I'm non-asexual, my boyfriend is not
I'll preface that I have ZERO issues with the actual fact that he's asexual, I wasn't sure that it's appropriate to put this in this discussion (I'm new), but sometimes non-asexual people can be awful and misunderstanding about our relationship :(
we've been together almost half a decade and I love this man sm, we've been through so much and he's truely the light of my life. However... he has a complete sex repulsion, while I do not. I'm definitely not a highly sexually motivated person (I used to identify as demisexual, perhaps I still am), however it is still something I'd like in our relationship:( he didn't discover his asexual identity till a year or two into our relationship (we were very young, I hadn't made moves as I was nervous and, am to this day, still a virgin), so this is not something I'd known to prepare for when we got together
This is something I know I should have a discussion with him about, but I don't know what I'd even say... I don't want to make him feel sad or inadequate, or gross him out, but I hate feeling like I need to choose between one or the other...
Honestly I just want to know if there's anybody else out there in our boat, and how they learned to cope as someone on my side of the situation?
Again I apologize if this is inappropriate to put in this thread... I don't know where else to go where people won't rudely tell me to break up with him :(
https://redd.it/1o6w37b
@asexualityonreddit
I'll preface that I have ZERO issues with the actual fact that he's asexual, I wasn't sure that it's appropriate to put this in this discussion (I'm new), but sometimes non-asexual people can be awful and misunderstanding about our relationship :(
we've been together almost half a decade and I love this man sm, we've been through so much and he's truely the light of my life. However... he has a complete sex repulsion, while I do not. I'm definitely not a highly sexually motivated person (I used to identify as demisexual, perhaps I still am), however it is still something I'd like in our relationship:( he didn't discover his asexual identity till a year or two into our relationship (we were very young, I hadn't made moves as I was nervous and, am to this day, still a virgin), so this is not something I'd known to prepare for when we got together
This is something I know I should have a discussion with him about, but I don't know what I'd even say... I don't want to make him feel sad or inadequate, or gross him out, but I hate feeling like I need to choose between one or the other...
Honestly I just want to know if there's anybody else out there in our boat, and how they learned to cope as someone on my side of the situation?
Again I apologize if this is inappropriate to put in this thread... I don't know where else to go where people won't rudely tell me to break up with him :(
https://redd.it/1o6w37b
@asexualityonreddit
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I am so tired and so lost...
I am just so tired. And I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so hopeless.
I just think my life would be so much easier if I wasn't this way, I have lost so many friendships and so many genuine connections that I cherished so deeply because of the simple fact that I am asexual and sex repulses me. And before you go and say they were not real friends anyway and you will find your people who accept you, I really don't think I will. Because at bottom the problem is not them, it is me. It is hard to be around someone that you have feelings for knowing that they cannot stand physical affection in any form. It is a hard thing to work with. I don't blame them for giving up and moving along with their lives but it still hurts. I don't even want to make friends anymore as I am terrified that it will eventually graduate into something more and then when it does I will lose them.
And this is really just the tip of the iceberg for me, I hate how vulnerable being asexual has made me, I hate what I have had to put up with all because I just couldn't accept myself and accept my sexuality. I hate that I just let people have my body, have my mind, take advantage of me in all these ways because I was desperate to just be "normal." And have normal relationships. But even then I am more mad at myself because I feel as if I didn't have proper boundaries in place in the first place. You know how many people want a relationship or want to be pursued and here I am throwing that away, that's how it feels sometimes.
It is just a phase and I will get over it once I find the right person or group of people... yeah spoiler alert that never happened. And if anything people took advantage of me thinking in such ways. I do want to have meaningful connections, just not sexual ones.
I also hate how some doctors will blame my asexuality on trauma. And while yes I know I have trauma to work through, I truly do not believe that this is the cause of my asexuality. I believe that I have always been asexual since I was born. If anything it feels as if being asexual has caused trauma for me if that even makes sense.
I have been in such compromising situations, doing things that I was not comfortable doing and for the longest time I told myself it was all okay because sex is meaningless to me so why does it matter if they are happy I am happy. And now I just can't lie to myself like that anymore and I am at my breaking point. I think it is this realization that has really turned my life upside down.
I feel as if I am in a constant state of emotion.
Random crying outbursts to feelings of just pure hopelessness. I have never felt this way before and I am debating therapy as I have decent insurance now (I have not had a therapist since childhood).
I don't even know if this rant made sense but I just had to get this stuff out, I can't keep it in any longer.
Maybe a few can even relate to this?
I don't know I just feel so lost and hopeless right now.
https://redd.it/1o6zv84
@asexualityonreddit
I am just so tired. And I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so hopeless.
