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/whats-the-difference-between-sexual-attraction-and-arousal.html) • [Is asexuality really a sexual orientation?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/is-asexuality-really-a-sexual-orientation.html) • [Is asexual really a sexual orientation?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/is-asexuality-really-a-sexual-orientation.html) • [Is asexuality a mental illness?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/is-asexuality-a-mental-illness.html) • [Is the definition of sexual attraction what aces say it is?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/is-the-definition-of-attraction-what-aces-say-it-is.html) • [Isn't

everyone demisexual?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/isnt-everyone-demisexual.html) • [Can someone become asexual? / can sexuality change?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/can-someone-become-asexual.html) • [What's the difference between HSDD and asexuality?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/whats-the-difference-between-hsdd-and-asexuality.html) • [Don't people need sex? What about Maslow's hierarchy?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/dont-people-need-sex.html) • [How common is asexuality?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/demographics.html) (Includes: "Are most asexuals women, or men?", "Are all women asexual?")

###Asexuals and sex

[Do asexual people have sex?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/do-asexual-people-have-sex.html) • [Why do asexual people have sex?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/why-do-asexual-people-have-sex.html) • [How can you like sex and be asexual at the same time?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/how-can-you-like-sex-and-be-asexual-at-the-same-time.html) • [Do asexual people masturbate?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-if-i-masturbate.html) • [Do asexual people like kissing?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/do-asexual-people-like-kissing.html)

###Asexuality in society

[Are asexual people LGBT?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/are-asexual-people-lgbt.html) • [Are asexual people straight?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/are-asexual-people-straight.html) • [Do asexual people experience oppression?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/anti-asexual-bias.html) • [Why do asexuals feel the need to come out?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/why-do-asexuals-feel-the-need-to-come-out.html) • [Why do asexual people need to label themselves?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/why-do-asexual-people-need-to-label-themselves.html) • [Why do asexual people wear sexy clothes / makeup?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/why-do-asexual-people-wear-sexy-clothes-or-makeup.html) • [Why does representation matter?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/why-does-representation-matter.html)

###Asexuals and relationships

[How can you have a relationship without sex?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/how-can-you-have-a-relationship-without-sex.html) • [What's the difference between a QPR and a romantic (non-sexual) relationship?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/whats-the-difference-between-a-qpr-and-a-romantic-relationship.html) • [Should I tell my partner that I'm asexual?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/should-i-tell-my-partner-that-im-asexual.html) • [How can I convince my partner I still love them?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/how-can-i-convince-my-partner-i-still-love-them.html) • [My partner is asexual. Should we break up?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/my-partner-is-asexual-should-we-break-up.html)

###On the nature of allosexuality

[What does sexual attraction feel like?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-does-sexual-attraction-feel-like.html) • [What does arousal feel like?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-does-arousal-feel-like.html) • [How often do allosexuals think about sex?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/how-often-do-allosexuals-think-about-sex.html) • [What is love?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/what-is-love.html) • [Why does sex sell?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/why-does-sex-sell.html)

###Advice

[Am I broken?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/am-i-broken.html) • [Should I come out as asexual?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/should-i-come-out-as-asexual.html) • [How can I relate to / interact with allosexuals?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/how-can-i-relate-to-interact-with-allosexuals.html) • [How can I be less angry / upset?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/how-can-i-be-less-angry-upset.html) • [How can I become asexual?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/can-someone-become-asexual.html) • [How can I support

asexuals?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/how-can-i-support-asexuals.html)

###Other

[I'm writing an asexual character. What should I consider?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/im-writing-an-asexual-character-what-should-i-consider.html) • [Isn't the term 'allosexual' offensive?](https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/the-term-allosexual.html)

https://redd.it/1ol1uac
@asexualityonreddit

Love Language
https://redd.it/1ol6bjz
@asexualityonreddit

What do you identify as?

Where do you fall under the spectrum of asexuality and why?

Looking to learn more :) Thanks! Details appreciated.

https://redd.it/1ol5ymu
@asexualityonreddit

Help me with an assignment?

Im doing an assignment for school and as a fellow asexual I thought why not make it about that? Well turns out I need to interview people for a part of the assignment. So do some of you mind helping me out on this 😅

Ps: its about the lack of men in the asexual community, so if you identify as a man please let me interview you 🙏

Pps: anyone willing is welcome, need people for the comparison

https://redd.it/1ol99uq
@asexualityonreddit

I know they're ace but I just can't prove it
https://redd.it/1olarvo
@asexualityonreddit

My first Halloween as the ace icon Luffy himself
https://redd.it/1olblmg
@asexualityonreddit

Help me please in this

Long story, I was literally saved to death by someone, we were friends, became very close friends after he never left my side ( as in through helping me, we are in different cities) , taught me how to live again. Now, I don't know I never had any crushes in life, I couldn't feel attracted to anyone , then later felt I am a romantic, asexual. I am asexual. But I didn't know what love was, he atught me, indirectly, it's not just about giving roses, going on dates, it's about being there when no one wanted to be... It's about helping at someone's lowest, it's not about looks.
Ok, I cannot marry, have children etc. ( that's entirely diff topic)


But now I come to the point. Now he juat doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
I still didn't stop trying. Kept reaching out first and he talked, just 2-3 sentences and bye. It always came to how am I, as he may have felt I was not keeping well etc. but never reached out first and I forcefully initiated conversation only for it to come at how am I. Then one day, though I guessed from day 1 , that he was not doing well, he doesn't want to talk ( about his situation) and now he's told me directly that I focus on myself, my well being that's it . That will make him happy.
What should I do, the person whom I shouldn't have fallen in love with, I did, but am still demiromantic, asexual (from my side, We never discussed such things) .
I cannot even help him, that's eating me up, how can I, how should I . And my main question: How do I unlove him?

https://redd.it/1oler5o
@asexualityonreddit

i think i’m asexual, looking for others’ opinions/advice

hey, i’m just posting here in hopes to get some advice because this is the kind of thing i can’t really talk to my friends or family about.

so basically, i’m (19f) in my first serious relationship with my girlfriend (21f) who is literally just the most loving, thoughtful, and supportive partner i could ever hope for. not to mention the fact that she’s insanely beautiful, like she’s STUPIDLY attractive, we’ve been together for about 3 months and talking for longer than that but every time i see her i’m still just as gobsmacked by her perfection as i was the first time.

i say all of this to say, i know for sure that there isn’t any issue between us or within our relationship that could be causing me to have such a low libido. but the fact of the matter is, i just don’t really want to have sex.

this isn’t to say i don’t ENJOY our sex. i lost my virginity to her and every time we’ve done it since then, it was fine, like it felt good and i didn’t feel uncomfortable per se. but something i’ve noticed about myself is that i just really don’t like it that much. even when we’re just cuddling and she starts getting touchy, i always feel weirdly disappointed because i already know it means i’m going to have to ‘perform’ in a way (aka, act how somebody SHOULD act when they’re having fun during sex).

the only part of sex i enjoy is giving, and even that’s just because it makes me feel good knowing i’m making HER feel good and i like making her happy, not because i’m ever especially turned on or “in the mood”.

part of me knows it’s completely normal to be asexual, or to just generally not like having sex as much as others might. but part of me can’t help feeling really bad about it, almost guilty. i feel like i SHOULD want to have sex with my girlfriend, you know? i’m sexually attracted to her of course but that desire/need for sex just isn’t there. talking to her about it would probably help and i know this, but there’s this mental barricade telling me it will literally break our relationship or, even worse, make her insecure. my anxiety’s just getting the better of me about this.

https://redd.it/1olg8zn
@asexualityonreddit