I just think my life would be so much easier if I wasn't this way, I have lost so many friendships and so many genuine connections that I cherished so deeply because of the simple fact that I am asexual and sex repulses me. And before you go and say they were not real friends anyway and you will find your people who accept you, I really don't think I will. Because at bottom the problem is not them, it is me. It is hard to be around someone that you have feelings for knowing that they cannot stand physical affection in any form. It is a hard thing to work with. I don't blame them for giving up and moving along with their lives but it still hurts. I don't even want to make friends anymore as I am terrified that it will eventually graduate into something more and then when it does I will lose them.
And this is really just the tip of the iceberg for me, I hate how vulnerable being asexual has made me, I hate what I have had to put up with all because I just couldn't accept myself and accept my sexuality. I hate that I just let people have my body, have my mind, take advantage of me in all these ways because I was desperate to just be "normal." And have normal relationships. But even then I am more mad at myself because I feel as if I didn't have proper boundaries in place in the first place. You know how many people want a relationship or want to be pursued and here I am throwing that away, that's how it feels sometimes.
It is just a phase and I will get over it once I find the right person or group of people... yeah spoiler alert that never happened. And if anything people took advantage of me thinking in such ways. I do want to have meaningful connections, just not sexual ones.
I also hate how some doctors will blame my asexuality on trauma. And while yes I know I have trauma to work through, I truly do not believe that this is the cause of my asexuality. I believe that I have always been asexual since I was born. If anything it feels as if being asexual has caused trauma for me if that even makes sense.
I have been in such compromising situations, doing things that I was not comfortable doing and for the longest time I told myself it was all okay because sex is meaningless to me so why does it matter if they are happy I am happy. And now I just can't lie to myself like that anymore and I am at my breaking point. I think it is this realization that has really turned my life upside down.
I feel as if I am in a constant state of emotion.
Random crying outbursts to feelings of just pure hopelessness. I have never felt this way before and I am debating therapy as I have decent insurance now (I have not had a therapist since childhood).
I don't even know if this rant made sense but I just had to get this stuff out, I can't keep it in any longer.
Maybe a few can even relate to this?
I don't know I just feel so lost and hopeless right now.
https://redd.it/1o6zv84
@asexualityonreddit
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i like sex but literally only for the other person's enjoyment. anyone else?
i feel like an alien for how i enjoy sex. if i can avoid being touched? great. but sometimes i just like how people react? that's the only thing that actually gets me "turned on" (?) how i personally feel is usually irrelevant or uncomfortable. ive been aspec for ages, but now that im older (an adult, really) it just feels so complicated. how weird am i for developing this perspective? please tell me im not so outlandishly alone in this, like i feel i am.
https://redd.it/1o73gz0
@asexualityonreddit
i feel like an alien for how i enjoy sex. if i can avoid being touched? great. but sometimes i just like how people react? that's the only thing that actually gets me "turned on" (?) how i personally feel is usually irrelevant or uncomfortable. ive been aspec for ages, but now that im older (an adult, really) it just feels so complicated. how weird am i for developing this perspective? please tell me im not so outlandishly alone in this, like i feel i am.
https://redd.it/1o73gz0
@asexualityonreddit
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It’s frustrating how I lose attraction to someone the moment they start talking about sex
(F24) I’ve been realizing I’m asexual, and I’ve always had a hard time flirting with people. I like flirting, being affectionate and all that, but the moment someone shows any sexual interest in me, I just lose all attraction.
There was this girl I was talking to. She was really cool, and we were into each other. We started flirting in a cute, affectionate way, but after a while the conversations got more suggestive, and that’s when I completely lost interest.
I didn’t tell her I’m Ace, mostly because I still don’t know how to talk about it. But it honestly frustrates me how I just can’t deal with people being sexually attracted to me.
https://redd.it/1o77el1
@asexualityonreddit
(F24) I’ve been realizing I’m asexual, and I’ve always had a hard time flirting with people. I like flirting, being affectionate and all that, but the moment someone shows any sexual interest in me, I just lose all attraction.
There was this girl I was talking to. She was really cool, and we were into each other. We started flirting in a cute, affectionate way, but after a while the conversations got more suggestive, and that’s when I completely lost interest.
I didn’t tell her I’m Ace, mostly because I still don’t know how to talk about it. But it honestly frustrates me how I just can’t deal with people being sexually attracted to me.
https://redd.it/1o77el1
@asexualityonreddit
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Asexuality feels like a curse
My best friend who I love dearly is getting married .I never told I liked him because I am an asexual and he is not. i knew that we are not compatible that way on a fundamental level. I just wish I could not have any romantic feeling at all along with not having sexual feelings , would prevent heartbreak
https://redd.it/1o79mg3
@asexualityonreddit
My best friend who I love dearly is getting married .I never told I liked him because I am an asexual and he is not. i knew that we are not compatible that way on a fundamental level. I just wish I could not have any romantic feeling at all along with not having sexual feelings , would prevent heartbreak
https://redd.it/1o79mg3
@asexualityonreddit
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Another failed talking stage due to my asexuality
Like the title says, I just had another failed talking stage because I'm ace and he's allo.
I'm F19, and me and this dude met on snapchat (💀) and were only talking for a little over a week, but so far everything was literally going perfect. It was like we were the same person. We even were making plans to meet up and hang out. I knew the topic of sex was like lingering, so I just straight up told him that I wasn't looking to hookup when we hangout, and he was saying be wasn't thinking that either. But he ended up asking if I wanted to wait till marriage, so I just dropped the ace-bomb and told "don't wanna wait till marriage technically because I don't want to ever have sex" lol (I'm sex averse). He was actually mainly interested by the fact that I'm ace but not aro, so I told him he could ask whatever question and I'd answer them if I feel comfortable doing so bc I wanted him to know all abt it and not have assumptions that were wrong. In the end, he's respectful abt it (which is the most I feel like I could ask for) and we're going to continue to be friends.
I guess that was just context and this is the rant part. I'm so tired of feeling like my asexuality is ruining my chances of finding someone. I've already heard the "you're still so young" "you've still got time to find someone" phrases. I've met 2 other asexual ppl in my real life, and they're both aro too. So like the chances of finding someone ACE but not ARO?? such slim chances. About that one guy tho, I'm incredibly disappointed bc like I said, it was going literally perfect. Idk what more I could've asked for, he matched my energy like no one else has before, but just the fact that I don't want to have sex is enough to end it all. And it's not how it sound, he said that part of him wanted to still hang out, but that he knows it wouldn't last long term and didnt want to lead me on. Which is valid to me, and it shows that at least part of him still liked me and me not wanting sex didn't immediately turn off all his feelings toward me. But I'm disappointed and I'm pissed. Pissed bc I feel like my asexuality is making me miss out on a perfect (so far) guy. Overall, I'm not really mad at him bc he was up front with what he wanted in a relationship and I can 100% respect that bc it's the same thing that I was doing when I was telling him I'm ace. I can't be mad at someone for being allosexual. Just like me being ace, they can't just change their feelings and desires. I think I'm more mad at myself and my sexuality for ruining my possible relationship YET AGAIN!
https://redd.it/1o7h2zo
@asexualityonreddit
Like the title says, I just had another failed talking stage because I'm ace and he's allo.
I'm F19, and me and this dude met on snapchat (💀) and were only talking for a little over a week, but so far everything was literally going perfect. It was like we were the same person. We even were making plans to meet up and hang out. I knew the topic of sex was like lingering, so I just straight up told him that I wasn't looking to hookup when we hangout, and he was saying be wasn't thinking that either. But he ended up asking if I wanted to wait till marriage, so I just dropped the ace-bomb and told "don't wanna wait till marriage technically because I don't want to ever have sex" lol (I'm sex averse). He was actually mainly interested by the fact that I'm ace but not aro, so I told him he could ask whatever question and I'd answer them if I feel comfortable doing so bc I wanted him to know all abt it and not have assumptions that were wrong. In the end, he's respectful abt it (which is the most I feel like I could ask for) and we're going to continue to be friends.
I guess that was just context and this is the rant part. I'm so tired of feeling like my asexuality is ruining my chances of finding someone. I've already heard the "you're still so young" "you've still got time to find someone" phrases. I've met 2 other asexual ppl in my real life, and they're both aro too. So like the chances of finding someone ACE but not ARO?? such slim chances. About that one guy tho, I'm incredibly disappointed bc like I said, it was going literally perfect. Idk what more I could've asked for, he matched my energy like no one else has before, but just the fact that I don't want to have sex is enough to end it all. And it's not how it sound, he said that part of him wanted to still hang out, but that he knows it wouldn't last long term and didnt want to lead me on. Which is valid to me, and it shows that at least part of him still liked me and me not wanting sex didn't immediately turn off all his feelings toward me. But I'm disappointed and I'm pissed. Pissed bc I feel like my asexuality is making me miss out on a perfect (so far) guy. Overall, I'm not really mad at him bc he was up front with what he wanted in a relationship and I can 100% respect that bc it's the same thing that I was doing when I was telling him I'm ace. I can't be mad at someone for being allosexual. Just like me being ace, they can't just change their feelings and desires. I think I'm more mad at myself and my sexuality for ruining my possible relationship YET AGAIN!
https://redd.it/1o7h2zo
@asexualityonreddit
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Are You Aro (Advice)?
**Hi everyone!**
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)
* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)
https://redd.it/1o7n2vq
@asexualityonreddit
**Hi everyone!**
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)
* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)
https://redd.it/1o7n2vq
@asexualityonreddit